Alpine For You Part 17

He smiled. "Generous of them. That should be just enough to buy yourself more contraband room freshener."

"We're not doing room freshener anymore. We found something better."

"Dare I ask what?"

Since I didn't know if the Swiss had laws against carrying pocketknives concealed, I decided not to press my luck. "I'd prefer not to tell you."

"I hope this doesn't mean you've graduated to something more lethal."

"How do you define lethal?"

He stroked the shimmery cloth at my shoulder then feathered a lazy finger down my inner my arm. "An M-16 is lethal, but in your hands, I suspect a wand of lipliner could become deadly."

Only if it was in a color I didn't like. "I hope you're not laughing at me, because I know for a fact that I'm I'm the next victim on the list. They're going to pop me. And I got the impression it was going to be sooner rather than later." the next victim on the list. They're going to pop me. And I got the impression it was going to be sooner rather than later."

"Who is 'they?'"

"The d.i.c.ks and their wives, and maybe Bernice. They're all in cahoots with each other. They killed Andy, and now they're going to kill me."

"You're making some serious charges, Emily."

"I know. But I'm not making it up. Something happened today in the changing room at Spengler."

"Is that why your nose is blue?"

I shook my head. "That happened when a deckhand hit me in the face with a life preserver."

His demeanor suddenly screamed "Inspector Miceli" rather than "Etienne." "Did you report the a.s.sault? Do you want to press charges?"

"He didn't mean anything by it. It was just a lucky shot. He thought I was trying to kill myself. But that's not important. I overheard a conversation between Grace Stolee and Helen Teig in the fitting room today, and they practically announced they were going to kill me."

The waiter arrived with our drinks. I stared at the martini gla.s.ses that were filled to a third of their capacity and wondered if the bartender had run out of mix. "Is this normal?" I asked Etienne.

"Is what normal?"

"The gla.s.ses aren't full." I mean, I'd knocked back more liquid out of the little plastic cup that held an adult dosage of Nyquil than was contained in the c.o.c.ktail gla.s.s in front of me.

"They're full by Swiss standards."

I nodded. Definitely no alcoholism in Switzerland. I raised the gla.s.s to my lips, making a special effort not to accidentally swallow the whole thing in one sip. "About Grace and Helen," I continued. "They said they had the same plan for me that they had for Andy."

"Did you hear them say specifically that they were going to kill you? Did they use the words 'kill' or 'murder' or 'poison'?"

"Uh--not exactly. They said things like the jig would be up if I suspected anything. And then Helen said she wished Andy had suffered more. And Grace said Lucille had been the brains of the outfit. And Helen said Grace had a roll of fat at her waist."

"And you put all the pieces together and concluded they're going to kill you."

"Well, what would you conclude?"

"From that conversation? I would conclude that Grace needs to be on a salad diet."

"You didn't hear Grace's voice. It was really sinister. Especially when she mentioned my name."

"I'm afraid we have no law against saying someone's name in a sinister voice. Grace or Helen will have to threaten you with bodily harm before I can make a move, Emily. I'm sorry."

"Okay. But when I end up at the bottom of a cliff like Shirley Angowski, don't say I didn't warn you."

"There's still a chance Ms. Angowski's death was accidental. We've located her camera bag, but it's wedged between two rocks halfway down a chasm. The climbing team won't be able to retrieve it until tomorrow. If neither Grace's nor Helen's fingerprints appear on the bag, perhaps that will calm your fears." He lifted my hand and pressed his mouth gently to the inside of my wrist. I could feel my pulse gallop wildly. "You didn't overhear them say say they pushed Ms. Angowski off the cliff, did you?" they pushed Ms. Angowski off the cliff, did you?"

I watched his mouth whisper across my flesh, causing gooseflesh to rise on my arms. "Unh-uh."

"You didn't hear them say say they poisoned Mr. Simon, did you?" they poisoned Mr. Simon, did you?"

I shook my head.

"Then for the moment, my hands are tied."

If his hands were tied, then whose forefinger was tracing the neckline of my bodice, dipping tantalizingly beneath the border and lingering at the place where my bosom swelled above the cloth? Unh. His eyes were so hot on my mouth, I thought my lips might burst into flames. He inched closer. He cupped his hand around the back of my neck and drew me to him, then pressed his lips against the corner of my mouth. "Your dress is driving me insane. If we were alone right now, you'd be up on this table, and I'd be peeling the clothes from your body."

My idea of relaxation exactly. Having someone else undress you. "Maybe the bartender and those people at that other table will leave."

"Or perhaps they would be kind enough not to notice us." He crushed his mouth against mine.

I heard bells. I heard whistles. I heard a door bang open, followed by an intrusive chorus of excited voices. I opened one eye to find Wally leading a contingent of the Golden Swiss Triangle Tour group into the bar. AARRRRRGH!!!

"Hey look!" someone shouted. "There's Emily!"

They swarmed around us like bees. "Imagine finding you here," said Wally in a frosty voice. "I guess when I asked you this morning if you were free tonight, it must have slipped your mind that you already had a date."

