Buy Jupiter and Other Stories Part 5

"Yes. Yes." Torgesson paced faster. "Then you must know that chess-playing computers have been constructed on cybernetic principles. The rules of chess moves and the object of the game are built into its circuits. Given any position on the chess board, the machine can then compute all possible moves together with their consequence and choose that one which offers the highest probability of winning the game. It can even be made to take the temperament of its opponent into account." of winning the game. It can even be made to take the temperament of its opponent into account."

"Ah, yes," said Hoskins, stroking his chin profoundly.

Torgesson said, "Now imagine a similar situation in which a computing machine can be given a fragment of a literary work to which the computer can then add words from its stock of the entire vocabulary such that the greatest literary values are served. Naturally, the machine would have to be taught the significance of the various keys of a typewriter. Of course, such a computer would have to be much, much more complex than any chess player."

Hoskins stirred restlessly. "The monkey, Professor. Marmie mentioned a monkey."

"But that is what I am coming to," said Torgesson. "Naturally, no machine built is sufficiently complex. But the human brain-ah. The human brain is itself a computing machine. Of course, I couldn't use a human brain. The law, unfortunately, would not permit me. But even a monkey's brain, properly managed, can do more than any machine ever constructed by man. Wait! I'll go get little Rollo."

He left the room. Hoskins waited a moment, then looked cautiously at Marmie. He said, "Oh, brother!"

Marmie said, "What's the matter?"

"What's the matter? The man's a phony. Tell me, Marmie, where did you hire this faker?"

Marmie was outraged. "Faker? This is a genuine professor's office in Fayerweather Hall, Columbia. You recognize Columbia, I hope. You saw the statue of Alma Mater on 116th Street. I pointed out Eisenhower's office."

"Sure, but-"

"And this is Dr. Torgesson's office. Look at the dust." He blew at a textbook and stirred up clouds of it. "The dust alone shows it's the real thing. And look at the t.i.tle of the book; Psychodynamics of Human Behavior, Psychodynamics of Human Behavior, by Professor Arndt Rolf Torgesson." by Professor Arndt Rolf Torgesson."

"Granted, Marmie, granted. There is a Torgesson and this is his office. How you knew the real guy was on vacation and how you managed to get the use of his office, I don't know. But are you trying to tell me that this comic with his monkeys and computers is the real thing? Hah!" with his monkeys and computers is the real thing? Hah!"

"With a suspicious nature like yours, I can only a.s.sume you had a very miserable, rejected type of childhood."

"Just the result of experience with writers, Marmie. I have my restaurant all picked out and this will cost you a pretty penny." have my restaurant all picked out and this will cost you a pretty penny."

Marmie snorted, "This won't cost me even the ugliest penny you ever paid me. Quiet, he's coming back."

With the professor, and clinging to his neck, was a very melancholy capuchin monkey.

"This," said Torgesson, "is little Rollo. Say h.e.l.lo, Rollo."

The monkey tugged at his forelock.

The professor said, "He's tired, I'm afraid. Now, I have a piece of his ma.n.u.script right here."

He put the monkey down and let it cling to his finger while he brought out two sheets of paper from his jacket pocket and handed them to Hoskins.

Hoskins read, " 'To be or not to be; that is the question: Whether 'tis n.o.bler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a host of troubles, and by opposing end them? To die: to sleep; No more: and, by a sleep to say we-' "

He looked up. "Little Rollo typed this?"

"Not exactly. It's a copy of what he typed."

"Oh, a copy. Well, little Rollo doesn't know his Shakespeare. It's 'to take arms against a sea of troubles.' "

Torgesson nodded. "You are quite correct, Mr. Hoskins. Shakespeare did did write 'sea.' But you see that's a mixed metaphor. You don't fight a sea with arms. You fight a host or army with arms. Rollo chose the monosyllable and typed 'host.' It's one of Shakespeare's rare mistakes." write 'sea.' But you see that's a mixed metaphor. You don't fight a sea with arms. You fight a host or army with arms. Rollo chose the monosyllable and typed 'host.' It's one of Shakespeare's rare mistakes."

