Bad Girls of the Bible Part 18

You knew we'd eventually come up against the baddest Bad Girl of the bunch, the one scholars have called "the wickedest woman in all the world."1 Jezebel. Even her name tells a story. It's a term unto itself, part of our vocabulary, a word that's seldom capitalized when it refers to a morally corrupt woman-with or without heavy eye makeup.

Her husband, Ahab, the king of Israel, was equally evil, but you never hear someone sputter at a man, "Oh, you...you...Ahab!" His name is more likely to conjure up images of Ray Stevens singing about "Ahab, the A-rab" with his funky singing monkey and a camel named Clyde.

On the other hand, "You...you...Jezebel!" const.i.tutes what my Kentucky hubby calls "fightin' words," thrown down like a gauntlet. In the 1938 movie Jezebel, set in antebellum New Orleans (fancy that), Bette Davis plays a headstrong, willful, hot-tempered miss (sounds familiar ...) who manipulates a man into defending her honor. When she gets the brave buck killed in the process, Bette's screen mother gazes at her, eyebrows arched, and drawls, "I'm thinking of a woman called Jezebel who did evil in the sight of G.o.d."

Bette could chew up scenery with the best of them, but she couldn't hold a candle to her ninth-century B.C. foremother.

The Phoenician princess Jezebel was born rich and in charge. She was the daughter of Ethbaal, king of the Sidonians. Her marriage to Ahab was strictly a political alliance between two nations. Yawn. We've seen those before. But it was her personality and her past-not her position alone-that made her dangerous.

She grew up as a worshiper of Baal and was determined to drive Jehovah G.o.d out of Israel and to usher in Baal and Asherah, a fertility G.o.d and G.o.ddess of love-eros, not agape, unfortunately. Jezebel filled her palace and surrounding worship centers with 450 priests and 400 priestesses of her foreign G.o.ds.

s.e.xual immorality, temple prost.i.tution, even the sacrifice of children were the order of the day. Oh, lovely. "Viewer Discretion Advised." If it took murdering a few hundred holy men of Israel to promote her religious beliefs, so be it, it seemed.

Jezebel was killing off the LORD's prophets. 1 Kings 18:4 Notice it was Jezebel, not Ahab, who gave the orders to wipe out the prophets. Called "the Lady Macbeth of the Bible" by various scholars, she was a woman who urged her weak husband into a life of crime. Ahab, however, was the one who took the heat from Elijah, one of G.o.d's favored prophets.

"I have not made trouble for Israel," Elijah replied. "But you and your father's family have. You have abandoned the LORD's commands and have followed the Baals." 1 Kings 18:18 After all, Jezebel never claimed allegiance to the Hebrew G.o.d. But Ahab, as king of Israel, turned his back on the Lord and embraced his wife's religion. Major no-no. As such, the greater blame fell on his shoulders.

Next came a big, splashy scene, filled with casting extras and pyrotechnics. Elijah demonstrated the power of the G.o.d of Israel by inviting the 450 prophets of Baal to prepare a bull for sacrifice and collectively to call on Baal to set fire to their altar.

The pretend priests called on Baal all day. No show.

That evening Elijah built an altar of twelve stones, one for each tribe, poured water on it three times, and called upon the Lord G.o.d. Whoosh! The fire of the Lord fell down from heaven, burning up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones, the soil, and the water. Talk about your attention grabber! The people fell prostrate before the Lord and did the bidding of Elijah by killing all 450 of Jezebel's prophets.

Back at the palace, the fan blades started spinning...

Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. 1 Kings 19:1 There was Ahab, wringing his hands and sweating spear points, while Jezebel listened in heated silence, anger sending a jolt of adrenaline coursing through her veins.

So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, "May the G.o.ds deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them." 1 Kings 19:2 Wouldn't it have been easier to say, "Back atcha, bro"?