Oh, this was going well.

"Official police business," said Etienne, staring Wally down. "Miss Andrew had no choice but to accompany me here this evening. I'm sure you understand."

I worried that someone would ask what kind of police business required Etienne's sticking his tongue down my throat, but no one bothered. They were too busy looking out the window and grabbing munchies from the serving table. "Drinks!" I heard d.i.c.k Teig yell. "We need drinks over here."

Nana slithered through the crowd with Bernice. "You wouldn't believe what it took for us to get here, Emily. We hopped a bus outside the hotel, then an electric car at the terminal, then we rode a little cable car up here to the top."

"It's not a cable car," corrected Bernice. "It's a counter-balanced elevator with windows. It's called a funicular."

"I thought you were going to stay in the room this evening," I said to Nana.

"I was, until I got a better offer."

"Emily!" George Farkas fought his way to the table. I guess they didn't want to observe him anymore at the hospital. "There's my little hero. Don't know what I would have done without you today. Your young man won't mind if I buy you a drink to thank you, will he? Maybe I could buy him one, too. h.e.l.l, I'm so happy, I'll buy everyone everyone a drink. Drinks on the house!" he shouted to the room in general. a drink. Drinks on the house!" he shouted to the room in general.

I suspected he didn't realize he'd have to take out a small loan to pay for a single round of drinks in this place.

"You don't mind if I join you, do you?" George asked us as he pulled up a chair.

Maybe that was a good idea. I knew CPR. I could probably resuscitate him after the bartender presented him with the bill.

"Marion. Bernice. Jane. Lars. Solvay," said George. "Grab yourselves a chair. Come join us. Maybe we can convince Emily to tell us how she rescued me and my leg today."

Etienne squeezed my knee beneath the table. I flashed him a hopeless smile, then caught sight of the three d.i.c.ks and their wives at the next table. They were looking this way, and for whatever reason, they weren't smiling.

Chapter 11.

"The Black Forest is named for the dark pine and fir trees that cover a mountainous region that is one hundred miles long and twenty miles wide. Throughout the centuries, the forest has been the setting for many fairy tales, but in the most recent decades, nearly half the trees in the region have been damaged by acid rain. And the source of much of that toxic rain is from factories in the United States. In Switzerland we are kinder to the environment. We are the most environmentally conscientious nation in the world."

I yawned as I stared out the window at the forest Sonya was describing over the loudspeaker. Two seats ahead of me, Grace Stolee punched a b.u.t.ton on d.i.c.k's camcorder and aimed it out the window. "Trees," she said. Grace could really cut to the chase.

We were on a day-trip today, heading for a little spa town called t.i.tisee-Neustadt, which was located at the point where Germany, France, and Switzerland converge. We had already stopped for picture taking at the Rhine Falls, which I considered a major water hazard, but since d.i.c.k Stolee's toupee didn't fly off his head, I was spared having to fling myself into the raging water to save it.

I didn't have to worry about George Farkas losing his leg today. George wasn't with us.

Nana and I were sitting on the long bench seat at the back of the bus, she at one window and I at the other, with a good six feet of s.p.a.ce between us. I eyed the s.p.a.ce longingly and thought about a nap. Not a bad idea considering how little sleep I'd gotten last night.

I looked over at Nana to find her snoring quietly with her chin slumped onto her chest. I guess she wasn't too interested in Sonya's dissertation on acid rain, which didn't mean she was antigreen. It just meant she hadn't gotten much sleep last night either.

When Sonya finished her spiel, Wally navigated to the front of the bus and took over the microphone. "You've probably noticed that George Farkas isn't with us this morning. George suffered what we all thought was a major heart attack last night at the Hotel Chateau Gutsch after the bartender presented him with his bill. Emily had the presence of mind to throw him to the floor and begin resuscitation measures, but luckily it only turned out to be a panic attack."

I'd suspected he wasn't having a heart attack when he tried to give my lip a hickey during mouth-to-mouth.

"Emily and her grandmother were kind enough to accompany George in the ambulance to the hospital, and to stay with him until he was released, so let's have a round of applause to show the ladies our appreciation."

Scattered applause. A few whistles.

"George decided to stay at the hotel today to recuperate," Wally continued. "But you have to ask what he's recuperating from? The panic attack or the excitement of Emily's mouth-to-mouth!"

Hoots. Guffaws. Giggles.

d.i.c.k Ra.s.smuson stood up and clutched his hands to his chest. "I feel the big one coming on, Emily. I need oxygen. I need mouth-to-mouth!"

"Take an aspirin!" one of the men shouted.

