Bad Habits Part 27

He narrowed his eyes on her. "So that's your method? You get p.i.s.sed and you withhold s.e.x?"

"I learned it from you, Keith," Simone tossed back.

"Me?"

"You get in trouble, and you cover it with s.e.x. Well, it takes more than your d.i.c.k and this." She reached on her finger tugging on the diamond rock and threw it at him. "To fix us!"

He looked down at the ring that had fallen over to the bed. "You're my wife. I have no intention of letting you go. Do you hear me? That b.i.t.c.h means nothing to me! I won't lose you over her."

"Get out, Keith," she winced sitting up. She had to get out of her c.o.c.ktail dress. When she moved, her head spun. She dropped it and saw the bruise on her arm.

"You're hurt," Keith said. She could hear a tinge of regret in his voice.

"I'm fine."

"I'll get you some ice."

She rolled her eyes, rising, limping. Her face was wet with her tears. Who was she fooling? No matter how hard she tried to make her marriage work, she was miserable. She was angry. She was always in pain. It was too much. It was hopeless.

Easing her dress off, she looked over to her hip and saw another purple discoloration forming a bruise. Now, she was all banged up-the story of her life. Keith hurried back in with the ice pack but stopped at the sight of her bruise. "Maybe I should take you to the hospital. It could be bad."

"I'm fine. Please leave," Simone said.

"Baby?"

"KEITH! GO!"

He gave her a wounded look. He set the icepack on the dresser and turned and walked out. Simone limped over to the door. As soon as he was gone, she locked it. Sighing, she wiped her cheeks free of tears, picked up the icepack and then returned to bed. The burn in her ankle and hip didn't compare to the burn in her heart.

Chapter Fifteen.

Confessions Kim If ever she needed to see Mathew, to just sit in his presence and absorb his male strength, it was now. And here he was. He walked slowly into the shadows of her living room, further away from her. The light pouring from under the lampshade hadn't chased them all away. Kim closed the door, and reengaged the lock, never looking from him. He was different, solemn. Absent was the usual confidant upright stride he imposed. Instead his shoulders sagged and his head bowed with his burden.

Kim tried to ignore the sick feeling of shame rolling through her gut. Thankfully, he either didn't notice or chose to ignore her tears. The man had done nothing to her to warrant her behavior. The last time he donned her driveway, he was in a great mood. Together they braved the elements with a little hope in having a good day.

"Would you like something to drink?" she offered.

"No thanks."

She fixed her robe and smoothed back her loose strands of hair from her eyes, telling herself for the hundredth time that she was her own worst enemy. An apology would have to come from her first and be most sincere if she had any hopes of recovering their friendship. She opened her mouth to begin when he turned. His eyes, latching hold of her, shocked her system and diluted her confidence. She had thought he'd have that same pleading look for understanding in his eyes, a window of opportunity for her. But it wasn't so. He wasn't some meek man coming to her for absolution. There in his eyes was a glint of anger and enough pride to alert her to his purpose. This wouldn't be a friendly house call.

She was too exhausted to fight. Spiritually, she was beat. The last of her went out the door with mother. She didn't think she could survive another tongue-lashing. Not tonight. "I'm sorry, Mathew. I had no right to attack you the way I did. It's late."

"This won't take long," he replied in a brittle yet clipped tone. She swallowed back on her guilt once again lodged in her throat and nodded that she understood.

"Okay."

"I've been driving all night. I ended up here. Don't ask me why it matters or why I can't get you out of my head. I have no excuse for that. In fact, I have little excuse for anything that I've done."

"Me either," she quickly admitted. After another intake of a deep breath, she employed her determined will and clamped down on her anxiety to speak clearly. "I've been thinking about you too. All day. I looked for you, to talk. But you were gone."

He looked as if he didn't believe her. Of course he wouldn't. She had treated him like a cab driver, a mechanic and anything but a friend. And there was another truth to be found. She didn't have friends and could never really make them. Anne was the closest she had, and even she tired of her ways. "It's like... I mean to say... I just."

Before you say anything more, let me." Mathew cleared his throat He commanded her attention but not through his words but his eyes. They held her transfixed by their beauty with such profound sadness she wanted to touch him. She spoke first, despite his request to be heard. "I'm sorry. I had no right to talk to you like that. This is all my fault."

"Kim, stop. It's my turn, okay?"

"I keep doing it, don't I?" Kim said.

"It's not that I don't want to hear you out, but I have to get through this. Okay?" His tone was uncharacteristically sharp. The bite left a sting. She crossed her arms over her b.r.e.a.s.t.s to ward off the chill.

"Go ahead."

He pushed his hands down deeper in his front pockets, causing his shoulders to bulk and his tall frame to lengthen. She stood in his shadow and then took a step toward him. She hadn't realized it, but she'd been slowly moving toward him since he arrived.

