Advice to a Mother on the Management of Her Children Part 14

"Between the dark and the daylight, When the night is beginning to lower, Comes a pause in the day's occupation, Which is known as the Children's Hour."

_Longfellow_.

Let a child be employed--take an interest in his employment, let him fancy that he is useful--_and he is useful_, he is laying in a stock of health. He is much more usefully employed than many other grown-up children are!

A child should be happy; he must, in every way, be made happy; everything ought to be done to conduce to his happiness, to give him joy, gladness, and pleasure. Happy he should be, as happy as the day is long. Kindness should be lavished upon him. Make a child understand that you love him; prove it in your actions--these are better than words; look after his little pleasures--join in his little sports; let him never hear a morose word--it would rankle in his breast, take deep root, and in due time bring forth bitter fruit. Love! let love be his pole-star; let it be the guide and the rule of all you do and all you say unto him. Let your face, as well as your tongue speak love. Let your hands be ever ready to minister to his pleasures and to his play. "Blessed be the hand that prepares a pleasure for a child, for there is no saying when and where it may again bloom forth. Does not almost everybody remember some kind-hearted man who showed him a kindness in the dulcet days of childhood? The writer of this recollects himself, at this moment, a bare-footed lad, standing at the wooden fence of a poor little garden in his native village, while, with longing eyes, he gazed on the flowers which were blooming there quietly in the brightness of the Sabbath morning. The possessor came from his little cottage. He was a wood-cutter by trade, and spent the whole week at work in the woods. He had come into the garden to gather flowers to stick in his coat when he went to church. He saw the boy, and breaking off the most beautiful of his carnations (it was streaked with red and white), he gave it to him. Neither the giver nor the receiver spoke a word, and with bounding steps the hoy ran home. And now, here, at a vast distance from that home, after so many events of so many years, the feeling of grat.i.tude which agitated the breast of the boy, expressed itself on paper. The carnation has long since faded, but it now bloometh afresh."--_Douglas Jerrold_.

The hearty ringing laugh of a child is sweet music to the ear. There are three most joyous sounds in nature--the hum of a bee, the purr of a cat, and the laugh of a child. They tell of peace, of happiness, and of contentment, and make one for a while forget that there is so much misery in the world.

A man who dislikes children is unnatural, he has no "milk of human kindness" in him; he should be shunned. Give me, for a friend, a man--

"Who takes the children on his knee, And winds their curls, about his hand."--_Tennyson_.

168. _If a child be peevish, and apparently in good health, have you any plan to propose to allay his irritability_?

A child's troubles are soon over--his tears are soon dried; "nothing dries sooner than a tear"--if not prolonged by improper management--

"The tear down childhood's check that flows Is like the dew-drop on the rose; When next the summer breeze comes by, And waves the bush, the flower is dry."--_Scott_.

Never allow a child to be teased; it spoils his temper. If he be in a cross humour take no notice of it, but divert his attention to some pleasing object. This may be done without spoiling him. Do not combat bad temper with bad temper--noise with noise. Be firm, be kind, be gentle, [Footnote: "But we were gentle among you, even as a women cherisheth her children."--1 Thess. ii. 7.] be loving, speak quietly, smile tenderly, and embrace him fondly, but _insist upon implicit obedience_, and you will have, with G.o.d's blessing, a happy child--

"When a little child is weak From fever pa.s.sing by, Or wearied out with restlessness Don't scold him if he cry.

Tell him some pretty story-- Don't read it from a book; He likes to watch you while you speak, And take in every look.

Or sometimes singing gently-- A little song may please, With quiet and amusing words, And tune that flows with ease.

Or if he is impatient, Perhaps from time to time A simple hymn may suit the best, In short and easy rhyme.

The measured verses flowing In accents clear and mild, May blend into his troubled thought, And soothe the little child.

But let the words be simple, And suited to his mind, And loving, that his weary heart A resting-place may find."--_Household Verses_.

Speak, _gently_ to a child; speak _gently_ to all; but more especially speak _gently_ to a child. "A gentle voice is an excellent thing in a woman," and is a jewel of great price, and is one of the concomitants of _perfect_ lady. Let the hinges of your disposition be well oiled. "'I have a dear friend. He was one of those well-oiled dispositions which turn upon the hinges of the world without creaking.' Would to heaven there were more of them! How many there are who never turn upon the hinges of this world without a grinding that sets the teeth of a whole household on edge! And somehow or other it has been the evil fate of many of the best spirits to be so circ.u.mstanced; both men and women, to whom life is 'sweet habitude of being,' which has gone far to reconcile them to solitude as far less intolerable! To these especially the creakings of those said rough hinges of the world is one continued torture, for they are all too finely strung; and the oft-recurring grind jars the whole sentient frame, mars the beautiful lyre, and makes cruel discord in a soul of music. How much of sadness there is in such thoughts! Seems there not a Past in some lives, to which it is impossible ever to become reconciled!"--_Life's Problems_.

