Buchanan: Delicious Part 45

He regretted having to make the confession more than he could say. "She thinks I'm glad she lost the baby. I'm not. I wasn't back then, either. I never wished anything bad would happen to our child."

"Maybe not, but you were relieved."

Cal opened his mouth and closed it. His brother spoke the truth. He remembered his initial happiness fading as a sense of being trapped took over. How was he supposed to have another child and care about it when he'd simply walked away from Lindsey? He'd been confused and hadn't had anyone he could talk to. Or so he thought. Now he knew he could have discussed it with his brothers. Or Penny. He hadn't trusted her to understand. What if she had? What if they'd been able to pull together instead of being pulled apart?

"I didn't have all the answers," he said at last.

"No one ever expected you to. Except you. Cal, none of us is perfect. It's time you stopped trying to be. Get over it. Yes, you had a kid. You didn't want to give her up, but you did. She's great. Happy, living a good life. Move on."

Advice he should listen to. "Penny has. She's excited about the baby."

"Of course she is. She's always wanted kids."

Cal knew that. In some ways, that was his greatest sin. "She was right-I changed the rules. When we were first together, I wanted kids as much as she. It was the reality of having a baby I could keep that screwed me up. When I told her I'd changed my mind..." He could still see the disbelief and hurt on her face. "I owe her."

"Big time. But that's the past. Let it go. She's moved on." Reid looked at him again. "Your timing sucks."

"What do you mean?"

"Friday, when all this. .h.i.t the fan, she'd just felt the baby move for the first time. She wanted to tell you. How's that for a kick in the teeth? There she was all excited and doing the happy dance."

The baby moved? "She never felt that with ours. She lost it too soon." He could imagine her delight and excitement. "Did you feel it, too?"

"I tried, but it was too faint. There she was, all happy and then Gloria dumps the first load on her and you dump the second. Way to go, big brother."

Cal swore. He felt like s.h.i.t. "I never meant..."

Right. Because meaning or not meaning didn't matter to anyone. Penny didn't deserve any of this from him. She hadn't done anything wrong. All she'd done was show up every d.a.m.n day of their marriage. She'd taken a whole lot longer to give up than she should have and he'd let her go without a word.

"You should beat the c.r.a.p out of me," Cal muttered.

"That would only make you feel better and right now I'm not interested in doing that. She has a doctor's appointment in a couple of days. An ultrasound. She's pretty sure she doesn't want to know if it's a boy or a girl. And jeez, the names she's talking about. Poor kid. But I think she'll come around. Penny's pretty smart."

Penny was a lot of things, Cal thought, fighting a sudden aching sense of loss for all he'd missed with her.

He reminded himself that he was fine with that-being a part of something wasn't his goal. Love didn't last. Hadn't he had that proved to him over and over?

"Naomi was in last night," Reid said. "She left with Walker."

"You okay with that?"

Reid shrugged. "Sure. Why not? There were never any promises between us."

Not wanting a permanent commitment was one thing, but Reid's lifestyle made no sense to him.

"Don't you ever want more than a parade of women through your life?"

His brother frowned. "No. Why?"

"But you don't care about the women you sleep with."

Reid grinned. "For that night, she's the most important woman in the world."

Cal snorted. "Yeah, right. And in the morning you can't remember her name. Don't you ever want more than that?"

"Not even on a bet."

"ARE YOU SICK?" Penny asked.

Naomi continued to chop leeks. "No. I'm fine. Stop bugging me. You're getting on my nerves."

Penny knew she should back off, but she couldn't help worrying. "You're not yourself. You've been quiet for a couple of days. Is it a guy?"

Naomi turned to her, holding the knife in her hand. "I learned from an expert, okay? I'm fine. I have stuff on my mind."

"But I'm worried about you."

Naomi put down the knife. "You're sweet to worry, but don't. I'm fine. Just thinking. It's not something I usually do, so it's hard for me."

Penny could see emotions swirling in her friend's eyes. "I want to help."

"You can't. Now let it go before I start foaming at the mouth."

"Okay. But if you want to talk, I'm here."

"I know."

Cal walked into the kitchen. "The wine delivery is here. I was able to get more of the original pinot for the tasting dinner, but it's an '02 instead of an '01. I'm going to open a bottle to see how different it is."

The implied question was did she want to join him? Did she want to partic.i.p.ate in this joint venture, because they were both responsible for the restaurant.

She knew the right answer. As her goal was to run her own place, she had to be interested in all aspects of the business. Hiring a good general manager would help, but in the end, the decisions would be hers.

She knew she should agree for another reason-to show Cal he didn't matter. That she wasn't crushed by their fight last week. Okay, maybe crushed was strong, but she was still hurt. Worse, she felt stupid. She hated feeling stupid.

She walked past him and headed for the wine room. Three cases stood on a dolly. The top case was open and a single bottle rested on the counter.

She reached for the bottle opener sitting there and quickly cut the foil. After twisting the corkscrew into the cork, she turned and pulled in a quick, expert movement. Cal set out two gla.s.ses. She poured a small amount in each.

Penny picked up hers and swirled. She held the gla.s.s to the light to check the color, then swirled again and inhaled.

The scent alone was delicious. She took a sip and allowed the flavors to settle on her tongue.

Good, she thought. A hint of sweetness, but not too much. Plenty of berry.

"It's fine," she said.

"I agree."