Bad Habits Part 50

He went to the bathroom, looking around. He paced the bathroom floor. He opened the door to the cabinet and knocked around the bottle of shampoos and perfumes. Nothing. He stormed into the room, throwing open the closets, checking shoe boxes. He checked pockets of her clothes.

"Where the h.e.l.l is it?"

She yawned and closed her eyes.

"d.a.m.n it, Kim!"

He went to the drawers and started opening them. Nothing. He couldn't find anything. In a state of panic he went back to the bed and grabbed her, shaking her. She was lethargic, she gave him a lopsided grin and then rolled out of his hold, snuggling the pillows. The knocking at the front door is what kept him from shaking her awake. He found his jeans and put them on. He walked out of the room confused by the late night or early morning visit. But not when he opened the door.

Kim's mother glared at him. "Where she at?"

Mathew didn't have a chance to explain. Diane stormed in past him. "Junkie a.s.s! I told ya'll she was getting high!" Diane wagged her finger in his face. "n.o.body wanted to believe me! Now you see! Now you see!"

"Wait!" Mathew said going after her.

Diane charged into the room. "Look at ya! Get your a.s.s up!"

He found her yelling at a sleeping Kim. He walked over and gently took hold of her elbow. "Diane, it's Diane, right?"

The shorter woman that had a striking resemblance to Kim cut him a glare.

"I'm Mathew." He touched his chest.

"I know who you is!"

"The boys are sleep. Can we talk? Please. Simone said you could help. Let's talk."

Diane glared back at the bed. She threw her hands up and walked out of the room. Mathew closed Kim's door. His mind was reeling. It was as if his entire world had been flipped on end. He found her mother pacing. "Your daughter called you?"

"Kitt told me that you was here taking care of her. Why ain't she in one of them d.a.m.n places everyone trying to shove me into?"

"Can you please sit, please?"

Diane huffed over to a chair and plopped down.

Mathew blew out a deep breath. She used again under his watch. He'd never forgive himself for that. But now he had to face a hard truth. He couldn't help her. Not really. She needed a place equipped for what she was going through. All he was doing was causing her harm.

"h.e.l.lo? Answer me!" Diane demanded.

"It's complicated."

"No s.h.i.t," Diane snorted.

"Can I ask how long you've known?" Mathew said.

"A junkie knows a junkie," Diane shrugged.

"So she's been doing this a long time?"

"I dunno." Diane looked away, her eyes glistening with tears. "She hates me. I'm her mama and she hates me. I thought it was 'cause I was hurting myself. But it wasn't. It's 'cause she sees the truth when she sees me. My baby." Diane put her hand to her eyes. "She's addicted, just like me." She covered her eyes with her right arm and sobbed openly.

Mathew wiped his hand down his face. "I'm trying to help her."

"You?" she lowered her hands.

"I care for her," he said.

"Well then you definitely won't help her. She'll use your feelings against you. She'll do whatever it takes to get the next high. My baby don't love no one right now, not even herself. So you can't help her. She got to go to one of them places. They can help her. Not you!"

Mathew nodded.

"She dry now? Or high now?"

"High," he admitted.

"If she gets really clean then she can focus on recovery. Right now she'll do and say anything to hide her addiction from everyone, including herself."

"She won't go, to a facility that is. There's a risk about her job and the boys."

"She ain't got no f.u.c.king choice!" Diane hollered back.

Mathew shook his head. He leaned forward putting his face in his hands. He made a promise to her. Maybe he should treat her like a patient and prescribe the methadone? Maybe they could still save her and not put her through the inquiry she'd suffer if she was admitted. "I can help her. I'm a doctor."

"f.u.c.k you." Diane stood. "How you helping? Watching her throw up? Kissing away her tears? Telling her it gone get better. That's bulls.h.i.t. Monkey s.h.i.t! She don't need that kind of help. She got to go to a facility. Tonight. End of story, homeboy. So just get with it." Diane paced away. "When was the last time she used? How long ago?"

"I don't know. She was withdrawing when I fell asleep and when I woke, she had it somewhere hidden."

Diane looked to the bedroom. "Did you do a search?"

"I just did. I don't know this house. Where she would put it."

"And you was helping? Give me a f.u.c.king break!" Diane threw her hands up. "Where was the last place you saw her use? That you think she used?"

"Bathroom."

Diane marched down the hall. He followed. Kim was where they left her, sleep. He saw Diane go into the cabinets. "I already checked and nothing's in there."

Diane stood with the perfume box. She opened it and dropped the bottle into the sink. Mathew frowned. He stepped into the bathroom. "She hid it?"

"I can tell you some places where I hid my booze that would turn your hair grey."

"Wait." He picked up the bottle. "s.h.i.t! She took these?"

"I guess," Diane shrugged.

"It's two years old. f.u.c.k!" he raced out of the bathroom. "Kim! C'mon, darlin' wake up!" he lifted her. Kim's head fell over, her eyes rolled into her head. "Call an ambulance, Diane. Now!"

"What's wrong? She OD?"

"CALL AN AMBULANCE! NOW!"

"Oh lord! Oh lord! My baby!" Diane screeched, fighting Mathew for control over her. Mathew had to turn her over. He reached for the phone, dialing as Diane clutched Kim to her chest. Mathew called the paramedics. Diane shook Kim, trying to wake her. He could hear one or both of the boys crying in the other room. He feared that they both would come running in. He gave the address to her house and hung up. Just as he stepped out the bedroom, he saw Danny running down the hall in his nightshirt and pull-up, yelling for his mother. Diane's screams were so loud, the boy stopped, confused.

