Bad Habits Part 41

"Don't even think about it," she laughed. She rubbed his back and stroked his a.s.s. It was good. She couldn't put into words how he made her feel.

His head lifted. "Now we can sleep."

"Ooookay," she agreed, blinking at him. "You have to get up though."

"No way. Big Daddy Cain is in here to stay."

She laughed out loud. "We have to talk about that name you gave yourself!"

He bit her cheek and laughed too.

Simone rarely woke with a smile since her arrival in Castle Rock. That morning she woke with a grin to her face and laughter in her heart. He flipped her over to her back and kissed the sleep from her sticky lashes. She turned her face away to avoid greeting him with morning breath. In doing so, her eyes blinked her awake. Awake, she got a flash of the morning rays bleeding in through the part in the curtains. Her heart stopped. It was morning, already? She shot up, knocking him off her, moving her long tangles from her face, her head turning left to right. Cain just fell over to his side. He lay next to her with his face propped by his hand and his elbow sinking into his pillow. Those jeweled eyes of his sparkled, revealing his naughty thoughts. Thoughts she couldn't entertain. They'd slept through the morning.

"Cain?"

He ran his finger down the inside length of her arm. "You're even beautiful in the morning."

"Cain? What time is it?" She looked over to the nightstand and saw the red digital numbers. It was 10:28.

"Oh s.h.i.t, why didn't you wake me?" she asked, throwing back the sheet. He gave her a one-shoulder shrug as if it didn't matter. Was he crazy? Keith was one thing but he had a wife at home too. Oh G.o.d, what were they thinking? That was the problem, they weren't thinking.

Simone leapt from the bed. She dragged the paisley patterned comforter to cover her nudity. In the daylight she was modest. Suddenly, she couldn't escape her conscience. Suddenly she had a conscience!

She'd made love to him so many times last night that the mere act of standing left her knees buckling. And her v.a.g.i.n.a pulsed when his sheet lowered and unveiled his semi-erect p.e.n.i.s. She turned, looking for her phone. It was sitting up in her purse, waiting, blinking purple, which indicated she had messages. She hesitated, and then dug it out. It was no surprise that he had called, but 30 times?

"Oh brother."

"Simone."

"No! Don't say it. You and I have to get dressed. Get dressed, now," Simone said.

He sat up, biting back what he initially wanted to say and she feared that most of all. There was no excuse, no rationalizing it. "Did you call your wife?" Simone asked.

"Don't worry about Maryanne. I'm worried about you. Are you okay?" Cain replied.

"Am I okay? You're kidding, right? I have to go home."

"You want to go back to him? After everything?" Cain frowned.

"What do you mean I want to go back to him? What choice do I have? I told you he's got everything, even my family under his control."

"We both have choices. Hard choices, but we have them. Last night, it was about choices. Today we have to make them."

"Last night. It was...it was-"

"Don't say it," Cain frowned.

"So you want to be with him?" he asked his voice tight, and jaw tense.

"Of course not. My marriage is over. But it can't end with me in bed with you. It was over before we did this," Simone reasoned.

"Exactly, so don't ever call this a mistake!"

"Is that what you will tell your wife? You made a choice! A bad choice?" she shouted back.

They both paused. Cain dropped his face in his hand with his elbow resting on his raised knee. "All I know is that I've needed this. I wanted you."

"Well, everything we want we can't have. Trust me. I know," she mumbled wrapping the blanket tight around her. Cain shook his head, looking away. Simone felt like an even bigger a.s.s for fighting with him. He was the last person she wanted to argue with. She looked away from him as well. Her eyes going over their cast aside clothes and underwear. Every inch of the room was covered with them and scenes of their lovemaking. All of it was done without protection. Not once did she even stop to consider what that meant. Lowering to the chair near the air-conditioning unit, she dropped her head. Even now, she'd rather crawl over to the bed and climb back in with him to pretend the world didn't exist. And she could. He wanted her. He made her feel safe.

Keith would do everything to destroy her and he'd go through her family to achieve it.

She heard Cain rise.

Simone couldn't help but notice his melting hard-on and that body of his that she had grown so fond of. She rose slowly, and then tried to walk around him, but he took hold of her shoulders. "I know the consequences of what we did, of what I've done. I wasn't drunk or temporarily insane or just h.o.r.n.y. I wanted you. I still do."

"It doesn't matter," Simone said.

"I've been in tight jams before. Most of my life I've had to find my way out of something. This is what I can help you with."

"How?" Simone asked.

