Broken Pasts Part 9

"For the love of G.o.d, Jamie. He's staying here. Until Wednesday. Just him, no Cedric. What do I do?" My friend rolled her eyes (don't ask how I knew that, I just did) and snorted like she couldn't believe how incredibly ignorant I was. Wait until she heard about the big 'O'. She was really gonna freak out then, probably have me betrothed to Mr. Sutherland with a dowry of chocolate and cheap wine.

"Theresa McMaster, I'm going to say this once and only once. You do whatever makes you happy. Do you want to sleep with him?"

"I "

"If you do, then just do it and don't worry about how or why or when or what. You've spent your whole f.u.c.king life worrying about those things and it hasn't worked out. Follow your f.u.c.king heart and let yourself be happy. That's all I have to say on the matter." And then she hung up on me. Of course, I did just happen to hear her say, "Oh, yeah, Theresa finally screwed the bodyguard," before she ended the call, but I don't think I was meant to get that part.

When I opened the door to the bathroom, I found Nathaniel redressed in a suit and shirt and tie, hair perfect, slacks perfect, face perfect. How the h.e.l.l?

"Oh," I said instead. "You brought extras?"

"Always," he told me with a white toothed smile. I gestured at him and found myself rethinking my earlier statement. Suit Nathaniel vs T-shirt Nathaniel was not as easy a pick as I'd first thought. In fact, now that he was redressed in the sharp lines and crisp fabrics, I was starting to lean this way. Guess he brought a whole new meaning to the phrase, Likes it both ways. "I went out to my car and grabbed my things," he said as his smile faded a bit. "I hope you don't mind. Rhea was in her room and " I held out my hands.

"It's okay," I told him. "I think we're a little past the whole client-bodyguard relationship thing, don't you?"

"I hope so," he told me and then we both stood there stupidly staring at one another until Rhea came out of her room and found us.

"Adults are weird," she said as she rolled her eyes and moved past us. I couldn't have agreed more.

CHAPTER 18.

The good thing about is kids is that they'll tell you the truth, straight-up, no strings attached, no holds barred honesty. The bad thing about is kids is that they'll tell you the truth, straight-up, no strings attached, no holds barred honesty.

"So if you marry Nathaniel, will he be my dad?" Rhea asked as I moved a red checker across the board and tried to pretend that things weren't weird. They were very, very weird. Nathaniel was flip-flopping between acting like a paranoid bodyguard and a loving ... I won't say boyfriend ... potential partner maybe?

"Getting a little ahead of yourself, Rhea," I said as I jumped her and she pouted her lips at me like I was the devil incarnate. "Nathaniel and I are not getting married. We're just ... friends."

"Friends don't blush at each other," Rhea said as she glanced up at Nathaniel with narrowed eyes. "And they don't let you touch their p.e.n.i.ses."

"Rhea McMaster-Gibson, you need to cool it with the p.e.n.i.s comments. People are starting to wonder. And besides, how do you know that I ... I mean, I haven't ... Just don't say anything like that around your father, okay?"

"I want Nathaniel to be my dad," Rhea said as she played with the stack of plastic chips on her side of the table. "He's taller than Dad and nicer and he has a better car."

"Well all of that is true," I said with a grin. Sorry, but I couldn't help myself. Don't judge. Glen was a human slime ball and even if it wasn't appropriate to mention that in front of Rhea, it certainly wasn't appropriate to lie about the man. I mean, what she'd said was true. "Your dad will always be your dad, no matter what." Rhea groaned and I had to fight to keep a grin off of my face.

"We can be friends," Nathaniel said, and I had to glance over my shoulder to catch his eyes. They were smiling at my daughter, looking at her with a sense of whimsy, of what might've been, could've been. It wasn't hard for me to imagine what he was going through. I often thought about what my unborn daughter would've looked like, if she'd have taken after Glen or me, if she'd have disliked him as much as Rhea did. I tried not to think about it for obvious reasons, but sometimes it was inevitable. Nathaniel was having one of those moments. "I even know how to do French braids." Rhea sighed and shook her head.

