Call Of The Veld Part 12

The merest hesitation and then, shaking her head, 'No, Carl, I have nothing else on my mind.' He wasn't satisfied; his penetrating gaze seared into her for a s.p.a.ce and she found it impossible to hold that gaze. She lowered her lovely lashes, picking up her coffee cup and taking a drink. To her relief she heard her husband say, 'Well, if you're quite sure, my dear.' And after a little pause, 'How about a stroll in the garden?'

She smiled then and finished her coffee. She was always ready for a stroll in the gardens of Ravenspark.

They left the verandah and made for the far side of the garden where the swimming-pool was situated. It was a soft and balmy summer evening with the purple sky flaring with constellations and the pale filigree of the Milky Way trailing into the supernal infinities of s.p.a.ce. The bushveld-that enormous prairie of gra.s.sy scrubland-lay spread out in drowsy silence beneath an argent covering of moonglow, its distant limits misty and darkening to the horizon's edge. Mystery and magic and the primeval peace-at once sensuous and serene- added to the impression of unreality which Sara had experienced on such another occasion as this. She glanced covertly up into her husband's face, profoundly conscious of his attractions, his finely-chiselled profile silhouetted in the moonlight. Her husband...

A tenseness gripped her suddenly as thoughts shot erratically through her mind, thoughts of Carl and the pleasure she had had from his company, of Ray and her new awareness that his handsome veneer bore no relation to what was underneath, of the times she had envied her sister during her courtship with Ray, then her thoughts swept back to Carl, and that night when he had kissed her, to the holiday, to the cold-blooded proposal of marriage. And now, with the tenseness increasing, she knew a fierce, almost angry resentment that her relationship with her husband was such that any approach on her part was impossible. She had not even the right to slip her hand into his, nor to whisper any tender endearment...

What thoughts were these? Why was her heart beating overrate like this? And the yearning deep within her for some sort of physical comfort... why should it hurt so much simply because the physical comfort was denied her? She had accepted the business arrangement which she and Carl had made, and it had never even entered her head that she would ever want more than her husband was willing to give. Much less had it occurred to her that his attractions as a man would have this sort of effect on her. He turned his head, obviously sensing her interest, and she turned swiftly from her observation of his face and looked towards the pool, shining in the moonlight. But she knew he was staring at her head, knew he was curious to know why she had been staring at him. However, he made no comment, but merely walked slowly towards the pool.

'Have you been in for a swim yet?' he asked her presently, when the pool was reached and they stopped beside it.

'No, not yet. There hasn't been much time.'

'I did say, Sara, that you were to have your week-ends at home.'

'Yes, but Irma's asked me to go over---- '

'Perhaps she has, but it's what I say that goes. I've been working for the past two week-ends, so I" haven't made any fuss about your going over to Njangola. But it was not what I planned-you and I having little or no time together. In future, Sara,' he went on in a voice of authority, 'you will have your week-ends at home, with me.'

'With you?' A little breathless her tone, and that racing of her heart again. 'You w-want me to be with you, Carl?'

He smiled faintly but, she thought, without humour.

'If we're to have children, Sara, then we ought to get to know one another, don't you think?'

'I see.' Her throat seemed to ache all at once, and her heart dragged within her. 'I'd forgotten-somehow- about the-the children I'm's-supposed to-to give you.' She had coloured with embarra.s.sment, but her chief emotion was one of bitter disappointment. She had been fool enough to believe that he really desired her company during the week-ends, wanted it because it gave him pleasure to be with her. But this was not so; he was as cold-blooded as ever as regards his relationship with her. He had married her for a purpose, and he intended to see that she fulfilled the obligations which the marriage demanded of her.

He made no comment on her statement that she had forgotten about the children, and for this she was grateful. A caustic remark at this time would surely have resulted in her bursting into tears.

After standing by the pool for a few minutes Carl suggested they return to the house. It was not what Sara wanted, but she had no option other than to agree, and she fell into step beside him as they wandered back the way they had come, wandered through air filled with the honey-fragrance of flowers which, as always, gave her a sort of sensory pleasure. When they reached the verandah Carl stood looking down at his wife, an unreadable expression in his eyes. She stared, her pulse throbbing, her whole body quivering with a vague unfathomable expectancy.

'You're very lovely, Sara.' Softly-spoken words, and the lazy eyes moved from Sara's face to her hair, and then down to the gentle swell of her throat above the low-cut dress of coral lace and net. She saw a muscle vibrate at the side of his neck, saw the movement of his lips and waited, breathless, for him to voice the words hovering there. But abruptly he turned away and she knew for sure that a dark and heavy frown had settled on his forehead.

'It's time we went in,' he said at length. 'I've got to be up early in the morning; we're still felling, and will be for another week at least.'

