Being His: Being His First Part 7

Chapter 10.

The second I got unpacked I called Allison, hoping that now she was back in town we'd finally be able to hang out for a bit. I wanted to sit by the pool with my best friend, catch a tan, and give myself some separation from Chase so I could think about all of the things he'd thrown at me at the cabin. The weekend had been wonderful without a doubt and his words were the ones that most women would love to hear. However, were they really sincere? They seemed to be; however, the fact was that I didn't think I was truly ready for such large steps in my relationship-one that I questioned more every day in the short amount of time I'd been home for summer break. I felt like a tennis ball. One minute I was in Chase's court, ready to go, and the next I was lobbed over the net, connecting with Salvatore. It was maddening!

I pressed number two on the speed dial and the phone only rang one time before I heard the cheery voice of Allison. "Allison, can you come over? I'm dying to see you."

"I'd love to. Boy, do I have some things that I need to discuss with you. You've been busy a very busy girl this summer, Tay."

"Ugh, don't remind me. When can you get here?" I asked.

"About a half hour."

"Great. Wear your suit. Pool, Diet c.o.ke, and some juicy girl talk."

"There's no way I'm turning that down," Allison said. "I'll see you in a bit."

"Okay, just come out back when you get here. The front door will be open." I hung up and made sure the mini fridge by the pool was stocked and then put some snacks out by the pool, before going in to change into my swimsuit.

Thoughts of getting some clarity with Allison were so inviting. We had a whole year of activity to catch up on. Just like with Chase, I'd never managed to get to see her all school year because she went so far away and all my extra time had been devoted to Dad and doing everything I could to make sure his recovery had gone well. Out of all my friends and my social circle, too, I was the only one who'd remained somewhat local when it came to where I received my college education. Really, the hour commute wasn't so different from the type of daily trek that someone who lived in the suburbs would make to work and back home.

"Tay!" Allison screamed, coming out of the kitchen door and into the backyard.

"Hi, it's so great to see you! You look fabulous," I said, jumping up and down and hugging her tightly.

"No, I don't. I've gained a ton of weight this past year. Don't b.u.t.ter me up."

"So what, you still look beautiful. In fact, I think you look better-more womanly."

"You're my best friend. You're supposed to say those things," Allison countered.

"Since when do I say things I don't mean?" I asked.

"Good point. Well thanks, but I am not quite sure how to handle it. It's not very fun getting a new wardrobe because the old one doesn't fit anymore."

"You're crazy," I said.

Allison looked around. "So, where's Sal-va-tore?" she asked, drawing out his name in slow syllables and batting her eyelashes in a flirty gesture.

"School."

"And Chase?" she asked in a considerably less enthusiastic voice.

"Told him it was a girl day."

"He is sure eager to spend a lot of time with you this summer so far, huh?"

"Yes, it's surprising a bit, and kind of flattering, I guess."

"Sure, if you say so," Allison said.

It was no secret to me that Allison was not a fan of Chase's and vice versa. She just didn't trust him and bless her heart, she always did her best to hide that because she knew that I loved him, but sometimes it was challenging for her. Chase, on the other hand, never bothered to do everything he could to keep me away from Allison, but it didn't work. n.o.body, boyfriend or not, could ever do that.

"So, how's the sorority life going?" I asked. Sororities were not my thing and they weren't all that important on my campus, but for Allison they were a big deal, as her ten page letter to me at the beginning of the past year about rush week had indicated.

"It's good. It's certainly not as prim and proper an environment as what you'd guess it to be."

"I definitely believe that. Is that good or bad?" I asked curiously.

"Good, but it's just like a large group of friends going out partying and then trying to act all meaningful about life's issues the next day. Don't get me wrong. I love the volunteer aspects-more than I care for the parties with the same people who end up doing the same things weekend after weekend."

"Sounds like a major time commitment," I said. I couldn't imagine.

"It is. Do you wish you would have pledged a sorority?" Allison asked.

I smiled and shook my head emphatically. "No way. Not my thing. Plus, I don't have the weekends to socialize much. It's either home to help Dad or else catching up on studies and sleep."

"I suppose not having to worry about the dating thing makes that possible. It was hard to find anyone to date, but the sorority helped meet some decent, datable guys. There are so many Greek events."

"But you didn't find anyone that was really special?"

"Nope. I thought one guy was, but I was wrong. He turned out to be fairly sc.u.mmy." Allison shrugged and then breathed in before blurting out what else was on her mind. "Taylor, I wish you'd come to school with me. We'd have such a blast!"

"It looks like I'm in demand that way. Chase asked if I'd reconsider going to Harvard just yesterday and now you want me to go to San Diego."

"He what?"

"He asked me to move out to Boston for college this upcoming year."

Allison set her Diet c.o.ke down and leaned in. "What did you say?"

"I said I had to think about it...that it was a big decision."

"And how did he respond to that?"

"He said he understood. He was actually great about it."

"Tay, I don't mean to sound harsh, but do you think he's that serious?"

I shrugged. It had been the very same question I'd been asking myself. "He sounds like it. It shocked me a bit because with all that separation I started to think that things were maybe changing...that we were growing more distant. Honestly, I have no frame of reference to go off of, only what others have said happened to them when they went to different colleges and attempted the entire long distance relationship thing."

"Well, how do you feel about it...about the idea of taking that big of a leap with him?"

"I'm not sure what to think. How big of a commitment is moving in together?"

"Pretty big," Allison said. "I guess it means that you're serious and considering marriage. Not that I've ever gotten to that point, but it seems like a big deal to me."

"Marriage? I'm definitely not ready for that yet in my life. Too much to do. I'm not even sure..." I stopped my words, not ready to say them out loud.

