Irium 25 Slap

"Hah!" a sigh comes from Danny as he looks at my downturned face, for the seventeenth time, and says, "Nothing is going to change from you sulking."

Once again in the same day, this man forces me to face reality. Well, even with all the powers of the protagonists I have, I might just need to face it at this point – I'm pretty d.a.m.n weak.

"The only thing you can do now is prepare for next time." He says exasperatedly.

"Next time?" I ask him in a serious voice. (Yes, I am serious. Don't you people dare laugh at this remark.)

"Aknin Vielos had two targets, right? For whatever reason she went without finishing the job, she isn't going to leave it unfinished." He says as he looks at me from above (well, he's standing and I'm sitting 'cuz I'm the G.o.dforsaken protagonist), with a grim look on his face. "She's going to come back … to kill you."

While I do know that he is right about that, I just can't stop feeling depressed. I am the protagonist, after all.

"Hah!" and seeing my reaction (which was basically – no reaction), Danny sighs exasperatedly and then,

SLAP!

Did I … THE PROTAGONIST … just got slapped? And that too, by the guy who remained a comic-relief-character for the majority of the first volume?

SLAP!

Did I … THE PROTAGONIST … just got slapped again? And that too, by the same guy who hit me the first time?

SLAP!

Did I … to h.e.l.l with this stupid monologue! Get on with the d.a.m.n story!

"What was the meaning of that!?" I ask in a bit of anger, and a bit of pain.

"Which one do you want me to tell the meaning of first?" he says like a generic big-bro-type-character with his arms folded and a sports jacket that doesn't serve its purpose and keeps hanging on his back like Superman's cape.

"Uh, go in the chronological order." I peacefully answer.

"Okay." He says while closing his eyes, opening them again (you know, that basic drill the author keeps writing when he has to show a character trying to compose themselves), "The first slap is to make you come out of your soppy mood and start listening to me."

Definitely hitting you back for that someday!

"The second one was for you to realize how weak and vulnerable you are by yourself and how you don't have the time to mope around like this."

Definitely hitting you back for that as well someday!

"The third one was for you realize that you feel pain that comes from it and realize that you are still alive." He says with a smirk, "And since you are alive, you can still do something about the situation, no matter how desperate it seems."

Definitely NOT hitting you back for that someday! Still, mental note: 'Slap Danny twice as soon as a good opportunity presents itself!'

"So?" he says as if to ask what my response is.

"Well, first of all," I present to him the devastating realization I just had 10 seconds ago, "I didn't know you were such a philosophical slapper."

"Is that seriously the most important thing on your mind?" he says with disappointment clear in his voice.

"No, it isn't." I, however, having much more to say, deny him and continue, "But now that you have fast-forwarded through such an important part of my character arc by just slapping me three times, I guess I need to head towards the next part of the arc and do that nicely."

Or how can I someday be proudly slapping Danny back?

"I see. That's good. But," he says with a worried expression, "Are you really alright?"

Seeing the expression of worry that he has over me, I can only say,

"Stop looking at me like a kuudere waifu would. I am having gross thoughts in my mind right now because of that."

"A reference?" he says with a surprised expression, and then smiles, "Well, if you finally made a reference, then I guess slapping worked."

Whatever, Sherlock!

"Well now," I get up from the public bench I have been sitting at and look at him as I say, "What am I supposed to do to 'prepare'?"

Looking at me right now would remind a person of Saitama.

No, I'm haven't gone bald of course. I meant that meme face, d.a.m.nit. What's wrong with you people!?

"Well, there is something that I have in mind." Danny says with a malicious grin.

"Good to know. I would have killed you if you were to give me 'we'll find a way' BS that anime protagonists always spout." I say, quite relieved after hearing his answer.

"Okay, ignoring that,"

Don't you dare ignore my frankly epic dialogues!

"In order for you to prepare for the upcoming disaster,"

This b.a.s.t.a.r.d really is pushing his luck if he thinks he can get away with ignoring my dialogues.

"We'll need for you to meet someone."

Last warning b.a.s.t.a.r.d, get back to commenting on my dialogue and THEN say whatever you have to say,

"And that someone is quite something."

Okay, that's enough! You are going to get it now.

"And by that, I mean someone who is not an Angel or a Demon, but somewhat in between."

Wait! That's an interesting development, right? Let's postpone killing Danny for later.

"And who is this guy we are going to meet?" I ask in a curious tone, and I get my answer in a devious tone,

"Not a guy, a girl."

Of course! The story is written by an otaku.

"Let me give you a hint as to who she is."

He says with a smirk and continues,

"Think of a deity that isn't actually even a deity in any mythology whatsoever. Still, every anime and light novel as well as web novel author puts her in the story as a deity as soon as they get a chance to do so." He smirks at me as if it's a riddle that I would never be able to solve. The thing is, I actually can't think of any answer. The best I can do to not make myself look worse than this guy is throw guesses,

"Dues ex machina?"

"…"

"…"

"Yeah!" He says with a dejected expression.

*****