Pleasant words ought always to be spoken to a child; there must be neither snarling, nor snapping, nor snubbing, nor loud contention towards him. If there be it will ruin his temper and disposition, and will make him hard and harsh, morose and disagreeable.

Do not always be telling your child how wicked he is; what a naughty boy he is; that G.o.d will never love him, and all the rest of such twaddle and blatant inanity! Do not, in point of fact, bully him, as many poor little fellows are bullied! It will ruin him if you do; it will make him in after years either a coward or a tyrant. Such conversations, like constant droppings of water, will make an impression, and will cause him to feel that it is of no use to try to be good--that he is hopelessly wicked! Instead of such language, give him confidence in himself; rather find out his good points and dwell upon them; praise him where and whenever you can; and make him feel that, by perseverance and G.o.d's blessing, he will make a good man. Speak truthfully to your child; if you once deceive him, he will not believe you for the future. Not only so, but if you are truthful yourself you are likely to make him truthful--like begets like. There is something beautiful in truth! A lying child is an abomination! Sir Walter Scott says "that he taught his son to ride, to shoot, and to tell the truth" Archdeacon Hare a.s.serts "that Purity is the feminine, Truth the masculine of Honour."

As soon as a child can speak he should be made to lisp the n.o.ble words of truth, and to love it, and to abhor a lie! What a beautiful character he will then make! Blessed is the child that can say,--

"Parental cares watched o'er my growing youth, And early stamped it with the love of truth."

_Leadbeater Papers._

Have no favourites, show no partiality; for the young are very jealous, sharp-sighted, and quick-witted, and take a dislike to the petted one. Do not rouse the old Adam in them. Let children be taught to be "kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love;" let them be encouraged to share each other's toys and playthings, and to banish selfishness.

Attend to a child's _little_ pleasures. It is the _little_ pleasures of a child that const.i.tute his happiness. Great pleasures to him and to us all (as a favourite author remarks) come but seldom, and are the exceptions, and not the rule.

Let a child he nurtured in love. "It will be seen," says the author of _John Halifax_, "that I hold this law of kindness as the Alpha and Omega of education. I once asked one, in his own house, a father in everything but the name, his authority unquestioned, his least word held in reverence, his smallest wish obeyed--'How did you ever manage to bring up these children?' He said: '_By love_.'"

Let every word and action prove that you love your children. Enter into all their little pursuits and pleasures. Join them in their play, and be a "child again!" If they are curious, do not check their curiosity; but rather encourage it; for they have a great deal--as we all have--to learn, and how can they know if they are not taught? You may depend upon it the knowledge they obtain from observation is far superior to that obtained from books. Let all you teach them, let all you do, and let all you say bear the stamp of love. "Endeavour, from first to last, in your intercourse with your children, to let it bear the impress of _love_. It is not enough that you _feel_ affection towards your children--that you are devoted to their interests; you must show in your manner the fondness of your hearts towards them. Young minds cannot appreciate great sacrifices made for them; they judge their parents by the words and deeds of every-day life. They are won by _little_ kindnesses, and alienated by _little_ acts of neglect or impatience. One complaint unnoticed, one appeal unheeded, one lawful request arbitrarily refused, will be remembered by your little ones more than a thousand acts of the most devoted affection."--_The Protoplast_.

A placid, well-regulated temper is very conducive to health. A disordered, or an over-loaded stomach, is a frequent cause of peevishness. Appropriate treatment in such a case will, of course, be necessary.

169. _My child stammers: can you tell me the cause, and can you suggest a remedy_?

A child who stammers is generally "nervous," quick, and impulsive. His ideas flow too rapidly for speech. He is "nervous;" hence, when he is alone, and with those he loves, he oftentimes speaks fluently and well; he stammers more both when he is tired and when he is out of health--when the nerves are either weak or exhausted. He is emotional: when he is either in a pa.s.sion or in excitement, either of joy or of grief, he can scarcely speak--"he stammers all over." He is impulsive: he often stammers in consequence. He is in too great a hurry to bring out his words; they do not flow in proper sequence: hence his words are broken and disjointed.

Stammering, of course, might be owing either to some organic defect, such as from defective palate, or from defective brain, then nothing will cure him; or it might be owing to "nervous" causes--to "irregular nervous action," then a cure might, with care and perseverance, be usually effected.

In all cases of stammering of a child, let both the palate of his mouth and the bridle of his tongue be carefully examined, to see that neither the palate be defective, nor the bridle of the tongue be too short--that he be not tongue-tied.

