Bad Habits Part 80

"I'm better," she nodded. And then he stepped toward her. She looked up at him. He smiled down at her. "Mathew, there is so much I want to say. So much I need to say."

He touched her face, as if he wanted to be sure she was there. His fingers on her cheek sent such a coolness through her that made her eyes flutter and close. "I was scared, Kim. When I thought I could lose you, I was so scared."

"I'm sorry I put you through the overdose, the lies, all of it. I'm so, so, so very sorry for all of it."

"Just tell me that you're better," he said. Kim heard the pain in his voice. She finally met his gaze. He was so close that even in the darkness she could see her reflection in his eyes. She could see herself the way he saw her long before she paid any mind to Dr. Mathew Donnelly.

"Yes, I'm okay. But it doesn't change what I did. How I let my boys down, you, myself."

"Dennis?" he asked.

Kim smiled. "And Dennis. But he's not a factor, Mathew. I love my husband. But my husband is dead. I know it, and I accept it. What we had is ours. What you and I share, Mathew, it's different. I was screwed up, but I'm in therapy, and I know what I want."

"Tell me."

"I want you," she said with a determined set to her jaw. "Not as a friend, not just my savior. I want more. I want a do over. I want to take advantage of the blessings I have, my family and you. I know you don't believe me but it's true."

"I love you," he said to her.

Kim's heart ripped. She choked on her emotion. This time, nothing would hold her back from saying the same. She swallowed and smiled. "I love you so much. I truly do."

He caught the corner of her bottom lip with his teeth with a soft nip, then a tug, followed by sucking before he drew her lips into his mouth. His tongue stroked across her mouth with sensuous instruction that enticed her lips to part. One hand circled her neck to bring her face forward, and her head went back as she allowed the kiss.

In a swirl of pa.s.sion, she fell under his spell. The kiss deepened. It lengthened. And his hands sought her hips, bringing her fully up against him. In doing so, all doubt that this man would not return her love was forgotten. He was hers again, and she would never take him for granted.

Then the kiss ended.

She stood there with her hands to his arms, staring up at him and waiting for air to return to her lungs. The silence between them was fraught with s.e.xual tension. Lifting his free hand, he allowed a finger to trace the line of her cheek to the point of her chin. She was pushed into him instead of away. His hand to her hip pinned her there. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s were crushed against the solid wall of his chest. And so was his desire. She felt the swollen thrust of his erection against her pelvis.

"I want to stay the night, and then-"Mathew began.

"I want that too." Kim swallowed. She put her hand to his shoulder and rubbed down his arm. "Me too. I want the same."

Before another word pa.s.sed between them, she retreated. Taking his hand, she led him through the shadows of her home to the guest room deep inside. Closing the door, she could barely look back at him. There were other things to say. His job for one and his reputation and career was on the line. He couldn't possibly have absolved her of that guilt. Plus, what could come next between them? She was unemployed, an addict with a missing sister, drunk mother and a gangster father. Oh and two little boys he would have to help raise. Would he want all of that? Could she ask any man to take on all of that?

"Kim?" He stepped behind her.

"The time to turn back is now, Mathew. If I let you into my heart and then you decide that you can't stay, I don't know what that will do to me."

He folded his arms around her. He kissed the back of her head and held her to him. "Let me in and I'll never go away."

She turned into his arms, seeking his mouth, devouring him with her own kiss. He chuckled. His hands pulled up her t-shirt and removed it from over her head. He deepened the kiss. His hand moved up her spine into the tangled glory of her thick hair. The feel of his fingers ma.s.saging her scalp as she drank and tasted his lips overwhelmed her. Several steps back had her stopping at the foot of her bed. He used the other free hand to undo the back straps to her bra. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s dropped and they felt so very heavy with need. Mathew lifted her with one arm and she hooked her legs around his waist to anchor her p.u.s.s.y against him and soothe some of the internal ache. He immediately drew a nipple into his mouth. His tongue felt like silk heat as it rolled over. He sucked hard and then soft, and then hard again. Kim worked her hips ever so slightly to rub her p.u.s.s.y against his lower abdomen, cinching her legs tighter around his waist to hold on.

If he didn't take her soon, she'd come on her own. When he lowered her to the bed, she expelled a deep grateful sigh of relief. He let go of her nipple to pull his shirt over his head. Tossing it to the side, he eyed her b.r.e.a.s.t.s with such raw l.u.s.t and hunger that she shivered and watched as he hurried through unbuckling his belt. Kim followed his lead and shed her shorts. Soon, they both were on the bed, naked, ready.

Kim parted her legs immediately, reaching between them to stroke his length. His chest rumbled with a deep groan, as his dreamy half-moon eyes lowered even more. When he entered her, she swore she felt the earth quake.

"Kim? Kim? Wake up."