"Come here."

Danny went to Mathew who scooped him up into his arms. He carried him back to his room. The panic, had become a pretzel knot of anxiety, centered in his chest. There was an old playpen in the corner. He set a crying Danny inside and lifted Denny from his bed and put him inside as well. That way he knew they were out of the way.

Madness.

He hurried back into the bedroom. The paramedics were on the way. Diane wept with Kim in her arms. He couldn't tell if she was awake or breathing. He literally had to pry Diane off of her. Kim fell over, unconscious. He lifted her and took her into the bathroom, again to the shower, pouring water over them both. She coughed and gagged. "Wake up! Kim, come on, darlin'. Wake up! Open your eyes."

"Nooo," she moaned. Diane was at the door crying, at least this time silently, watching. He stuck his fingers down her throat, forcing her gag reflexes and then took her to the toilet to expel it. She didn't cough up much. He couldn't tell how long the pills were in her system and how bad things were. He felt so f.u.c.king useless.

"Somebody's at the door," Diane wailed.

"It's the paramedics. Let them in. Then find Anne's number. Tell her to meet us at Mercy. Diane, I need you to help! Do you understand?"

"Yes. Yes." She rushed out.

Mathew broke. Kim's pulse rate was so faint. "Please, Kim. Hold on...please." His fear over what she'd done on his watch had left him shaking all over. He lifted her out of the shower and carried her into the living room.

"What did she take?" the paramedic asked.

"Vicodin. She's been under for half an hour, maybe."

"How many?" the paramedic asked as he put her on the stretcher. "I'm not sure." All of his training went right out the window. "I don't know."

"We got it."

"Take her to Mercy. I'll be there."

He watched them roll her out. Diane came over to him. "I want you to go with her. I'm right behind you. Did you tell Anne to meet us at the hospital?'

"Yeah, yeah. Is she going to be okay? Kitt? Who gone call Kitt?"

"Go, Diane. Go with her now."

He went to the room where both boys were screaming. Both were awake and looked at him terrified. He did his best to dress and calm them. He kept thinking of Kim and her dying in another room and his not knowing. How could he have not known? He kept thinking of his arrogance in believing he could help her and believing her lies that it wasn't a serious addiction, enabling her. He was just as responsible, d.a.m.n it. If she didn't recover, neither would he.

Madness.

He loaded the children into his truck. The car seats were already inside from their trip to the store earlier. The drive to the hospital was the worse. The boys whimpered, confused. He called in to who he knew was in emergency and told them Kim was coming in. He found out who the attendee was, preparing for the worst, because they were there. They were at the very worst.

"Hold on darlin'. Just hold on."

"Doctor, a word," Murphy said as he shed his wet shirt and put on a scrub. He wouldn't have bothered, but he had to secure the boys and Diane with Anne first. He left them in his office. Kim was here getting her stomach pumped, but he knew it would be far worse. He needed to consult. "What is it?"

"You're suspended, remember?"

"What?" he turned around with a confused glare. He remembered the fight with Patel and his subsequent dismissal. It was to be a cooling off period. Murphy insisted. But he didn't sign on for a suspension.

"I hear Nurse Kim Jensen is here because of an overdose." Murphy crossed her arms, her left brow arched over her square rimmed frames.

"I don't have time for this s.h.i.t." He clipped his badge on to his lab coat and went to the door.

"I'm afraid you do. I have questions for you."

"Step back," Mathew demanded.

Murphy glared at him. "You either come with me and answer some questions or I call the police and share the wild story that Patel was yelling about nurse Kim being on drugs and you being her supplier."

Mathew sighed, "She needs me."

"Dr. Johansen has her. She's in capable hands. Now shall we?"

Kim blinked awake, thanks to the raw burning sensation coating her throat. Her fingers twitched as her eyelids fluttered under the glare of the fluorescent lamp above her head. Disoriented, she counted the places that hurt: her throat, lungs, chest, and mostly her stomach.

"I'm sorry for the pain, but you understand why I didn't have them prescribe you anything."

She heard his voice but didn't see him. She couldn't move. Her eyes did. They dropped to her left. He sat there, his face red and etched with pain. He looked as if he had aged. She looked around the hospital and realized where she was.

"You overdosed," Mathew said.

"No," she croaked. Her hand went to her eyes, covering them. "Oh G.o.d, what did I do?"

"You took a handful of Vicodin that were two years old. You took as many as you could while your children slept down the hall and I lay in the bed next to you."

Kim closed her eyes to the truth. Tears slipped out of the corners, running back over her temples. "My babies. G.o.d will never forgive me."

"Yes. Your babies. You think of them? You think of anything, Kim?" Mathew asked.

"I'm sick."

"No argument there, sweetheart," he sighed sadly.

She lowered her hand and looked over at him. "Mathew, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I can't stop. I got problems, okay? I'm sick." She burst into tears. "I understand that now. I'll go to a rehab or whatever, baby. I'm so sorry. I'll do whatever it takes."

Mathew rose. He picked up his keys from the side table near the bed. "Your mother's here, Anne's here, and I spoke to your sister. They'll be in to see to you."

"Mathew, did you hear me? I know I got a problem. I almost killed myself. I'm so sorry, but I need you. Please, baby, don't go."

He went to the door and stopped. "I told Murphy you will go into EAP. If you want to avoid jail, you keep your promise with rehab. As for your nursing license, there's not much I can do. You'll figure it out."

"I'll figure it out? Where are you going? Where?"