Five minutes later Sara was standing by the window of her room, staring out into the purple night, her eyes unseeing as she dwelt on the revelation that had just come to her.

In love with Carl... The husband whose only interest in her was that of using her to provide him with a son-and other children besides, it would seem. In love. How could she have been so foolish? She did not ask herself how she had come to fall out of love with Ray, since she was now freely admitting that what she felt for him was nothing more than infatuation. He would never have done for her; she needed a man with depth to his character, a sincere man and loyal, a man who would honour the promises he had made in church. Well, she had that kind of man... but he did not love her.

A deep sigh escaped her, a sigh that was almost a sob. Another weight to carry, and this one heavier than all the rest put together. Would she ever be free of these dragging burdens? she wondered bleakly.

She opened the window and stepped out on to the verandah, sure that she would not sleep, so it was useless to go to bed. The starry night was still mysterious and romantic, the dry flat terrain of the bushveld still silvered by the moon's glorious light. Cicadas chirped in the lovely fern-like foliage of a flame tree, and from somewhere in the valley came the harsh echo of bullfrogs croaking. Closer to, a pair of eyes glowed like embers in the darkness as some small nocturnal creature crouched, still as a statue.

Sara turned at last, and entered her room. There was an ache in her heart, and yet there was a thread of hope there, too, for if she and Carl were to have children, then surely he must one day come to care for her.

CHAPTER TEN.

It was five days later that Sara, arriving at the farm at her usual time of nine o'clock, found Sadie busy in the kitchen making jam when normally at this time she would be preparing Irma's breakfast in readiness for Sara to take it in.

'Has my sister had her breakfast?' Sara asked in surprise.

'She was still asleep ten minutes ago when I knocked oh her door,' replied the housegirl.

Her heart jerking with fear, Sara sped along the short pa.s.sage and, without even giving her customary gentle knock, she turned the door handle and entered the room.

'Oh...' Her whole body sagged with relief. Irma was sitting up in bed, looking brighter than at any other time since the accident. 'Have you only just wakened up?'

Irma smiled and said yes, she had overslept this morning.

'And I didn't take any sleeping pills,' she added with a little laugh, 'so you can take that censorious look off your face!'

Sara frowned in puzzlement.

'You managed to sleep without the tablets?' It seemed impossible; Irma had been taking them regularly ever since Sara had arrived here.

'Yes, I did.' A slight pause and then, 'I've got something else to tell you: I don't want to die any more.'

'I'm glad to hear it.' Not even by the movement of a muscle did Sara betray the profound relief that Irma's words had given her. 'What brought about the change?'

'Bernard,' answered Irma, and now Sara did betray emotion, because accompanying this one brief word was a look in Irma's eyes that sent Sara's thoughts into a ferment of conjecture.

'Yes?' she quivered, almost willing her sister not to voice the confession she was obviously going to make.

'I'm in love with him and he's in love with me.' So calm-matter-of-fact, almost, but there was an unmistakable happy tinge to Irma's voice. Sara just stared, her mind refusing to take in the added complications which this new situation would create. It was as though saturation point had already been reached and her mind could take no more. 'Get my breakfast, please, Sara, and I'll tell you all about it then.'

In a sort of daze Sara went back to the kitchen. Sadie, having heard the sisters talking, had left her jam- making and was preparing paw-paws and boiled eggs for Irma's breakfast. Sara watched as the housegirl put toast and coffee on the tray.

'There, it's ready,' smiled Sadie as she lifted the tray and handed it to Sara. 'I hope everything will be all right.'

A few moments later Sara was standing at the end of the bed, watching Irma toying with her fruit and listening to what she had to say. Sara learned that Bernard had declared his love the previous evening, when he had spent four hours with Irma, as her husband had gone into Paulsville to spend an evening at the Club.

'Bernard's confession came as no surprise to me,' continued Irma, 'because it was already evident that he was in love with me. Knowing that gave me something to think about in the evenings when I was alone here, and caused my thoughts to become concentrated on him, with the result that his image replaced Ray's altogether.' A pause ensued, thoughtful and profound.

Irma still toyed with the paw-paw but made no attempt to eat it. 'I've known for some time that Ray had ceased to love me. Well, I don't love him any more-so you can have him, Sara.'

'Thanks for nothing!' Colour-angry crimson colour-had leapt to Sara's cheeks, and as she faced her sister now her eyes were blazing. 'It so happens that I'm in love with my husband!'

Silence; Irma's eyes flickered with a strange expression.

'Did you love him when you married him?' she wanted to know, for the moment diverted.

'I love him now, and that's all that matters!'

'I believed you'd married him merely as a cover-up for any activities which you and Ray might want to indulge in. I told Ray and he threatened to repeat it to you. Did he repeat it?'

