Alaina's Promise Part 17

"Because I couldn't bear to hurt you. I didn't want you to live beneath the shadow of my guilt-my past."

She pulled away from him then, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "There's something you need to know about me, Torin. Something...something from my past."

He braced himself, afraid of what she had to say and relieved she finally trusted him with her secrets.

"Is it what put that fear in your eyes? That guilt you can't let go?"

"Yes."

"Then you must tell me. 'Tis the only way to heal."

She was silent so long that he thought she would change her mind. But she took a deep breath and leaned back into him, as if for support.

"There was a young man...an acquaintance of many years," she began, then took another deep breath. Torin felt the pain of her grief and guilt as if it were his own. "I shouldn't have been alone with him but I...I was so lonely and he had always been kind. Mama was sick, my brother Michael disappeared in battle. Daddy had ridden off to search the wounded for him. I-I was alone.

"We went riding together. I didn't know what he wanted. But something in his eyes frightened me. He...he-"

Torin wrapped his arms tightly about her waist and held her securely as she took unsteady breaths.

"What did he do?" he asked, afraid of the answer but needing to know all the same. How deep were the scars she bore? Could he help heal them?

"He ripped my dress and threw me to the ground. I screamed and he held a knife to my throat. He said he'd kill me if I didn't stop. If I'd fought him..."

Torin squeezed his eyes shut as the image of her humiliation branded itself onto his mind. Impotent anger surged through him, followed by tenderness he never knew he could possess.

"He..." She shook her head. "He..." Her words caught and Torin drew her into his arms.

"You don't have to say more."

He felt her nod against his chest. "Yes, yes I do. I need to tell you what happened that day-why I seem so frightened all the time. Why I can never marry. I'm not...pure, Torin. That vile man took the one thing from me that can never be returned. He raped me."

"Hush, now," he implored. "It was not your fault, Alaina! You have no blame in this and you are one of the purest women I've ever met." He stroked her back with one hand as anger and tears clogged his throat. "Men such as that deserve little more than a noose and shallow grave."

"Well, he got his," she said. "James killed him."

"James? How did he find you?"

"Nanny Rose sent him looking for me. She always seemed to know when I was in trouble. When I needed someone. James didn't have any choice...the man had gone crazy...he was so violent. We never told anyone. Then James took me home and bandaged my wounds as best he could. Daddy never knew."

She looked at him then, the ghosts still lingering in her tear-filled eyes. "Don't tell, him! Please, it would do no good. Not now. It would kill him. He would only blame himself."

Torin shook his head and gathered her closer. "I won't tell, darlin'. I won't tell a soul."

"I've been afraid ever since-scared of my own shadow for years, afraid of any man who approached. But-" She looked at him again with such trust that it made him ache inside. "I'm not afraid with you. Not since that first day. I feel safe in your arms."

"I'll never hurt you."

"But it does hurt," she insisted, a catch to her voice. "It hurts to think of leaving Ireland. Of leaving you."

"You don't have to go, Alaina."

She frowned in confusion. "But, you don't want a wife and I really don't think I could stay here and not be with you."

He gently wiped a tear from her cheek as he felt his own begin to burn his eyes.

"I lied-to you, to myself. I want you more than I want my next breath. If you leave Ireland, I'll follow. I cannot let you go, even if I should."

The hope burgeoning in her eyes dulled for a moment. "Should? Why should you let me go? Am I so wrong for you? Because of what happened...?"

He shook his head. "'Tis my past that's wrong. I'll always be a murderer in the eyes of many. They'll never let the past rest. No matter what, that image of me will never fade. I cannot have much of a future with that hanging over my head and I should not even think of asking you to share it."

"Gossip means nothing."

