Approval Addiction Part 12

The instrument of their suffering had become the means of their blessing.

G.o.d is a G.o.d of purpose. We may not always understand His purpose, but we can be sure He definitely has one. Something may initially look terrible to us, and yet all the while G.o.d intends to show His glory by working something good from it.

G.o.d is a G.o.d of purpose.

We see an example of this truth in the biblical account of the death of Lazarus as recorded in John 11:1-44. We are told that Lazarus was sick. His sisters Mary and Martha sent a message to Jesus saying, "He whom You love [so well] is sick" (v. 3). When Jesus received the message, He said the sickness was not unto death but in order that G.o.d might be glorified. Instead of going to Lazarus and healing him, Jesus waited until he died. By the time Jesus arrived on the scene, Lazarus had been in the grave four days. Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. He could have kept him from dying, but He let him die so people could see the miracle-working power of G.o.d and know that nothing is too hard for Him.

We wonder sometimes why G.o.d waits so long to come to our rescue or why He allows certain things to take place. We cannot always figure out what G.o.d is doing, or why He is doing it, but if we trust Him, He will make something wonderful from it.

HURT! HEALED! AND READY TO HELP!.

Joseph was a man who was hurt by his brothers. We know from reading G.o.d's Word that Joseph's brothers were jealous of him. They hated him because his father favored him. They sold him into slavery and told his father that wild animals had killed him. He was taken to Egypt where he spent thirteen years in prison for a crime he did not commit (See Genesis 37-41).

But G.o.d was with Joseph, and he was able to interpret dreams. The ruler of all Egypt, Pharaoh, had a dream that Joseph interpreted, and he was released from prison. He went to work for Pharaoh, and once again was put in charge of everything. During a great famine, Joseph was in a position to save mult.i.tudes of people, including his father and his brothers who had treated him so cruelly.

This story is one of the most encouraging in the Bible. We see the power of a good att.i.tude during hard times. We see that no matter where we are, G.o.d can give us favor.

We see the power of forgiveness when Joseph was willing to feed his brothers who had hurt him so badly. The Bible says G.o.d's ways are past finding out (See Romans 11:33 KJV). We may not always understand, but we can trust.

Joseph had been hurt, but he was healed, and stood ready to help. His struggles had made him a better man, not a bitter man. Just think how different his life could have been had he refused to maintain a G.o.dly att.i.tude all the way through his ordeal.

I am sure Esther was hurt when her life and plans were interrupted, and she was taken into the king's harem, which was not something a young Jewish maiden would have been happy about. When we read about people in the Bible, and the things they endured, we don't always think about the emotions they must have experienced. We read their stories almost as if they are fictional characters, but they were real people just like you and me. They went through all the same emotions we would go through in a similar situation.

We may not always understand, but we can trust.

Esther was used by G.o.d to save her nation, but first He had to put her in an uncomfortable position. She had to live in a place she did not want to be and do things she did not want to do. (See the book of Esther.) Ruth's husband died. I am sure that hurt her terribly. No doubt she was lonely, yet she chose to take care of her mother-in-law, an elderly woman named Naomi whom she accompanied to her foreign homeland. Once there, they had very little provision, and so Ruth had to glean in the fields in order for them to eat. She ended up marrying a man named Boaz, who was very wealthy. As a result, Ruth and Naomi were provided with everything they needed. In addition, by bearing children to Boaz, Ruth became part of the ancestral bloodline of Jesus. (See the book of Ruth and Matthew 1:5.) My point in recounting these stories is that all of these people, and many others I don't have time to mention, suffered pain, received healing, and went on to help others.

Have you been hurt by someone or something? If so, you can make the same choice these people made. Don't spend your life angry and bittera"don't allow your emotional pain to imprison you in a lifelong struggle with approval. Receive healing and comfort from G.o.d, and then go on to help someone else. Don't waste your pain.

During World War II, Corrie ten Boom and her sister were held in a horrible concentration camp named Ravensbruck. They saw and suffered terrible torments including starvation and nakedness in below-freezing weather. Corrie's sister Betsie actually starved to death. During their time there, however, they continually encouraged other prisoners. They kept an att.i.tude of praise, and eventually Corrie was released from the concentration camp through a clerical error.

