Carolina Days: Yesterday's Half Truths Part 14

I don't hesitate. I call Luke.

"Hey, Lindsay."

"You told your mother about me?"

"Ahh."

"What did you say to her?"

"Nothing important I swear. I only told her you were a friend of Sasha's and we went for a walk."

"Sasha thinks we should get married," I snap.

"I can kill her if you'd like," he replies.

Coco ambles out of my bedroom and jumps onto my lap. "Luke," I huff.

"I'm sorry. I had dinner with my mom the other night and mentioned you in pa.s.sing. I should have known she would have read more into it. She's h.e.l.l-bent on me settling down."

I absentmindedly pet Coco. "I can't believe you would talk about me."

"I swear I didn't say anything other than what I told you. Do you want my mom's number? You can ask her yourself."

"I'm not going to call your mother." I gasp, my mouth dropping.

"Of course, I forgot. I'm surprised you're even talking to me considering..." he trails off. "I'm so sorry. It won't happen again."

"This makes me so uncomfortable."

"That's the last thing I was trying to do. I wasn't even thinking. My mom asked what I've been doing and it came out. I didn't know she would ask Sasha about it."

"Do you talk about your clients with your mom a lot?"

"No, never."

I stand, needing to walk around. "Why did you mention me then?"

"You're different from my other clients."

"How?"

"None of them have my telephone number."

I straighten, annoying Coco and she moves to sit on my sofa. "Really?" I ask, surprised.

"Really, and I don't talk or text with them on days when we don't have sessions."

"Or meet them outside of the gym?" I ask, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"Or meet them outside of the gym," he confirms, and then adds, "I have one former client I hang out with named Clay. I've mentioned you to him too."

"Why would you tell your friend about me?"

"I don't know. I think you're cool and he's good with computers so I told him about you when I asked him for help setting up the web chat."

"Oh."

He thinks I'm cool.

"Are you still mad at me?"

"Yes, but not as much as I was when I first called."

"So, do you forgive me?"

Forgive him? I'm learning it's impossible to stay upset with him. "I suppose, but please don't talk to Sasha about me. It makes it weird when she messages me about you."

"Deal. I promise I won't say anything else."

"I told her we walked together because you were in the area, you know, in case she asks you."

"What should I tell her if she asks where I go every Sat.u.r.day?"

"I don't know. Think of something."

A door shuts in the background. "I'm not going to lie to my family."

"Well maybe you should stop coming up here then."

"Not going to happen."

"I could always say no," I hedge.

"I think you like hanging out with me."

"You're crazy." But right, and that scares me more than anything else does.

"So, other than my sister trying to set us up, how are you?"

"Not much has changed since the last time we talked, Luke."

"Maybe I don't feel like hanging up just yet."

"Why?" I whisper.

"I like talking to you?"

"I'm not that interesting."

"I disagree. I think you're fascinating."

I freeze. "You do?"

"You're the most unique woman I have ever known."

"But, I don't go anywhere or do anything," I argue.

"Doesn't matter. I've never met anyone like you and I'm enjoying getting to know you."

"I'm nothing special; just a girl scared of the world outside her door."

"You might have been, but not now. Now you're one of the bravest people I know."

"You know that isn't true."

"Think about it, Lindsay; think about all the things you've done since we met."

My breath catches as I find myself unable to dispute what he said.

"Coco got your tongue?" he teases.

I can't help it. Glancing over at my sleeping feline, I giggle at his terrible joke.

"Promise you're not angry at me."

"I promise."

When neither of us says anything for a moment, I start to say goodbye but he says something at the same time that's lost beneath my own words.

"What?" I ask, as he says, "I didn't hear what you said?"

I laugh again and wait for a moment to see if he's going to speak again. "I was starting to say I should go, but I didn't hear what you were saying."

"Oh." He pauses. "It was nothing. So, still on for our web session Tuesday?"

Um. "Yes, I'll be there or here. Well, you know what I mean."

"Goodbye, Lindsay."

"Bye, Luke," I sigh.

After we hang up, I hold my phone to my chest, pressed right up against my heart. The smartest thing I could do at this point is stay far away from him. Sadly, it seems his presence may be my latest guilty pleasure. He's been quite vocal about what he'll do if I try to stop seeing him. He'll knock on my door until I give in.

I don't know what's worse, that I'll give in or that he knows it. Somehow, I've interacted, face to face, with another human being and the world did not end. That's not to imply I intend to interact with anyone other than Luke. It only means I need to stop fighting it as hard as I have been.

The struggle is becoming repet.i.tive considering Luke always wins. It's wasted time. Besides, if it's less of a struggle in my mind, I can focus on my weight loss and not my trainer. When all the extra weight is gone, he will be as well and I can go back to the way I was.

This week I'm writing a post on making the clothes, you already have look new and fresh. I try to post something like this monthly. I might have caviar tastes when it comes to fashion, but I'm still on a budget. The majority of my designer duds are purchased on mega sales or second hand via eBay.

There have been a few select occasions where I've paid retail. I try not to buy anything ridiculously expensive unless it is also versatile. These monthly re-wear posts are so popular because I'm not the only fashionista with limited funds.

Sharing a two bedroom with a cat means I have tons of closet s.p.a.ce. I keep all my bags and shoes in the closet of the second bedroom. That closet also holds off-season items I alternate back into my main closet when the seasons change. It's there I grab a light summer dress to use for my post. Layered with leggings, and a cowl neck shirt underneath and tall boots it totally works for winter.