Even wrapped in flowery language, Jezebel's words weren't pretty. In fact, all of her p.r.o.nouncements are contained in five verses. When it came to speech making, this Bad Girl packed a brief but vicious punch. Her first statement was a threat. The second was a complaint. The third was sarcastic. The fourth was an audacious order. The fifth was an insult. Two of them referred to murder; the other three were direct hits at Ahab's dubious leadership abilities.

When Jezebel spoke, it paid to wear flame-resistant long johns.

She was one of those women you might admire for their courage but never invite over for lunch. She had almost none of the qualities we a.s.sociate with biblical women. We're never told she was beautiful or alluring, though she certainly knew how to make the most of her appearance with cosmetics and costumes. Such would have been part of Queen Bee 101. We're never told that Ahab loved her-though he was certainly under her spell-nor are we told that she loved him or anyone else.

Potiphar's wife loved men. Delilah loved money. Jezebel loved power. Not the kind conferred by G.o.d, like Samson's. This was power she created herself, the hard way, one dead prophet at a time.

Was there anything to recommend her? Oh, sure: 1. She had a finely tuned mind.

2. She had boldness and courage.

3. She had strong leadership abilities.

4. She had an a.s.sertive personality.

5. She had a royal lineage.

Sounds like Elizabeth I or Victoria, with a little kohl eyeliner tossed in for good measure. Except Jezebel twisted that queenly list of traits for the glory of Baal: 1. She used her bright mind to devise evil schemes.

2. She used her courage to commit murder.

3. She used her leadership skills to take over the throne.

4. She used her a.s.sertiveness to draw people away from G.o.d.

5. She used her queenship to manipulate her subjects.

Queen with Att.i.tude, in other words. A century ago one writer observed that Jezebel was "very proud of her pride."2 Never was that pride more on display than in scene 2, set in A & J's private chambers.

Ahab looked out his window with longing, his eyes transfixed-not on the lush body of a Bathsheba but on his neighbor Naboth's small, verdant vineyard. King Ahab had a thing about land, it seems, and wanted the property for a vegetable garden, so he offered Naboth a choice: a bigger vineyard or a big check. The man turned him down, insisting the land was his inheritance. Didn't Ahab of all people know that such a real-estate transaction was prohibited by Mosaic law?

Oops. Forgot that one.

Ahab acted in a regal manner, worthy of his calling. That is to say, he pouted.

So Ahab went home, sullen and angry because Naboth the Jezreelite had said, "I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers." He lay on his bed sulking and refused to eat. 1 Kings 21:4 King with Att.i.tude. Granted, Jezebel was a handful, but Ahab was hardly a prize, described as "uncouth, crabby, and often cowardly."3 Jezebel's opinion might have included words like "wimpy," "whiny," and a "world-cla.s.s wuss."

Moments later Ahab developed a queen-size headache.

His wife Jezebel came in and asked him, "Why are you so sullen? Why won't you eat?" 1 Kings 21:5 A caring wife, concerned about her hubby's welfare and diet?

Not on your life. This was Jezebel, delivering her words in a taunting singsong, no doubt. How easy it is to picture her, hands on hips, dark eyes glaring, her crimson-stained lips curled in a contemptuous sneer.

Chances are she'd seen this act before, and it was getting old.

He answered her, "Because I said to Naboth the Jezreelite, 'Sell me your vineyard; or if you prefer, I will give you another vineyard in its place.' But he said, 'I will not give you my vineyard.'" 1 Kings 21:6 To his credit, Ahab told her the truth. It did not, however, earn him any brownie points with Jez. Two liters of chilled whine, coming up.

Jezebel his wife said, "Is this how you act as king over Israel?" 1 Kings 21:7 I could so easily condemn her for these cruel, belittling, manhood-robbing words...if I hadn't said some sadly similar things to my own dear husband early in our marriage. Bill had just finished a one-year teaching position and was looking for a new job. I vividly remember stomping in the door after work-yes, hands on hips, eyes glaring, red lips pouting and whining, "Have you made any calls? Gone on any appointments? Is this what being the head of our household means to you?"

