Boys: their Work and Influence Part 2

But to turn to a pleasanter subject, the honourable courtship of man and maiden. Certain things should be taken into consideration in making your choice. First, that the object of your choice should be one whom you can thoroughly love and entirely trust. Secondly, that she should be one whom you feel would be a real help in life. Thirdly, that she should be of the same religion as yourself (otherwise difficulties in after life are sure to arise) and a really religious woman. And Fourthly, that she should be not merely, or even necessarily, a bright and pretty companion, but should have such qualities as are necessary for a good wife and mother--one who can manage a home as well as help to pa.s.s an hour or so pleasantly.

Your courtship should be thoroughly open and above-board. The parents consent should first be obtained, and remember that you are bound to respect their wishes. Be careful also that she shall never in any way be compromised by your conduct. I say no more because I have a.s.sumed at the beginning that your courtship is honourable, that you love the girl of your choice, and that as you would shield her from all injury from others, so she will be safe under your protection. Take no ordinary standard as the rule of your courtship, but determine from the very beginning that it shall be so conducted, that when as man and wife you look back upon it, it may be with feelings free from any taint of sorrow or shame; that when you stand before G.o.d to be married it may be as honest man and maiden, seeking for G.o.d's full blessing upon your married life, as it has rested upon your unmarried days. One thing I would say in conclusion, and I mention it last as being the most important, let your choice of a wife be a subject of earnest prayer to G.o.d, and when your choice has been made, and your love pledged one to another, let it be a subject of mutual prayer that each may help the other to live to the glory of G.o.d, in the station of life in which he sees fit to place you.

HUSBANDS.

The headship of a family carries with it heavy responsibilities. We may shrink from them and avoid them, but still they remain. A good husband and a good father makes a happy home and honest children. Drunkenness is too often the destruction of home. If the head of the family can rule himself in this as in other matters then he may reasonably hope for a happy and comfortable home, but if drink is allowed to take the place of wife or children, drink will rule the household and swallow up its peace and prosperity. Nevertheless, drunkenness is not by any means the only fault or indeed the beginning of the break up of a home. It is very often the result of a home made miserable by other and easily avoided faults. Many I suppose start their married life with the full intention of realising their ideas of a happy home. The picture is very pleasant, the reality is too often quite the reverse. Why? Very often because of a want of mutual forbearance. It takes some little time really to know one another, and unless there is a spirit of mutual forbearance the little differences will become great quarrels. The husband is to rule, but he is not to be a tyrant. The wife is not bound to give a blind obedience to all his commands, and the husband is bound to respect his wife's wishes. It ought to be a rule that in matters of importance, where either feels it to be a question of duty, that if they cannot agree neither should endeavour to force the other to act against their conscience.

My first piece of practical advice to husbands would be to have a proper understanding about money matters, and to be liberal therein. Give your wife a regular sum per week, and let it be clearly arranged what expenses she is responsible for.

Secondly, do not have any friends that you cannot or do not care to bring to your home, and let no one come between you and your wife, or draw you away to enjoy yourself apart from her.

Thirdly, do your church-going together as far as you can, and when that is impossible arrange one with the other, so that each may be able to go at some time every Sunday. Above all keep one another up to your regular Communions, for there is little blessing on the married union that is not blessed with a higher communion.

Fourthly. When you have children train them yourself, specially the boys, who will gain far more good from father than from anyone else. It is too much the custom to leave all the religious training to mother or to school. Take your children to Church with you instead of seeing that they are sent. Come is a much better word of instruction than go.

A few words in conclusion as to the general duties of a man, be he married or single. You have no right to shirk your duties as a man to your home, as a Christian to your Church, or as a citizen to your country. The support and training of your family is your first duty, and nothing may rightly come in the way of that, but the fulfilling of that need not prevent your carrying out your other duties. You are a Christian, you receive spiritual benefits from your connection with the Church, you are bound then to make some return. Your prayers, your alms, and your active work, according to your means and opportunities, ought to be available for the work of the Church. There ought not to be any drones in the Church's hive, but each member should bear his share of the burdens, as well as partake of the blessings. There is work for everyone that is ready to help.

You have still your duty to your country. Your own personal influence may not be great, but you are nevertheless bound to use it on the side which you believe to be right. Public opinion is made up by the agreement of many, and the course of the nation is guided eventually by the votes of the people. You have your share in the responsibility of all that is done, and are therefore bound to endeavour to understand the questions of the day, and to act upon the conclusions you may form. No man has a right to shirk any of the responsibilities of his position, and a true man will endeavour to serve G.o.d and his fellow-men to the best of his ability--to do as much good as he can in the little time allotted to him, and to leave the reward of his labours in the hands of Him for whose sake and after whose example he has endeavoured to spend his life.