Don't spend your life angry and bitter.

After her release, she traveled worldwide telling of her experiences and the faithfulness of G.o.d. Her ministry surely became more powerful and effective than it would have been without her trials and suffering. Her life and ministry have been a comfort to millions.

One evening after preaching in Germany on G.o.d's forgiveness and how no sin is too great for G.o.d to forgive, she suddenly recognized a man coming toward her. He had been a guard at Ravensbruck, and one of the people who had tortured the prisoners. The man did not recognize Corrie, but he said he had heard her mention that she was a prisoner in Ravensbruck. He said, "I was a guard there, but have since gone on to become a Christian. I know G.o.d has forgiven me for the terrible things I did, but I am asking you for your forgiveness as well."

Corrie said that she immediately saw her beloved sister slowly starving to death, and felt at that moment that even though she needed forgiveness every day herself, she could not forgive this man. As she stood in front of him, she knew that she must forgive him although she did not know how she could. Everything she preached to others would be worthless if she could not forgive. Corrie said she knew it would have to be an act of her will, because nothing in her emotions wanted to do it. As she stood there, she told G.o.d, "I can lift my hand, I can do that much, but You will have to do the rest. You must supply the feelings." As she woodenly took the man's hand, she said that the power of G.o.d came rushing through her entire being, and she was able to say wholeheartedly, "I forgive you, brother!" "With all my heart, I forgive you." She said that she has never known G.o.d's love so intensely as she did at that moment.

Although Corrie had been badly hurt, she allowed G.o.d to heal her, and she went on to help others.1 As I have noted, I was abused and hurt very badly. When I was a young woman in my early twenties, I could never remember being happy or feeling really safe. I spent many years angry, bitter, and resentful. I am thankful that I learned to receive G.o.d's comfort and healing and that I am now able to help other people.

G.o.d IS LOOKING FOR EXPERIENCED HELP!.

Have you ever needed a job, but every employment ad you read asked for someone with experience? You wanted a job but did not have any experience, and it frustrated you. I have been in that situation, and I remember thinking, "How can I get experience if n.o.body will give me a job?"

G.o.d also wants experienced help. When we go to work for G.o.d in His kingdom, He will use everything in our past, no matter how painful it was. He considers it experience. We have gone through some difficult things, and those things qualify us to help take someone else through them too. Even Jesus gained experience through the things He suffered: Although He was a Son, He learned [active, special] obedience through what He suffered And, [His completed experience] making Him perfectly [equipped], He became the Author and Source of eternal salvation to all those who give heed and obey Him. (Hebrews 5:8-9) How could I be writing this book right now if I had not gone through some difficult things and gained some valuable experience? How could I teach others how to forgive those who have hurt them if I had not first had the experience of forgiving those who hurt me?

I encourage you to look at your pain from a different viewpoint. A right perspective can make all the difference in the world. Take a look at how you can use your pain for someone else's gain. Can your mess become your ministry? Maybe you have gone through so much that you feel you have enough experience to be a specialist in some area. I am a specialist in overcoming shame, guilt, poor self-image, lack of confidence, fear, anger, bitterness, selfpity, et cetera. Press past your pain and get your "master's degree" so you can work in the kingdom for the One Who is the Master of restoring hurting people.

Look at how you can use your pain for someone else's gain.

THE BEST KEPT SECRET.

Do not let yourself be overcome by evil, but overcome (master) evil with good. (Romans 12:21) We overcome evil with good. I believe this truth is one of the most powerful weapons we possess, and the best kept secret. G.o.d wants everyone to know it, but Satan keeps us so entrenched in our problems and personal pain that few of us ever understand the dynamics of it. We can get Satan back for the painful things he has brought into our lives by being good to others. We overcome him (evil) by being good to other people. Actually, it is G.o.d Who overcomes Satan as we allow Him to work His good through us. Satan wants to use our pain to destroy us, but we destroy his plan by doing the opposite of what he expects.