Heavenly Father, forgive me for being an insensitive ignoramus.

Earthly husband, forgive me for...well, the same thing.

None of us has killed a prophet, but more than one woman among us is guilty of slaughtering her spouse's self-confidence with a verbal blow. Bette Davis in Jezebel challenged her fiance with the words "It couldn't be you're afraid someone might call you out and you'd have to defend me?" Said with hands on hips, eyes glaring...

Our pastor, Bob Russell, has counseled many a modern Ahab who has been run over by a domineering wife. In a discussion about A & J, he commented, "A man's sins in this circ.u.mstance are fear of rejection and insecurity. His wife's verbal agility and aggressive personality make it difficult for him to feel in charge, and his sense of self-worth plummets."

Bring on Jezebel in her new role as a motivational speaker.

"Get up and eat! Cheer up." 1 Kings 21:7 Oh, that's rich. "Don't worry about it," reads the New Living Translation. "Let your heart be happy," says The Amplified Bible. And 2800 years later it became a hit song: "Don't Worry, Be Happy."

"I'll get you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite." 1 Kings 21:7 She didn't offer advice or seek it-she simply took control. That's what jezebels do best. "Wicked women are often excessively fond of power,"4 and Jez was nothing if not wicked and excessive.

(Lest any feathers get ruffled, the truth is, we don't like men who behave like this either.) So she wrote letters in Ahab's name, placed his seal on them, and sent them to the elders and n.o.bles who lived in Naboth's city with him. 1 Kings 21:8 In most states, forgery nets you ten years without parole. But first you have to get caught. And who would have been brave enough to blow the whistle on a murdering schemer like her? The letters would have been written in columns on a scroll, sealed with clay or wax, and posted by Priority Male.

In those letters she wrote: "Proclaim a day of fasting and seat Naboth in a prominent place among the people." 1 Kings 21:9 Oh, a day of fasting? How religious of her. A place of honor. Lots of witnesses. Jez thought of everything.

"But seat two scoundrels opposite him and have them testify that he has cursed both G.o.d and the king." 1 Kings 21:10 She knew the Mosaic Law inside and out. Two witnesses, as required, both of whom would insist that Naboth cursed G.o.d and king. Jez made sure all her bases were covered so the crowd would have no choice but to give innocent Naboth the sentence he seemingly deserved.

"Then take him out and stone him to death." 1 Kings 21:10 In the story of David and Bathsheba, King David had a neighbor killed because he l.u.s.ted after the man's wife. Queen Jezebel had a neighbor killed because her husband l.u.s.ted after the man's land. Even more, she loved a.s.serting her husband's power.

The verses that follow are a verbatim retelling of the previous ones, meaning the elders and n.o.bles executed her commands to the letter-"as Jezebel directed." Forget Ahab's sealing wax; they knew who wore the loincloth in that household, and they acted more out of fear, perhaps, than respect.

After all, didn't Jezebel sip her morning java from a mug emblazoned with the phrase "She Who Must Be Obeyed"?

Then they sent word to Jezebel: "Naboth has been stoned and is dead." 1 Kings 21:14 She immediately sent hubby down to claim what was (un)rightfully his. While Ahab was walking in his new garden, he had a visitor. The words of the Lord came to Ahab through his prophetic mouthpiece, Elijah: "This is what the LORD says: Have you not murdered a man and seized his property?... This is what the LORD says: In the place where dogs licked up Naboth's blood, dogs will lick up your blood-yes, yours!" 1 Kings 21:19 Ahab had been taking lessons from his evil wife. He didn't acknowledge the prophet's dire words but instead called him his enemy. Elijah laid down one perilous prediction after another, concluding with a zinger: "And also concerning Jezebel the LORD says: 'Dogs will devour Jezebel by the wall of Jezreel.'" 1 Kings 21:23 Now that got Ahab's attention. He tore his clothes and fasted and acted like his old self.

