Carrie And Me: A Mother-Daughter Love Story Part 14

As I left Belleville, I felt parts of myself were starting to make more sense. How I'm drawn to the hills and mountains, how hillbilly music speaks to me in a way that is totally animal, how listening to revivalists (I'm talking foot stompin', speaking in tongues, holy rollers) on the radio (as I did most of the day today) has a deep-rooted sense memory for me. Not sure if it's some genetic cell memory or a past life thing, but I felt so up and excited and happy I started to cry.

Mama, I'd really like to go back to Belleville one day.

After reading Carrie's e-mail about Arkansas, I decided to make the trip there myself. I thought it would be great fun to bring Jody and Erin plus my sister, Chris, with Carrie giving us the "tour." I had never been there, and I remembered Nanny telling me all about Belleville (but, of course, no mention of the "scandal"!) and I wanted to see it all for myself. I mentioned this idea to Carrie and she was all for it. All we had to do was set a date for the following year... .

From: Carrie

To: Mama

Sent: Jan. 11, 2001

Subject: Grants, New Mexico

After Belleville I feel like my trip is truly over. Seeing the house in San Antonio, then meeting the guys in Belleville and hearing all about F.C. and Nanny-anything else could only be anticlimactic. I'm looking forward to our getting back to work again on Hollywood Arms after I get back home. I really love working with you, Mama. It's truly amazing that we can write together "long distance" the way we do. My excitement about our play and working with Hal Prince is unbridled. I was thrilled when Hal said he couldn't tell which one of us wrote which scene. The fact that we have the same "voice" proves that this apple didn't fall too far from the tree!

And I enjoy the fact that I'm able to swing back and forth between "Sunrise" and our project without going into a nosedive. Sure keeps the ol' adrenaline pumping!

Although we've been working on Hollywood Arms for TWO YEARS(!) with pauses along the way, and are very much into the "structure and problem-solving" of a theatrical piece thanks to Hal's guidance, I never for a moment forget how fortunate I am to "see" Nanny, your mama, Louise, and your daddy, Jody, come to life. Mama, I'm not writing about them ... I'm writing them!! Of course, it doesn't hurt to visualize your daddy, Jody, as an "inebriated Jimmy Stewart, and just as sweet" (your description of him).

Jimmy Stewart was to be a Kennedy Center honoree in December 1983, during the Reagan administration. I had the honor of being invited to be a part of the tribute to Jimmy, singing "You'd Be So Easy to Love" (a song he introduced in the movie Born to Dance). I took Carrie to Washington, D.C., with me for the weekend festivities, which included a dinner hosted by the secretary of state on Sat.u.r.day night, to be followed by a show and dinner-dancing the next night, December 5, which would be Carrie's twentieth birthday.

The other honorees that year were Frank Sinatra, Katherine Dunham, Elia Kazan, and Virgil Thompson.

At the Sunday-night dinner, Carrie and I had the privilege of sitting at Jimmy's table. He had always been my favorite actor ever since I was a little kid, and here I was with my own "little kid," Carrie, enjoying my idol's company. Carrie was just as thrilled as I was because she had been raised on watching Jimmy in It's a Wonderful Life every Christmas, and loved him just as much as I did.

Carrie, Jimmy Stewart, and me at the Kennedy Center Honors on Carrie's twentieth birthday in 1983

The fantastic Joe Williams was up on the bandstand swinging and singing with the Count Basie Orchestra. When Jimmy learned it was Carrie's birthday, he got up on the bandstand, had the orchestra strike up "Happy Birthday," and sang to Carrie with Joe Williams chiming in to make it an amazing duet. The entire crowd joined in after a few bars (including Frank Sinatra!).

Carrie and I were both dumbstruck, and when it was over she leaned into me and whispered, "Wow, Mama. So tell me what's up your sleeve for me next year, when I turn twenty-one?!"

Oklahoma and the Texas Panhandle are not the prettiest areas I've seen, but I knew I was getting close to New Mexico because of the dramatic change in terrain. I couldn't live there, but the land sure is spectacular and the sunset tonight was one of the most stunning I've seen in my life.

Grants seems like a very nice little town. I'm wrestling with the idea of calling for delivery. Road food is awful, and I'm malnourished beyond belief. If I have to eat one more Hostess Fruit Pie I think I'll die.

From: Carrie

To: Mama

Sent: Jan. 12, 2001

Subject: Gunnison, CO!!!

HOME, Mama, HOME! I made it back OK, but I'm pretty bone weary. Felt queasy the past couple of days. Guess my body is tired from the long drive back. But oh, it's so good to be here!

I'm happy to have my kitties pile on top of me, and I'm spinning my comforter in the dryer so it's nice and warm when I get in bed. Ahh! Life's little luxuries ...

Guess what, Mama! I'm now declaring the year 2001 to be "The year of the grown-up!" At thirty-seven, I think it's about friggin' time! I'll always be a rock and roll girl, a recovering addict with a bird-of-paradise tattoo on my shoulder, but in spite of all that (!) I feel myself becoming more of a woman, no longer a girl. I was driving today thinking that I've been working at what I love (acting, singing, writing, directing) for eighteen years. I've built this cabin, been married, and divorced. I've had a life!

And that life was preparation for this next, second half. And when I look ahead to "Chapter Two" I wish to take all these things that I've learned and done and make something wonderful, lasting, beautiful, and kind from them.

I'm sending you the ending of SUNRISE, even though I have more scenes to write-more of Kate and the cowboy's journey before they reach Graceland. So what you have up to now is a half-finished story, with a beginning, middle, and end. I just have to add to the middle part.

I love you.

Your p.o.o.ped little daughter

From: Mama

To: Carrie

Sent: Jan. 12, 2001

Hi Baby, got the final "Memphis" scene. Wow. I kind of suspected what was going on halfway through the story, but I wasn't sure. The ending is mighty touching, and might come as a surprise to some folks.

I'm looking forward to the scenes you have yet to write. Thank you for all the e-mails and "Sunrise" pages you sent while you were on the road. I'm saving every one of them!

I have to admit I'm more than thrilled you're back. I was a bit anxious when you took off in your Jeep all by your lonesome, so I'm grateful to be able to breathe a little easier knowing you're back home in your mountains, safe and sound.

I know you're not much of a phone person, and I don't want to disturb you in case you might be writing or resting or whatever, so I'll keep e-mailing you. Also, I wrote a few more scenes for our play, which I'll send to you for your input and any notes you might have before I send them on to Hal. This is such an exciting time for both of us, isn't it?

I'm not surprised you're p.o.o.ped. You packed so much into your relatively short trip. It'll do you good to kick back and get lots of rest. Promise me you'll do that! Even though you've declared that you're now a grown-up, you're still my baby, y'know. That fact will never change.

All my love, Mama

Time pa.s.sed and Carrie and I didn't e-mail so much, since she was frequently coming out to Los Angeles to pick up some television acting jobs. But she found herself tiring easily, so in July she was happy to get back to Colorado where she planned to spend the rest of the summer doing some writing, but also catching up on some rest. I had been concerned about her lack of energy, so I was happy she decided to cool it for a while, back in her cozy Colorado nest.