Being good to someone else not only defeats Satan, it also releases joy in our own lives. Historically, people who have been hurt by someone frequently experience depression. I believe this is partially due to the fact that their attention is on their own pain instead of on what they can do to relieve someone else's pain. G.o.d has not called us to "in-reach," He has called us to "out-reach." When we reach out to others, G.o.d reaches into our souls and heals us. He is the only One Who can heal the brokenhearted and make the wounded better than new.

I call this "overcoming evil with good" principle a secret because so few of us seem to know it or follow it. When we are hurting, our natural tendency is to nurse our wounds. We may want to isolate ourselves and think about how pitifully we have been treated. I have discovered that when I am hurting, the best thing I can do is keep moving. While I am hurting, I just keep doing what I would be doing if I were not hurting. I go to work, I study, I pray, I go out and preach, I keep my commitments. I keep doing the good things G.o.d has given me to do, and I trust Him to take care of the evil things.

Do you see it? You can overcome evil with good just as the Bible says in Romans 12:21. Understanding this principle has been literally life changing for me, and I believe it can be for you, too.

OUR THINKING IS ALL WRONG.

Our daughter Sandra shared that she was dreading seeing a certain individual because in the past that person had not been very pleasant to her. As she struggled with negative thoughts about the upcoming encounter, G.o.d spoke to her heart and said, "You don't need to be concerned about how others treat you; your concern should be how you treat them."

This message had a strong impact on Sandra's life as well as on mine. How true it is. We are so concerned about how we are being treated that we have little or no concern for how we treat others. We are afraid of being taken advantage of, especially if our experience with someone has been painful in the past. The fear and dread we feel probably makes us supersensitive to everything that is said or done. We may even misinterpret things and see them in a negative way because of our expectations. What we fear does come upon us, according to G.o.d's Word (Job 3:25).

I agree that it is difficult not to be concerned that others will treat us badly if they have done so in the past. That is why it is so important not to think about it at all. We are to deposit ourselves with G.o.d and trust Him to take care of us (See 1 Peter 4:19). He is our Vindicator (See Job 19:25), and as long as we behave properly toward others, including our enemies, G.o.d will bring a reward into our lives.

You don't need to be concerned about how others treat you; your concern should be how you treat them.

Because of what G.o.d had spoken to Sandra's heart, she approached the meeting with a totally different att.i.tude. She concentrated on being nice to the person who had previously not been nice to her. She made an effort to be encouraging and to show interest in what interested the other person. She reported to me that the results were quite amazing. She spent several days with the individual in question, and never once did she feel mistreated in any way.

The Bible says we are to be "mindful" to be a blessing (See Galatians 6:10). That means that we are to have our minds full of ways we can help others. When our minds are filled with ways to be a blessing, we have no time to dwell on our personal problems. It gives G.o.d an opportunity to work on them for us.

GIVE AWAY WHAT YOU WANT.

What do you want? If it is approval, then give approval to others. Make a special effort to make people feel valued and loved. Be aggressive in agreement. Often we are silent when we agree and verbal when we disagree. I find that the words "I agree" give confidence to people. If I have an opinion or an idea about something, it really increases my confidence level when my husband says, "I agree." I don't expect him to agree with me about everything, but when he does agree, it is really nice to hear it. I think hearing about the times when people do agree helps us better handle the times when they don't.

If you want compliments, then give them away.

If you want compliments, then give them away. Every time you think anything good about anyone, verbalize it. People cannot read your mind; your thoughts have power and may affect their confidence level in a minor way, but your words can really lift them up and encourage them.

All people need affirmation, especially those who have been emotionally wounded or hurt by someone. We have more power than we realize we do. We can help people! Right words spoken at the right time have the power to heal: "A man has joy in making an apt answer, and a word spoken at the right momenta"how good it is!" (Proverbs 15:23).

Not only are right words spoken at the right time good for others, they are good for us. We experience joy in building others up. We are created by G.o.d to be a blessing. He told Abraham, "I will bless you and make you a blessing" (See Genesis 12:1-3). We are blessed in being a blessing.