"Everybody knows how to do French braids." She paused. "At least you don't suck at bowling." And that was that and she was finished with her poor, tired, old mother for the evening, off to defend the land from j.a.panese monsters whose names I couldn't even begin to p.r.o.nounce. I sighed and rested my arms on the table, surprised when Nathaniel came and took Rhea's chair. It was actually kind of weird seeing him sit. The suit folded neatly around his body as he took a deep breathe and looked at me like he didn't know what to do. If he was looking for help he was looking in the wrong place. I didn't know what to do either.

"This is going to be hard, isn't it?" I asked him and he nodded.

"I think so."

"And can you maybe clarify what exactly this is? The day's been kind of a blur. I mean, what's going on here, Nathaniel? You're a bodyguard one minute, boyfriend the next." I cringed at the stupid 'b' word. Really, the English language is kind of limited in that department. We needed a word for man-who-could-possibly-mean-something-but-doesn't-yet. I sighed.

"I'm just ... nervous about Gary. I'd actually be less worried if I did see him outside. Theresa, I think this is the quiet before the storm. I want to get to know you. I want to sit on the couch with you and have a drink and not keep putting things off. There's a spark between us. I haven't felt this way with anyone since Gillian, and I'm not letting it go now that I've found it. We owe it to each other to try this, see if we could be something together, but I can't do it when I'm already worried about losing you."

"It's that bad?" I asked him, and he shook his head.

"I don't know. Maybe? Maybe not? Not all stalkers are created equal. Maybe he will just stop, go away and forget about you, but probably not. I just can't say." I looked down at the linoleum, at the ugly 80's off-white linoleum, and tried to figure out what I was going to do.

"So you're staying tonight?" I asked, knowing that I could actually sleep peacefully knowing he was there. I wasn't going to tell him this, but when Cedric was there, I got about half as much sleep. Something about Nathaniel just seemed right to me. I told myself that it was some deep, basic instinct, like I could sense a good mate the way other creatures do, but I knew that was a load of bull because I'd picked Glen and Gary. Still, it was hard not to trust the feeling in my gut, the one that told me he was the good guy. And I wanted to believe it, I really did.

"And tomorrow," he said. I could tell from his voice that he didn't want to talk about the night after that. He thought I was going to send him away, and he didn't like it, not one little bit.

"Sounds good," I said. I wasn't ready to go there. We would just have to take the next few days as they came and figure it out from there. I didn't tell him this, but I did look up at him, absorb his strong, straight nose, his chiseled cheekbones, his smooth brows that certainly weren't plucked but weren't by any definition s.h.a.ggy. "How do you do it?" I asked him. "How do you keep everything so neat and tidy and perfect? I can't even seem to b.u.t.ton my blouse up the right way." Nathaniel sat back and watched me with his green eyes, traced the edges of my lips, my jaw, dropped gently to my b.r.e.a.s.t.s and then lifted back to my face.

"It just has to be this way. If I let it all loose, I'll fall apart."

"Do you believe in soul mates?" I asked him and wondered if it was going to be possible for him to ever love again. If it wasn't, then I needed to get on a one way train away from Nathaniel Sutherland and I needed to do it now. He looked down at the floor like I thought he would, but when he glanced back up at me, he was smiling.

"I believe in love eternal," he told me. "But I also believe in second chances. Your past doesn't have to dictate who you are, but it can help you discover who you're meant to be."

I want to say that I grabbed Nathaniel by his suit jacket and kissed the h.e.l.l out of him for saying what he said. But I didn't. I froze like a deer in the headlights and started to sweat profusely before excusing myself to the bedroom. He followed, of course, because well, that's what bodyguards do, and then he stood in the doorway, silent and dark, but with this little hint of a smile hovering around his lips. That might've been because he'd seen me pick out a pair of red lacy panties and a matching bra, but I wasn't going to admit that to myself.

"Goodnight Nathaniel," I said and then wondered briefly if I should invite him into my bed. Chances were though that he wouldn't take me up on my offer, and I'd end up feeling frustrated and embarra.s.sed, so I kept the thought to myself.

"Goodnight Theresa," he said. "Sleep tight."

"Don't let the bed bugs bite?" I joked and he chuckled softly. Oh my G.o.d. There it is. Nathaniel did have one of those chocolatey, masculine, throaty laughs in his repertoire. He'd just been saving it. "You did that on purpose," I told him, and even in the darkness of the room, I could see that he glanced over his shoulder to look at me.

"Did what?" he asked innocently.

"Never mind."

Silence.

