Airhead: Being Nikki Part 16

But no one had ever said I couldnt talk about Excuse me, I said. Mr. Stark?

Robert Stark turned in the doorway and looked back, still smiling pleasantly from his interlude with my sister.

Yes, Nikki? he asked.

I was just wondering, I said. My heart was in my throat, but I didnt care. I knew I had to keep going. I couldnt stop thinking about Stevens face down in that bas.e.m.e.nt, and knew I had to do something.

And this was my opportunity. Maybe my only opportunity.

Do you know where my mother is?

There were a few seconds of silence after I asked this, as my words sank in. Then everyone began buzzing among themselves. Her mother? Did she just say her mother?

Pardon me? Robert Stark said, his dark eyebrows raised.

My mother, I said. I was aware that the reporters were scribbling my words down frantically, some of them holding minirecorders in my direction. I tried to enunciate more clearly. Shes missing. I was wondering if you might have any idea where she was?

How would I know where your mother is, sweetheart? Robert Stark was grinning as if Id said something hilarious.

Well, I said, because she disappeared right after my accident. I put special stress on the word accident. A stress only he and I"and Frida, of course, who was staring at me in astonishment"would understand. And no one has seen or heard from her ever since. I was hoping maybe you might be able to shed some light on where she could have gone.

No, Robert Stark said, shaking his head. His smile had disappeared. Sorry, kid. I cant help you there. Cant help you there at all.

He couldnt seem to get out of there fast enough after that. Brandon followed him, looking back at me curiously.

After Robert Stark was gone, the level of tension in the room went down a millionfold. At least to me. Which was weird because the reporters, instead of following him, stuck around. They shoved microphones and cameras in my face and asked, Nikki Howard, is it true your mother is missing? Would you care to elaborate?

It was weird but.i.t turned out I did care to elaborateat least as much as I could without giving away the whole-body transplant angle of the story, which really didnt have anything to do with Nikkis mother"at least so far as I could prove. Soon I had the reporters names and affiliate stations and had given them exclusive interviews (Gabriel had handed me his tuxedo jacket to wear over my bra before doing so, which I considered decent of him), and had promised to have Steven e-mail a photo of his mom for the reporters to air on their shows.

It turned out, Nikki Howard having a missing mom was big news.

Really big news.

This was something I should have thought of before. I mean, being a supermodel wasnt all just strutting around in ten-million-dollar bras. People were interested in you. And if your mom went missing"especially around the holidays"that was front-page stuff.

Or at least it could be, if I worked it right. I was thinking this was something I needed to get my publicist on Why didnt you tell me about your missing mom, Nikki? Frida asked in a tight little voice, after the last of the reporters had left the dressing room with her big scoop. I thought we were close enough that you could tell me anything.

What was she even talking about? Of course I couldnt tell Frida anything. She was too young. And it was too dangerous.

The truth was, Id forgotten Frida was even there. Which was probably why she was glaring at me now, her eyes filled with tears.

Dont feel bad, Gabriel said lightly to Frida. I had dinner with her last night, and she didnt say a word to me about it, either.

Last night? Frida gasped. You guys had dinner together last night? She couldnt have sounded more wounded if one of her Google searches had turned up images of Gabriel and me actually making out.

Great. Just great.

Yeah, I said quickly. We had dinner. Because were in this show together, and we grabbed something after rehearsal. As friends.

It was too late, though. There were even more hot tears in her eyes. I saw the photos of you two by the town car on TMZ, she said. Oh, no. But I didnt thinkI mean, you like him? she demanded. Hes your boyfriend now? What about Christopher?

Of course hes not my boyfriend, I said. How could this be happening? Frida, stop"

Whats going on? Gabriel asked, looking bewildered. Whos Christopher?

No one, I said. Gabriel, would you mind leaving us alone for a moment?

Of course, Gabriel said, backing from the room, a wary eye on Frida, who looked like she might go supernova any minute. Ill just see you onstage, all right, Nikki?

Thatd be good, I said to him. As soon as he was gone, I whirled toward Frida, who was glaring at me like Id just written You Suck on her wall on Facebook, and said, Frida, get over it. Hes way too old for you. And theres nothing going on between us, anyway. We just work together.

The truth was, I was kind of glad she was distracted from asking me what Id been doing in Brooklyn. Better that she be mad at me for going out with Gabriel Luna"however innocently"than be demanding to know more about what Id been doing all morning with Christopher.

Except that it turns out that wasnt why she was mad. Or not entirely.

Who are you? she demanded.

I blinked down at her. What do you mean, who am I? You know who I am.

