After Such Kindness Part 7

'Is that so?' Daniel looked surprised. 'Well, I am glad. But it seems our family has increased its debt to you, John. Is there anything we can do in return?'

'Let me take Daisy out again. That is sufficient reward for an old bachelor such as myself.'

'There you go again, John! Anyone would think you were seventy, not thirty-five! Now, if you were to marry, you'd have children of your own to take out and about. Think how delightful that would be. And, my dear sir, marriage is to be recommended not only on account of the children. It is the '

'I think you know my mind, Daniel,' I said, not wishing to hear another paean to the married state.

'You know me too, John, and I am not a man who gives up lightly. But now is not the time for discussions of matrimony. Daisy is almost asleep. I've a cab outside. May we give you a lift?'

'I'll walk,' I said. The afternoon's rain had gone and it was a fine night. And I had no mind to witness Daisy curled up contentedly in her father's arms for the mile and a half to my college. I felt almost angry at Daniel for taking the delights of paternity as so much his due as if feeling Daisy's sweet head against his chest was so much a matter of course as to be of no account or value. Besides, I wanted solitude in order to think about the whole day. When I got back, I'd maybe write down an account of it. Maybe make it into a story I could tell her later. I thought I might sleep a little first, though. I find that strange state between sleeping and waking can give me such vivid ideas. Sometimes I have to get up and strike a light and note it down straight away with half-frozen fingers. Sometimes, I don't even strike a light. I've invented a little machine that allows me to write in the dark if I wish. I don't want too much bright light on my imaginings. The darkness keeps the magic close.

10.

DANIEL BAXTER.

I don't know why, but I'm distinctly perturbed at the thought of Jameson's involvement in this hair-cutting business. Daisy insists that she did the lion's share of the ma.s.sacre herself and begged me with tears in her eyes not to hold him to account; but I wonder if she's telling me the whole story. I don't know why I find it so unsettling the picture of Daisy sitting on his lap while he snips away. But this episode has set me wondering why he has taken such an interest in her: first the parasol, then the tea parties, and finally the visit to London. Daisy's a sweet enough child, but she is very young to be the companion of choice for such a clever man. And, as far as the photography is concerned, it's not as though she is particularly pretty or at least I hadn't thought so up to now. But the new fringe is a decided improvement; one can see her face much more clearly.

I've said nothing of this to my wife, of course, as she is in such a state over the whole business, accusing herself of being too trusting and lenient with the child. Both of us are surprised to find Daisy so underhand and, what is more, so very unrepentant. Evelina blames the actress Miss Garfield for putting the idea into Daisy's mind, but I reminded her that many ideas may come into our minds, but we are not automatically obliged to act on them. 'That is where the exercise of Will is required, is it not?' I said. 'To combat the Devil's whispers. As I have to do myself every day of my life.'

Evelina ignored my clumsy attempt to confide in her, if indeed she even heard the words. 'It's high time Daisy was prepared for Confirmation,' she said. 'You've been very lax about it, Daniel, and I have allowed myself to become utterly distracted first by Nettie's departure, then Mrs McQueen's arrival and now all this business with Leonard Gardiner.'

She was right, of course; there'd been a great deal of upheaval in the family of late, and Evelina's delicate nerves had been put to the test in no uncertain manner. As far as Mr Gardiner was concerned, I regretted that I had not acted immediately it became apparent that Christiana admired him. But Evelina had insisted on dealing with the matter herself, fearful that my intervention ('your intimidating presence' was how she put it) would turn a small problem into a great one. However, in spite of her personal attendance at the archery lessons and her close observations of the young man, she had been unable to come to a decision on the matter. 'He is very good-looking, so it is hardly surprising that there is a certain amount of simpering when he stands close and adjusts the young ladies' arms and fingers,' she said, in a way that made me think that Evelina herself had not been immune to his charms. 'And he is particularly complimentary to Christiana. Yesterday he asked all the others to watch her draw the bow so they could copy her movements and applauded in appreciation which delighted her no end. All the same, I think that the attachment is more on Christiana's side. It will peter out, I'm sure, but you know how headstrong she is. I must continue to chaperone her. I cannot rely on Hannah; she is too young to judge what is seemly. And if I am with Christiana and Sarah, I cannot also be with Daisy. You must be the one to take her in hand, Daniel.'