G.o.d made you to be a blessing. Start being what you were made to be, and you will start receiving what you are meant to receive!

"I NEED HEALING"

You may be thinking, "I've been hurt, and I want to help others, but I need healing." I used this statement previously: "Hurt! Healed! And ready to help!" The healing is very necessary. There are lots of people in ministry who are trying to heal others, and they are wounded themselves. I call them "wounded healers." Many people hide from their own issues while trying to uncover someone else's. The blind cannot lead the blinda" if they try to do so, they will both fall into a ditch (See Matthew 15:14). Trying to help others while ignoring our own problems never produces good fruit for anyone.

How does the healing come? We know how we got hurt. We have a vision to help others. But how does our own healing come? We need the help of the Great Physician. We need His presence in our lives. Spending time with G.o.d is the most vital thing we can do, especially when we have been wounded.

We must spend time reading and studying G.o.d's Word, because it has inherent power to heal. The Bible says we are to attend to G.o.d's Word because it brings health and healing to all of our flesh (See Proverbs 4:20-22). Our emotions and our mind are part of what the Bible calls "the flesh." According to Psalm 119:130 (KJV), the entrance of G.o.d's Word brings light, which is something many of us are missing. We don't always see what we need to do. Often we don't even see our own problems.

We think everyone else has a problem, and if everyone else would change, everything would be fine. We need light from G.o.d to understand ourselves.

As I began my healing journey with G.o.d, His Holy Spirit started leading me into truth. Truth is another way to describe light. There were many things I did not understand. I didn't understand why I felt certain ways in certain situations or about certain types of people. My lack of light brought confusion in my life. It contributed to my negative feelings about myself. I didn't like many of my ways, but I could do nothing about them because I was in the dark. I felt trapped! I didn't like the things I did; I didn't understand them, but I kept on doing them.

I always disliked men who had strong personalities, which is really funny since I have a very strong personality myself. When G.o.d brought light into my life, I began to realize I was uncomfortable with a strong male authority figure because my father who abused me had a strong personality. I was responding to other men's personalities similar to my father's as I would have responded to him. I was always uncomfortable around my father, so I was uncomfortable around anyone like him.

We need light from G.o.d to understand ourselves.

The light G.o.d gave me helped me a great deal in relationships. For one thing, I stopped rejecting people just because they were men and had strong personalities.

I had preferred to be around people who would let me take the lead; I had to be in control to be comfortable. Why? When G.o.d brought light into my life, I began to realize it was because I was afraid to let anyone else lead.

I didn't trust they would have any real concern for my happiness.

I was not a mean person as the devil had tried to make me believe; I was just frightened. I had developed a complex system of ways to protect and take care of myself. I knew how to manipulate almost any situation to make sure no one took advantage of me. Yet I was tired of trying to protect and take care of myself all the time. I said I wanted someone to take care of me, but when anyone tried, I would not allow it. I wouldn't even let G.o.d take care of me. But His light set me free. Little by little He showed me things that opened my eyes and heart and allowed change to come.

All healing is a process that takes time, especially emotional healing. It is not all easy. Sometimes it is quite painful. Sometimes people have wounds that are still infected. The wound must be opened up and the infection taken out before they can heal properly. Only G.o.d knows how to do this and do it properly. Spending time with G.o.d in His Word and in His presence are the two main ingredients to being healed after being hurt.

HELP SOMEBODY ON PURPOSE.

While you are letting G.o.d work in your own life, use your pain. Be aggressive in helping others. Don't wait to feel like it. Don't wait for some supernatural sign that G.o.d wants to use you. Just get started. G.o.d will use you in your world, with the people you are around in your daily life. What you make happen for somebody else, G.o.d will make happen for you. Every seed you sow into somebody else's life represents a harvest you will reap in your own lifea" especially in your pursuit to overcome approval addiction.

Don't waste your pain. Let it be somebody else's gain!

What you make happen for somebody else, G.o.d will make happen for you.

Conclusion

Living Complete In Christ

Feeling that something is missing in our life and not knowing what it is leaves us frustrated and continually searching. We become like the people G.o.d talked about in Jeremiah 2:13: those digging empty wells that have no water in them. We try first one thing and then another, but nothing quenches our thirst for whatever it is that is missing in our lives.

