Carrie And Me: A Mother-Daughter Love Story Part 11

From: Carrie

To: Mama

Sent: Jan. 5, 2001

Subject: Memphis

Driving to the hotel, my thoughts wandered to Hollywood (the show business part). Somehow I was reminded of this great quote about the nurse in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. The scholar Henry Hudson said: "She knows less than nothing of love and marriage, because she has worn their prerogatives without any feeling of their sacredness." I was thinking about just how much of that there is in Hollywood, with its so-called artists and people who want to be famous (that hollow goal)! Oh, how I love the singer that hits a clam with conviction simply because (s)he's so wrapped up in telling the story that hitting a sour note is no big deal.

Sacredness. What do you hold sacred, Mama? That's such a great question to pose to ourselves. I'll think on it further, but my immediate response is: "That last shred of integrity." Now there's a word!

Later, Mama.

XO

From: Mama

To: Carrie

Sent: Jan. 5, 2001

I'm not exactly sure what I hold sacred. So many things, when I think about it. Certainly love and those I hold dear. Integrity is a good one. I like to think I have it. I've never purposely harmed anyone, although I don't think you can get through this life without hurting some people. I remember a quote I read a long time ago, that expresses something I'd like to achieve in this lifetime: "Untouched by triumph, and untroubled by failure."

From: Carrie

To: Mama

Sent: Jan. 6, 2001

"Untroubled by failure ..." Hmmm.

I remember being crazed over a particularly bad review I got for that TV movie you and I did together, Hostage. I think that's why I quit acting for a long while and plunged into my music. I was seriously "troubled by failure." How wrong I was to focus on the negativity of it all. Not that I regret doing music, it's just that I hate the idea of letting one person's opinion scare me off. I'm happy to say I've learned to please myself first in everything I tackle!

This trip just gets better and better. Coming into Memphis there's a HUGE billboard with the hand and bejeweled sleeve of Elvis pointing to the right that says: GRACELAND (with directions). I've booked a room at the Peabody, a very nice hotel just two blocks from where all the blues clubs are. I'll go there tomorrow. Tonight I want to write and order room service again. There's a fraternity staying here (oh Lord), but not anywhere near my room. It's blissfully quiet AND I can open the windows without using my screwdriver!

Love,

Carrie

P.S. More pages SOON!

From: Carrie

To: Mama

Sent: Jan. 6, 2001

Subject: Memphis

I'm finding that these past few pages I sent to you (where Kate meets the old blind lady, Emma Dee), are like a spun web for me. I'm afraid to tear it with cheap sentimentality. I hope I described Emma Dee's love for her dead husband in a way that others will find true.

One page at a time. I'm trying to define what true love is, or what it could be. I'm not sure if I have ever felt it, and if I have, it wasn't for very long. I was so in love when I was married, and I really thought-in my heart of hearts-that we would be together forever. But I can see now how arrogant I was to think that romantic love was all we needed, that we were somehow above the need to do the tedious, risky business of actually working through things.

Love is not arrogant, so it must be humble, I figure. So often we're too young for it.

I know the scene with Emma Dee put a lump in my throat, but I'm a bundle of mushy sentiment sometimes.

Love you.

Carrie

From: Mama

To: Carrie

Sent: Jan. 6, 2001

Some folks put down sentiment as too corny ... too mawkish, too melodramatic. I'm sentimental, too, and I don't apologize for it. Keep the scene as it is. Love, Mama.