Kim rolled to her back on the sofa wanting more penetration, more of him.

"Kim?"

"Huh?" she winced. The right side of her neck was tensely knotted and sore. She touched the ache, then blinked awake. Simone's face hovered over hers. Kim sat up. Her v.a.g.i.n.a throbbed with phantom pangs as if Mathew remained buried in deep. She shook her head to try to beat back the flood of heat and moisture from a reunion that never happened.

It never happened?

"Kitt? Where were you?" she said, turning on the sofa and rubbing her eyes.

"Shh. Don't wake Mama." Simone looked back over her shoulder to the sofa chair where Diane slept in a slouched position. "Did you call the police on me?"

Kim looked to the gift in the middle of the floor. It was a dream? Mathew hadn't come. d.a.m.n it, why did she have to dream it that way. She wanted to cry.

"Kim?"

"Huh, no, yeah, I mean you had us worried sick Kitt."

Simone stood there, smiling. "That's my fault. I have news, girl. Good news. And I want you to meet someone."

Kim frowned. She looked past her sister and a handsome man stepped into view. Simone rose, reaching she extended her hand to the other. "Kim, this is Cain. The man I love and the father of my child. Isn't that great?"

Kim felt a surge of loss again. She looked to the gift and remembered the dream kiss and sweet promises of forgiveness from Mathew. "Yeah. That's great," she said with a deep sigh. "Nice to meet you, Cain."

Chapter Thirty-Six.

Reunited Kim/Mathew "Nice to meet you, Kim." Cain gave a slight bow of his head. Even in the dark, Kim noticed the stark contrast of his jet-black hair and thick brow's over the bluest eyes she'd ever seen. They were as clear as rainwater. A sleepy pair ringed with dark thick lashes. Her sister had taken a leap with her heart with this one. He was tall, handsome, quietly imposing and definitely from money by the looks and smell of him.

Awake and aware of how close she came to bless in her make-up dream staring Mathew, Kim covered her fl.u.s.tered state. She gave a pleasant smile. Cain was white. Opposites attract. She could relate.

Diane stirred.

Her mother slept on the sofa chair in the living room. She blinked awake.

Slow to rise, Diane's hands gripped the edge of the sofa chair for balance. She sat upright jn the darkness and she strained to see her daughters clearly. Then her eyes narrowed on her youngest. "Kitt? That you?"

"Hi, Ma."

"Don't 'hi, Ma', me!" Diane snapped. Her voice cracked under the stress of a fitful sleep. "What time is it? Did you just get in?" she sensed the presence behind her. Diane's head turned, her eyes went up seeking the face of the stranger. She frowned and narrowed her eyes on Cain. "Who are you?"

"Mama, this is Cain, my friend."

"Friend? Friend!" Diane laughed. She shook her head. "Don't you mean baby daddy?"

"Alright, Ma," Kim warned.

"I know who he is. I want to talk to you. Now!" Diane rose.

"Ma, wait." Kim threw up her hand. "Let's not do it now. Cain just met us. We don't want to scare him off."

Diane did pause. She sat forward in the tense silence, gathering her mental strength. "How about I make some breakfast? Coffee? The boys will be up soon so I have to any way. We can sit down and meet with Cain."

"Meet with him? For what? You done flipped like her." Diane turned back on her youngest daughter. "How you gone disappear for a whole day and not call us? Have you lost what's left of your head, girl? d.a.m.n it, Kitt, I was scared. So was Kim. You ran out of here without a word."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." Simone started to explain.

"Don't matter what you meant! I'm telling you like it is. Ain't no telling what your sorry a.s.s daddy out there doing right now to find you!" Diane shouted "She's not fifteen, Diane," Kim groaned.

"So? So, I'm not supposed to care? She not supposed to give us the decency of a phone call? I thought I was the selfish one in here," Diane said.

"You are," Kim mumbled. She closed her eyes to the slip. "I'm sorry, Ma, but please, shut up, okay?"

"It's not okay. She chasing that man while she married to that evil b.a.s.t.a.r.d, who by the way is chasing her a.s.s. Somebody need to get their priorities straight."

Kim looked to Cain, who she'd only just learned of. He was kind of shy in the midst of Diane's ranting, or was there more? He kept watching Simone. Kim had to shake her head at the turn of their lives. Here they were in crisis and both madly in love with men that neither could have envisioned. Life was funny. Diane got up. She glared at Cain and then Simone. Diane threw her hands up in the air, then stormed off.

"Cain, I'm sorry. Maybe you should go before the sun comes up. I have to deal with my mother. it's just not a good time."

"Don't apologize. I understand." He kissed Simone's forehead. "Kim, it was really nice to meet you. I've been wanting to meet Simone's family."

Kim rose. She wiped her hand on her shirt and then shook Cain's. "Congratulations on being a father." She smiled. "Simone told us the news. My sister is going to make such a good mommy."