"I don't know how yet, but-"

"You can't."

"You don't know what I can do, Simone."

"I know what you have at stake. Before last night, were you going to leave Maryanne? Were you going to abandon the deal with Andrew Hollingsworth to keep your mother out of prison? Before last night were you ready to throw it all in to be with me?"

He hesitated.

"Exactly, that's why this isn't going to work. Walking away from your marriage is a big step, and it's your step. I can't do this. I won't take that burden on."

"Staying married to someone you don't love is cowardice," he countered. "Simone, last night wasn't a mistake. It was a beginning. And contrary to what you think, you are a factor now. That burden is on us both."

"Vows Cain! We took them. We trashed them together. That makes us worse than our spouses. We did this on purpose."

"And I'm not sorry," he said softly.

"I can't promise you anything. You can't promise me anything!" She tried to step away but he continued to hold her shoulders.

"Look at me. Look at me!" Cain demanded.

She did.

"Tell me you don't feel it too. Tell me it was just s.e.x, that you just needed someone last night. Tell me that you don't feel anything for me."

She sighed. Closing her eyes she shook her head sadly. "It doesn't matter what I feel, not anymore. All my life I've been looking to be loved. My husband breaks my heart, and I run to another man? Looking to be loved. I'm tired of not standing on my own, Cain."

"He can't make you stay," Cain said.

"You don't know him. You don't know what he's capable of."

"He doesn't scare me. And I won't let him hurt you again." He looked down to the bruise that was almost faded from her arm. "I don't think you're safe with him. I can set you up, give you money to leave and go to your sister's, maybe, until we can work the rest out."

"He won't let me go." She walked out of his hold, keeping the blanket gathered to the front of her in her hands. "It's not just me that he's threatening. It's my sister. It's complicated. It's my fight, Cain. Probably the most important one of my life. I can't use you to fix it. I need to stand up for myself."

"We."

"There's no we, d.a.m.n it! I gave Keith something important, my self-respect. I want it back!"

Cain threw his hands up. She looked down at her toes. "I wasn't always this pathetic. Not always." She began to cry "Hey! Hey, you're not pathetic." He took her hand. "What you're saying makes sense. I don't like it. But it does. Don't be mad, because I want to help you. I'm falling in love with you, Simone. I've fallen in love."

"Don't say that," Simone said, "It's true."

"Don't say it!" she said, tears continuing to drop from her heavy lashes.

"It's true." He kissed her.

She turned from his kiss. "That's because even now you're still one of the good guys. Or you think you are. But what we did last night is a game changer, Cain. For us both."

"No, it's because you're the woman I've been looking for." She looked up again, biting hard on her bottom lip to keep it from quivering. She hugged him, dragging in a deep breath, relaxing to the soft rhythmic beat of his heart. Cain kissed the top of her head, rubbing her back. She let the comforter drop. Their body heat enveloped one another as they stood there in the nude. "Let's get you back to your car," he whispered.

She sniffed, avoiding his eyes. She agreed. He took her by the hand and walked her to the bathroom. Together they showered, kissed, and shared more intimacy but no s.e.x. And when she dressed, while he watched, she did feel better, stronger. Maybe he could help, once she decided the best way. But for now, she had to face it alone.

Cain drove her to her car. It was evident when he turned in the parking lot that neither of them wanted to part by the way they sat in silence needing to speak but not speaking. They wanted to promise all things, but neither of them could. Then Keith called her phone and the last of her denial faded. Whatever she and Cain were wasn't a priority. Dealing with her life would have to be.

"I can't see you again. Not anymore," she said. "This can't happen again."

"Until we're both ready, right? We just have to deal with our lives. But you and I aren't over," he said, searching for an opening. Simone opened her door and stepped out.

"Thank you for everything." She hurried to her husband's car and got in. Releasing a deep breath when the car door closed and the key was in the ignition, her eyes flipped up to her rearview mirror to see if he was there. He was. He watched her with the same longing before finally reversing out of the parking lot and driving away. Simone closed her eyes, dropping her forehead to her steering wheel.

Her cell phone kept ringing.

When she arrived, she considered the fact that returning home together could expose them. The anxiety gathered in her chest relaxed a little when she saw that his car was parked and he wasn't in it. He'd arrived before her.

Was he inside now?

Did he just walk inside and greet his wife?

What would he say to explain his whereabouts?

Was Joan right when she said Maryanne was cheating on him?

