Baseball Dads: Sex, Drugs, Murder, Children's Baseball Part 60

Russ had often bragged to Dwayne and the others about all of the cash he kept in an unlocked safe in his closet. They never knew whether or not to believe him, though. Dwayne was thrilled to see that he'd been telling the truth.

In a ma.s.sive steel walk-in safe, behind an impressive collection of multicolored d.i.l.d.os, varying sizes of b.u.t.tplugs, a pair of solid gold handcuffs, a mountain of cocaine, a large Tupperware container of weed, and several bottles of pills, stood stack after stack of $100 bills. There had to be $15 million. Maybe more. Dwayne grabbed a couple of Jade's designer suitcases, packed the money in, wiped some of Russ's blood around, and headed to the Audi.

He texted Estelle once he was on his way.

DWAYNE:.

Hi honeybuns.

ESTELLE:.

Hey there, sugarweenie.

DWAYNE:.

Remember when I said to be thinking about what you would take with you if we had to haul a.s.s in a flash, cupcake nipples?

ESTELLE:.

I sure do, babynuts.

DWAYNE:.

Great, I ... Wait. Babynuts? What the f.u.c.k are babynuts? I have normal-sized nuts.

ESTELLE:.

Sorry, sweetie. You have great nuts. I was trying to think of something that sounded s.e.xy and delicious about your b.a.l.l.s. That was more of a reference to them being shaved ... hairless, like a baby's nuts.

DWAYNE:.

Yeah, let's not bring infants into the s.e.x talk, okay, honey? That's just creepy.

ESTELLE:.

Okay, candysack. Anyhow, yes, I remember you telling me to think about what I'd bring with me. Why?

DWAYNE:.

Get it all together. Throw Alex's stuff together, too. We leave in 30 minutes.

The media and fans were still camped out in Dwayne's front yard when he whipped back in to the driveway. He smiled and waved as he maneuvered the car through them, down his driveway, and into his gated backyard again.

Dwayne jumped out of the Audi, clutched the suitcases full of cash, and knocked on the side door of the RV. Uzi popped out and unlocked the luggage compartments beneath the pa.s.senger cabin. Dwayne loaded up the suitcases, and he and Uzi headed inside the house.

For the next several minutes, Dwayne, Estelle, and Uzi loaded the RV with boxes and duffel bags containing only the absolute most important items that Dwayne's family acc.u.mulated over a lifetime. It was mostly photo alb.u.ms, family heirlooms, and clothes.

Shortly after, the gate to the driveway opened, and the black Audi pulled out, stopping in the middle of the crowd. The window rolled halfway down to reveal a smiling Batman. The crowd went crazy.

"You guys remember that little drive I took a few days ago?" Batman yelled from the car, revving his engine.

Everyone screamed and cheered.

"Let's do it again!" he shouted. "Who's coming with me?"

All of the media and fans ran to their vehicles and started their engines. Dwayne's front yard was emptied out in less than a minute.

Dwayne and Estelle watched from their window as Uzi (with a duffel bag full of cash) led more than a hundred cars down the road, out of the neighborhood, and onto the freeway. They ran upstairs and grabbed Alex, who'd fallen asleep watching SportsCenter in his bed, and made their way to the RV.

Dwayne, Estelle, and Alex pulled out of the driveway completely undetected in the dark of night, leaving the west side of Fort Worth in their rearview mirror.

"This is Gretchen Lopez with a Breaking News flash here on GNN, the Global News Network.

"Dwayne Devero, the everyman hero seen in recent days leading the Dallas and Fort Worth police departments on a high-speed chase while wearing a Batman costume and cursing about the many shortcomings of Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, the same Dwayne Devero who was then seen coaching his little league baseball team into the history books, is missing and presumed dead, along with his wife, Estelle, and their son, rising baseball sensation Alex Devero."

Dwayne rustled from his sleep as Estelle nudged him. She was pointing at the large HD flat screen that hung in the ma.s.sive mobile bedroom suite. Dwayne looked and listened intently.

"It appears as though the death toll now sits at thirteen, and is likely to reach sixteen if the fate of Devero and his family turns out as feared. That number includes the other three coaches from Devero's little league baseball team and the head umpire of the league, whose bodies were discovered early this morning beaten, shot, and hacked up in the trunk of the local pastor's new Mercedes. Also among the list of the dead in this murder spree is an as-of-yet unidentified elderly woman whose remains were found in a burned out van several days ago, which is believed to be linked to the case, as well as several prominent local citizens that had great impact on the local economy, and one Walmart employee who had zero impact on the economy ... or life in general. Police are still searching for Chewie, a young orangutan last seen with Devero and his friends. We'll take you now to Todd Beenis, who's live on the scene with the Fort Worth Police Department."

Estelle nibbled on Dwayne's ear, then put her index finger on his chin. She slid her finger down his neck, dragged it softly down his chest, under the covers, and inside his underwear. "Just so you know, my smoldering-hot s.e.x machine," she whispered, "the door is locked, and I'm reeeally h.o.r.n.y."

G.o.d, he loved her.

She climbed on top of him and rode him like an arcade motorcycle game, biting his lip, trying in vain to keep her moans inaudible so as not to alert Alex to the debauchery occurring at the rear of the RV.

"Thanks, Gretchen! Todd Beenis here. I'm live in Fort Worth, Texas, with Fort Worth Police Detective Rick Loffland. Detective, walk us through what's going on here."

"Hi, Todd p.e.n.i.s, well, here's what's-"

"Beenis."

"What?"

"Beenis, not p.e.n.i.s."

"Beenis?"

"Beenis."

"Are you f.u.c.king kidding me?"

"No, sir. And we're live."

"f.u.c.king Beenis?"

"Beenis."

"What the f.u.c.k kind of name is Beenis?"

"It's Lithuanian. And we're live."

"Like it f.u.c.king matters, bro. Anyhow, any second now, you'll be seeing Pastor Jim Harper from the Westside Church of Jesus being led to the courthouse to be arraigned on sixteen counts of murder and one count of animal abduction. A blood-soaked baseball bat and four bodies were found in his vehicle early this morning after police received an anonymous tip. That tip also led us to Jenny Field, a local little league baseball complex, where crime scene investigators are in the process of exhuming several bodies that Pastor Jim Harper is alleged to have killed. We're not sure exactly what his motivation was in any of the killings, except with the Walmart guy, where we're pretty sure the motive was customer service. We've been unable to locate the bodies of Dwayne Devero and his family, but I can tell you that blood was found near an emptied out safe at his office. We fear the worst. He was a good dude."

Detective Loffland took off his hat, showing respect for his fallen friend. He hung his head and closed his eyes.

Estelle and Dwayne stopped in the middle of their booty session and turned to watch the television. They couldn't believe what they were witnessing on the screen. Pastor Jim was being led to a waiting police cruiser in handcuffs, screaming at the police.

Dwayne grinned and rolled Estelle over, climbing on top of her.

"I love you, Sugart.i.tties," Dwayne said.

"I love you too, Honeyb.a.l.l.s," Estelle replied.

Just then, there was a knock on the bedroom door.

"Mom? Dad? Where am I? Or ... where are we?" Alex called from the other room.