Cain looked to Simone with love. "Yes, I agree, she will." Cain took Simone's hand and squeezed it and kissed her knuckles. "I'm a lucky man."

"I'll walk you out," Simone grinned. She nearly floated to the door, leading him away. Kim worked the crook in her neck and groaned while watching them go. It was early, too early for drama, but it was unavoidable. Her eyes again went to the box. She would have to move it out of the living room or else go mad. Before breakfast, she needed to calm Diane. She found her mother pacing the floor of her bedroom. The boys were in their own beds, not in hers like in her dream.

"Can you believe her a.s.s?" Diane snapped. "I was sick with worry. Sick, you hear me? Wanted a drink so bad I was going nuts. And she out with that white boy."

"Alright, Ma, calm down."

"She has too much to lose. That attorney told her to keep a low profile. And she go and bring him here. What if Mr. Rapist is watching the house? Y'all ain't think of that, huh? And Charles? He ain't answering my calls after he left. He up to no good. I feel it-sneaky b.a.s.t.a.r.d." Diane stopped. She dropped both hands to her hips. "Wait a second. What's with the two of you and these white boys? Black men ain't good enough for you now? Are they in season or something?"

Kim laughed. There was no silencing her mother. She relied on her old methods and just tuned her out. Turning, she headed for her closet. She flipped the light-switch. Stretching her fingers to reach the top shelf, she brought down her luggage.

"What you doing?" Diane asked.

"Packing."

"For what? We got time before we go to the Hamptons. Charles will be back soon," Diane said.

"You know where I'm going," Kim answered. "We talked about this. Kitt's safe. Things are settling down. We'll be okay, I got to get to Charleston."

"Oh no you ain't!" Diane grabbed Kim's arm. "You ain't ready to be going nowhere by yourself. And you knows it!"

"Ma, let me go! Stop this. Anne's coming with me and the boys," Kim said.

"Anne? What she gone do? She stayed in here and you was using. It's her fault too," Diane said.

"Let go of my arm!" Kim yanked to be free.

"I will not! I'll shake you silly until you stop thinking like some lovesick junkie, and take some responsibility."

Kim s.n.a.t.c.hed free.

"That's enough! I'm not you, okay! You let Daddy walk all over your pride and buried yourself in booze. That's you! You left your little girls hungry on most nights trying to fend for themselves while you lay in your own vomit and p.i.s.s. YOU! Not me! In my worst moments, I have never been YOU!"

Diane's mouth fell open. Her eyes glistened with tears that were slow to fall. She clenched her fist, shaking all over. The explosion to come was sure to be nuclear.

"I'm sorry, Ma. I didn't mean it."

Simone came in, closing the door behind her. "Would you two stop it? I can hear you from outside. What's all the yelling over?"

"Me, it's always about me, and how much your sister hates me," Diane said softly.

Kim reached for her mother, but Diane moved away. She had tried hard to make peace with the past. She really did try. But her father's reappearance, the nasty family secrets surfacing, and that d.a.m.n train-set shipped to her door from a man who wasn't supposed to care, was making her insane. She couldn't hold it any longer.

"I don't blame you. I had a good mother. So I know what you both were denied. I have to live with that." Diane said.

"Mama, I'm sorry. You just push too hard. I didn't mean it, okay?" Kim threw her hands up.

"Yes you did. I was a terrible mother and a terrible wife. You can't say that I didn't try though, but I was terrible at it."

"Everybody just take a breath. Seriously, things are getting better. Why are we back to fighting again?" Simone asked.

Kim walked over to her mother, and despite her protest, hugged her and pressed her to her heart until they both could breathe again. "I love you. I know you love us. I'm just trying here to put my life together. Help me, Okay?"

Diane shrugged her off. "I should go."

Kim sat on the bed with a deep sigh.

"Ma! No!" Simone turned on Kim. "Do something! Don't let her go!"

"I can't deal with her," Kim sighed.

"You have no choice. We stand together, remember? Even if it's hard. The problem with you and Mama is that neither of you can deal. Well grow the h.e.l.l up, the both of you. Oh d.a.m.n it!" Simone left, calling after their mother. Kim closed her eyes and waited for that nagging feeling to drown her pain, to ease. She could do with an escape. The dream had her on edge. Her mother had her on edge. Life had her on edge. She needed something to calm her. Without looking, she felt the trembles in her hands return. Kim closed them into fists and fought the urge to cry. She was stronger than this. Maybe her mother was right. Maybe she needed to work on her and only her first. Not her heart. d.a.m.n it, why did things have to be so hard?

Her phone rang over near the nightstand. She figured it to be her father and almost didn't answer. But she did. "h.e.l.lo?"

"Kimberly Jensen?"

"Yes?"

"This is Heath Anders. I'm sorry to call so early."