Advice to a Mother on the Management of Her Children Part 15

If the wind be neither in the east nor the north-east, and if the air be not damp, let him be well wrapped up and be sent out. If he be labouring under an inflammation of the lungs, however slight, or if he be just recovering from one, it would, of coa.r.s.e, be highly improper.

In the management of a child, we must take care neither to coddle nor to expose him unnecessarily, as both are dangerous.

Never send a child out to walk in a fog; he will, if you do, be almost sure to catch cold. It would be much safer to send him out in rain than in fog, though neither the one nor the other would be desirable.

176. _How many times a day in fine weather ought a child to be sent out_?

Let him be sent out as often as it be possible. If a child lived more in the open air than he is wont to do, he would neither be so susceptible of disease, nor would he suffer so much from teething, nor from catching cold.

177. _Supposing the day to be wet, what exercise would you then recommend_?

The child ought to run either about a large room, or about the hall; and if it does not rain violently, you should put on his hat and throw up the window, taking care while the window is open that he does not stand still. A wet day is the day for him to hold his high court of revelry, and "to make him as happy as the day is long."

Do not on any account allow him to sit any length of time at a table, amusing himself with books, &c.; let him be active and stirring, that his blood may freely circulate as it ought to do, and that his muscles may be well developed. I would rather see him actively engaged in mischief than sitting still, doing nothing! He ought to be put on the carpet, and should then be tumbled and rolled about, to make the blood bound merrily through, the, vessels, to stir up the liver, to promote digestion, and to open the bowels. The misfortune of it is, the present race of nurses are so enc.u.mbered with long dresses, and so screwed in with tight stays (aping their betters), that they are not able to stoop properly, and thus to have a good game of romps with their little charges. "Doing nothing is doing ill" is as true a saying as was ever spoken.

178. _Supposing it to be winter, and the weather to be very cold, would you still send a child out_?

Decidedly, provided he be well wrapped up. The cold will brace and strengthen him. Cold weather is the finest tonic in the world.

In frosty weather, the roads being slippery, when you send him out to walk, put a pair of large old woollen stockings over his boots or shoes. This will not only keep his feet and his legs warm, but it will prevent him from falling down and hurting himself. While thus equipped, he may even walk on a slide of ice without falling down!

A child, in the winter time, requires, to keep him warm, plenty of flannel and plenty of food, plenty of fresh and genuine milk, and plenty of water in his tub to wash and bathe him in a morning, plenty of exercise and plenty of play, and then he may brave the frosty air.

It is the coddled, the half-washed, and the half-starved child (half-washed and half-starved from either the mother's ignorance or from the mother's timidity), that is the chilly starveling,--catching cold at every breath of wind, and every time he either walks or is carried out,--a puny, skinny, scraggy, scare-crow, more dead than alive, and more fit for his grave than for the rough world he will have to struggle in! If the above advice be strictly followed, a child may be sent out in the coldest weather, even--

"When icicles hang by the wall, And d.i.c.k, the shepherd, blows his nail; And Tom bears logs into the hall, And milk comes frozen home in pail."

_Shakspeare_.

AMUs.e.m.e.nTS.

179. _Have you any remarks to make on the amus.e.m.e.nts of a child_?

Let the amus.e.m.e.nts of a child be as much as possible out of doors; let him spend the greater part of every day in the open air; let him exert himself as much as he please, his feelings will tell him when to rest and when to begin again; let him be what Nature intended Mm to be--a happy, laughing, joyous child. Do not let him be always poring over books:--

"Books! 'tis a dull and endless strife, Come, hear the woodland linnet!

How sweet his music! On my life, There's more of wisdom in it.

And hark! how blithe the throstle sings!

He, too, is no mean preacher: Come forth into the light of things,-- Let Nature be your teacher.

She has a world of ready wealth, Our minds and hearts to bless,-- Spontaneous wisdom breathed by health, Truth breathed by cheerfulness.