Hoskins said, "Let's see him type."

"Surely." The professor trundled out a typewriter on a little table. A wire trailed from it. He explained, "It is necessary to use an electric typewriter as otherwise the physical effort would be too great. It is also necessary to wire little Rollo to this transformer."

He did so, using as leads two electrodes that protruded an eighth of an inch through the fur on the little creature's skull. an eighth of an inch through the fur on the little creature's skull.

"Rollo," he said, "was subjected to a very delicate brain operation in which a nest of wires were connected to various regions of his brain. We can short his voluntary activities and, in effect, use his brain simply as a computer. I'm afraid the details would be-"

"Let's see him type," said Hoskins. "What would you like?"

Hoskins thought rapidly. "Does he know Chesterton's 'Lepanto'?"

"He knows nothing by heart. His writing is purely computation. Now, you simply recite a little of the piece so that he will be able to estimate the mood and compute the consequences of the first words."

Hoskins nodded, inflated his chest, and thundered, "White founts falling in the courts of the sun, and the Soldan of Byzantium is smiling as they run. There is laughter like the fountains in that face of all men feared; it stirs the forest darkness, the darkness of his beard: it curls the blood-red crescent, the crescent of his lips; for the inmost sea of all the world is shaken by his ships-"

"That's enough." said Torgesson. There was silence as they waited. The monkey regarded the typewriter solemnly.

Torgesson said, "The process takes time, of course. Little Rollo has to take into account the romanticism of the poem, the slightly archaic flavor; the strong sing-song rhythm, and so on."

And then a black little finger reached out and touched a key. It was a t. t.

"He doesn't capitalize," said the scientist, "or punctuate, and his s.p.a.cing isn't very reliable. That's why I usually retype his work when he's finished."

Little Rollo touched an h, h, then an then an e e and a and a y. y. Then, after a longish pause, he tapped the s.p.a.ce bar. Then, after a longish pause, he tapped the s.p.a.ce bar.

"They," said Hoskins. The words typed themselves out: "they have dared the white repub lics upthe capes of italy they have dashed the adreeatic roundthe lion of the sea; and the popehas throw n his arms abroa dfor agoni and loss and called the kings of chrissndom for sords about the cross."

"My G.o.d!" said Hoskins.

"That's the way the piece goes then?" asked Torgesson. "For the love of Pete!" said Hoskins.

"If it is, then Chesterton must have done a good, consistent job."

"Holy smokes!" said Hoskins.

"You see," said Marmie, ma.s.saging Hoskins's shoulder, "you see, you see, you see. You see," he added.

"I'll be d.a.m.ned," said Hoskins.

"Now look," said Marmie, rubbing his hair till it rose in cl.u.s.ters like a c.o.c.katoo's chest, "let's get to business. Let's tackle my story."

"Well but-"

"It will not be beyond little Rollo's capacity," Torgesson a.s.sured him. "I frequently read little Rollo parts of some of the better science fiction, including some of Marmie's tales. It's amazing how some of the yarns are improved."

"It's not that," said Hoskins. "Any monkey can write better SF than some of the hacks we've got. But the Tallinn story is thirteen thousand words long. It'll take forever for the monk to type it."

"Not at all, Mr. Hoskins, not at all. I shall read the story to him, and at the crucial point we will let him continue."

Hoskins folded his arms. "Then shoot. I'm ready."

"I," said Marmie, "am more than ready." And he folded his arms.

Little Rollo sat there, a furry little bundle of cataleptic misery, while Dr. Torgesson's soft voice rose and fell in cadence with a s.p.a.ceship battle and the subsequent struggles of Earthmen captives to recapture their lost ship.