Was this something they both did without thought? She struggled with so many questions and no answers. She sat there unsure of everything. The front door to her house opened. Keith appeared, in his basketball shorts and no shirt, bare feet. His eyes narrowed, angrily searching the tinted windows of his Jaguar for a sign of her. He looked as if he hadn't slept. Even more shockingly, he didn't go to work. That was a first for Keith Livingston. Not even Dennis's funeral could keep him from work.

Simone guessed the lack of control over her last night had brought about this reaction. It was the first thing she'd have to make sure he got used to. He cut his eyes over to the Gatlin's house and her smirk faded. Did he suspect? The action prompted her to react. She pushed open the car door and grabbed her purse. His eyes cut back from their neighbors' to her and he watched her closely. She walked toward him boldly, confident, though fear and dread mixed up sourly in her gut.

C'mon girl, you can do this. He has no power over you, only the power you give. h.e.l.l, look at him. He's a wreck. Use it to keep him off you until... until you think of what to do. Be smart and don't give him anything extra. Be smart.

Keith stepped aside and granted her entrance. She pa.s.sed under the threshold, her eyes never leaving him. Once inside, he slammed the door so hard she half-expected to see the wood splinter. "Where the f.u.c.k were you?" he said in a low snarl. "I was going to call the police."

Simone turned away and slowly started up the stairs. Keith marched up behind her, so close she could smell the booze in his sweat. She dared to look back at him. He was so close. His red gla.s.sy eyes told the story. He spent the entire night drinking, calling her cell phone. "I asked you a question! Where the h.e.l.l were you?"

"That is no longer your business," she said calmly, continuing up the stairs and trying to make it to her room. He raced up the side of her and turned on the stair to block her pa.s.s.

"Where?"

"Why do you want to know? Because you cancelled my credit cards, you actually thought I'd crawl back home?"

"I was worried about you. I was up all f.u.c.king night, worried sick about you!" he said and spittle sprayed her face.

She laughed. "Too bad," she spat. "I didn't think about you at all last night."

Keith's eyes stretched, then narrowed again. "Where were you?" he seethed, taking a step down. Simone took a step back. She wanted to tell him. Tell him how she f.u.c.ked another man until her legs gave out and let him do things to her that only her husband was allowed access to. Tell him that she let him into her heart too, and it felt so good.

But that would be foolish. And one thing she wasn't anymore was anybody's fool, especially Keith's. "I drove through the night after the motel I visited wouldn't accept my credit cards. I decided to sleep in the car."

He stared at her. Simone didn't blink. Lying was something new, but pretty easy. She just took a page from his book. He seemed to believe her. The tight angry wrinkles around his mouth and eyes lessened. "You should've come home."

"I couldn't stand being in the same house with you. I still can't," she said.

"Let's get something straight. You are still my wife, d.a.m.n it! Do you hear me? MY WIFE! Get mad if you wish, but that's not going to change. You know the score, babe."

She took a step down as he advanced on her.

"I won't be made a fool of, Simone. You know me better than that. You want to go to war with me? Do you? Shall we play this game to the hilt?" he smirked.

Simone looked away. "No, Keith," she said meekly.

"I didn't hear you, babe. Say it again, sweetheart. Make me believe it." He was now standing on the stair in front of her, towering over her. She lifted her eyes to his.

"No, Keith. I don't want to go to war."

He reached for her and she flinched. "Don't touch me! Don't put your hands on me, ever!"

"Who the f.u.c.k do you think you're talking too?" He grabbed her by the arm and dragged her up the stairs. She dropped her purse, having to hurry with his steps or fall and be pulled the rest of the way. He forced her down the hall into their bedroom. She stepped back watching him closely, wondering what he'd do next. Keith paced, back and forth, the vein in the center of his forehead bulged. He paced with flared nostrils and paced with mounting anger. "I want you to know that I've done everything to build a life for us, and I did it all for you!"

Simone's eyes swept the room for a weapon. He touched her again and she'd commit a homicide. She was just that close to the edge. Keith turned on her, as if he heard her thoughts. "Things got out of hand, babe. I said things and you said things. We can get back on track. We just have to try. No therapy this time. You were right. This is you and me. h.e.l.l, I know I've been an a.s.s lately, but you've been a b.i.t.c.h to me too. So it's not all on me, right? You know?"

"What do you want from me, Keith? Forgiveness? We're beyond that. I don't love you or like you. h.e.l.l, I don't even know you," she answered cautiously.

"See...see! That right there! You being a b.i.t.c.h!" He pointed a finger at her.