Baseball Dads: Sex, Drugs, Murder, Children's Baseball Part 59

Dwayne proceeded to tell Uzi about his plan for the next few days. Uzi listened intently and agreed to his role.

Dwayne and Uzi shook hands, and Dwayne went inside his house. Alex was watching ESPN with the babysitter in the living room. He was deeply proud of his son. He knew that the young Jedi in training was going to be fine with the changes that were coming.

"Pssssst!" Estelle called out from behind him. She stood in the doorway to their bedroom, wearing nothing but a Catwoman mask and a sinister grin.

Dwayne had forgiven Estelle before he'd ever even seen the pictures of her having wild orgy s.e.x with people he thought were his friends. The pictures were from another life as far as he was concerned. It was a nonissue for the two of them. But a reckoning of sorts was coming for his so-called friends.

With or without clothes, Estelle still gave him b.u.t.terflies every time he saw her. She was the love of his life. He knew that would never change, especially now that they had a baby Jedi on the way.

Dwayne glanced down at his watch. It was 7:03. f.u.c.k it, he thought.

He had plenty of time.

The ballpark was pitch black when the guys pulled into the vacant parking lot. Beer cans and Batman masks littered the ground as far as the eye could see. The a.s.sistant coaches and Dave parked next to Dwayne's black Audi. They peered inside. It was empty.

"Come on in, boys!" a voice called out from inside Jenny Field. "The Temple of the Baseball G.o.ds awaits you!"

The guys all looked around. They could barely see a thing. Russ pulled his c.o.ke contraption from his pocket and snorted, then cracked a beer and lit a cigarette.

"I had no idea that my nipples were such an erogenous zone," Russ said as he tried to focus in the darkness. "But Jesus ... if they weren't just two b.l.o.o.d.y little nubs right now, I'd be rubbing the s.h.i.t out of them."

"I hear ya, bro!" Tommy laughed. "I have honey solidifying in my crack right now. I swear, every time I take a step, I rip a handful of a.s.s hair out! But it feels so good, bro! So good!"

"Don't get me started, guys!" Steve joined in awkwardly. "I mean ... Judith kept trying to spell words that she knew weren't really words in Scrabble, and then she would steal a handful of my letter tiles and hide them in the fold of her stomach by her belly b.u.t.ton, while we're both sitting there totally naked, and it was just like ... so s.e.xy! I mean, seriously! It was getting crazy at my place!"

"That's f.u.c.king toxic, bro," Russ said as he winced. "The thought of your wife naked makes me want to stick a hot bayonet in my eyes, then cut my d.i.c.k off."

Steve looked at Tommy for support. Tommy just shook his head.

Dave sparked up a joint and pa.s.sed it to Steve in sympathy.

"Meet me at the pitcher's mound!" the impatient voice yelled again. "Stop f.u.c.king around!"

The four of them made their way inside. The wind had picked up, and the sound of blowing trash added an eerie East European feeling to things. Russ fidgeted with the gate on the chain link fence until it gave way, and the members of the Jedi Alliance walked toward the mound.

"Where you at, Big D?" Tommy shouted. His question echoed throughout the ballpark. "This s.h.i.t is freaky, man!"

There was no response.

The men could see nothing in the imposing darkness. The wind was howling, blowing dirt from the baselines into their eyes. They stood at the pitcher's mound, confused and unsettled.

And still there was silence.

"Real funny, Dwayne!" Russ piped up. "Let's get rolling, bro! We've got reservations!"

A shadowy figure carrying a baseball bat emerged from behind home plate and began to walk briskly toward the guys at the pitcher's mound. The dim moonlight bounced off the jet-black costume. The long dark cape blew out several feet to the side in the gusts.

"Dwayne?" Tommy asked, half scared and half joking. "Is that you, bro?"

Dwayne approached the pitcher's mound slowly and then stopped between Russ and Tommy, pulling two envelopes from inside his costume. He handed one to each of them. "I come bearing gifts," Dwayne he said in a gruff, ominous tone.

"Thanks, man! You scared the s.h.i.t outta me for a second there." Russ ripped open his envelope. "I didn't know we were exchanging gifts! I didn't ... I ... oh, f.u.c.k."

Russ never had another thought flow through his mind. Dwayne put all of his batting knowledge into play on that first lightning-quick swing. He stepped forward and drove the bat with his hips on a level plane, swinging mightily, hitting Russ squarely on the tip of his nose, pushing it into his skull. The others could literally feel the sound of the crunch. A ma.s.sive spray of blood shot from Russ's face and onto Steve's as Russ staggered backward before his knees collapsed. That one swing had caved his entire face in, shattering every bone above his neck.

The men stood silently, listening to the blood spurt from Russ's head as he twitched and convulsed on the ground. Tommy raised his eyes to Dwayne. "Jesus, Dwayne," Tommy pleaded. "Come on, man ... You know I'd never ... I mean, you know, things were different then! Come on, man! Please! I ..."

Tommy stopped midsentence, turned, and took off running for the gate. Dwayne angled himself sideways, reared back the baseball bat, and hurled it at Tommy as he ran. The bat looked like a medieval axe thrown in battle, turning end over end as it flew threw the air, seeking out its target. It found it perfectly.