"Before I came to Mercy, I worked for the University Hospital at UNC, in Pediatrics. My dream job. It meant I couldn't live in Charleston, but I was close enough to my family. Thanks to the residents and my work, I was relatively happy."

"And you love kids too, right? That's why you worked pediatrics?"

"I love kids. That's true. I used to work pediatrics. Not anymore."

He ran his hand down his face. His eyes darted from her to the door. Was he thinking of leaving? He looked so uncomfortable, so unsure of himself. She feared he would. Then his eyes returned to her once more, but this time they lingered. She wasn't at her best. Her robe was new. she got it at Macy's on sale when she went to get the boys some new shoes last month. But underneath she wore an old t-shirt and panties. Her hair was half loose from her tuck, a tussled mess that she couldn't possibly fix on the fly. Not glamorous at all, but to be honest, she never really was. Simone was the prettier one.

They were standing, facing each other in her living room. She was just a foot away from him now. She shivered anew with the urge to go into his arms from that look he gave her. His eyes said what his mouth wouldn't. That he wanted to be touched by her. She resisted.

Kim wanted to know the truth. She did, but she had her own ugly truth too. A truth that threatened her children, her freedom, her ability to work in her profession and a truth he would be compelled to act on. If he told her his secrets, did that mean she would have to share hers?

"The hard truth is I can get pa.s.sionate about things. Angry."

"Things got out of hand?"

Mathew blew a long breath. "Where do I begin?"

"Do you have to? I don't have to know, Mathew. Tell me it was an accident and that it's none of my business. It's okay."

"No, it's not okay. I want to tell you. I have to tell somebody or I-"

"Or what? Everyone has their secrets," Kim admitted.

"Maybe, but you can't go through life hiding the truth and hoping for the best. It just comes out anyway. Right? I can't move on unless I admit it."

"I guess," she said, looking away.

"There was a girl. Her name was Lucy. She was three years old."

"A patient?"

"No, not a patient. Well, not at the time. At the time I met Lucy I was separated. The divorce was a technicality that neither Barbara nor I bothered with. I wanted it, but she figured I'd eventually give in to her terms. The no kids terms."

"You mentioned she didn't want any."

"I just couldn't concede on that."

"Is that why Lucy was special?"

"Lucy was special. I just didn't appreciate it until it was too late. She was the daughter of my colleague. The doctor you read about. Her name is Elaine Harris."

"But you didn't attack her, right? This Elaine person."

He looked her in the eye. "I did everything that article said I did. I wish I had done more."

"That doesn't sound like you, Mathew."

Mathew looked beyond her to the floor, as if looking her in the eye was too painful. "Lucy's mother was a young resident. She had a great future ahead of her. The problem was Lucy."

"Okay." For Kim the story wasn't making sense. His pace was purposefully slow, as if each part of his confession took a little more out of him. She wanted for them to sit, but she saw he preferred to stand. What could she do but give him what he came for? "Go on."

"Then there were the accidents," Mathew said.

"Accidents?"

"That's what I called them at first. Lucy's accidents. Elaine had an excuse for every one of them. She once told me that the kid stuck her hand in the oven because she was so excited over the cookies baking. Bottom layer of skin on her tiny hands burned off. I treated her again for a fall down a flight of stairs, broke her collarbone. No one at the hospital could believe Elaine was at fault, especially me. I had more excuses for Lucy's suffering than Elaine."

"Elaine was doing it?"

Mathew gave a bitter chuckle. "No darling.'' It wasn't Elaine after all. Not directly."

"Who was it?"

"The kid's father that she claimed wasn't around. He was roughing her up among other things. Things I would have noticed if I had paid attention, really paid attention to Lucy and not my protege. I didn't find out until it was too late. The final act of abuse was a blow he delivered to the back of her head so hard that he fractured her skull and put her into a coma."

"Jesus, Mathew."

"The police arrested him. The entire hospital rallied around Elaine, proclaiming her innocence. Even then I saw her as a victim. Not just Lucy, Elaine was the victim too. A bright surgeon, single mother, was struggling to make it work. She suffered. I was her hero. She told me that Lucy was with a sitter. I believed her. All the while, she was dumping the kid on her ex-husband. Neither wanted to be bothered with the little sweetheart. I really didn't know Elaine at all."

"You were sleeping with her?"

Mathew looked up. "I swear I didn't know about the father and what he was doing to that little girl. I'm a doctor. I reported the incidents, but I never saw them for what they were. That's the truth."

"Wait. That makes no sense. You couldn't see signs of abuse, and you were a Pediatric surgeon?"

Mathew looked away. "Sometimes I see people as I want to see them, not as they are. It's a flaw sweetheart. I know it."

Kim bristled. He surely saw her differently than she saw herself. She may not be smacking her babies around, but each time she popped an Oxy, she put their lives and hers in danger. How was she different? "I don't want to hear anymore," Kim said.

"I should have believed the signs, Kim."

"And your wife? Did she know about Elaine?"