No, I dont, Frida shot back. Youre doing all this stuff to find someone elses mom, and meanwhile, you dont even care about your real family anymore.

Frida, I said in a tight voice. You know that isnt true.

Yes, it is, Frida said. We changed all our plans for you. Im not going to cheerleading camp because of you. And you dont even care. Youre spending all your time worrying about Nikkis family. Because youre turning into Nikki!

I felt something inside of me go cold. You know that isnt true, I said through lips as numb as if they had been smeared with plumper.

Youre the worst sister, Frida snapped. You dont even care about me anymore! Just your new family!

I had to admit, that hurt. Everything Id done, Id done to protect her. Well, okay, maybe not the part where Id accidentally made out with Gabriel Luna. Id only done that because Id been so hurt and lonely about Christopher.

But the fact that I had gone through with this whole model thing so Mom and Dad wouldnt be in violation of the contracts theyd signed? Id done that for Frida. How would she enjoy living in bankruptcy, with no Wi-Fi or Juicy Couture?

And she had the nerve to say I was a bad sister?

Go get my bag, I said in a cold voice. Take money out of it, get a cab, and go home.

Gladly, Frida said, just as coldly. I cant believe we decided to stay here for Christmas for you. I wish we were going to Florida after all!

And with that, she took her new computer and a wad of cash from my wallet, and left the Stark Sound Studios.

She was crying as she did it, but I didnt care.

Or I told myself I didnt. She was just a kid, anyway. A jealous kid. What did she know about anything? She was just mad about the Gabriel thing, and the fact that I wouldnt let her come to Lulus party. Shed get over it. Shed have to. We were sisters. We fought all the time. We always got over it.

I wasnt turning into Nikki Howard. Sure, on the outside I looked like her. But on the inside, I was still me.

Wasnt I? I couldnt wait to get home and tear into my new Stark Quark so I could play Realms. Right?

Except Except it wasnt going to be that much fun without Christopher to play against.

Frida left just as one of the costume a.s.sistants came in with my wings, fastened them on, and escorted me down the long corridors to the backstage area. The rest of the girls were there, milling around. Kelley waved when she saw me and hurried over.

Oh, my G.o.d, she said. Even though she was shouting, it was kind of hard to hear her with all the buzzing from the Stark investors. Can you believe this? They get their own private performance? Just because theyve got stock in the company or something? This is ridiculous. Someone should complain.

Seriously, I said. Except that I didnt mean it. The truth was, there was no instrument known to man small enough to measure how little I cared.

Maybe Frida was right. Maybe I was turning into Nikki. Maybe this was what happened to stunningly beautiful women. They just got to a point where they were so jaded about everything, nothing mattered anymore. Their hearts turned hard as stone. Mine certainly felt like it. Or as heavy as stone, anyway.

Up until Alessandro hissed, Ladies! Were on! and we were lining up to begin, the techno music thumping so hard it seemed to have reached inside my heart and seized it and taken hold"b.u.mp-b.u.mp-b.u.mp"and Veronica turned around suddenly and pinched me. Hard.

Ow! I shrieked, rubbing my arm. Sorry, but no one whose heart was made of stone could be as sensitive to pain as I was. What did you do that for?

You know. Her gaze blazed like twin lightning bolts. Why wont you quit e-mailing Justin? He doesnt like you like that anymore. Hes mine.

E-mail him? I glared back at her. I had to shout to make sure she could hear me over the music. I didnt e-mail anyone!

Youre a liar. Veronica shook her head, her silky blond hair shimmering in the stage lights. He showed me the things you wrote. Youre pathetic. You miss him? Hes mine now.

I swear, I said. I am not e-mailing your boyfriend. Its someone else"

How can you stand there, lying to my face? Veronica wanted to know. Justin told me he broke it off and has been trying to ditch you, but you wont let it go.

I glared at her angrily. I told you. I dont know what youre talking about. I havent been e-mailing Justin. Its some other girl using my name. Which isnt my problem. Now, you better pay attention to what youre doing or youre going to be late onstage. And dont pull that feather thing again or this time Ill speak to Mr. Stark about it, and h.e.l.l boot you out of here. That Ill guarantee.

Something very much like fear flickered across Veronicas face, and I realized Id finally gotten the upper hand in our relationship. It was sad that Id had to invoke the name of Brandons dad to do it, but what choice did I have, really? The girl was trying to kill me, and for something I didnt even do. Some wacko was trying to steal her boyfriend, and was using my name to do it. How was that my fault?