He lay in sackcloth and went around meekly. 1 Kings 21:27 Ahab repented, however temporarily. Jezebel did not. Ain't that a shocker?

Bette Jezebel Davis repented. After making a public spectacle of herself wearing a red dress to the Olympus Ball where every other unmarried woman was wearing virginal white, she hid in seclusion for a year, then saw the error of her ways. "I was vicious and mean and selfish. I'll humble myself before him."

Jezebel of the Bible did no such thing. She remained the proud queen, even when an arrow neatly landed between the sections of her husband's armor and he died by nightfall. Even when her son Ahaziah succeeded his father as king, she ruled. A commentator of generations past made the politically incorrect observation that "where a woman rules, the order of nature is inverted."5 It's not the natural world that concerns us here; it's the divine leadership of G.o.d that was put aside by Mrs. Bad to the Bone. Her rejection of Jehovah G.o.d continued through the death of Ahaziah and the anointing of Jehu as king of Israel. The new king sought out Joram, another of the sons of Jezebel.

When Joram saw Jehu he asked, "Have you come in peace, Jehu?"

"How can there be peace," Jehu replied, "as long as all the idolatry and witchcraft of your mother Jezebel abound?" 2 Kings 9:22 She practiced witchcraft in the sense of being under the influence of a spirit-Baal-other than G.o.d Almighty. Even when she was no longer on the throne, her nefarious influence prevailed.

Jehu knew it was time to put an end to it.

Then Jehu went to Jezreel. When Jezebel heard about it, she painted her eyes, arranged her hair and looked out of a window. 2 Kings 9:30 In the manner of a later statesman, Sir Winston Churchill, Jezebel ascribed to the theory "Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never..." She took the time to paint her eyes and adorn her hair, no doubt with a crown or jewels. It was her public face. No longer a young woman, Jezebel-like most of us-had to work harder to look good.

At the last minute Ahab repented once more. Did Jezebel? Alas, we know better. She was beyond repentance, by her own choice.

Nonetheless, she was a bright woman. She saw the signs, heard the news. Death was knocking at her window-no doubt the very one that looked upon the vineyard of poor, dead Naboth-yet her steady hand lined her eyes and styled her tresses. Proud, vain, and defiant to the end, she intended to go out looking her best, prepared for burial if necessary.

It wouldn't be necessary.

As Jehu entered the gate, she asked, "Have you come in peace, Zimri, you murderer of your master?" 2 Kings 9:31 "Have you come in peace?" mocked three similar statements made to Jehu. As I said, she did her homework. Calling him Zimri was like calling someone Jezebel today-an insult-since Zimri was a traitor who only lived a week after overthrowing his master.

None of that slowed down our man Jehu. He didn't even address Jezebel-what, and get more of the same grief? Instead, he shouted to the servants standing next to her.

He looked up at the window and called out, "Who is on my side? Who?" Two or three eunuchs looked down at him. 2 Kings 9:32 We can only imagine being ordered around for thirty years by witchy Jezebel. Wonder how long those fellas thought through Jehu's question?

About two seconds.

"Throw her down!" Jehu said. So they threw her down... 2 Kings 9:33 She was in an upper chamber, so it was a l-o-n-g way down. I don't think they took the time to pick her up bodily and throw her, or she'd have cleared the wall. One good shove was more like it.

Symbolically and literally, the evil queen fell to her death.

...and some of her blood spattered the wall and the horses as they trampled her underfoot. 2 Kings 9:33 Ugh.

In her own final scene, Bette Davis rolled off in a wagon, headed for an island full of yellow-fever victims, her beloved Preston's head cradled in her lap as she begged his wife, "Help me make myself clean again." But the real Jezebel's final words weren't recorded, nor were they likely so sweet. Whether she cursed or screamed or called on Baal, we'll never know.

Justice was sudden and final. And messy.