'Yes, he did,' flashed Sara. 'You've got a hateful mind, Irma!'

'I'm sqrry if I misjudged you. But I knew you were once in love with Ray. Why did you marry Carl, Sara?'

Another silence. Sara was so furious with Irma that she was almost ready to flounce out of the room and never enter it again. But she stilled her fury and answered the question.

'If you must know, I married Carl in order to set your mind at rest, married a man I didn't love!'

'You--- !' Irma's face paled a little. 'Oh, Sara, I didn't know! Forgive me-please say you forgive me.'

'I do forgive you, simply because I love Carl now.'

Irma fell silent for a s.p.a.ce and then, slowly and wonderingly, 'You made a sacrifice like that for me... You married another man just so I'd feel safe about Ray. And instead of feeling safe I was even more troubled, suspecting you of evil motives---- ' Irma put down her spoon and flicked a hand to indicate heir wish for the tray to be removed. 'I've been hateful to you, Sara. I always knew, you see, that I'd taken Ray from you '

'You didn't take him from me. I loved him, yes, but he was never mine, so you couldn't have taken him from me.'

'He loved you later, though. I've seen it, although he's tried to hide it from me, I'll give him that.' Irma frowned as if the subject of her husband was one she no longer wished to pursue. 'You say you didn't love Carl when you married him,' she said, glancing at Sara as she moved the tray without even trying to persuade her to eat something. 'Did he love you?-but he must have done or he wouldn't have asked you to marry him, would he?'

Sara put the tray on a small table and turned.

'We made a bargain, Irma. Neither of us loved the other. I'm not willing to enlighten you as to Carl's side of our bargain.' She was pale now that her angry colour had faded, and she desired nothing more than to get away. She wanted to go home, to the peaceful, uncomplicated atmosphere of Ravenspark. 'Is there anything else I can get you?' offered Sara, flicking a hand automatically to the untouched food on the tray. 'Surely you want a drink?'

Irma nodded, saying she would have a cup of coffee. She watched Sara pour it out, then took it from her. It was a few moments before she began to speak again.

'Bernard and I are intending to live together..." A rather wry note entered Irma's voice as she went on, 'No one can accuse us of immorality, can they? It wouldn't matter if they could-in fact, I only wish they could!-but it wouldn't make any difference; we'd still go off and live together.' Irma's eyes were dreamy. Sara had seen her like this before-when she was engaged to Ray.

'Go off?' repeated Sara automatically, shaking her head. The complications seemed enormous, yet at the same time Sara was recalling how, before her accident, Irma had been more than ordinarily capable of conducting her life, and it now appeared that she could do it again.

'We're leaving Africa,' Irma said quietly. 'We're going to England. Bernard's got relatives there who are farmers. He's intending to buy a smallholding and progress gradually until he owns a fair-sized farm.'

Sara, still a little dazed by it all, shook her head again in a little incredulous gesture.

'You seem to have everything all worked out,' she observed.

'To perfection. And I don't intend to be a complete drag on Bernard. I'm going to have one of those chairs, and learn to use it. And one day I hope to drive myself about, to do the shopping and other jobs. Lots of people like me have learned to live again, and I shall do the same.' Courage mingled with the happiness in Irma's eyes. Sara's own heart felt lighter than for many months.

'I still believe you'll walk again,' declared Sara with complete confidence.

'Funny-so do I. As you've said so many times, Sara, all kinds of miracles are being performed these days in the field of medicine.'

'It seems impossible that this change in you has come about. Oh, Irma love, I'm so happy for you!' Gone was the last vestige of anger and resentment against her sister. Gone was the hopelessness and despair, gone the terrible fear that Irma would one day take her own life. 'I can tell you now, Irma, that Bernard has already told me he loves you.' Irma made no comment and Sara added, 'Does Ray know yet-about your plans, I mean?'

'I told him when he came in last night. Bernard advised me to, because we're not intending to delay. As soon as Christmas is over we shall be gone. Bernard's relatives will put us up, he says. He's writing to them immediately, telling them everything and asking them to begin looking out for something suitable in the way of a smallholding. As you know, I still have my house over there-the one Uncle left me. I wouldn't sell until I got my price, and am I glad I didn't! Ray would have got it all to put in this place! As it is, I shall sell for what I can get, and the money, put along with Bernard's, should buy us a nice little place somewhere in Wiltshire, where Bernard's relatives live.' Irma took a drink of her coffee, her lovely eyes still dreamy as she looked into the future.

'It all seems so simple!' Sara could not help exclaiming. 'When you first told me of your love for Bernard the problems seemed so colossal as to be insurmountable. But after hearing your plans the whole thing seems to be simplicity itself.'

'It is, Sara. When love is the spur it's amazing what can be done.'

