Benjamin Franklin Part 32

After Thanks to my Correspondent for his Kindness in cutting out Work for me, I must a.s.sure him, that I find it a very difficult Matter to reprove Women separate from the Men; for what Vice is there in which the Men have not as great a Share as the Women? and in some have they not a far greater, as in Drunkenness, Swearing, &c.? And if they have, then it follows, that when a Vice is to be reproved, Men, who are most culpable, deserve the most Reprehension, and certainly therefore, ought to have it. But we will wave this point at present, and proceed to a particular Consideration of what my Correspondent calls _Female Vice_.

As for Idleness, if I should _Quaere_, Where are the greatest Number of its Votaries to be found, with us or the Men? it might I believe be easily and truly answer'd, _With the latter_. For, notwithstanding the Men are commonly complaining how hard they are forc'd to labour, only to maintain their Wives in Pomp and Idleness, yet if you go among the Women, you will learn, that _they have always more Work upon their Hands than they are able to do_, and that _a Woman's Work is never done_, &c.

But however, Suppose we should grant for once, that we are generally more idle than the Men, (without making any Allowance for the _Weakness of the s.e.x_,) I desire to know whose Fault it is? Are not the Men to blame for their Folly in maintaining us in Idleness? Who is there that can be handsomely supported in Affluence, Ease and Pleasure by another, that will chuse rather to earn his Bread by the Sweat of his own Brows?

And if a Man will be so fond and so foolish, as to labour hard himself for a Livelihood, and suffer his Wife in the mean Time to sit in Ease and Idleness, let him not blame her if she does so, for it is in a great Measure his own Fault.

And now for the Ignorance and Folly which he reproaches us with, let us see (if we are Fools and Ignoramus's) whose is the Fault, the Men's or our's. An ingenious Writer, having this Subject in Hand, has the following Words, wherein he lays the Fault wholly on the Men, for not allowing Women the Advantages of Education.

"I have (says he) often thought of it as one of the most barbarous Customs in the World, considering us as a civiliz'd and Christian Country, that we deny the Advantages of Learning to Women. We reproach the s.e.x every Day with Folly and Impertinence, while I am confident, had they the Advantages of Education equal to us, they would be guilty of less than our selves. One would wonder indeed how it should happen that Women are conversible at all, since they are only beholding to natural Parts for all their Knowledge. Their Youth is spent to teach them to st.i.tch and sow, or make Baubles. They are taught to read indeed, and perhaps to write their Names, or so; and that is the Heigth of a Womans Education. And I would but ask any who slight the s.e.x for their Understanding, What is a Man (a Gentleman, I mean) good for that is taught no more? If Knowledge and Understanding had been useless Additions to the s.e.x, G.o.d Almighty would never have given them Capacities, for he made nothing Needless. What has the Woman done to forfeit the Priviledge of being taught? Does she plague us with her Pride and Impertinence? Why did we not let her learn, that she might have had more Wit? Shall we upraid Women with Folly, when 'tis only the Error of this inhumane Custom that hindred them being made wiser."

So much for Female Ignorance and Folly; and now let us a little consider the Pride which my Correspondent thinks is _intolerable_. By this Expression of his, one would think he is some dejected Swain, tyranniz'd over by some cruel haughty Nymph, who (perhaps he thinks) has no more Reason to be proud than himself. _Alas-a-day!_ What shall we say in this Case! Why truly, if Women are proud, it is certainly owing to the Men still; for if they will be such _Simpletons_ as to humble themselves at their Feet, and fill their credulous Ears with extravagant Praises of their Wit, Beauty, and other Accomplishments (perhaps where there are none too,) and when Women are by this Means perswaded that they are Something more than humane, what Wonder is it, if they carry themselves haughtily, and live extravagantly. Notwithstanding, I believe there are more Instances of extravagant Pride to be found among Men than among Women, and this Fault is certainly more hainous in the former than in the latter.