I agreed, and indeed I'll do my best with Daisy's spiritual and moral education, which is by no means as neglected as my wife seems to think. But I can't help wondering what const.i.tutes the greater impropriety allowing a middle-aged clergyman, who is not your relative, to cut your hair in the privacy of his rooms, or permitting a young man to touch your fingers and pay you a compliment in the safe gaze of a dozen onlookers while he does what he is paid to do? I suppose Christiana's situation should be of more concern, as she is of an age to make a fool of herself, with all the consequences that might accrue. But I have to confess that I am more upset about Daisy. There is, I think, an intimacy between her and John that is somewhat unusual, and which I do not altogether understand.

And yet it now falls on me to set a punishment for the child. In spite of my misgivings, I think her transgression is very slight, and I truthfully do not mind whether her hair is short or long. But I must bow to Evelina's unexpected firmness in the matter. She is of the opinion that it would not do to let Daisy's act of defiance pa.s.s, for fear she might become more disobedient in future. 'And I suggest you stop all her outings with John Jameson immediately,' she said.

'Do you mean that as a penance for her or a punishment for him?' I asked. 'Such a course of action might lead him to a.s.sume that we are blaming him in some way, or don't trust him to care for her.'

'Do we trust him, though?' Evelina gave me such an odd look that I wasn't sure what to answer. But I attempted to make light of it, and laughed.

'You mean, do we trust him to keep his scissors safe from her prying hands?'

'No, Daniel. I mean do we trust him to keep her innocent? It was he who introduced her to well, new ideas. And new people, too.'

'And should she not have the opportunity to experience new ideas and meet new people?' I said. 'I thought you approved of her extending her education. You have been saying for some time even before Nettie left that she needs to be more grown-up in her demeanour. You have brought her down from the nursery, given her her own room, and let her join us at supper and you positively encouraged her to go to London with John. You seemed to trust him well enough then.'

'I thought it was a safe thing to allow her to meet Miss Garfield, as she was a relative of his and would therefore be a respectable young woman, but I feel he has deceived me.'

'Have you discovered that she is not respectable, then, Evelina?' That would indeed have put the whole outing in a different light.

She shrugged. 'I can't say exactly. But the way Daisy talked about her was well, it sounded as though some of her language was not refined. And she certainly gave Daisy the notion that she could do what she liked without reference to her parents. Do you realize, Daniel, that she would have cut Daisy's hair herself if she'd had the scissors to hand?' She looked at me as if she had delivered the coup de grace.

But I wouldn't have it. 'I hardly think Miss Garfield meant to encourage disobedience. It's just that theatre people say what they think rather more frankly than we do. She thought Daisy would look better with short hair, and she made a joke about cutting it. I don't think she was attempting to undermine our authority.'

'All the same, I'm surprised at Mr Jameson taking her behind the scenes, eating in public with an actress, letting her be exposed to questionable remarks. She's always been such an innocent child, so sheltered from the ways of the world; I should never have exposed her to the fleshpots of London.'

I looked at Evelina in amazement. The Leonard Gardiner business must have shaken her more than I imagined. Never since our first meeting had she been obsessed with such narrow proprieties. 'Fleshpots? Surely, my love, you're not talking of the Theatre Royal and the jolly afternoon entertainments it puts on for children?' I asked. 'Even the best families patronize the performances, and Daisy adored it in the whole-hearted, childish way she was meant to. And just because of a few teacakes in the Strand and a pa.s.sing remark from an actress, you are now convinced that she will never obey us again.'

'You have not seen the way she talks, Daniel. She is completely unrepentant about her hair. I have never seen her like this.'

For my part, I am rather heartened at Daisy's show of spirit. 'Well, what's done is done,' I say. 'The hair cannot be put back. And truly there is no harm in her having it short. In fact, I think it suits her.'

'You take her part against me, Daniel? You add to my distress?' Evelina put her hand on her heart in the way that has become more common with her lately. As if my behaviour pains her. As if she suspects the emptiness in my soul.

'I simply try to be practical, my love. You have to admit Daisy's hair has always been exceedingly untidy, and it's been far worse since Nettie went. And she was never told directly that she couldn't cut it, so we mustn't be unduly harsh.' I was determined to be fair with my daughter not like G.o.d with His Eternal d.a.m.nation.

She sighed. 'So, what do you suggest?'