I sort through the sweaters in my main closet before settling on a beige one with a subtle gold herringbone pattern. The dress is navy blue with wide pleats and pockets. Even if I don't love the way a dress looks, I'll still give it a shot if it has pockets. I slip it on and drag the zipper upward. Stepping into my bathroom, I stand in front of the full-length mirror.

Staring at my reflection, I can see, for the very first time, the difference in my body. The last time I wore this dress, it had a snug fit to it. Now, it's almost baggy. Clothes that don't fit well are normally a fashion don't; but today, pulling the loose fabric away from my body, I never want to take this dress off.

Seeing as how I enjoy things like showering and wearing other clothes, I'll have to at some point. So now, I walk to my second bedroom and grab my pincushion. Given what a c.r.a.pshoot sizing can be when purchasing clothes online, I've become a decent seamstress altering the stuff that doesn't fit.

Taking this dress in a bit at the seams will take no time. Having lost enough weight to make it necessary, is the highlight of my month. Once I have the dress off and pinned where I plan to take it in, I change into a long-sleeved jersey maxi dress, with a stretch that conforms to my new shape.

This dress is the closest thing to a winter friendly, fashionable moo-moo there is. It's the perfect outfit to sit at my sewing machine. Once I flip the switch and the motor whirls into life, Coco comes to join me. She's attracted to my sewing machine like a moth to a flame. If she isn't trying to bat at the thread as I sew, she's curled up against the casing of the machine.

The vibrations coming off it lull her to sleep, crazy cat. A hunger pang strikes halfway through and I ignore it, more excited about the dress than my dinner. Before I started working with Luke, I had such an unhealthy relationship with food. Food was my reward when I was happy about something and my solace when I wasn't.

Now, I see food as what it is meant to be: the fuel my body needs. If I want to reward myself, I can do it with a bubble bath or a good book. Sure, I still crave some things. Pinterest can be riddled with landmines when it comes to l.u.s.ting over food. My current food craving is cupcakes. Right now, it feels like every person I know is pinning recipes for cooking them or decorating them.

Sitting here, altering this dress to fit a smaller me tastes better than any cupcake I've ever had. Once I've finished and turned off my sewing machine, to Coco's annoyance, I change back into it. Does it make me less of a liar if I'm photo shopping less of the real me away?

The anxiety I still have over the act is my answer. As long as I'm doing something beyond the standard lighting fixes, I will be lying. Today was another step. It was hopefully the first in many of its kind, the ones where I can see the hard work paying off. I set the dress and one other outfit to the side, for tomorrow's post.

After that, I start going through my closet in earnest to pull everything I know will not fit me anymore. When I'm finished, I move the too big clothes into my second bedroom and pile them on the floor. There's no point in altering everything tonight. When, not if, I drop another size or two, I'll only need to do it again.

I'm organized to a fault. Normally, a pile like this would give me hives. Not this one, this isn't a pile; it's a mountain, and even better, it's one I've already scaled.

I'm working on a last-minute holiday season shopping guide when I wonder if I should get Luke a gift. Would it be weird? What if he gets me one and I don't have one for him? What if I get him one and he doesn't have one for me and then thinks I like him as more than a friend?

Friends exchange gifts. That's an a.s.sumption based mainly off CW programming though. It's not as if I have a real life friend other than Coco. I'm the crazy cat lady with only one cat. If it isn't happening virtually, I have a decade old reference on how to respond to social ques.

Besides, shopping is my superpower, when it comes to women's clothes, that is. I've never seen him in anything other than workout clothes. He would look beyond hot in a leather jacket. That's seems a bit excessive though as a gift for a friend.

All at once, the perfect solution comes to me; I can get a gift for his dog. That way the gift wouldn't be overly personal. If he doesn't get me anything, I can play it off as if it's a gift for his dog, so no big deal. If he does get me a gift, I'll have one to give him that is safely within the perimeters of an acceptable friend type gift.

An embroidered collar and matching leash would be perfect. With a few clicks of my mouse I have exactly what I'm looking for ordered, with rush shipping. I should be done. There's no reason for me to start searching for men's leather jackets.

Logically recognizing that does nothing to stop me from also ordering a leather jacket. I have no intention of giving it to him; that would be crazy.

Our last two virtual training sessions went okay. I was almost late to our Thursday one. If I was out of breath from running as I connected, Lindsay didn't act like she noticed. In fact, if anything, she was distracted. I hate that I can't ask her what's wrong. Every time I push her, she gives; but the not talking to me while she makes up her mind to do it sucks.

I have a new strategy for all things Lindsay related. Patience. I'm not going to push her to do anything other than what we're already doing. I want to get to know her without feeling as if I'm torturing her. She'll still get her a.s.s kicked by me workout wise though. As much as I want her to like me, I can't slack on what she's paying me to do.

Her blinds move as I park my car. She thinks she's subtle, I think she's adorable. I reach over to grab our drinks from my cooler on the pa.s.senger seat. One thing that sucks about having an older car is no cup holders. That doesn't apply so much today since I needed the cooler to keep the smoothies cold.

By the time I'm out of Sally, she's on her front porch, locking her door.

"I brought you something." I move closer to her, reaching out to pa.s.s her the drink.

She hesitates before taking it from my hand. I had hoped our fingers would touch but she was careful to avoid any accidental brushes.