Looking scared"until her stage face fell into place like a mask"Veronica sailed out onto the runway. I stood there for a few seconds, waiting for my cue"the Nikki song"and wondering how everything had gotten so complicated. My life before the accident hadnt been so great, it was trueId been in love with a guy who hadnt known I was alive. Now that guy had finally realized he loved me back. The only problem was, he thought I was dead, but I couldnt tell him I wasnt. And he wouldnt like the me I was now, anyway, because I represented pretty much everything he hated.

Meanwhile, so did a bunch of other people. Hate me, I mean.

It was hard being a teenage supermodel in the twenty-first century.

Then I heard it.

The thing of it is, girlin spite of it allI really do thinkI love you.

Except, of course, once again, it was the wrong guy saying it.

And as I moved out onto the stage, carefully putting one six-inch heel in front of the other and giving my all to my sa.s.sy catwalk strut, a knowing, catlike smile plastered across my face as the Stark investors cheered"I knew my heart hadnt actually been turned to stone.

Because it hurt.

It hurt a lot.

NINETEEN.

STEVEN WASNT IN THE MOOD FOR A party.

Neither was I, actually. I mean, Steven hadnt spent the night before at the Stark Angel dress rehearsal and investor after party, signing autographs and posing for photos with Stark Enterprises executives, pretending to be so thrilled to be there.

Nor had he woken up the next day and dragged himself to school for his remaining finals, or slunk around to the teachers whose exams hed missed the day before, begging them to let him reschedule.

I was the only one who appeared to care about having missed any exams. Christopher didnt even bother to show up at school the next day. I had no idea where he was. Probably still with Felix in the bas.e.m.e.nt, hatching their evil revenge plot against Stark.

Which didnt appear to be working, because as far as I could tell, Stark Enterprises showed every sign of still going strong.

Frida, whom I pa.s.sed in the hallway, stuck up her nose at me and moved right along. So I had no idea if her teachers allowed her to retake the finals shed missed when she followed me out to Brooklyn. Mine werent so keen on the idea. I got a lot of, Miss Howard, do you realize how much of this semester youve missed already? We here at Tribeca Alternative are willing to be flexible with students who have special schedules, but youre going to have to make up your mind. Do you want a modeling career, or do you want an education?

Umhow about both?

But I understood. I took my Fs on the finals whose teachers were totally unwilling to compromise and let me do extra work to make up for missing the final exam or project.

Such as Public Speaking. Well, Mr. Greer always did think a bit too highly of himself, for a guy who slept through cla.s.s every day.

In some cases, the F wouldnt affect my total grade in the cla.s.s too badly. Id still end up making a C or a B. But in others Well, lets just say it was a good thing I had my modeling career to fall back on if I didnt make it into college.

I knew not everybody was going to think this was such a good thing. My parents, for instance, werent going to be so thrilled when they heard about itif I ever told them, that is. They had no way to find out about Nikki Howards grades, not being related to her"nor would the school have notified them that shed skipped school yesterday.

Frida, however, was another matter. Shed gotten into some pretty big trouble for leaving school and missing her exams. TAHS had notified Mom about both, as I found out when Id called Mom and Dad to check in"stung by Fridas rebuke that I cared more about my new family than I did about my old one.

Mom had been frantic about Fridas skippinguntil I told her shed been with me at the Stark Angel fashion show rehearsal.

What? Mom sounded stunned. With you?

She was just worried about me, I said. We had a little fight. She saw me leaving school, and she didnt know why, and so she followed me. I was going to a rehearsal at the Stark studios. She was with me the whole time. This part, at least, wasnt technically a lie.

So you skipped school, too, Mom said. Now she sounded more bitter than stunned.

It was work, Mom, I said. Technically, this wasnt a lie, either. Dont be too hard on Frida. She really thought she was doing the right thing.

Mom sighed. Youre both getting coal in your stocking this year, she said. She didnt sound like she was joking, either.

So Frida hadnt told Mom where shed been"chasing me to Brooklyn. What was Frida up to? Why hadnt she told Mom and Dad where shed been? What was going on with her? Why was she so mad at me? Surely she couldnt really believe I was turning into my donor body, forgetting my real family in place of Nikkis. Not for real. It was true sometimes"especially when a guy was kissing me"I felt as if I were losing control over Nikki.

But forsake Frida and Mom and Dad for Nikkis family? No. It was just that they needed me right now. And I was in a position where I could help them.

Besides, I owed them. Didnt I? Who else was going to help them if I didnt?

When I got home from school that day, I found Steven"still not in the mood for a party"looking pleased with himself.