We might describe our feelings as being incomplete, yet the Bible says we are complete in Jesus: And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all princ.i.p.ality and power. (Colossians 2:10 KJV) And you are in Him, made full and having come to fullness of life [in Christ you too are filled with the G.o.dheada"Father, Son and Holy Spirita"and reach full spiritual stature]. And He is the Head of all rule and authority [of every angelic princ.i.p.ality and power]. (Colossians 2:10) To be complete means to be satisfied, filled up, a.s.sured. Without Christ, people are always searching, looking for something. They feel incomplete. The sad thing is that most people don't know Jesus Christ is what they are looking for, so they try to fill up the emptiness in their lives with all sorts of other things.

When we believe, trust in, and rely on the Lord, we are blessed.

We all want to feel satisfied. We all want contentment. We all want to know we are loved and accepted for who we are. We may think acceptance and approval from people will make us feel complete. However, the Bible teaches us that when we trust in man to give us what only G.o.d can give, we live under a curse; but when we believe, trust in, and rely on the Lord, we are blessed (See Jeremiah 17:58). The joy, peace, and fulfillment, we seek come from being filled with G.o.d, and nothing else. They do not come from having a certain person in our life, or from money, position, power, fame, accomplishments, or anything else. If you don't believe me, go ahead and try all the other things. You will ultimately come to the same conclusion we all do. You will admit that you are bankrupt as a person, that nothing you have tried has given you what you desirea"a sense of fullness and completeness. Read the book of Ecclesiastes, which was written by Solomon. He was a man who tried literally everything to find this kind of deep inner completeness and satisfaction. Nothing he tried worked until he came full circle and realized that what he truly wanted had been available all the time. He wanted G.o.d!

Solomon began with G.o.d, but drifted away. He tried women, money, fame, power, labor, accomplishments, success, et cetera. Nothing worked! Listen to some of the things he said: Vapor of vapors and futility of futilities, says the Preacher. Vapor of vapors and futility of futilities! All is vanity (emptiness, falsity and vainglory).

What profit does man have left from all his toil at which he toils under the sun? [Is life worth living?] (Ecclesiastes 1:2-3) I have seen all the works that are done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity, a striving after the wind and a feeding on the wind. (Ecclesiastes 1:14) I like the way Solomon said it. Trying to find fulfillment in anything the world has to offer is like chasing the wind. No matter how hard we chase after it, it always evades us. No matter how fast we run, we never catch what we are after. Can you imagine chasing the wind, and how frustrating that would be?

After a lifetime of trying everything the world had to offer, Solomon finally concluded that the only thing that made any sense at all was G.o.d. He realized n.o.body can find any lasting enjoyment apart from Him. Solomon said what he had learned from all his searching was to: Fear G.o.d [revere and worship Him, knowing that He is], and keep His commandments, for this is the whole of man [the full, original purpose of his creation, the object of G.o.d's providence, the root of character, the foundation of all happiness, the adjustment to all inharmonious circ.u.mstances and conditions under the sun] and the whole [duty] for every man. (Ecclesiastes 12:13) WORLDLY ADVERTISING.

Advertising is a major part of our culture. Taking a drive down the highway is like driving through an encyclopedia of information. In our everyday lives, we are bombarded with billboards, commercials on television and radio, advertis.e.m.e.nts in every magazine and newspaper and on the sides of taxis and buses. They all tell us in some way or another that we need what they are selling.

"Buy this cream, and your wrinkles will disappear." Isn't the message really that if you buy and use that particular product, then you will be acceptable? The message is that if you can just look better, people will approve of you.

"Drive this car, and you will definitely be noticed and admired."

"Spray on this perfume, and every man will be drawn to you."

"Eat this food, and you will be totally satisfied."

"Take this pill, and you will lose weight." After all, if you were just a bit smaller in size, you might not be rejected.

It is time to wake up! It is all a lie! There may be good products in the world that you will want to buy and try, but they definitely won't give you that final sense of fulfillment.