"But it does," he insisted. "You try to ignore it, rise above it, but you always find yourself locked in the past. I don't belong here anymore. I'm not sure where I do belong, except with you by my side. So I shouldn't ask it of you, but I will. I've found I'm a selfish devil, after all. I'll not cut out my own heart to save face, to save you the scandal. Never again. If you're willing to face the future with me." Torin took both her hands in his but the words stuck in his throat. "Dance with me."

She frowned at him for a moment before she drifted back into his arms and let her body settle flush with his. It should have been scandalous, but it felt so right. Torin wished she could burrow even deeper...to become one with him...to forever be safe.

The music flowed around them-a sorrowful ballad of tragic lovers. Alaina swayed with him, their bodies pressed together from chest to knee. He could feel the beat of her heart and her breath at his neck. Never before had he felt such a sense of belonging.

"Marry me," he murmured against her ear. Her steps faltered.

"You...you really want me? After all I've told you?"

His arms tightened about her. "I've lived a lonely life, darlin', and so have you. I think we need each other. I know I love you more than I ever thought I could love."

Tears filled her eyes as she smiled up at him.

"I love you," she whispered. "And I'd be honored to become your wife."

Relief and joy that swept over him, lightening his heart more than anything had ever done.

"But," she added. "I'm afraid I'll disappoint you. That I won't be able to...to please you."

Her meaning was clear and he smiled at her softly. "La.s.s, you could never disappoint me. I'm a patient man. I can wait till you're ready. And I think the pleasing should work both ways. We'll learn together."

Alaina tucked her head beneath his chin, her cheek to his chest and sighed. The whole idea still frightened her a bit-yet she couldn't ignore the little tremor of excitement, that simmering warmth that filled her when she thought of Torin. His touch and his kiss were enough to light the darkness and chase away the shadows that plagued her since the summer her innocence had been lost.

As they swayed to the music, she could feel a change wash over him. What began as a tender, protective embrace now felt different somehow. Instead of fear, curiosity overcame her-and desire. She snuggled more securely along the steel length of his body and felt him shudder slightly, as if from a chill. Then he cleared his throat.

"Time for us to be going back to the ceili," he said. His tone sounded strained.

"Not yet," she whispered, unmindful of the danger she could sense lurking in the tension that grew between them.

"Darlin'...we must."

With a sigh, she pulled away. A wave of cold desolation washed over her as the evening breeze wrapped around her body where his strong arms had been. Torin reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand.

"I'll speak with your da tonight, if that's to your liking?"

"Yes, please do."

"I confess though, he somewhat gave me his blessing before."

"I'm not surprised. He's waited for this day for many years."

"Aye...and I'm thinking I did as well. My dad must be dancing a jig with knowing he was right all along."

"I'm sure he's very happy and proud of you, Torin. Any father would be."

Tears sprang to his eyes as a soft breeze blew across the surface of the water, fragmenting the stars and moon reflected there.

"Aye," he said. "I think you may be right." He gathered her hands in his and kissed them gently. "I'll ask the priest to post the announcements. We can wed in three weeks."

A look of guilt crossed over her face. "Oh, Torin! He already has...posted them, I mean."

Torin moved a step closer, his expression a myriad of confusion, humor and pleasure. "What are talking about?"

She told him of the priest's visit and his well-meaning intent that neither she nor Maggie had corrected. "I'm sorry, we should have said something but your mother-"

Torin chuckled. "Don't be, darlin'. It's just another sign that this was fated from the beginning." His acceptance warmed her from the inside out. "This only means we can marry all the sooner. I'll have to ask him before he leaves. Perhaps..."

"What?"

He frowned a bit as if wondering whether to speak his thoughts aloud. "Do you want a big wedding? With all that goes into it?"

She pressed herself closer, ducking her head as a sudden shyness overwhelmed her. But still she found the courage to answer him honestly. "I'd rather be married as soon as possible."

He gently tilted her chin up. "What worries you?"

It was foolish, she knew that. But Alaina couldn't shake the foreboding that seemed to envelop her thoughts. Instead of trying to explain, she shook her head. "I don't want you to have a chance to change your mind."