The bat struck Tommy directly in the temple, just as he had turned to glance back and see if Dwayne had given chase. Tommy fell to the ground and rolled. He was unable to pull himself to his feet before Dwayne reached him.

"Stand up and accept your fate like a man," Dwayne growled. "I'll give you a chance to die with honor."

Tommy remained on his knees, pleading with Dwayne to spare him. Dwayne wasn't going to ask twice. He walked around behind Tommy and delivered his second brilliant swing of the evening. He swung the bat so hard that the top of Tommy's head actually came off, landing deep in the outfield. His body remained upright for a few moments, with his brain partially exposed, and then finally fell forward with blood pouring out like a teapot.

Steve bent over and threw up.

"Holy s.h.i.t, Dwayne!" Dave chuckled. "That was awesome!"

Dwayne's chest was heaving in and out. The mask covered most of his face, but you couldn't mistake the raw and visceral anger in his eyes. He walked briskly over to Russ's collapsed body. "What's that, you motherf.u.c.ker?" Dwayne was fierce. "Do you really think you can f.u.c.k over the world with your bulls.h.i.t hedge fund operation, then come to my house and f.u.c.k my wife? You hairy little piece of s.h.i.t!"

He raised the bat up over his head, then swung it down with full force into the cavity that once was Russ's face. He repeated the action, until everything that once existed above Russ's neckline was obliterated into tiny chunks of blood, bone, and brain matter.

The mask of the Batman costume dripped red in the moonlight, as Dwayne then turned to Tommy's body again. He proceeded to destroy Tommy's face even worse than he'd done to Russ. "G.o.ddammit, Tommy!" Dwayne growled, bringing the bat down time and time again. "I thought you were different, you superficial f.u.c.k!"

Dwayne paused, and then staggered around the infield for several minutes as Steve and Dave the umpire looked on in disbelief. He was snarling incoherently, gripping the blood-soaked bat tightly, leaving a crimson trail everywhere he paced.

He finally walked over to home plate and ripped his mask off, then stared up at the sky angrily while shaking his bat.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN DESTROY ME?!" he screamed until veins on his forehead popped out. "I'M A MOTHERf.u.c.kING SABERTOOTH CAPED CRUSADER JEDI GRANDMASTER NINJA WARRIOR MOTHERf.u.c.kER, YOU SON OF A b.i.t.c.h!"

Just then, as if right on cue, all of the lights on the baseball field lit up. Dwayne's scream toward the skies didn't even have a chance to echo. His eyes went wide. He looked all around. Everything seemed to be spinning. The green of the gra.s.s was almost electric, offset only by the brightness of the blood that flowed from Russ and Tommy and was splashed all over Steve's face. It had all been so dark just seconds before.

BANG! The door to the refreshment stand was suddenly kicked open. From deep in the shadows, the figure of Detective Loffland emerged.

The detective began clapping slowly as he walked along the fence line to the gate, and made his way out onto the field.

"Well done, Dwayne," he said. "Well done."

Dwayne was panicking inside. His heart raced wildly, nearly beating out of his chest. He was still breathing heavily. He was drenched in blood and holding a murder weapon. He wanted to run.

He had a baby on the way ... and what would Alex think?

Suddenly, calmness overtook him. He took a deep breath, and then slowly exhaled. Something inside told him that this wasn't the end for him. He was a dark knight. He was a Jedi. He was still in control.

"That was quite a performance there, Dwayne," Detective Loffland said. "I was wondering how long it would take before you took a bat to Russ's skull. I have to admit that I was a little bit surprised to see you take out Tommy, though. And with such savagery! d.a.m.n! I kept thinking that Steve would be next ... but maybe you're not done, huh? Did I interrupt?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Steve jumped in. "I've always been a faithful friend to Dwayne. Don't lump me in with those guys."

"It's true," Dwayne added. "Steve has always been a-wait, how in the h.e.l.l did you know it was me, Detective? How did you know to come here?"

"The NSA, Homeland Security, the Patriot Act. You pick," Detective Loffland smirked. "I've been reading your texts from the beginning. You guys f.u.c.king party, bro. No doubt about it. You see ... at first I was just reading Dave's texts, because he's been dealing drugs forever, and he's such a blistering dumba.s.s. Then I was tipped off about Russ's ma.s.sive cocaine intake, so I started reading his texts too. And then, BOOM. You guys start killing people left and right, and I'm reading the whole thing as it's happening. It was pretty sweet. The thing is, though ... these guys were all major a.s.sholes. Most of them had screwed over the police department at one point or another. I never felt the need to tell anyone what I knew. I know it sounds strange coming from a guy in a police uniform, but I didn't give a s.h.i.t. It was vigilante justice. I wanted to see how far you'd take it. And holy f.u.c.k, you didn't disappoint."

Dwayne looked over at Russ's dead body and yelled. "I told you, dumba.s.s! Stop texting!"

"He's done texting now, Dwayne," the detective pointed out. "But back to your buddy Steve here. Do you ever get the feeling he'll have a hard time keeping his mouth shut about all of this? I mean, you're onto something huge here, man! Think of the good that you could do if you never got caught!"