'I'll find a suitable text for her to write out. I suggest Ephesians 6:13. And I'll preach a sermon on the topic next Sunday. No one else in the congregation will know what I am referring to. But Daisy will; and if I am any judge of her character, she will come to beg forgiveness.'

'And John Jameson? Do we receive him as before?'

'Why ever not?' I gave her a sharp look. Even though she had given voice to something of my own uneasiness regarding John, her uncompromising att.i.tude made me rush to his defence. I told myself that my discomfort about John's friendship with Daisy probably stemmed from the fact that she seemed to enjoy his company so much more than mine. And that seemed but a weak premise on which to deprive myself of his company, let alone deprive Daisy of it. So I told Evelina that I saw no reason to stop him coming to the house. 'To be honest, it seems his only crime was to make good what Daisy had already ruined. If she had cut her hair in her own bedroom, would you have banished Hannah, or Mrs McQueen or even myself because we were under the same roof? I think John cannot and should not be blamed for Daisy's action.'

'You are very logical. But I think your fondness for him affects your judgement. John Jameson is a clever man but you must acknowledge that there are other things besides cleverness when it comes to bringing up children. You should not put your friendship above your child's good.'

I felt a little angry that she should seek to put me in the wrong in this way, and felt obliged to praise John more than I intended. 'My friendship with John and Daisy's interests as my daughter are not mutually exclusive, Evelina. In fact, they very much go together. John teaches her all sorts of things. I am astonished at the encyclopaedic information she has acquired since spending time with him natural science, philosophy, poetry, all sorts. He is as good as a private tutor. And I needn't remind you how much we are in his debt. Think about Benjy our only son, as near to death on that day as he (with G.o.d's grace) will ever come! I can hardly contemplate what would have happened without John's quick action. Just think of that, Evelina, when you seek to blame the man for negligence!'

She put her hands to her ears as if to stop out my words. 'I know! Oh, how I know it! That deed of his debars him from any criticism. I am grateful to him, I own it, and he is in my prayers every night as I thank G.o.d for his action but he has become a sacred idol where you are concerned, Daniel! I sometimes think he is more important to you than I am!'

I saw then in her anger, the traces of her old pa.s.sion, and was it possible? jealousy. I took her in my arms and kissed her fervently. 'No one comes before you in my heart, Evelina. Certainly not John. He is my friend and I admire him, but I will cast him off entirely if it will make you happy.'

She lay against my breast and seemed mollified. 'He is harmless enough, I suppose. And we do owe him so much so very, very much. I am an ungrateful wretch to have forgotten it ungrateful, and unkind. G.o.d forgive me! Will you forgive me too, Daniel?' And she lifted up her face and returned my kisses in the way that she used to do.

And now, bright and early on this Monday morning, Daisy is standing on the proverbial carpet, awaiting my judgement. G.o.d knows how many people have stood there in front of my desk and trembled children, servants, even my wife at times. I think of poor Nettie and how desperately she pleaded for me not to send her away: 'I know I did wrong, though I never meant to, just my back turned for two seconds, but the little ones is innocent and shouldn't suffer for it! Lower my wages, Mr Baxter stop them, if you like, I'll manage but as G.o.d is good, let me stay!' But I was hard-hearted. The thought of my only son slipping down into the murky depths frightened and alone, and breathing gulps of weedy water was too strong with me. I couldn't forgive her, couldn't trust her. I was angry with myself, too, although I didn't admit it and, in my double-dealing way, I blamed Nettie for my own failings. I regret my harshness now. I cannot think Benjy is better served by Mrs McQueen and her unflinching system than he was by Nettie's loving hands. And, since Nettie has gone, Daisy has been a child adrift. No wonder she has taken so well to John, with his jokes and stories. He has been more of a father to her than I have.

She stands there, hands clasped and resting against her ap.r.o.n, feet neatly together in her little pumps, her shorn head rising from her neck like the delicate flower she was named for. She looks up and I can see how grey her eyes are, how clear and fine her skin. Her expression is so like Evelina's when she was young so innocent, pure and limpid that it shocks me with its force. And in this moment, I realize that I've never loved Daisy as I ought. I've always shown preference for my tall and graceful girls and, more lately, my son. Daisy has always been the least of my concerns. She's hidden herself modestly from my view, under her cloud of hair: an unremarkable presence, an easy, biddable, self-effacing soul. But now, as I gaze at her, it comes to me that she honest, sincere, steadfast Daisy might be the salvation I have been longing for. She will be my second angel, my new Evelina, the one to lead me up the mountain, out of my confusion and darkness, into the bright light of G.o.d's presence. I cannot wait to embrace her in the Lord, to know that Perfect Love once again.