Love... It did appear that once again it was to be Sara's lot to love and herself be unloved. Well, as she had said to herself the other night, there was hope, and it might one day work out that she was no longer an unloved wife. For the present, it was Irma whose happiness was paramount in Sara's thoughts. This was nothing short of a miracle, and it was rather a chastening thought that Bernard had done in a few short weeks what Sara had been desperately trying to do for months-make Irma have the will to live again.

Sara stood for a moment looking at her sister, seeing as so many times before the flawless beauty of her features, the big blue eyes fringed by long curling lashes, the mouth which of late had been so thin and petulant but which was now rosy and full and very kissable.

At last Sara spoke, asking about Ray's reaction to Irma's plans for her future.

'He was relieved, naturally.' A pause, rather strained and uncertain. 'Sara,' said Irma at last, 'he'll ask you--- ' She stopped, more unsure of the choice of words than before. 'To be blunt,' she said with sudden decision, 'he thinks he's only to ask you, and you'll leave Carl and run right into his arms.'

'Oh... !' Sara coloured, partly with embarra.s.sment, partly with anger. 'Well,' she managed presently, 'he's in for a shock!'

'So it seems. He's not worthy of a girl like you, Sara.' A small hesitation and then, 'Are you sure that Carl doesn't love you?'

She nodded, her mouth trembling.

'Yes, Irma, I am sure.'

'He'll love you one day; it just couldn't be otherwise.'

'Perhaps,' murmured Sara, and for one fleeting moment her own eyes took on a dreamy look. 'I hope so,' she added, then changed the subject, telling-Irma that whatever she wanted doing then she would be available to do it for her.

'There'll be the packing, but little else. Bernard's the dependable kind; he'll see to everything regarding the travel arrangements.' Irma drained her coffee cup and pa.s.sed it to Sara, whose hand was already outstretched.

'Sara ..

'Yes?'

'I've been rotten with you at times, and yet you've never retaliated. Your patience amazes me, and although it's seemed that I've been ungrateful, that I haven't even noticed all the care you've given me-I have, Sara, and I thank you.' The last three words came slowly, in a low voice which was sincere. Sara smiled a happy smile and said, 'You've no need to thank me, Irma. I know you'd have done the same for me, had our positions been reversed.'

A slight pause followed this confident statement before Irma said, 'I'd like to think so .but I'm not made of the same stuff as you. You threw up a job you loved, a well-paid job, to come out here and work for nothing. Yes, I'd like to think that I'd have done the same for you, but I don't really know if I could have resigned myself-as you did- to sacrificing the whole of my life for another person.'

Sara made no comment on this; it was unimportant anyway.

'I'll get you the water and towel,' she said, and picked up the tray. Five minutes later Irma was washing herself, a task which, apart from her hands and face, she had always left to Sara. When she had finished the bowl was taken away and Sara set about making the bed. At last Irma, looking very lovely as she sat there against the pillows, the pretty blue of her bed jacket matching the colour of her eyes, settled down with a book and Sara went back to the kitchen. Sadie was surrounded by jars and bottles-they were on the table, the shelves above the cupboard, and even on the chairs. All this for one man I But Sara rather thought that Ray would sell up and leave Africa. She hoped he would, and because she felt sorry for him she found herself hoping that, one day, he would find happiness.

'I'm just going out for some fruit.' Sadie's pleasant voice broke into Sara's thoughts and she smiled at the girl. 'I'm bottling some of the fruit, so we can make pies with it later on.'

Off she went, a basket over her arm. Sara began washing the pretty nylon nightie which Irma had taken off, but less than a minute elapsed before she wheeled swiftly, conscious of footsteps which she had recognised at once.

'Ray, aren't you working in the fields?' She was trembling slightly, and apprehensive too. He was staring at her with an expression of eagerness and this was reflected in his voice as he said, 'I want to talk to you, Sara. You know what it's about, because Irma's been telling you everything. She said she would. Come out into the copse over there----- '

He stopped as Sara shook her head.

'There's nothing for us to talk about, Ray,' she told him quietly.

'There is, Sara! We love each other! Oh, I know you're married, but we'll get over that------ ' His words were cut again, this time by the reappearance of Sadie. She had obviously not got the fruit she went out for. 'Come outside,' he begged. 'We can't talk here.'

'I don't want to talk to you,' Sara began, then paused; it struck her that they would have to talk-at least she would, to tell him that she no longer loved him. 'All right,' she agreed, drying her hands on a towel. 'We'll go over to the copse.'

As soon as they entered the privacy of the shadows she told him that her feelings had changed, and that she was now in love with her husband. Ray stared, aghast, and it was plain that the blow had struck hard. His hands moved spasmodically, clenching and unclenching as if releasing some unbearable inner torture.