His sensuous grin lit his entire face and her heart began to race. "Not a chance of that, darlin'. You've made your bed and soon..." He leaned closer. "Soon you'll have to lie in it."

The words sent a frisson of desire down her spine, where it then spiraled lower as his lips met hers. Still a niggling doubt, a spark of fear lingered, but after a moment she let herself sink into the roaring flame of his kiss.

"Saints be praised!" her father shouted. The room fell into utter silence as all eyes turned to him, Alaina and Torin standing at his side. She felt as if her cheeks must be on fire, but Torin couldn't have looked more pleased.

"Of course you have my blessing, lad. You've had it nigh on thirty years!" Patrick stood and smiled at the now silent and curious crowd. "Everyone, I'm pleased and honored to announce the engagement of my daughter, Alaina to Torin O'Brien."

Cheers and clapping filled the room as everyone rejoiced in the news.

"So he wizened up then?" Colm asked over the din. Everyone laughed.

"Aye," Sean added. "He was afraid I'd steal her away."

"Nay, I worried your sorry jokes might send her back to America," Torin replied, much to everyone's delight.

"Well, now, we have a great deal to celebrate then, don't we?" Patrick asked. "Play us another song! I feel like dancing with me inion."

Before Alaina could protest, he led her to the middle of the dance floor as the musicians began to play. She glanced back in time to see several women gather around Torin, including his mother who pulled his head down and soundly kissed him on the cheek.

"This is what you're wanting, right la.s.s?" her father asked as he led her in a slow waltz.

"Yes, more than anything," she said. "I love him, Daddy. He's kind and intelligent."

"And handsome?"

She felt the blood rise in her face. "Yes." Alaina paused. "I've never felt like this with any other man. He...he makes me feel special."

Her father's eyes sparkled as he smiled at her. "Good, for I could not give my baby girl to anyone less deserving."

"I suppose you're quite pleased with yourself," she said.

Her father's face shown with a radiance she hadn't seen in many years. "That I am. I couldn't bear to leave you alone in the world, my love. Not without knowing you would be loved and cared for."

Her step faltered a bit at his words. "Don't be foolish, Daddy. You're stronger than ever-getting more so every day. In a year or so you'll be bouncing grandbabies on your knees." She glanced around them and spotted Torin dancing with his mother. "Perhaps you'll be renewing your own lost youth with a lovely red-haired la.s.s I know."

His pale cheeks turned pink and he cleared his throat. "Now who's gone daft, I ask you? I am the last man on G.o.d's green earth to be thinking of romance."

"No, I'd say that man would be Father Morris." Alaina laughed at the look he gave her. "Daddy, I understand things that never quite made sense before. But you and Maggie...you both have quite a few years of living ahead of you. Why not take a chance and see what happens? If nothing else, you've got a lifelong friend."

"Alaina, I want you to know nothing improper ever happened. And despite your mother's misguided thinking, I was always faithful to her. But I...I never quite forgot." Her father missed a step as Maggie and Torin danced by them.

"Have you told her?" Alaina asked.

Her father shook his head. "Nay, of course not."

"What are you waiting for?" she asked. "You're not getting any younger, Daddy. Do something before you lose your second chance."

He stopped dancing and frowned at her for a long moment. Then with small nod, he leaned a bit on her arm as they threaded their way through the crowd of dancers to where Maggie and Torin stood.

"Torin, lad, the young lady would like to trade partners." He held his hand out to Maggie. "As would I."

When he took Maggie by the hand, she had a shy, bashful air about her like a schoolgirl in love instead of widowed mother of six.

"Aye, that would be lovely," she said and settled into Patrick's arms. They slowly waltzed off together.

"About time," Torin said softly.

"Aye," Alaina agreed.

He laughed and then scooped her up into his arms and twirled away through the crowd.

"You are an amazing woman," he told her.