Upon the whole, I conclude, that it will be impossible to lash any Vice, of which the Men, are not equally guilty with the Women, and consequently deserve an equal (if not a greater), Share in the Censure.

However, I exhort both to amend, where both are culpable, otherwise they may expect to be severely handled by

Sir, _Your Humble Servant,_ SILENCE DOGOOD.

N. B. _Mrs._ Dogood _has lately left her Seat in the Country, and come to Boston, where she intends to tarry for the Summer Season, in order to compleat her Observations of the present reigning Vices of the Town._

DOGOOD PAPERS, NO. VII

(From Monday June 18. to Monday June 25. 1722.)

_Give me the Muse, whose generous Force, Impatient of the Reins, Pursues an unattempted Course, Breaks all the Criticks Iron Chains._ WATTS.

_To the Author of the_ New-England Courant.

SIR,

It has been the Complaint of many Ingenious Foreigners, who have travell'd amongst us, _That good Poetry is not to be expected in_ New-England. I am apt to Fancy, the Reason is, not because our Countrymen are altogether void of a Poetical Genius, nor yet because we have not those Advantages of Education which other Countries have, but purely because we do not afford that Praise and Encouragement which is merited, when any thing extraordinary of this Kind is produc'd among us: Upon which Consideration I have determined, when I meet with a Good Piece of _New-England_ Poetry, to give it a suitable Encomium, and thereby endeavour to discover to the World some of its Beautys, in order to encourage the Author to go on, and bless the World with more, and more Excellent Productions.

There has lately appear'd among us a most Excellent Piece of Poetry, ent.i.tuled, _An Elegy upon the much Lamented Death of Mrs._ Mehitebell Kitel, _Wife of Mr._ John Kitel _of_ Salem, _Etc._ It may justly be said in its Praise, without Flattery to the Author, that it is the most _Extraordinary_ Piece that was ever wrote in _New-England_. The Language is so soft and Easy, the Expression so moving and pathetick, but above all, the Verse and Numbers so Charming and Natural, that it is almost beyond Comparison.

The Muse _disdains[F]

Those Links and Chains, Measures and Rules of Vulgar Strains, And o'er the Laws of Harmony a Sovereign Queen she reigns._

[F] Watts. [_Franklin's note._]

I find no English Author, Ancient or Modern, whose Elegies may be compar'd with this, in respect to the Elegance of Stile, or Smoothness of Rhime; and for the affecting Part, I will leave your Readers to judge, if ever they read any Lines, that would sooner make them _draw their Breath_ and Sigh, if not shed Tears, than these following.

_Come let us mourn, for we have lost a Wife, a Daughter, and a Sister, Who has lately taken Flight, and greatly we have mist her._

In another place,

Some little Time _before she yielded up her Breath, She said, I ne'er shall hear one Sermon more on Earth.

She kist her Husband_ some little Time _before she expir'd, Then lean'd her Head the Pillow on, just out of Breath and tir'd._

But the Threefold Appellation in the first Line

--_a Wife, a Daughter, and a Sister_,

must not pa.s.s un.o.bserved. That Line in the celebrated _Watts_,

GUNSTON, _the Just, the Generous, and the Young,_

is nothing Comparable to it. The latter only mentions three Qualifications of _one_ Person who was deceased, which therefore could raise Grief and Compa.s.sion but for _One_. Whereas the former, (_our most excellent Poet_) gives his Reader a Sort of an Idea of the Death of _Three Persons_, viz.

--_a Wife, a Daughter, and a Sister,_

which is _Three Times_ as great a Loss as the Death of _One_, and consequently must raise _Three Times_ as much Grief and Compa.s.sion in the Reader.

I should be very much straitened for Room, if I should attempt to discover even half the Excellencies of this Elegy which are obvious to me. Yet I cannot omit one Observation, which is, that the Author has (to his Honour) invented a new Species of Poetry, which wants a Name, and was never before known. His muse scorns to be confin'd to the old Measures and Limits, or to observe the dull Rules of Criticks;

_Nor_ Rapin _gives her Rules to fly, nor_ Purcell _Notes to Sing._ WATTS.

