Bellevue Bullies: Hooked By Love Part 24

Wrapping his arms around my back, he holds me, kissing my head. He keeps holding on to me for a second, and we just lie there as the sounds of the Zamboni start. Letting out a long breath, I relax against Jace and I can hear his heart, steady and strong. It's obvious what's happening between us, and I know I shouldn't fight it, but it scares me. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to forget my main goal, and I feel that can happen if I give in to these developing feelings.

"I've been in love before, Jace," I whisper then and his arms tighten around me. I really don't know why I said that, but I feel like I owe him a reason for not wanting what he wants. If he had his way, he'd tattoo his name on my neck and keep me as his; I can see it in his eyes. But I remember Caleb looking at me like that too. I remember him telling me we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. But then one day, it was like a switch and he was over me. Things change, people change, and people get hurt in the end. Lived it, almost didn't survive it, and it scares me to try again. I want to say it's just my need to make my dreams come true, but it's more than that. Not only do I want to prove that I am important, that my life is worth living, but I never want to give anyone the chance to hurt me again. Though, I feel like I'm slowly letting that go for Jace, and I feel stupid for that.

Didn't I learn the first time?

As I bite into my lip to keep the tears at bay because I just don't know what to do, he says into my hair, "It didn't end well, I'm guessing?"

"Not even kinda," I say as the tears threaten to fall. "And I can't do all that again."

His heart picks up in cadence in his chest, and my eyes fall shut from the swooshing sound. He says his favorite sound is the sounds of the Zamboni, but if he heard what I did, the strong sounds of his heart beating, he'd choose that as his favorite sound. It's becoming mine.

"I don't know the dude, and I don't ever want to meet him because I might kill him for hurting you. But it isn't fair to a.s.sume that I'll do what he did. I'm not a bad dude. What you see is what you get. I love my family, I love hockey, and I love my friends. I'm loyal as s.h.i.t, and I don't ever want to hurt someone the way my mom and sister got hurt. I get you, and I understand. But why let go of what this is, whatever it is, you know? Give me a chance."

Closing my eyes, I nuzzle my nose into his chest as my heart jumps into my throat. Didn't I say I want to feel alive? I want to live? I know I did, and when I'm with this guy, I feel that way. I've never felt more important than I do under his gaze. Is it what I was looking for? No. I wanted fun and s.e.x. I wanted to get by until my dreams came true, but that might not be the case anymore.

I might want more.

"Fine, how about Javery is just us being us and not labeling anything?" I whisper before looking up at him. He doesn't like it, I can tell. He wants it all, and I really don't know if I can give him that. I'm pretty sure giving him everything would involve me opening up about things I never want to share with anyone. I just don't think I can do that. "I, too, am very loyal and I would never want to hurt anyone I respect. And I respect you, Jace, but I'm not ready to hand you my heart. It's only day one, you know? And we could hate each other come Friday."

That makes him smile as he shakes his head. "We won't."

"Can't promise things like that."

"Yeah, I can. I will." His words vibrate in my soul as he cups my face. "But it's cool. Your version of Javery, I can do that."

Grinning, I inch myself up his body until my chin is touching his. "You know, I'm pretty sure Javery involves lots of s.e.x."

Smiling back at me, he brings his hands to my a.s.s before he squeezes, hard. "Would you believe me if I said, as long as you're smiling like that at me, I don't need s.e.x?"

I shrug, going with aloofness, because I'm two seconds from falling and not worrying about what could happen. I've always been a hopeless romantic, always loved the thought of love at first sight. I blame that trait for the reason I fell so d.a.m.n hard for Caleb, but I said I would never do that again. I promised myself, but I am apparently forgetting that as I stare into his eyes.

But I can't.

I can't make those mistakes again.

Shaking my head, I push my heart back into my chest and smile. "I mean, I could believe it because you're corny as h.e.l.l, but I hope that doesn't mean you don't want me anymore." I straddle him then, my center coming down on a very hard and thick Jace. I lean down on my elbows, and his eyes darken as I whisper, "That could put a damper on our Javery, because I still want you. Bad."