One of the characters made his way out to the s.p.a.ceship hull, and Dr. Torgesson followed the flamboyant events in mild rapture. He read: "...Stalny froze in the silence of the eternal stars. His aching knee tore at his consciousness as he waited for the monsters to hear the thud and-" aching knee tore at his consciousness as he waited for the monsters to hear the thud and-"

Marmie yanked desperately at Dr. Torgesson's sleeve. Torgesson looked up and disconnected little Rollo.

"That's it," said Marmie. "You see, Professor, it's just about here that Hoskins is getting his sticky little fingers into the works. I continue the scene outside the s.p.a.ceship till Stalny wins out and the ship is back in Earth hands. Then I go into explanations. Hoskins wants me to break that outside scene, get back inside, halt the action for two thousand words, then get back out again. Ever hear such crud?"

"Suppose we let the monk decide," said Hoskins.

Dr. Torgesson turned little Rollo on, and a black shriveled finger reached hesitantly out to the typewriter. Hoskins and Marmie leaned forward simultaneously, their heads coming softly together just over little Rollo's brooding body. The typewriter punched out the letter t. t.

"T," encouraged Marmie, nodding. "T," agreed Hoskins.

The typewriter made an a, a, then went on at a more rapid rate: "take action stalnee waited in helpless hor ror forair locks toyawn and suited laroos to emerge relentlessly-" then went on at a more rapid rate: "take action stalnee waited in helpless hor ror forair locks toyawn and suited laroos to emerge relentlessly-"

"Word for word," said Marmie in raptures. "He certainly has your gooey style."

"The readers like it."

"They wouldn't if their average mental age wasn't-" Hoskins stopped.

"Go on," said Marmie, "say it. Say it. Say their IQ is that of a twelve-year-old child and I'll quote you in every fan magazine in the country."

"Gentlemen," said Torgesson, "gentlemen. You'll disturb little Rollo."

They turned to the typewriter, which was still tapping steadily: "-the stars wh.e.l.led in ther mightie orb its as stalnees earthbound senses insis ted the rotating ship sto od still."

The typewriter carriage whipped back to begin a new line. Marmie held his breath. Here, if anywhere, would come- And the little finger moved out and made: * Hoskins yelled, "Asterisk!"

"Marmie muttered, " Asterisk." Torgesson said, " Asterisk?"

A line of nine more asterisks followed.

"That's all, brother," said Hoskins. He explained quickly to the staring Torgesson, "With Marmie, it's a habit to use a line of asterisks when he wants to indicate a radical shift of scene. And a radical shift of scene is exactly what I wanted."

The typewriter started a new paragraph: "within the ship-"

"Turn it off, Professor," said Marmie.

Hoskins rubbed his hands. "When do I get the revision Marmie?"

Marmie said coolly, "What revision?"

"You said the monk's version."

"I sure did. It's what I brought you here to see. That little Rollo is a machine; a cold, brutal, logical machine."

"Well?"

"And the point is that a good writer is not a machine. He doesn't write with his mind, but with his heart. His heart." Marmie pounded his chest.

Hoskins groaned. "What are you doing to me, Marmie? If you give me that heart-and-soul-of-a-writer routine, I'll just be forced to turn sick right here and right now. Let's keep all this on the usual I'll-write-anything-for-money basis."

Marmie said, "Just listen to me for a minute. Little Rollo corrected Shakespeare. You pointed that out for yourself. Little Rollo wanted Shakespeare to say, 'host of troubles,' and he was right from his machine standpoint. A 'sea of troubles' under the circ.u.mstances is a mixed metaphor. But don't you suppose Shakespeare knew that, too? Shakespeare just happened to know when to break break the rules, that's all. Little Rollo is a machine that can't break the rules, but a good writer can, and the rules, that's all. Little Rollo is a machine that can't break the rules, but a good writer can, and must. must. 'Sea of troubles' is more impressive; it has roll and power. The h.e.l.l with the mixed metaphor. 'Sea of troubles' is more impressive; it has roll and power. The h.e.l.l with the mixed metaphor.