"Not sure of what?" Allison coaxed. She always knew when I was trying to avoid verbalizing something.

"That Chase is the right one for me. Sometimes it feels so right and then other times I'm filled with doubt."

Allison nodded her head softly, not saying a word. I took her body language as a shout out that said, "Poor Taylor." I couldn't help but notice it.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Nothing," she said.

"Come on? You're holding out on me."

"I don't know if it's good to tell or not. Part of me wants to, but part of me thinks it's none of my business."

"I don't know what you mean," I said.

"I think you do and that's why I hesitate to bring it up. If you don't want to deal with it, is it really good for me to make you?"

Now I was getting annoyed. "Just tell me, Allison. You clearly have something to say and you think I should know what it is. Just tell me."

Allison breathed in, took a sip of Diet c.o.ke, clunked the can on the small table next to her chaise lounge, and began. "I just know that he hasn't been faithful to you. I can't believe you'd settle for that."

"Oh, you mean in high school. I know about that one time and I forgave him. Plus, he wasn't a virgin when we started dating like I was."

"I'm not just talking about that one time. He's always been a player and you've always seemed okay to turn the other way. Sometimes I look at you and I sense you know it, but then you act either like you don't or you don't care. Best friends or not, I'm not sure it's my place to tell you those things."

"When else did he cheat?" I asked, feeling my hands go numb and my heart start to pound. I sensed that just asking the question was a life changing event...you know those feelings you get sometimes, that gut instinct that makes you go into high alert.

"With a few of the cheerleaders in high school and I heard from Pete's friend that he's had a few one nighters this past year."

"What? Even with having a girlfriend?"

"I don't think he exactly discloses that beforehand, you know. I also don't think that all girls care about that type of thing. They're not like you, Taylor."

"I can't believe this! I feel like such an a.s.s," I said with a shaky voice. "Why would he want me around if he's interested in doing that? Wouldn't I be an obstacle?"

"I have no idea," Allison replied. "You're asking the wrong one if you want someone who understands the way Chase thinks and acts."

"Who? Who in high school?" I asked.

"I'm not saying. It wouldn't change anything or do any good for anyone, but particularly you. It's you that I worry about."

I sprung up from the chaise lounge that had felt like a bit of heaven just an hour ago and began to pace around by the pool, feeling the anger well up inside of me, and bombarding my brains with thoughts of what an idiot I'd been. How could I be so clueless? Were people laughing at me? Chase had really played me for the fool I was. I knew Allison wasn't handing me a line of c.r.a.p either. She'd never do that. Chase, on the other hand, clearly had no problems dishing out bologna when it suited his purposes.

"I can't believe that he was upset with me just this morning that I wouldn't spend the day with him!"

"Calm down, Taylor. This isn't going to help the situation, but I'm glad you know; especially if he was trying to get you to move out to Boston and disrupt your entire life for him."

"I'm calling him. I'll be right back," I said, grabbing my cell phone and walking to the other side of the pool.

My fingers were shaking from the adrenaline rush and it took me two attempts to type in the correct code on my phone to unlock it. Then I pressed the number for Chase's cell phone and heard one ring, two rings, and then he picked up on the third one.

"Hey, do you have a minute to talk?" I asked.

"Taylor, what's up?" he replied. He sounded out of breath.

"Where are you?"

"On the golf course."

"The golf course has you winded?"

"It's hot out, Tay."

"It must be hotter at the country club than it is at my house, I guess," I said. I knew it was snippy, but I didn't care at that moment.

"So, what you need?"

"I don't know how to ask this so I am just going to be direct, Chase. Have you slept with other women besides me since we've been dating...not including the one incident that I know about from high school."

"No, never."

"Well, I have some people who say they've seen you do it and know the ones you did it with." Okay, it was a bit of an embellishment, but I had to get him riled up and discover what was going on.

Chase breathed in again, sounding like he was trying to recapture his breath after being punched in the gut. He stuttered briefly, not really talking. If I could have, I would have pounded him on the back to get the words out. Finally he began to spill the beans. "Okay, I did once or twice. It was so stupid and I'm sorry. The frat guys, the pressure, missing you..."

I cut him off because there was no amount of justifying that he could have done to make me feel better at that moment.

"Thanks, that's all I needed."

"Wait! Taylor," he pleaded.

"What?" I asked dryly. "What else could you possibly have to say to me right now?"

"I love you. It's always been you," Chase said. He truly did sound desperate.

Then I heard a voice in the background say, "You love her? Is that your girlfriend? You told me you were single."

"Oh my G.o.d. You're with someone now. I cannot believe this. I can't believe you even dared to ask me to move out to Boston or brought up plans for a future together. I was such a fool, but I'm not going to be anymore. This is over!"

"No, Taylor, it's not what you think..."

I ended the call, not wanting to hear another word and thought I was going to be physically ill for a moment. It must have showed because Allison ran up to me and put her arms around me, saying she was sorry. I broke down and the flood gates opened. I couldn't stop crying once I started.

Allison took me into the kitchen and tried to calm me down, talking sweetly and rubbing my back, but I couldn't stop. Nothing I thought could release the pain I was experiencing at that moment. I was hurt by someone that I loved and I was deceived by my willingness to believe that Chase, no matter what a jerk he was to others, was always good to me. I was different. Well, I wasn't different.

I kept wiping my tears away and they were replaced with new ones. Allison had given up on trying to find the words to comfort me and just remained there, being the great friend she was to me. I understood her reasons for not telling me and couldn't be mad at her. It wasn't her fault that Chase was a lying, cheating louse.

The front door opened and I saw Allison look up as someone walked into the kitchen. Oh no! It was probably Salvatore and now he'd get to see me in a b.l.o.o.d.y mess, having a major meltdown. Not cool.