Biting into his lip, he clenches his jaw as his eyes burn into mine. His hands tighten around my waist before he reaches up, throwing my hat off my head and cupping the back of my neck, bringing me down to him. When I'm only a breath away from his lips, he whispers, "Oh, baby, I want you. Trust and believe that."

Oh, be still my heart. But how could I even ask it to when his eyes are trained on mine like that. Like I'm unrivaled to anyone else in the world. Like he only sees me. There aren't enough words in the dictionary for me to explain how that makes me feel.

I nip at his bottom lip. "Then what are you waiting for?"

His lips curve as he moves his nose along mine, his fingers threading in my hair. "Just one thing."

"Yeah?" I say, my breathing picking up as I rub against him, wanting him so badly I can't see straight. Groaning against my lips, he squeezes his arms around me so tightly it's hard to breathe as he holds my gaze.

Licking his lips, he breathes, "For you admit that the song is about me."

Pausing, I let my head fall to the side as his lips turn up. "Why?"

"I just need to know the truth," he says, his lips running along mine.

I take his bottom lip in between my teeth, and he hisses a breath as I sink my teeth into it. I let go of his mouth before running my tongue along his lip, trying to decide how I want to proceed with this. I could drag it out, but why? We both know the truth and I want him. Badly.

"Yeah, it is."

He smiles triumphantly. "Have you ever written about anyone before?"

"Like that? No."

Framing my face, he presses his nose to mine. "And you never will again."

Before I can comment or even think of what to say, his mouth is moving against mine. Soon, nothing else matters but his mouth on mine and being completely consumed by him. I crave him, want him, and nothing can stop what is going to happen.

But as he rolls us over, him on top, his body pressing into mine ever so perfectly, his words ring in my head.

And you never will again.

He said it as a promise.

A promise he believes will never be broken.

And I believe him.

Because I'm pretty sure I'll never feel like this again.

Avery said I might not like her by the end of the week.

But she was dead wrong.

Because it's been two weeks since that moment at the rink, and I'm in deep.

Which I know is insane, especially with how crazy busy I've been. When I'm not with her, I'm at the coffee shop or at practice. My life, which used to revolve only around hockey, now revolves around her. We do everything together. For someone who doesn't want to label anything, she seems to be really into me. I walk her to her cla.s.ses, we have lunch at the quad or the coffee shop, and at night, we are together. And yes, I mean together. Our s.e.x is just as hot as it was the first time, and at times, I can't get enough. I swear, I have had more s.e.x in the last two weeks than I have in my whole life. It's freaking great, really. She's great, and when we aren't together, we are texting constantly. I don't even know how I get through practice or how she practices her music, we are talking so much.

I don't know, it's ridiculous. But all I do know is I wake up in the morning thinking of her, and when I go to bed, I'm still thinking of her. It's scary, like, really scary because, at any moment, she could decide she doesn't want to do this anymore. And then I'll be there, alone. It's kind of pathetic to think about. That I've molded my life around her and her interests from just two weeks of knowing her, but I have. What I used to use as extra ice time, I now use to hang with her or even listen to her sing at the coffee shop.

And man, she's getting so popular on campus. People love her music, and I couldn't be prouder. I'm pretty sure that's the way it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to support her unconditionally and be proud. I mean, Jude supports Claire to the ends of the earth, and Jayden, too. He'd rather Baylor live her dreams than him. Both my sisters-in-law feel the same about my brothers, which is awesome. But I can't forget Avery hasn't been to even one of my practices, and every time I bring up my games, she never says she wants to come.

It's stuff like that that f.u.c.ks with me because I'm in, but I feel like she isn't sometimes. Or maybe I'm just overthinking it. In every other aspect, she's in it to win it; I feel it. But when it comes to supporting me athletically, she's lacking. Then again, she hasn't made it a secret she doesn't care for the sport, and I respect that. But she wouldn't be there for the hockey-she'd be there for me.