Ugh.

Jehu's appet.i.te, however, wasn't a bit ruined by the gore.

Jehu went in and ate and drank. "Take care of that cursed woman," he said, "and bury her, for she was a king's daughter." 2 Kings 9:34 A backhanded compliment, that. She was the daughter of a king, yes, but not the queen of Israel. Her love affair with Baal made sure of that.

As I said, the eye makeup and hairdo weren't really necessary.

But when they went out to bury her, they found nothing except her skull, her feet and her hands. 2 Kings 9:35 Why those specific body parts? I wonder. No commentator offered an opinion, so I will. Her wicked heart was history. Ditto with her evil smirk. Everything that made her female was destroyed. The only parts that remained were unidentifiable as belonging to Jez. Sure, today we could check fingerprints or dental records. But back then, hands, feet, and skulls were a dime a dozen. It was G.o.d's prophecy fulfilled, nothing more. And nothing less.

"Jezebel's body will be like refuse on the ground in the plot at Jezreel, so that no one will be able to say, 'This is Jezebel.'" 2 Kings 9:37 Torn asunder by her fall, trampled by horses, eaten by dogs, left as garbage, the woman called Jezebel was summarily wiped off the face of the earth, along with all her seed and offspring.

Read this horrid conclusion for what it is: Warning! Warning!

You can't mock G.o.d and get away with it. He gives grace to the humble, but as for the haughty-watch out!

Our politically incorrect commentator declared that a genuinely wicked woman "is capable of a refinement in depravity to which the meanest man that ever lived could never attain."6 Oh, I don't know, fella. Hitler and Caligula were plenty depraved.

Jezebel stands out because she was a gifted woman who had every opportunity for greatness. Instead, she threw her chances out the window to embrace a foreign G.o.d who-when push came to shove-couldn't save one of his most devoted followers from a terrible end.

(There was never a man like Ahab, who sold himself to do evil in the eyes of the LORD, urged on by Jezebel his wife.) 1 Kings 21:25

What Lessons Can We Learn from Jezebel?

Like father, (not necessarily) like daughter.

Jezebel chose to follow in her evil father's footsteps. We can choose otherwise. Don't have G.o.dly parents? Break the tradition, and resolve to establish a new inheritance for your family. Even our own past doesn't have to hold us back. History provides a great example but a terrible excuse. Ultimately, G.o.d is our Father. Let's look forward, not backward!

A father to the fatherless...is G.o.d in his holy dwelling. Psalm 68:5 Ruling your country is one thing; ruling your husband is another.

We can all think of situations in which a woman has done a fine job of serving her country as its political leader-Margaret Thatcher comes to mind. For marriage, though, G.o.d offers a different model of leadership. Though we are equal in G.o.d's eyes and colaborers in the kingdom, in the home the husband is head of the wife-providing he's willing to die for her. His leadership comes only via sacrifice. With such a servant-leader in the family, biblical submission is an act of worship...and is a whole lot easier.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.... Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Ephesians 5:22,25 No one wants to work for a witch.

Even when we have a legitimate leadership role, there's no reason to make our employees miserable. Judging by the hasty way they shoved her out the window, Jezebel's servants were happy to get rid of her. Might those who serve beside us at work or at church feel the same way? If we've been given the skills and talents to lead, let's do so with grace and compa.s.sion. We never know when the CEO may show up for a staff meeting!

Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven. Colossians 4:1 The only person who saw Ahab as weak was Jezebel.

Jezebel's cosmetics couldn't make up for her ugly att.i.tude toward her husband. Some of our men may be viewed as competent and capable in every setting but their own home. It may be our strong-willed nature-and not their weak-willed one-that makes them appear "less than." Let's pray for a gentler, more supportive spirit. Even when we are right, does it necessarily make our men wrong? If we want warrior-poets for husbands, let's treat our men as if they're already toting mighty shields and sharpened quills.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment.... Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in G.o.d's sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4