"Nathaniel?" I asked. "Are you sure you're okay over there? I mean, you didn't get any sleep last night either."

"I'll be alright," he told me and in his voice, I could hear this fierceness and this determination to keep me safe, no matter the cost. I had this feeling that a little fatigue was a very small price to pay for Mr. Sutherland, that he'd give his life to save me if he had to. And sure, I bet in some way it was helping him deal with Gillian's death, but that was okay with me. He had a past; I had a past. In many ways, we were a perfect fit.

I rolled onto my side and tried to sleep, tried to think of anything and anyone other than Nathaniel, but I couldn't. I just kept imagining his chiseled chest, his biceps, the feel of his hard c.o.c.k pressing against me through his slacks. It didn't help that I could hear his steady, quiet breathing in the still air. All that did was serve to remind me of the sounds he'd made when I'd touched his skin, pressed my body against his.

Theresa, my inner voice began as my hand slid under the blankets and brushed against the silken fabric of my panties. It only took one touch to shut her up, to give into the feelings that had been bubbling up inside of me since I'd first seen Nathaniel. Our little romp in the living room hadn't helped either. In fact, I'd have to say that it had only made things worse. What if he hears you? I wondered as I worked my fingers in gentle circles. Well then, wouldn't that be nice? And then my brain went wild, supplying images of Nathaniel spinning around, ripping off his tie and leaping into bed with me, pressing me into the sheets with the warm weight of his body, kissing my lips with fevered pa.s.sion and nibbling the skin on my b.r.e.a.s.t.s with his teeth. It was so real that I swore I could feel his hands on me, that I could hear him breathing.

I paused.

You know the whole 'on the lawn there arose such a clatter' bit from The Night Before Christmas? Well, this was like that only it wasn't from the lawn, it was from across the room, and it wasn't a clatter, it was Nathaniel. Moaning.

"Don't stop," he said as I rolled onto my back and tried to spy him on him through the silver gloom of the bedroom. The moon's light was doing little to illuminate my bodyguard, but there was one thing I knew for sure: that break in the dark, that pale circle in all of that black, was his a.s.s. I stared opened mouth as I listened to the noises from the doorway. Please G.o.d, don't let Rhea wake up, I thought, but I couldn't ask Nathaniel to stop. I didn't want him to stop. I wanted to join him.

I slid my hand down the skin of my belly, brushed across the dark curls there and found my c.l.i.t. Theresa McMaster, I thought as I writhed in the pillows, moved my hand to the tune of Nathaniel's breathing. You are a f.u.c.king pervert.

"Come over here," I whispered in the dark. Or moaned in the dark. Same difference. "Nathaniel ... "

"I can't," he breathed. "If I get in bed with you, I won't be able to get back up, Theresa."

"Like you're any more prepared standing there with your d.i.c.k in your hand," I whispered fiercely back at him, but I never stopped masturbating and neither did he. I moved my hand down the slick wetness between my legs and inserted my fingers, imagined that they were Nathaniel's and copied the motions he'd used on me earlier. It was like having a magic wand. "Nathaniel ... " I whispered as I found that sweet spot and my eyelids fluttered like b.u.t.terflies.

"Theresa ... " he called softly back as I found the big 'O' for the second time in a single day. Pretty impressive for someone whose total life score was also two. I came into my hand, wishing it was Nathaniel, wishing he wasn't such a good bodyguard, that he wasn't so f.u.c.king s.e.xy, and bit my goose down pillow to keep from screaming.

Afterward, when Nathaniel's perfect a.s.s had disappeared from view and he was once again just a black splotch in a whole lot of darkness, I told myself that I could actually fall in love with this guy.

How scary is that?

CHAPTER 19.

There are some days when you get out of bed and you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is in your best interest to climb right back in, pull the covers over your head and sleep away one of those kind of days. As soon as I opened my eyes, I knew I was having one.

My first clue was the sound of screaming from down the street (it was the cheating a.s.s and his teenage mistress, even better). The second was that my alarm hadn't gone off and I was now a half an hour behind schedule. The third was that Nathaniel was wearing his sungla.s.ses. If I'd had any other choice, I never would've gotten up. Unfortunately for me, I had a daughter who was already in trouble for her artistic representations of the human body and who did not need to be missing any cla.s.s, a business that I had neglected in order to better focus on my psychotic ex-husband, and a bodyguard that I had shared my very first mutual masturbation session with the night before. G.o.d. f.u.c.king. d.a.m.n it.