Dwayne paused and c.o.c.ked his head sideways. He had no idea where the detective was going with things.

"Have you really thought this through, Big D?" Loffland continued. "I mean, what's your next move here, chief?"

"Well, I have to admit," Dwayne said. "You showing up here makes me a tad unsure of my future, but I do have a plan."

"Let's hear it."

"Okay, well, I was going to bash in Russ and Tommy's skulls and bury the bodies where they'd never be found, then load up Estelle and Alex into an RV I just bought, and disappear forever. I faked a break-in at my office earlier today and stole all of the cash from my safe. I left some of my own blood on the wall to make it look like I was killed in the robbery. Also, I know that Russ has a few million bucks stashed in a safe in his closet, so I figured I'd text his wife to get her out of the house in a few minutes. Then, I'd wipe some of his blood around his closet, take his loot, and haul a.s.s with a sizable fortune. With all of the people that have gone missing recently, I figured no one would ever find out."

"Wow," Detective Loffland nodded. "That's not bad. Let me ask you, all those people that went missing-where are they? Are they really buried here like the texts implied?"

"Yup. Under every base. Except Pete Rearden. I ground him up and spread him around. It turns out that pieces of s.h.i.t in the hands of a lawn artist really can make a ballpark look better. You can't tell me this place doesn't look amazing."

Detective Loffland chuckled and nodded.

"But seriously, Dwayne. What the f.u.c.k happened inside your head?" the detective asked. "You went completely primal in a way I've never seen."

Dwayne gathered his thoughts for a moment.

"In the words of the great H. L. Mencken, sir, 'Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.' Well, I was tempted, and I acted on it. These were awful people, Detective. They pushed people around. They destroyed their lives to make themselves feel better. No one was ever going to stop them. And baseball, man ... the things they were doing to the game I loved, it just wasn't fair. Someone had to bring some balance to the universe ... some justice."

"You decided to spit on your hands and start slitting throats."

"Yes. Well, kind of. I preferred a bat."

The detective spun around and looked over at Steve and Dave the umpire again. They were dumbfounded. He scratched his head before turning to address Dwayne again.

"I like you, Dwayne," the detective said sternly to Dwayne. "I'm normally not too big on serial killers, but you're a pretty good motherf.u.c.ker, bro. I like the way you take out the trash. We could do big things together. We just need to tie up a couple of loose ends first."

"Like what?" Dwayne asked.

Detective Loffland whipped around, pulled his .40 caliber police-issue pistol from his holster, and put a bullet between Steve's eyebrows. Steve flew backwards, his feet flipping over his head, doing a complete reverse somersault. He was killed instantly.

"That was awesome!" Dave yelled. "I had no idea that people could do so many cool things when they died! I mean, s.h.i.t, the top of Tommy's head-it went all the way to right field like a d.a.m.n Frisbee! And that was totally sweet, but it wasn't near as cool as Ricky Dale! Man, you guys shoulda seen that one! And Steve! Oh, man, Steve just did a backflip! At least tell me to get my camera out next time so I can record this s.h.i.t!"

"Get your camera out, Dave," Detective Loffland smiled.

"Nice! Thank you!" Dave the umpire said with joy before watching Detective Loffland's gun raise toward him. "Aw, man-"

The detective put three bullets in the middle of Dave's chest. Dave stumbled backward a few feet but remained upright. He had a confused look on his face.

"This sucks, bro," Dave muttered. "Everyone else got to do cool s.h.i.t before they died. I just-"

"Give it a second, Dave," the detective interrupted. "Your body is too stupid to realize it's been shot. It'll figure it out in a second."

"Whatever, man," Dave shrugged.

He frowned at Detective Loffland, then fell forward, landing flat on his face.

"There we go," the detective continued. "Okay, so, the loose ends are now tied up."

The detective reached into his pocket and handed Dwayne a cell phone.

"Here," he said. "Take this. Keep it with you always. If I ever need you to help me hoist that black flag, I'll call you. And you'd better answer."

"Are you sure?" Dwayne asked, completely in awe of the detective.

"Yes. I like your style, man. I can't lie. Your methods may be unorthodox, to say the least, but you get results. And at the end of the day, I'm in the results business. So go text Jade, go get that money, and get the f.u.c.k out of town. I'll take care of the bodies. And watch the news. I've got a pretty good way to bring some closure for the community. It's G.o.dd.a.m.n hilarious. I think you'll appreciate it."

Dwayne extended his hand to the detective. He enjoyed their handshakes. He appreciated shaking hands with a good guy who didn't take s.h.i.t from anyone. He had a feeling he'd see the detective again some day.

As Dwayne turned to walk toward his vehicle after pulling Russ's cell phone from his pocket and soaking some blood up into his shirt, the detective called out to him.

"Dwayne. One last thing. Get a new costume, okay? You're not Batman. You're not a Jedi. You're something bigger ... something real. The people need someone like you, whether they know it or not. I look forward to seeing what you've come up with when we meet again."

Dwayne nodded and grinned.

"Yes, sir."