"We were over long before Elaine and I got together. Yes, she knew. I told her I was in love when I asked for the divorce. Thought I was. All the while this sweet kid was suffering on my watch." He grabbed the back of his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "It was my watch! I didn't think a mother would do this."

"No real mother would," Kim said, her eyes bordered with tears. "No mother could ever see her child suffer and ignore it or give her to an abuser willingly. That woman used you, used Lucy and used all those people that believed in her."

Mathew scratched his brow. She didn't see tears, but in his voice she could hear the sob he fought back in his throat. "He put her in a coma. Lucy wasn't going to pull through. The ex-husband was accusing Elaine of being a partic.i.p.ant, but we got behind her. We supported her. With Lucy possibly never waking from her coma, there was no one to refute Elaine's story."

Kim stepped closer to him. His jaw clenched and his chest rose and fell rapidly. He was trying to get there. She knew where there was. She'd seen it time and time again. Dennis was there before. He'd come home to tell her of the drowned child in the pool or the battered wife whose face was disfigured. The horrors and suffering he uncovered on his job tortured her sweet husband. She knew what a toll it could take.

"Elaine fooled you," Kim said softly.

"That's no excuse." Mathew sucked in a deep breath and stepped back from her touch. "Then Amy improved. Her EKG showed she was near waking from her comatose state. It would be a matter of days. We were all hopeful. She became our miracle. The sympathy party shifted from Elaine to her daughter. Suddenly, she was going to have to be a mother again or worse go to prison when Lucy told us what happened to her."

"What did Elaine do?"

"Exactly, what did Elaine do? You see it coming. Then why the h.e.l.l didn't I?"

"Mathew? What happened?"

"I caught her, Kim. That's what happened. I walked in on her trying to euthanize her little girl. Lucy went into distress. It didn't take me long to figure out why. We tried to save her life. When we didn't, Lucy died. I lost it. You read the rest in the article. I swung at her. It was a knee-jerk reaction. I don't even remember striking her. From there, everything spiraled out of control. The affair was exposed. People thought I knew what she was doing. It nearly destroyed me professionally, personally." He looked down at his hands. Facts grated uncomfortably together like a bad gear change in her head as the truth surrounding the horrors of what he'd witnessed, what he'd done and the loss of that little girl became crystal clear.

"That's enough, sweetheart." Kim took hold of his face she forced him to look at her. "No more. You don't have to say anymore. The police cleared you. The medical board cleared you. It wasn't your fault. Everybody knows that. You made some bad choices, but this wasn't your fault."

He dropped his forehead to hers. "I could have prevented it," Mathew confessed.

"How, Mathew? How could you? I'm so sorry."

Her hand lovingly stroked the side of his face. His forehead pressed to hers and their breathing stabilized. "I should go," he said. But his actions weren't quite the same. He stepped forward, forcing her to step back. His hand to her hip gripped tightly.

"Mathew?"

"I should go," his voice was deep and seductive. What she heard wasn't his leaving but a request to stay.

"Yes," she answered to the latter. He squeezed her hip, rubbing his forehead against hers and walking her several paces until her back connected with the door.

"I'm so sorry." She lifted her face. His forehead slid down the bridge of her nose to her lips. She held his head and kissed his brow. He dropped his face to the side of hers, their cheeks caressed as his hold on her hips softened and he began to touch her, hold her in a way that made her moist between her legs. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and tried to block out the scent of him. The feel of him was so close, so unbearably close. All she wanted was to comfort him. Suddenly comfort took on a new meaning. Mathew placed his hand to the side of her head, palm flat to the door. The other travelled down her arm with a slow caress, and then slipped around her waist to bring her up against him, away from the door.

"I should go," he said.

"Stay," she breathed. Her lips and mouth turned ash dry, thirsty for his, as her body warmed and bloomed, pressed against his. She couldn't remember the last time she felt a man in that way. She refused to even consider what the rush of emotion meant. But his breath heating the side of her neck was taking her under. Kim dragged in air, needing oxygen desperately and finding it infused with the rich pull of his scent. The enticing heat of him caused her heart to hammer against her breast.

"You feel so good," he groaned deep in his throat. His face, moving away, paused as the corners of their mouths touched. The flame of desire sparked from contact nearly consumed her.

Kim's eyes fluttered shut as her head dropped back against the door and his lips descended on hers. How unexpected the kiss was. Pa.s.sion that matched her own fueled the decadence of his kiss as his tongue darted in then swept over hers teasingly slow. The kiss, flavored by the few beers he'd had before he came to her door, had her moaning against his mouth. Her hands went to his hair. She spread her fingers, slipping through the soft thick curls, while their tongues dueled for supremacy. He palmed her a.s.s now with both hands, lifting her up against the door and pressing into her the hardness ripening and thickening his shaft against the apex between her thighs. She breathed out her submission of her body moving beneath him involuntarily. All of it was raw need, and he tasted so good. She felt so free. She wanted it to go further, wanted more.