The world is deep in debt and going deeper all the time trying to buy what G.o.d offers for free: acceptance, love, approval, worth, value, peace, joy, fulfillment! The bigger house won't make you feel complete; you will just have more square footage to clean. The newer model car won't do it; you will just have bigger payments. The promotion at work is not the answer; you will just have more responsibility and probably be required to work longer hours. Oh yes, you may also make more money; but by the time you pay taxes and buy all the things you will need to maintain your new image, you won't have any of it left anyway.

The world is deep in debt and going deeper all the time.

Go ahead and make a few laps around the racetrack of the world's system, and you will be saying with Solomon: "Vapor of vapors, futility of futilities, all is vanity!"

ACCEPT CHRIST.

If you have never accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior, that is a good place to start. But even that won't fix everything in you and your life unless you also accept Him as your Lord.

I say about myself that for many years I had enough of Jesus to stay out of h.e.l.l, but not enough to walk in victory. I took Him for my ticket to heaven, but I needed Him as my all. I thought I needed Jesus plus approval, money, position, things. Not so. Jesus intends to be everything to us. He does nothing halfway. He will never be satisfied with one little corner of our life. He wants the run of the entire house. As believers in Jesus, we are His home, and nothing should be off limits to Him.

It took me many long years of chasing after things to discover I had what I needed all along. I was complete in Jesus Christ (See Colossians 2:10). All I needed to do was believe it!

As I bring this book to a close, it is my desire to leave you feeling complete, satisfied, and fulfilled. I don't want you to feel empty and to continue looking for something to fill the emptiness that will only add to the pain you may already be experiencing.

You must know who you are in Jesus. You must understand your righteousness (your right standing with G.o.d) is found only in Christ. Everything you need is available for the taking. All you have to do is receive by faith what Jesus has already provided.

Let faith take the lead, and feelings will follow. First, you must believe that G.o.d loves you; you affirm it to yourself daily through meditating on it and speaking it. Your feelings will come along later. Start believing you have been made acceptable in Jesus. Ask Him for favor with the right people, and don't worry about all the others who don't seem to value you. They are missing out, because actually you are a great person, and a relationship with you is something to be greatly desired!

A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENt.i.tY.

Years spent in an emotional prison of mental torment can result from a simple case of mistaken ident.i.ty. I had an uncle who actually spent twenty years in prison for something he did not do. He was sentenced because of a case of mistaken ident.i.ty. Imagine all that wasted time and potential!

Are you doing the same thing? If you don't know who you really are, the awesome person G.o.d created you to be, if you have a case of mistaken ident.i.ty, you may let the world sentence you to isolation, fear, control and manipulation, self-rejection, and many other unpleasant things.

Our ident.i.ty is established as a result of who and what we choose to identify with.

Our ident.i.ty is established as a result of who and what we choose to identify with. The word identify means to establish the ident.i.ty of and characteristics of something or someone by identification, especially in relation to others. If we identify with people and what they say about us, we will end up in trouble; but if we identify with Jesus and His opinion of us, we will no longer have an ident.i.ty crisis.

The people Jesus dealt with asked Him Who He thought He was. They were furious because He claimed to be the Son of G.o.d. They accused Him of blasphemy. Jesus said He knew Who He was because He knew where He came from and where He was going: Jesus answered, Even if I do testify on My own behalf, My testimony is true and reliable and valid, for I know where I came from and where I am going; but you do not know where I come from or where I am going. (John 8:14) His confidence infuriated the people. He knew who He was (See John 8:12). No matter what people said about Jesus, He did not identify with it. He identified with what His heavenly Father said about Him. He identified with G.o.d!

Identification with Christ is a doctrinal foundation of the Christian faith. It is not taught as frequently and fully as it should be. Some religious organizations spend far too much time telling people what they need to do, and not enough time telling them who they are in Christ.

We need to be taught to identify with Jesus, not with people who reject us and judge us critically. You belong to G.o.d! Knowing that fact will give you confidence to walk in this world with your head held high. You will be able to follow your own heart and not be adversely affected when people don't agree with you or your choices.