"Now, when you tell me to shift the scene, you're following mechanical rules on maintaining suspense, so of course little Rollo agrees with you. But I know that I must break the rules to maintain the profound emotional impact of the ending as I see it. Otherwise I have a mechanical product that a computer can turn out."

Hoskins said, "But-"

"Go on," said Marmie, "vote for the mechanical. Say that little Rollo is all the editor you'll ever be."

Hoskins said, with a quiver in his throat, " All right, Marmie, I'll take the story as is. No, don't give it to me; mail it. I've got to find a bar, if you don't mind."

He forced his hat down on his head and turned to leave. Torgesson called after him. "Don't tell anyone about little Rollo, please."

The parting answer floated back over a slamming door, "Do you think I'm crazy? ..."

Marmie rubbed his hands ecstatically when he was sure Hoskins was gone.

"Brains, that's what it was," he said, and probed one finger as deeply into his temple as it would go. "This sale I enjoyed. This sale, Professor, is worth all the rest I've ever made. All the rest of them together." He collapsed joyfully on the nearest chair.

Torgesson lifted little Rollo to his shoulder. He said mildly, "But, Marmaduke, what would you have done if little Rollo had typed your version instead?"

A took of grievance pa.s.sed momentarily over Marmie's face. "Well, d.a.m.n it," he said, "that's what I thought thought it was going to do." it was going to do."

IN THE MONKEY'S FINGER, by the way, the writer and editor were modeled on a real pair, arguing over a real story in a real way.

The story involved was C-Chute, C-Chute, which had appeared in the October 1951 which had appeared in the October 1951 Galaxy Galaxy (after the argument) and which was eventually included in my book NIGHTFALL AND OTHER STORIES. I was the writer, of course, and Horace Gold was the editor. (after the argument) and which was eventually included in my book NIGHTFALL AND OTHER STORIES. I was the writer, of course, and Horace Gold was the editor.

Though the argument and the story are authentic, the people are caricatured. I am nothing at all like the writer in the story and Horace is certainly nothing at all like the editor in the story. Horace has his own peculiarities which are far more interesting than the ones I made' up for fictional purposes, and so have I-but never mind that.

Of all the stories I have written that have appeared once and then never again, this next is the one I talk about most. I have discussed it in dozens of talks and mentioned it in print occasionally, for a very good reason which I'll come to later.

In April 1953 I was in Chicago. I'm not much of a traveler and that was the first time I was ever in Chicago (and I have returned since then only once) .I was there to attend an American Chemical Society convention at which I was supposed to present a small paper. That was little fun, so I thought I would liven things up by going to Evanston, a northern suburb, and visiting the offices of Universe Science Fiction. Universe Science Fiction.

This magazine was then edited by Bea Mahaffey, an extraordinarily good-looking young woman. (The way I usually put it is that science fiction writers voted her, two years running, the editor to whom they would most like to submit.) When I arrived in the office on April 7, 1953, Bea greeted me with great glee and at once asked why I had not brought a story for her with me.

"You want a story?" I said, basking in her beauty. .'I'll write you a story. Bring me a typewriter."

Actually, I was just trying to impress her, hoping that she would throw herself into my arms in a spasm of wild adoration. She didn't. She brought me a typewriter.

I had to come through. Since the task of climbing Mount Everest was much in the news those days (men had been trying to scale it for thirty years and the seventh attempt to do so had just failed) I thought rapidly and wrote EVEREST .

Bea read it, liked it, and offered me thirty dollars, which I accepted with alacrity. I promptly spent half of it on a fancy dinner for the two of us, and labored-with so much success to be charming, debonair, and suave that the waitress said to me, longingly, that she wished her son-in-law were like me. the waitress said to me, longingly, that she wished her son-in-law were like me.