But I cannot embrace her, not today. Today I am the stern voice of retribution. 'You know why you are here?' I say.

'Yes, Papa.' Her head is down.

'And that is because . . .?' I try to encourage her gently.

'I cut off my hair although I knew Mama wouldn't like it.' Her voice is just a murmur.

'And are you sorry now?'

She pauses. 'No, Papa.' Her voice is so low I can hardly hear it. But all the same, I am startled. I had expected at least the outward signs of repentance, even if her heart remained stubborn. But I see that Daisy is honest as well as brave. 'No? What do you mean by that?'

'I'm very sorry to have upset you and Mama, and to have got Mr Jameson into trouble. But I'm not sorry to have cut my hair. It is so very nice short!'

'Yes, I think so, too, my dear. You look so very, very pretty.' I can't help the words, and I can't help the smile as I say them.

She gives me a surprised look. 'Oh, Papa do you really think so? Then may I keep it like this?' There's such joy in her face that I want to pick her up and cover her with kisses and ask her forgiveness for all the times I have been harsh and distant.

But I frown instead, pretend to consider. 'I will speak to your mother about it. But, first, we have to consider your act of disobedience. That is a serious matter.'

'Yes, Papa.' She is downcast again.

'Your mother is most upset. She didn't expect you to be underhand. Neither of us did. It is not how we have brought you up. Haven't we always encouraged you to behave as if G.o.d were looking over your shoulder every minute?'

She begins to cry. 'I'm so sorry, Papa! I wanted short hair so very much, and when I saw the scissors I just did it! I didn't think about G.o.d at all! Although I did think a little bit about Mama.'

'And did you think she would be upset?'

'Yes. But I thought it would be worth anything not to have my hair about my face all the time.'

'Worth anything? So you expected punishment?'

'Oh, yes, Papa.'

Of course she did. We are all indoctrinated into the need for punishment. Yet it is Love that matters, Love that will redeem us, Love that is like the stream of living water, pure and clear; that washes us clean of our sins.

Daisy lifts her eyes and seems to be trying to read my expression. 'You will still allow Mr Jameson to take me out, though, won't you, Papa? He says he will be miserable if not, and he has been so nice to me and it wasn't his fault that I did it and I don't want him to be sad.'

Her words nearly break my heart, and I wish that I were the one whom she so compa.s.sionately desires not to be sad. But I am doomed to continue with my required chastis.e.m.e.nt. 'You see how your foolish action has such ramifications? Your deceit has involved others others who love and care for you. I hope I shall never have cause to speak to you like this again.' I bend towards her, allow my voice to soften a little. 'Do you give me your word?'

'Yes, Papa. I will try my best not to disappoint you. Or Mama.'

'I'm sure you will. You are a good child, Daisy. But as penance, will you recite this for me?' I hand her my New Testament and point to the text. I see to my surprise that my finger is shaking.

She reads it straight off in her high, clear voice: 'Children obey your parents in the Lord. For this is right. Honour thy father and thy mother that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long upon the earth.'

'Obey and honour, Daisy. And in order that you will take this verse to heart, you must write it out one hundred times. I wish to see it after lunch today. I expect every word to be written neatly and no blots.'

'Yes, Papa. I will do it immediately.'

'And every day I will give you another text and you will write that out in the same way and bring it to me. And we will do this until I am sure that you understand and fully repent.'

'Yes, Papa. Thank you, Papa. Dear, lovely Papa!' And she dips a quick curtsey and is gone. And I feel as much a hypocrite and traitor as Judas Iscariot. What is her peccadillo compared with my great and yawning sin? She is a child and has done a childish thing. But I have betrayed my own soul.

I feel a trifle awkward when John calls this afternoon. I need to speak to him candidly, but Daisy is in the study with me. I've been looking at the neatly written punishment task which she has carried out so punctiliously. She jumps up and goes to John when he comes in and, taking his hand, announces very earnestly that he needn't worry, that it's all right and she can still go for walks with him and have tea with him as well. 'Dear Papa has given me a penance and I've been very busy at it, so we still have the afternoon to go out.'