One impulse from a vernal wood May teach you more of man, Of moral evil and of good, Than, all the sagea can."--_Wordsworth._

He ought to be encouraged to engage in those sports wherein the greatest number of muscles are brought into play. For instance, to play at ball, or hoop, or football, to play at horses, to run to certain distances and back; and, if a girl, to amuse herself with a skipping rope, such, being excellent exercise--

"By sports like these are all their cares beguiled, The sports of children satisfy the child."--_Goldsmith._

Every child, where it be practicable, should have a small plot of ground to cultivate, that he may dig and delve in, and make dirt-pies if he choose. Children now-a-days, unfortunately, are not allowed to soil their hands and their fine clothes. For my own part, I dislike such model children; let a child be natural--let him, as far as is possible, choose his own sports. Do not be always interfering with his pursuits, and be finding fault with him. Remember, what may be amusing to you may be distasteful to him. I do not, of course, mean but that you should constantly have a watchful eye over him; yet do not let him see that he is under restraint or surveillance; if you do, you will never discover his true character and inclinations. Not only so, but do not dim the bright sunshine of his early life by constantly checking and thwarting him, Tupper beautifully says--

"And check not a child in his merriment,-- Should not his morning be sunny?"

When, therefore, he is either in the nursery or in the play-ground, let him shout and riot and romp about as much as he please. His lungs and his muscles want developing, and his nerves require strengthening; and how can such be accomplished unless you allow them to be developed and strengthened by natural means?

The nursery is a child's own domain; it is his castle, and he should be Lord Paramount therein. If he choose to blow a whistle, or to spring a rattle, or to make any other hideous noise, which to him is sweet music, he should be allowed, without let or hindrance, to do so. If any members of the family have weak nerves, let them keep at a respectful distance.

A child who never gets into mischief must be either sly, or delicate, or idiotic; indeed, the system of many persons, in bringing up children, is likely to make them either the one or the other. The present plan of training children is nearly all work (books), and very little play. Play, and plenty of it, is necessary to the very existence of a child.

A boy not partial to mischief, innocent mischief, and play, is unnatural; he is a man before his time, he is a nuisance, he is disagreeable to himself and to every one around. He is generally a sneak, and a little humbug.

Girls, at the present time, are made clever simpletons; their brains are worked with useless knowledge, which totally unfits them for every-day duties. Their muscles are allowed to be idle, which makes them limp and flabby. The want of proper exercise ruins the complexion, and their faces become of the colour of a tallow candle!

And precious wives and mothers they make when they do grow up! Grow up, did I say? They grow all manner of ways, and are as crooked as crooked sticks!

What an unnatural thing it is to confine a child several hours a day to his lessons; why, you might as well put a colt in harness, and make him work for his living! A child is made for play; his roguish little eye, his lithe figure, his antics, and his drollery, all point out that he is cut out for play--that it is as necessary to his existence as the food he eats, and as the air he breathes!

A child ought not to be allowed to have playthings with which he can injure either himself or others, such as toy-swords, toy-cannons, toy-paint-boxes, knives, bows and arrows, hammers, chisels, saws, &c. He will not only be likely to injure himself and others, but will make sad havoc on furniture, house, and other property. Fun, frolic, and play ought, in all innocent ways, to be encouraged; but wilful mischief and dangerous games ought, by every means, to be discountenanced. This advice is frequently much needed, as children prefer to have and delight in dangerous toys, and often coax and persuade weak and indulgent mothers to gratify their wishes.

_Painted_ toys are, many of them, highly dangerous, those painted _green_ especially, as the colour generally consists of Scheele's green--a.r.s.enite of copper.

Children's paint-boxes are very dangerous toys for a child to play with; many of the paints are poisonous, containing a.r.s.enic, lead, gamboge, &c, and a child, when painting, is apt to put the brush into his mouth, to absorb the superabundant fluid. Of all the colours, the _green_ paint is the most dangerous, as it is frequently composed of a.r.s.enite of copper--a.r.s.enic and copper--two deadly poisons.

There are some paint-boxes warranted not to contain a particle of poison of any kind these ought, for a child, to be chosen by a mother.

But, remember, although he ought not to be allowed to have poison paint-boxes and poison painted toys, _he must have an abundance of toys,_ such as the white wood toys--brewers' drays, millers' waggons, boxes of wooden bricks, &c. The Noah's Ark is one of the most amusing and instructive toys for a child. "Those fashioned out of brown, unpainted pine-wood by the clever carvers of Nuremberg or the Black Forest are the best, I think, not only because they are the most spirited, but because they will survive a good deal of knocking about and can be sucked with impunity From the first dawn of recollection, children are thus familiarised with the forms of natural objects, and may be well up in natural history before they have mastered the ABC"

[Footnote: From an excellent article _About Toys,_ by J Hamilton Fyfe in _Good Words_ for December 1862.]

