Bad Habits Part 63

"Here? He's going to trial here?" Kim asked.

"No, he's back in Carolina. That's where the hearing will be."

Kim pushed up from the chair and she leaned over on the table with her palms flat. She leaned in so close that her face was just inches from Murphy's. Both women tensed. She smirked. She wanted them off guard and fearful. "I want you to re-write the board and put in another recommendation. Make it one that is reflective of the good service he gave Mercy before things went wrong. And do you know why?"

Dr. Murphy blinked up at her. A slow smile slipped over her lips, and then she released an amused laugh. "Is she serious?" she asked Director Randall. Her eyes returned to Kim. "Yes, Kim, please tell me why your delusions make you think I would."

"Because I know that Patel has walked out free and clear, thanks to you. I also got the proof of what he did to me and other nurses, nicely filed away at my house."

"You go public and Mercy will press charges against you, young lady. You do so and it will be your own funeral," Randall warned.

Kim smiled. Her face lit up. "Oh I'm not going public. I'm going to the board and calling for your termination. And I've got a list nurses that will join the crusade. I'm going after you and only you, Murphy."

"Mrs. Jensen-" Director Randall began.

"Not talking to you!" Kim snapped. She glared at Murphy. "I made a mistake, and it endangered my life and the life of patients. What you did by firing me was right. What you did by putting me here instead of jail was probably the only act of kindness you've ever shown in your miserable life. You're a bureaucrat so I'm going to talk in the only language you speak. Dr. Donnelly is a good man, a good doctor. His only crime was helping me. It will cost the hospital nothing to release him and not persecute him. My only request is that you be decent for once and help him."

Murphy frowned through her forced silence. She looked over to the H.R. Director then to Kim. "Fine, not sure if it matters, but I'll send the letter."

"And I want a copy of it."

Murphy smirked. "Shall I mail it to you here?"

"You have my home address." Kim pushed back from the table and looked down at the doc.u.ment once more before she turned and walked away. Stopping just short of the door, she gave the ladies a parting glance over her shoulder. "You know there is something that I've learned here. My weakness can't overcome my strength. We aren't so different, doctors. Let's hope the floor never drops out from under you. Who knows which way you'd choose."

Kim left without a response. She didn't need it. Halfway down the hall, she breathed in the pine and bleach again. She felt cleansed. And she wondered again, where was Mathew?

Mathew caught a glimpse of Marlene in the window. He walked out of the woods around noon with the sun on his back and his shotgun on his shoulder. He could've taken down six deer, even a boar. But he never pulled the trigger, not after Jefferson delivered that envelope. He pretended it didn't matter. And there was his sister. Watching him from the kitchen window, her soft green eyes were shadowed with worry. He stayed at the house with her instead of the empty cabin a mile up the road. Now he wondered if it best that he move on.

"Want some lemonade?" she called out the window, her brown hair blowing to her face.

He gave her a small smile. "That'll be nice." He unloaded his shotgun and set it aside on the porch. Jamie and Clara would be after it as soon as they got off the school bus. He sat on the porch swing welcoming the shade. The screen door flung open noisily. Marlene brought him a tall gla.s.s of lemonade packed with fresh lemon slices and ice. "Thanks, sis."

"Didn't get any dinner, huh?" she asked.

"I'll go back out this evening. I saw a boar."

"Never mind it. I'm making my broccoli ca.s.serole. We got enough meat, Mathew," she chuckled.

"Guess I should take up fishing huh?"

"Yeah, Chip would like that. He's been talking about your boat." She cast him a sideways look, checking for a change in his expression.

Mathew removed his cap and dropped it on his knee. The breeze cooled the sweat from his brow. They sat on their mama's porch and rocked. Marlene was the closest to him in age. They both were the nurturers of the lot. With a mother that was single and struggling, they kept the others in line. Most said they should have been twins.

"You met someone in New York City," she stated rather than asked.

Mathew sipped the lemonade and didn't answer. Kim was off limits. He thought of her every day and every night. He thought of the boys too and wondered if they were okay. Those thoughts were his. He'd keep them there until he could permanently file them away.

"What's her name?"

"Don't know what you're talking about, Marlene," he answered.

She reached in the front of her ap.r.o.n and revealed the letter that Jefferson tried to hand off to him. "I'm talking about you giving up. Coming home to roll over and play dead. Think I don't see it? This the second letter to come. And you ain't answering your phone or even trying to open your mail."