I sound like a f.u.c.king girl.

Running my hands down my face, I sit up and stretch my arms over my head. I had to take a nap today. I stayed up late at a gig with Avery downtown-that she did awesome at-and we had an even later night in bed before I had to work this morning at the coffee shop. Then I hit the ice with my team. I'm worn out, so a power nap was needed since tonight the boys and I are hitting the Gilroy for karaoke night.

But, as always, Avery is the first thing I think of.

Reaching for my phone, I send her a quick text.

Me: Just woke up. What are you doing?

Avery: Dying in this music theory cla.s.s. Wish I was with you tho.

Me: Me too.

Avery: Give me about twenty minutes and I could be.

Me: Promise?

Avery: Yeah, I'll come to you. If you aren't busy. Not sure if you're still a one-woman kinda guy or if you're ready for that player game.

I smirk as I lean back against my pillows.

Me: I'm pretty sure I've made it well known that I'm a one-woman guy, but someone is dragging their feet on the commitment. Not naming names. coughAVERYcough.

Avery: Well maybe, coughAVERYcough likes Javery the way it is?

Me: Then don't a.s.sume I want the game when I'm wanting more from you.

Avery: Jesus, that got deep quick.

Me: You started it.

Avery: Touche. Can we pause and carry on when I get there?

Me: Only if you come out with me tonight.

Avery: I already have you penciled in.

Me: Good, you like karaoke?

Avery: Kinda. I mean, I do like to sing a bit.

Me: Yeah, just a little, huh?

Avery: Yeah, and you know I can carry a tune, but can you?

Me: Duh, I'm amazing.

Avery: Of course, you are. You're amazing at life.

Me: Preach it, baby.

Avery: Okay, so...I'll see you soon?

Me: Yeah, I'm counting the seconds.

Avery: ...

Avery: You're corny as h.e.l.l.

Me: But yet, you still swoon over me.

Avery: Every day.

Grinning at that, I click off my messages and check my Facebook.

I want to say I'm cool with Javery, as we've been calling it, but I want more. I want to be able to say she's mine without her giving me that look. That "don't label us" look. I kind of hate that look. A lot. But I can't make her feel what I feel. I can't rush her into this, I know that. But still, I want more. I want all of her, but it's obvious she's holding back. I'm pretty sure it has to do with that douche who hurt her. I get it, heartbreak sucks-I've been witness to it. But I don't know how to be patient.

I've never been one of those guys who sits back and waits. I'm an all-in kind of person; I fight for what I want. Work for it. And I feel like I'm putting in extra hours with this girl and only getting half of her. Sometimes I think, why am I even doing that? I could have anyone I want. Or at least, I think I could, but I'm putting all my eggs in Avery's basket, hoping she'll feel it too.

It feels right, though.

And I can't fight that. I'd be stupid to, but something's got to give.

I've got to know she feels the same.

When my phone rings, I realize I wasn't really looking at Facebook because I don't even answer the phone right away. I'm too consumed by my feelings for her. By my confusion and uncertainty.

s.h.i.t, it's my dad.

"Hey."

"Hey, are you in cla.s.s?"

"No, just woke up. Had to work early."

He pauses. "You're working?"

"Yeah, at the coffee shop."

"Why?" he asks, and I can tell he's confused. "Do you need more money?"

"No," I say quickly. "I'm just bored."

"So focus on hockey. You don't need to work. I'll support you."

"I know, but I need to-"

"You've been talking to your brothers, I'm guessing, and they are the ones pushing this?"

"No," I say even though they kind of are, but I agree with them. I'm not a spoiled brat anymore-I'm a man. Or at least, a man-child who is too insanely spoiled by my mommy. Not that I would ever admit that to anyone else. "I like it."

"You like it?"

"Yeah."

"Your main goal is the NHL. Focus on that. Don't let your brothers outdo you."