Irium 49 A Way?

While I had expected he wouldn't tell me his end goal no matter what happens, he replies with that, surprising me.

"My end goal is to die." He answers plainly.

"…"

"After h.e.l.l becomes a paradise that I can live in freely, I would want to die." He continues with a grin, "Leaving this stupid world is my one and only wish after all!"

Is he serious? Is that it? Is that really it? … Why?

"Why you ask?" he again reads my mind and then answers me, "It's simply because I can never find redemption."

"What!?" I don't understand what he is saying anymore, not a single word.

"I did some grave crimes in my life. As I told you, I raised serial killers. Those killers killed many, many people." His grin fades away a little-by-little. "All those hundreds of thousands of deaths, they are all on my hands."

He says with a voice growing unexpectedly sadder, "Now, even if I want to change that, I can't. Even if try to go back in time and change the past, I know I'll fail."

Without any retort to give, I speak whatever comes to mind without thinking about it, "How can you be so sure?"

"Because I have tried, d.a.m.nit!" He yells. "I tried to change it, but it didn't work out. No matter what, the 'me' of the past becomes a murderer and someone who raises serial killers. No matter what I tried, I couldn't stop that from happening."

I … don't know what to say anymore.

"I have gone so far in this irreversible road of madness that I can never even find redemption for my sins." He continues, "If I die, I'll probably be thrown in the deepest pits of h.e.l.l. I am afraid of that happening and I want to change that if I can."

"What the h.e.l.l!?" I yell at him, "Because you can't find redemption, you continue to sin to safeguard yourself at the end?"

He says he can't go back, so he continues to go further into the darkness? That's utterly ridiculous. He says he can't find redemption for all the people he has killed so he is going to kill more of them? And not just people this time, but the entire demon race. Just how twisted is this man?

"Are you telling me there's another way?" he asks with eyes filled with despair.

"O-Of course there is. It's never too late. Never."

"Oh, is that so? Then show me the way, Ms. Roswaisa." He steps a foot forward with calmness written all over his face, a terrifying calmness that is. "Tell me how?"

Tsk! There is a way. There's always a way. That is the teaching of Heaven. That is what I have learned. But … but how?

"That's all?" He asks with his eyes filling with despair again, "Is that idealistic bark all you have got, Ms. Roswaisa?"

"No! I …" I trail off.

"If there is a way, tell me." And he stays firm to his words. "How much should I repent?"

His hands facing me as if asking for an answer, he continues, "How can I atone … for all the evil that I have done?"

His gaze is at the ground, a mix of madness and despair, and some sadness in it too, as he looks at the empty ground.

"Who is it, the person, the one to forgive me … when I forgave none?" His hands shake as he asks me that. And I … am unable to say a thing.

"…" I sat silent.

"…" He stays silent.

"…" I stay silent.

And then he breaks the silence, "You see, Ms. Roswaisa, there really isn't a way. Even an Angel like yourself can't find a way for a horrendous monster like me to find atonement for my sins. I am someone who your G.o.d has abandoned."

G.o.d would never abandon a person! Never!

But, what can I say that will prove this to him? What can I say that wouldn't be marked as 'idealistic nonsense'? What can I say that will actually get through to him?

"I am a horrible person. I am someone who has committed crimes so many that many wouldn't even consider me a human being anymore." He says with the same calmness as before, "I know that all too well. I also know that I don't deserve another chance at life, because of how sick of a person I am."

Is that really true though? Aren't we taught that EVERYONE deserves a second chance at life?

"And so, like the pathetic human I am, afraid to die even knowing that the world would be better without me, I seek to find a way to rest. I seek to find a way not suffer for all that I have done."

That emotion, the emotion of selfishness, didn't G.o.d put that inside us? If so, why can something like that make him a sinner that G.o.d has abandoned?

"Since you can't tell me anything, Ms. Roswaisa, let me tell you." He says as he raises his palm to face me, "Let me tell you about all the sins that I have committed. And then, let's see if all those thoughts of kindness you have in your mind can still remain. Let's see if I don't fall out of your giant sphere of compa.s.sion and love. Let's see if you can still look at me as if I am human."

His hand shivers, and his other hand grabs it.

"After you witness the world I ended up in, let's see if your ideals can still remain as pure and unwavering as they are now."

His hand stops shivering, and his other hand lets go of it.

"This is probably the last time I'll use it, so it is also the best lesson you can get. Look closely, okay?"

He says with a twisted smile.

"This is what I call Absolute Frost Requiem!"

*****