"I came home because this is where I belong."

"True. Very true, Matt." She reached and touched the back of his neck, rubbing the fine hairs on his nape. "Worried about you in that dreadful city alone is all. After everything you been through, I thought it a good change. But look at ya. Something wrong, I can feel it. What's her name?"

Mathew gave a snort of disgust. "Got to be a woman, huh? That's the first conclusion you can draw? I got mixed up with another woman?"

Marlene smiled. "You love the ladies."

He drank down the last of the lemonade, pa.s.sed her the gla.s.s and took the letter instead. Peeling it open, he removed the letter he knew was on the way. The hearing was scheduled. He was under review. He should retain counsel. They will decide on his ethics. So it was an ethics review? Perfect.

"There, I read it."

"What's her name, Mathew?" Marlene ignored his performance, rocking the porch swing.

"Kim. Her name is Kim. She's blac-African American, a widow, two kids and a nurse. She likes the rain, but I never knew why. And it's over," he said in one long stream.

Marlene laughed. "There! You feel better?"

"She was someone I knew for a short time. Like I said, it's over."

"Don't look 'over' to me."

"Trust me. It's over. Not good with the ladies, no matter how much I think I am."

Marlene smiled, curious. "A widow, a single mother, kids, hmm? Now that sounds familiar." She looked over to her brother. "You cared a lot for her?"

Mathew didn't answer. Care wasn't quite the word he'd use. Love was more like it even though he conceded that he truly had no understanding of what that word meant and considering he always fell for those that didn't love him back.

"I don't know what happened, Matt. How badly you were hurt this time. But I know my brother. You give a lot of yourself, and that's okay. It's what makes you a good doctor. You'll get it right, if you don't give up. Again, that's up to you, Matt." Her planting her feet firm to the ground stopped the sway of the swing. He could feel her eyes on him, the intense scrutiny of her stare. "Is being a doctor still important? Being you, is it still important? Or do you plan to just wander the woods and bring me every critter you can find to cook up for ya?"

He chuckled.

"I f.u.c.ked up, Marlene. Might lose my license and hurt the woman I love by playing hero, again."

"Love?"

"I guess I do. Yes. I love her. Not saying she feels the same. That's my problem, not hers. In the end, it was my feelings that got in the way of sound judgment. I don't know who I am anymore."

"Stop that! You are Emma Jean's boy. Dr. Mathew Donnelly. You're the best part of Mama and Papa. It ain't because of your medical degree. No sir. It's because of your heart. I can't say I'm surprised that you fell down in that city. You left here running. What do you expect? You're home now. No more running. Time for you to believe in yourself again. And forgive yourself. Okay?"

He reached over and took her hand. It was soft. Her nails were brittle from domestic work, and her fingers calloused from the labor she did as a young girl so he could make it through medical school. He kissed her hand and put it to his heart. The closest he had to a mother now was Marlene. "I love you."

She chuckled. "So she's African American, eh?"

He smiled. "Yeah."

"Wow, Matt. You never stop surprising me." They kept rocking on the swing as they did as kids, in silence. Then and there he decided to deal with it. He was a doctor. He loved helping people, and he was good at it. He wouldn't give up without a fight."

"Kim, do you have something to share?"

Kim glanced away from the window. Her group had an even dozen. There was Mike, a recovering crack-cocaine addict who was forced there by the courts. And there was Elizabeth, Marla and Carrie who all were repeat offenders of their addiction. Between the three of them, they'd spent at total of 400 days in recovery for crystal meth. These ladies were from what they constantly reminded everyone of: 'good families'. Among this mismatched crew there were pill poppers like her, five of them to be exact. Also there were a couple of alcoholics, and two people with heroine addictions. If a s.e.x addict had walked in the door, they'd have all bases covered. The group counselor was a recovering alcoholic, so he really prized himself on his understanding. The one thing the dirty dozen could agree upon was that no one's addiction or reasons for addiction were truly the same.

"Kim?"

"I have a week left. And then I'm out on my own."

"You'll f.u.c.k it up," Mike snorted.

"Oh blow it out your crusty a.s.s!" Carrie snapped. "Let her talk, crack head!"