I hunkered down in my seat and began counting the number of days left on our Golden Swiss Triangle tour. I didn't know how much longer I could play the part of the escort extraordinaire. Last night had started out so perfectly. The intimate room. Etienne's kiss. The prospect of getting naked. Hanging out in a hospital waiting room for five hours hadn't been part of the plan. I didn't even get a chance to kiss Etienne good-bye. I'd merely had time to wave to him from inside the ambulance as we drove away. There was no no justice in the world. With the way I'd looked last night, I should have spent the evening doing something that would have caused me to wake up this morning feeling satisfied and glowing. Instead, I'd broken the heel of my strappy new shoes in an altercation with the hospital's vending machine and I had bags under my eyes. Was I the poster child for today's successful woman, or what? justice in the world. With the way I'd looked last night, I should have spent the evening doing something that would have caused me to wake up this morning feeling satisfied and glowing. Instead, I'd broken the heel of my strappy new shoes in an altercation with the hospital's vending machine and I had bags under my eyes. Was I the poster child for today's successful woman, or what?

"We'll be stopping in the town of t.i.tisee-Neustadt for two and a half hours," Wally announced. "There are plenty of places to have lunch along the main street and lots of boutiques and shops in the town center."

It was becoming apparent that a Golden Swiss Triangle tour revolved around driving really long distances to eat lunch and shop. But I didn't mind the drive today. The weather had broken the moment we left Switzerland and crossed the border into Germany, which made me think we would have been wiser to book the Golden Deutschland Triangle Tour. Switzerland might have Alps, but Germany had sunshine.

I rested my head against the window, letting the sun wash over my face, and the next thing I knew, Wally was standing above me, shaking my shoulder. "We're here, Sleeping Beauty. Do you want to join us?"

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. "We're here?" I looked down the length of the bus to find it empty. "Where is everyone?"

"Walking down to the lake to board the boat."

"Boat?" Unh-oh. "You never said anything about a boat."

"I did so. About a half hour ago. You must have been sleeping."

"We can't can't board another boat! We can't go anywhere board another boat! We can't go anywhere near near water!" water!"

"It's on the itinerary. We take a one-way boat trip from the southern end of Lake t.i.tisee to the town at the northern end, and the bus meets us there. It's not a long boat ride. Only about ten minutes. Are you coming?" He headed off down the aisle. I chased after him.

"But I didn't bring any dry clothes with me!"

"What makes you think you're going to get wet?"

"When have I been around water on this trip and not gotten wet?"

He stopped for a beat. "Are you wearing a watch?"

"No."

"Then what are you worried about?"

We were the last people to board the boat. Much to my relief, the vessel was a sightseeing boat, enclosed in gla.s.s, with no upper deck, so there would be little opportunity for anyone to lose anything overboard. I slid into the first booth with a s.p.a.ce and took a deep breath, hoping my knees would eventually stop knocking together. Wally was right. I had nothing to worry about. So why did I feel as if I was waiting for the other shoe to drop?

"I'm having the big one!" d.i.c.k Ra.s.smuson yelled out from the stern of the boat. "I need mouth-to-mouth, Emily! You did it for George. You can do it for me!"

I threw him my "Get real" look, then settled in for the journey across the lake.

Sonya began a narration over the boat loudspeaker. "Lake t.i.tisee is named for the Roman general t.i.tus, who once camped here with his troops, but the first authenticated reference to the name is found in doc.u.ments dating from the year 1111."

The lake was a sparkling gem, with a forest of golden-leaved trees marching from high, steep slopes down to its sh.o.r.e. It was kind of neat to imagine the lake had looked exactly like this two thousand years ago, only without the powerboat.

"How deep is this lake?" Lars Bakke called out to Sonya.

"Why do you need to know that? Are you going scuba diving? There is no no scuba diving allowed in Lake t.i.tisee." scuba diving allowed in Lake t.i.tisee."

"How cold's the water?" asked d.i.c.k Teig.

"Why don't you stick your head in and find out?" hissed Sonya.

"No!" I leaped out of my seat. "No one sticks anything in the water! Do you hear me? No piggies. No pinkies. No heads. Stay in your seats and don't move a muscle!" Okay, so maybe I was a little over the top, but it seemed to work. No one was moving. That was a good sign. Besides, if d.i.c.k Teig stuck his head in the water, we'd be looking at a major tidal wave.

"It's the big one, Emily!" shouted d.i.c.k Ra.s.smuson. "I can feel the palpitations. I'm getting short of breath. You better get back here and start puckering up!"

Laughter exploded throughout the cabin. High-pitched giggles. Earsplitting hysteria. I looked from bow to stern. d.i.c.k Ra.s.smuson might be a cutup, but he wasn't that that funny. What in the world was going on? Then I noticed the fingers pointing out the window. I pivoted my head around. A man was wading into the lake near the beach area at the opposite sh.o.r.e. There was nothing noteworthy about that, other than the fact that he was buck naked. funny. What in the world was going on? Then I noticed the fingers pointing out the window. I pivoted my head around. A man was wading into the lake near the beach area at the opposite sh.o.r.e. There was nothing noteworthy about that, other than the fact that he was buck naked.

The uproar grew louder. Hoots. Wolf whistles. I guess that meant the men had spotted the naked women lounging on chairs in a gla.s.s-fronted building behind the beach. I executed a major eye roll. I'm so glad everyone was being so adult about this. Wally wandered over to my side.