Parents often make Sunday a day of gloom; to this I much object. Of all the days in the week, Sunday should be the most cheerful and pleasant. It is considered by our Church a festival, and a glorious festival it ought to be made, and one on which our Heavenly Father wishes to see all His children happy and full of innocent joy. Let Sunday, then, be made a cheerful, joyous, innocently happy day, and not, as it frequently is, the most miserable and dismal in the week. It is my firm conviction that many men have been made irreligious by the ridiculously strict and dismal way they were compelled, as children, to spend their Sundays. You can no more make a child religious by gloomy asceticism, than yon can make people good by Act of Parliament.

One of the great follies of the present age is, children's parties, where they are allowed to be dressed up like grown-up women, stuck out in petticoats, and encouraged to eat rich cake and pastry, and to drink wine, and to sit up late at night! There is something disgusting and demoralising in all this. Their pure minds are blighted by it. Do not let me be misunderstood: there is not the least objection, but, on the contrary, great advantage, for friends' children to meet friends'

children; but then let them be treated as children, and not as men and women!

180. _Do you approve of public play-grounds for children_?

It would be well, in every village, and in the outskirts of every town, if a large plot of ground were set apart for children to play in, and to go through regular gymnastic exercises. Play is absolutely necessary to a child's very existence, as much as food and sleep; but in many parts of England where is he to have it? Playgrounds and play are the best schools we have; they teach a great deal not taught elsewhere; they give lessons in health, which is the grandest wealth that can be bestowed--"for health is wealth;" they prepare the soil for the future schoolmaster; they clear the brain, and thus the intellect, they strengthen the muscles; they make the blood course merrily through the arteries; they bestow healthy food for the lungs; they give an appet.i.te; they make a child, in due time, become every inch a man! Play-grounds and play are one of the finest inst.i.tutions we possess. What would our large public schools be without their play and cricket grounds? They would be shorn of half their splendour and their usefulness!

There is so much talk now-a-days about _useful_ knowledge, that the importance of play and play-grounds is likely to be forgotten. I cannot help thinking however, that a better state of things is dawning. "It seems to be found out that in our zeal for useful knowledge, that knowledge is found to be not the least useful which treat boys as active, stirring, aspiring, and ready." [Footnote: _The Sat.u.r.day Review_, December 13, 1862.]

181. _Do you approve of infant schools_?

I do, if the arrangements be such that health is preferred before learning. [Footnote: "According to Aristotle, more care should be taken of the body than of the mind for the first seven years; strict attention to diet be enforced, &c. . . . . . The eye and ear of the child should be most watchfully and severely guarded against contamination of every kind, and unrestrained communication with servants be strictly prevented. Even his amus.e.m.e.nts should be under due regulation, and rendered as interesting and intellectual as possible."--The Rev John Williams, in his _Life and Actions of Alexander the Great_] Let children be only confined for three or four hours a day, and let what little they learn be taught as an amus.e.m.e.nt rather than as a labour. A play-ground ought to be attached to an infant school; where, in fine weather, for every half-hour they spend in-doors, they should spend one in the open air; and, in wet weather, they ought to have, in lieu of the play-ground, a large room to romp, and shout, and riot in. To develop the different organs, muscles, and other parts of the body, children require fresh air, a free use of their lungs, active exercise, and their bodies to be thrown into all manner of att.i.tudes. Let a child mope in a corner, and he will become stupid and sickly. The march of intellect, as it is called, or rather the double quick march of intellect, as it should be called, has stolen a march upon health. Only allow the march of intellect and the march of health to take equal strides, and then we shall have "_mens sana in corpore sano_" (a sound mind in a sound body).

In the education of a young child, it is better to instruct him by ill.u.s.tration, by pictures, and by encouraging observation on things around and about him, than by books. It is surprising how much, without endangering his health, may be taught in this way. In educating your child, be careful to instil and to form good habits--they will then stick to him for life.

Children at the present day are too highly educated--their brains are over-taxed, and thus weakened. The consequence is, that as they grow up to manhood, if they grow up at all, they become fools! _Children_ are now taught what formerly _youths_ were taught. The chord of a child's life is ofttimes snapped asunder in consequence of over education:--

"Screw not the cord too sharply, lest it snap"--_Tennyson_.

You should treat a child as you would a young colt. Think only at first of strengthening his body. Let him have a perfectly free, happy life, plenty of food to eat, abundance of air to breathe, and no work to do; there is plenty of time to think of his learning--of giving him brain work. It will come sadly too soon; but do not make him old before his time.