"See!" Mike jumped to his feet with an angry finger leveled at Sherry. "See that there. All of you think you better than me cause I do crack. This is bulls.h.i.t! Meth ain't no different than crack, sweetheart. Don't make you any better than me!"

"Trust me. I could snort dog s.h.i.t and be better than you!" Carrie chuckled.

Mike glared.

"Sit down," the counselor said dryly. "This is Kim's turn to share. We'll get to you."

Mike sat down, rubbing his hands over his thighs, continuing to glare at Carrie.

"Go on, Kim," the counselor said.

Kim cleared her throat. "I'm reflecting on all the mistakes I made before I came here. I have a lot to make up for out there."

"How do you think you'll cope with the pressure now? Before when things got rough you had the pills. What now?" Arlene asked.

"Not sure." Kim smiled "Truthfully, I'm scared out of my mind. Today I found out I'm unemployed. I still have my husband's wrongful death suit lingering over my head and two babies. I'm not sure how I can manage it all."

"It'll get worse," Della warned. "Trust me on that. It'll get much worse."

"Oh would you guys give it a rest. She's a nurse. She knows her body better than us." A lady named Mary smiled at her. She was one of the reoccurring heroin addicts. "Oxy ain't no different than heroine, which means you going to have that itch every time you fail, every time it gets hard, every time you have a small gla.s.s of wine or a smoke of a cigarette."

"Or a c.o.ke!" Someone in the group shouted. "Watch out for c.o.ke. Drink Pepsi. Trust me on this!"

Mary ignored the comment and continued as if no one had spoken. "Failing is okay, Kim. It's what you do about it and how you deal with it that counts."

Kim nodded. "There's one thing. A man."

Everyone looked to her. Now, even Mike was paying attention. She flashed a weary smile. She never spoke of Dennis or Mathew, just her job and the boys. But if this was it, then she had to. "Two men actually, my dead husband and a friend who I hurt really bad."

"Go on," the counselor encouraged.

"This morning I had a dream. Been having it since I came in. It was about a conversation I had with my husband before he died, while I was pregnant." Kim blew out a deep breath. "I know he's disappointed in me for losing my way. But I know he believes me in too, just like this man I hurt. I know the world keeps spinning and people keep living with or without me in it. I know that for me to join it, I've got to let Dennis go and forgive myself. But I got to tell Mathew the truth."

"What truth?" Sherry asked.

"Wait, who the f.u.c.k are Dennis and Mathew? Which one we talking about here?" Mike spat.

"For Christ's sake, shut your hole!" Carrie groaned.

Kim went on. "I got to let Mathew know that what I did, it had nothing to do with him. That my sickness is mine, and it's not his fault. He's out there blaming himself and I just can't live with that. I love him, but I know that it's too late for that. Our love was during my addiction, so he won't trust it. He doesn't really know the sober me. And the sober me loves him too. I just want to make amends and set things right in the universe again so I can start over for me, and my children."

Mary clapped. Everyone looked to her as if she were crazy. She didn't stop. She kept clapping until the others slowly joined in. They all did. The group counselor gave Kim a smile, and she realized she did it. She had her first breakthrough.

"It's a tough road, Kim, but you'll do it." Mary smiled. "I'm sure."

Kim walked out of group with the others. Her eyes immediately trained on the phone. She was given her card to make calls just a few hours ago because they weren't allowed cell phones. She vowed not to, but missing her boys had become too much. Before she even knew it, the phone was in her hands and she was dialing.

"h.e.l.lo?"

"Kitt, it's me."

"Kim! Kim! Oh G.o.d! Kim!"

"Hey, how's everybody?"

"Girl, I'm so glad to hear your voice. Mama! Kimmy's on the phone."

Kim could hear one of her son's singing in the background, sounded close to Dora the Explorer. The sound of his voice warmed her all over. "How are my babies?"

"Hold on," Simone said. She called to Denny and told him to come to the phone.

"Mommie," Denny said.

"Hi, baby!" Kim covered her mouth. Her eyes welled with tears. "How are you?"

"Dora!" Denny exclaimed.

"Oh? That's so good, baby."

She heard him cry out and a tussle with the phone. The fight ended with Denny crying. "Hi, Mommie!" said Danny.

"Hi, my sweet boy! Hi sweetie. Oh, G.o.d, I miss you so much. You being a good boy?"

"No."

"No?" she laughed through her tears.