With a sigh, I climbed out of bed and paused as Nathaniel turned around to look at me.

"Something wrong?" I asked him, but he just smiled back at me and slid them off his face. When he did, his expression was strained and a think just a tad nervous. Great. Please don't make me talk about last night, I prayed as I examined the tight set of his lips and read secrets there. Lots of them. He was holding them back for now, but sooner or later, I was going to hear them. Not that I wasn't interested, I was. I lived for mysteries. It was just that I was afraid to hear what they were, to have my image of the man changed or tainted in any way, shape or form, and since it was one of those kind of days, I was certain that that is exactly what those secrets were going to do.

"No, I just ... " He paused. "The sun was bothering my eyes." Sure, I thought back at him, but I didn't press the point. We all have security mechanisms and the shades were his. Keep those secrets back just a little longer, Nathaniel, and then you can bare your soul to me, I promise. "Theresa ... "

"Don't," I said as I slid past him and moved down the hallway towards Rhea's bedroom. Nathaniel followed along behind me. "I have to get to work. It's going to be a madhouse when I get there, I just know it."

"I need to talk to you," he said as chills ran down my spine. Told you. When a man says he needs to talk, it always signals disaster, at least in my experience. I sighed and nodded, hoping beyond any reasonable doubt that it had to do with Gary's case and not Nathaniel's deep, dark secrets. I opened Rhea's door. "Time to get up," I told her.

"I don't want to," she said as she rolled over and buried her face in her pillow. I scooted into the room and gently shook her shoulder.

"We all have to do things we don't want to do. Mommy has to write up some custom scripts this morning."

"Can I stay home with Nathaniel?" Rhea asked, looking back at me and flashing her best, sweetheart smile.

"Nope. He's coming with me. You can see him after school."

"Mom!" she whined, metaphorically digging her feet in and refusing to budge. "But I don't feel good."

"You feel fine, Rhea. You do this at least once a week. Come on, what do you take me for?" She cast the full force of her glare on me and in all of her nine year old glory, she said, "I hate you, you b.i.t.c.h."

Let's just say the rest of the day did not go over much better.

The ride to Rhea's school was unpleasant, at best. She was mad at me for being mad at her, and I was mad at her for calling me a b.i.t.c.h. Nathaniel knew better than to get involved.

"Your dad's going to pick you up after school today," I told her as she got out of the car. "Don't go home with " Rhea slammed the door in my face, and I opened it after her. "You are in so much trouble, you have no idea."

"Screw you," she said as Mr. Clarke shot me an evil glare, and I had no choice but to retreat back into the Chrysler. When I get home, I'm going to go straight into her room and grab every single Pokemon game that I can find. They are mine.

"Sorry," I told Nathaniel as I leaned up between the seats. He was already pulling out of the traffic circle a hundred times more skillfully than I'd ever managed to do. We only got honked at by two minivans. Now there's a record. "Sometimes, she just " My phone was ringing. I groaned. "Now what?" It was Brenda. Apparently Ms. Brown was waiting for me in my office, threatening to pull her project with us because one of the developers had spelled her first name wrong on the website. v.a.g.i.n.a Brown was listed as the chief executive officer of Brown Cosmetics. It was supposed to be Virginia. "Okay, just, I don't know, just distract her until I get there, okay?" I said and then mimed tossing my phone out the window. Apparently Nathaniel saw me and laughed.

"One of those days?" he said.

"How did you know?" I asked as I slumped into my seat and tried to catch a glimpse of emerald in the rearview. I wanted nothing more than to take Nathaniel home, tear off his clothes, and explore the urges I'd been denied last night, but that was not going to happen. I had a twelve hour workday ahead of me, at least.

"It's okay," he told me. "It happens to us all."

"She's nine and she called me a b.i.t.c.h. Is that normal?" Nathaniel laughed again, and the sound of his voice was like a balm to the rough day I was having. I sighed and rested my head against the seat, hoping beyond hope that the day was on an upward spiral, that things would only get better. "Hey Nathaniel," I said and watched as his eyes flicked up to the mirror and caught mine. "Rhea's at her Dad's tonight, so maybe we could have that talk over dinner?" I watched his gaze darken briefly before he nodded. Whatever it was that he had to tell me was bad. I didn't say another word and neither did he.