'So I see.' He takes one of the pages that she proffers him. 'Children, obey your parents. I hope you have taken the lesson to heart.'

'Oh, yes, Mr Jameson!' She gives him rather a special smile and John smiles back in a way that transforms his plain features. And once more I have to admit feeling somewhat excluded from this closeness of theirs.

'Now, I don't want you to think we blame you in any way, John,' I say, leading him to the window and speaking in a low voice. 'But Evelina is somewhat upset that Daisy was disobedient whilst in your care. She feels you are perhaps a little too indulgent with her. You are not used to children, after all, and perhaps don't realize how contrary and wilful they can be.'

He turns. 'How many times must I tell you, Daniel I was brought up with seven younger sisters! I am very used to all kinds of naughtiness.'

'But there is a difference between the responsibility of an older brother and the responsibility of a parent. When you were at home, your mother was always at hand, was she not? Always there to refer to and ready to be of help?'

'I was perfectly able to manage the girls on my own,' he says, somewhat stiffly. 'And, were my parents still alive, they would have borne witness to this. But I would certainly not wish to impose myself where I was not trusted. If Mrs Baxter thinks '

'It's not that,' I say hastily. 'Please don't misunderstand. I simply want to ensure you are not compromised.'

'C-Compromised? Whatever do you mean?'

'I choose my words badly. I mean that Daisy's misbehaviour must not reflect on you in any way, tarnish your own high reputation.'

'I a.s.sure you that n-nothing Daisy and I have done together would tarnish my reputation. But if her parents have any d-doubts in the matter, I would rather end our acquaintance now.' He picks up his hat as if to depart. His face is pink.

I find myself apologizing and, in my agitation, I concede more than I'd intended. I'd meant to suggest as delicately as I could that the outings with Daisy might be curtailed but I found myself instead insisting they went on not just as before, but more frequently, so anxious was I to avoid any hint of a slur. 'It was only for your sake that I spoke at all, John. You're not the most worldly of men. I simply sought to protect you.'

'Innocence is its own protection,' he says. 'The Engines of Evil recoil from it as from a rushing, mighty wind.'

'Well, we are not talking of evil,' I say, laughing. 'Just one small child, who has misbehaved herself. Let the matter drop, I implore.'

'You have confidence in me?'

'Of course, dear fellow. Of course.'

'Very well.' He puts down his hat. 'We will say no more about it.'

I become aware that Daisy has heard the end of our conversation and that tears are streaming down her cheeks. 'I am very, very sorry, Mr Jameson,' she sobs, turning her beautiful little head towards him. 'I never thought about the Eye of Society even though you had told me about it. I was very wilful and wicked and don't deserve to have such a nice friend.'

'What do you know about the Eye of Society, Daisy?' I say, surprised by her turn of phrase.

'Mr Jameson said '

John interrupts her. 'I merely remarked to Daisy that innocent actions are sometimes misunderstood by the Mrs Grundys of this world. Which is why I wouldn't tamper with her hair in the first place.' He casts her a sideways glance. 'Although I would have made a far, far better job of it than she did with Benson's All-Purpose Scissors and a pickaxe.'

'I didn't use a pickaxe!' says Daisy, her eyes wide.

'No? Well, if you had axed, I'd have picked something better for you.'

At which, she dissolves into laughter and he smiles at her with his eyes, while keeping his mouth in a very straight and sober line. 'And now, if we are to go a-promenading in the Meadow, I suggest you put on your hat and gloves so we can make a start. You may care to bring your parasol too. The sun is very hot today.'

'I shall be no time at all,' she says, bolting through the door and nearly running into Hannah, who is about to knock.

Hannah curtseys. 'Mrs Baxter says she hopes you will excuse her, Mr Jameson, but she has some things to attend to with Miss Christiana and Miss Sarah.'

'Naturally. She need have no concerns on that score. I am anxious that my visits p-put no one to any trouble.' He looks down as he always does when Hannah is in the room.

As the maid stands there at the open door, I hear the faint wailing of the baby in the distance. And then Mrs McQueen's attempts to hush him, There! There! There! Followed by more crying.

'Still inconsolable, I see,' observes Jameson.

I'm nettled, and can't keep the sarcasm out of my voice. 'Perhaps you will be able to soothe him, Jameson. After all, you have such a wealth of experience with children.'