Now 'tis Pity that such an Excellent Piece should not be dignify'd with a particular Name; and seeing it cannot justly be called, either _Epic_, _Sapphic_, _Lyric_, or _Pindaric_, nor any other Name yet invented, I presume it may, (in Honour and Remembrance of the Dead) be called the KITELIC. Thus much in the Praise of _Kitelic Poetry_.

It is certain, that those Elegies which are of our own Growth, (and our Soil seldom produces any other sort of Poetry) are by far the greatest part, wretchedly Dull and Ridiculous. Now since it is imagin'd by many, that our Poets are honest, well-meaning Fellows, who do their best, and that if they had but some Instructions how to govern Fancy with Judgment, they would make indifferent good Elegies; I shall here subjoin a Receipt for that purpose, which was left me as a Legacy, (among other valuable Rarities) by my Reverend Husband. It is as follows,

A RECEIPT _to make_ a New-England Funeral ELEGY.

For the t.i.tle of your Elegy. _Of these you may have enough ready made to your Hands, but if you should chuse to make it your self, you must be sure not to omit the words_ aetatis Suae, _which will Beautify it exceedingly._

For the Subject of your Elegy. _Take one of your Neighbours who has lately departed this Life; it is no great matter at what Age the Party dy'd, but it will be best if he went away suddenly, being_ Kill'd, Drown'd, _or_ Frose to Death.

_Having chose the Person, take all his Virtues, Excellencies, &c. and if he have not enough, you may borrow some to make up a sufficient Quant.i.ty: To these add his last Words, dying Expressions, &c. if they are to be had; mix all these together, and be sure you strain them well. Then season all with a Handful or two of Melancholly Expressions, such as_, Dreadful, Deadly, cruel cold Death, unhappy Fate, weeping Eyes, &c. _Have mixed all these Ingredients well, put them into the empty Scull of some_ young Harvard; (_but in Case you have ne'er a One at Hand, you may use your own_,) _there let them Ferment for the s.p.a.ce of a Fortnight, and by that Time they will be incorporated into a Body, which take out, and having prepared a sufficient Quant.i.ty of double Rhimes, such as_ Power, Flower; Quiver, Shiver; Grieve us, Leave us; tell you, excel you; Expeditions, Physicians; Fatigue him, Intrigue him; &c. _you must spread all upon Paper, and if you can procure a Sc.r.a.p of Latin to put at the End, it will garnish it mightily, then having affixed your Name at the Bottom, with a_ Mstus Composuit, _you will have an Excellent Elegy._

N. B. _This Receipt will serve when a Female is the Subject of your Elegy, provided you borrow a greater Quant.i.ty of Virtues, Excellencies, &c._

SIR, _Your Servant,_ SILENCE DOGOOD.

_P.S._ I shall make no other Answer to _Hypercarpus's_ Criticism on my last Letter than this, _Mater me genuit, peperit mox filia matrem_.

DOGOOD PAPERS, NO. XII

(From Monday September 3. to Monday September 10. 1722.)

_Quod est in corde sobrii, est in ore ebrii._

_To the Author of the_ New-England Courant.

SIR,

It is no unprofitable tho' unpleasant Pursuit, diligently to inspect and consider the Manners & Conversation of Men, who, insensible of the greatest Enjoyments of humane Life, abandon themselves to Vice from a false Notion of _Pleasure_ and _good Fellowship_. A true and natural Representation of any Enormity, is often the best Argument against it and Means of removing it, when the most severe Reprehensions alone, are found ineffectual.

I would in this Letter improve the little Observation I have made on the Vice of _Drunkeness_, the better to reclaim the _good Fellows_ who usually pay the Devotions of the Evening to _Bacchus_.