When we got to the office, Nathaniel went into bodyguard mode almost instantly, sliding on his shades and plastering a professional frown across his perfect face. That was fine by me considering Brenda was wearing a pink blouse with way too much cleavage, a skirt that threatened to flash me at every turn and a pair of thigh highs with a very visible garter belt. I'd rather Nathaniel blended into the wall instead of getting caught on her radar. If I had to hear the baby talk voice she often used on men, I was going to puke.

"He can't speak," I told my crew as I wove my way through a sea of questions and pointing fingers. "He's a statue for all that you're concerned." I flung open the door to my office and prepared to face Satan. Contrary to popular belief, Satan is a she.

"No, thank you, Ms. Brown," I said as I escorted the world's p.r.i.c.kliest client out of my office and closed the door with an audible sigh of relief. "Demon b.i.t.c.h," I said and noticed that Nathaniel was smiling at me. If the back wall of my office hadn't been made entirely of windows, I might have cleared off my desk and had a repeat session of yesterday's fun. Or at least I could entertain that thought. Truth was, I was a bit of a coward. Nathaniel was probably going to have to make the next move if we wanted to scoot this thing along.

"I should've become a mortician," I told him as I moved around my desk and plopped down in the oversized leather swivel chair that I'd just had to have. In all honesty, it was about as comfortable as a cactus.

"Why's that?" Nathaniel asked with a smile, slipping his gla.s.ses down just enough that I could catch a glimpse of his green eyes.

"Then I wouldn't have had to listen to my clients b.i.t.c.h." Nathaniel opened his mouth as if to speak when my a.s.sistant/apprentice/resident hooker opened the door.

"Good news," Brenda said coming in without knocking. I'd only told her a hundred times, silly me. She flashed a manila envelope at me, and I couldn't help but notice that her b.r.e.a.s.t.s went along for the ride, bulging out of her top like m.u.f.fins. I glanced over at Nathaniel, but he was in bodyguard perfect position and wasn't looking. Or at least I hoped he wasn't.

"What is it?" I asked as I looked at the four digit number next to my inbox and died a little inside. It's going to take all day just to get through these.

"It's from Gary," she chirped and tossed the file dangerously close to my now cold cup of coffee. The liquid jiggled and danced, but didn't manage to go over the edge. Lucky her. "Divorce papers maybe?" she asked with a wiggle of her eyebrows. It took me a whole minute to process.

"Divorce papers?" I whispered as Nathaniel came striding across the room, a perfect column of darkness in his suit. He put his fingers on the envelope and looked at me as if to ask permission. I glanced around him and noticed that Brenda was checking out his a.s.s. I cleared my throat, but that didn't work. Instead she just asked me if I needed any water, all the while scoping out Nathaniel with an unabashed sense of glee. "Thank you, Brenda," I said finally, using my best boss voice. She blinked several times, like she was coming out of a coma or something, and finally disappeared out the door, closing it loudly behind her.

"May I?" Nathaniel asked as he removed his gla.s.ses and stuffed them in the front pocket of his suit. I held out my hand as if to say, Go right ahead. I still had that other creepy package on my mind, the one with the stuffed animals, video games, and books of p.o.r.n. If Nathaniel wanted to check this first, all the better for me. If there were naked pictures of Gary or weird letters or whatever the h.e.l.l else, he could take them for evidence and I wouldn't have to look at them.

I closed my eyes and tried to practice some deep breathing techniques while Nathaniel slid his thumb under the top of the envelope and tore it open.

Several moments of silence pa.s.sed before he spoke.

"Theresa," he said as my eyes snapped open and I looked up at him. His voice told me that I didn't want to know, that Gary had somehow crossed another line. Nathaniel's eyes were on fire, like two round pits of hate, burning like hot oil, shimmering with rage. I had a feeling that had Gary been in the immediate vicinity that he might've been dead. "I need you to look at these, but I want you to remain calm. I'm here now, and he can't hurt you."

"Nathaniel ... "

"I need you to understand that I will not let him hurt you," he repeated as he dropped the packet of files to the desk and reached out, taking my face in his hands. Nathaniel locked eyes with me and would not let me go. "Do you understand?"