_Now, with regard to Treatment._--Make him speak slowly and deliberately: let him form each word, without clipping or chopping; let him be made, when you are alone with him, to exercise himself in elocution. If he speak quickly, stop him in his mid-career, and make him, quietly and deliberately, go through the sentence again and again, until he has mastered the difficulty; teach him to collect his thoughts, and to weigh each word ere he give it utterance; practise him in singing little hymns and songs for children; this you will find a valuable help in the cure. A stammerer seldom stutters when he sings. When he sings, he has a full knowledge of the words, and is obliged to keep in time--to sing neither too fast nor too slow. Besides, he sings in a different key to his speaking voice. Many professors for the treatment of stammering cure their patients by practising lessons of a sing-song character.

Never jeer him for stammering, nor turn him to ridicule; if you do, it will make him ten times worse; but be patient and gentle with him, and endeavour to give him confidence, and encourage him to speak to you as quietly, as gently, and deliberately as you speak to him; tell him not to speak, until he has arranged his thoughts and chosen his words; let him do nothing in a hurry.

Demosthenes was said, in his youth, to have stammered fearfully, and to have cured himself by his own prescription, namely, by putting a pebble in his mouth, and declaiming, frequently, slowly quietly, and deliberately, on the sea-sh.o.r.e--the fishes alone being his audience,-- until at length he cured himself, and charmed the world with his eloquence and with his elocution. He is held up, to this very day, as the personification and as the model of an orator. His patience, perseverance, and practice ought, by all who either are, or are, interested in a stammerer, to be borne in mind and followed.

170. _Do you approve of a carpet in a nursery_?

No, unless it be a small piece for a child to roll upon. A carpet harbours dirt and dust, which dust is constantly floating about the atmosphere, and thus making it impure for him to breathe. The truth of this may be easily ascertained by entering a darkened room, where a ray of sunshine is struggling through a crevice in the shutters. If the floor of a nursery must be covered, let drugget be laid down, and this may every morning be taken up and shaken. The less furniture a nursery contains the better, for much furniture obstructs the free circulation of the air, and, moreover, prevents a child from taking proper play and exercise in the room--an abundance of which are absolutely necessary for his health.

171. _Supposing there is not a fire in the nursery grate, ought the chimney to be stopped to prevent a draught in the room_?

Certainly not. I consider the use of a chimney to be two-fold--first, to carry off the smoke, and secondly (which is of quite as much importance), to ventilate the room, by carrying off the impure air, loaded as it is with carbonic acid gas--the refuse of respiration. The chimney, therefore, should never, either winter or summer, be allowed for one moment to be stopped. This is important advice, and requires the strict supervision of every mother, as servants will, if they have the chance, stop all chimneys that have no fires in the grates.

EXERCISE.

172. _Do you approve, during the summer months, of sending a child out BEFORE breakfast_?

I do, when the weather will permit, and provided the wind be neither in an easterly nor in a north-easterly direction; indeed, _he can scarcely be too much in the open air_. He must not be allowed to stand about draughts or about entries, and the only way to prevent him doing so is for the mother herself to accompany the nurse. She will then kill two birds with one stone, as she will, by doing so, benefit her own as well as her child's health.

173. _Ought a child to be early put on his feet to walk_?

No: let him learn to walk himself. He ought to be put upon a carpet; and it will be found that when he is strong enough, he will hold by a chair, and will stand alone: when he can do so, and attempts to walk, he should then be supported. You must, on first putting him upon his feet, be guided by his own wishes. He will, as soon as he is strong enough to walk, have the inclination to do so. When he has the inclination and the strength it will be folly to restrain him; if he have neither the inclination nor the strength, it will be absurd to urge him on. Rely, therefore, to a certain extent, upon the inclination of the child himself. Self-reliance cannot be too early taught him, and, indeed, every one else. In the generality of instances, however, a child is put on his feet too soon, and the bones, at that tender age, being very flexible, bend, causing bowed and bandy-legs; and the knees, being weak, approximate too closely together, and thus they become knock-kneed. This advice of _not_ putting a child _early_ on his feet, I must strongly insist on, as many mothers are so ridiculously ambitious that their young ones should walk early--that they should walk before other children of their acquaintance have attempted--that they have frequently caused the above lamentable deformities; which is a standing reproach to them during the rest of their lives.

174. _Do you approve of perambulators_?

I do not, for two reasons:--first, because when a child is strong enough, he had better walk as much as he will; and, secondly, the motion is not so good, and the muscles are not so much put into action, and consequently cannot be so well developed, as when he is earned. A perambulator is very apt to make a child stoop, and to make him both crooked and round-shouldered. He is cramped by being so long in one position. It is painful to notice a babe of a few months old in one of these newfangled carriages. His little head is bobbing about first on one side and then on the other--at one moment it is dropping on his chest, the next it is forcibly jolted behind: he looks, and doubtless feels, wretched and uncomfortable. Again, these perambulators are dangerous in crowded thoroughfares. They are a public nuisance, inasmuch as they are wheeled against and between people's legs, and are a fruitful source of the breaking of shins, of the spraining of ankles, of the crushing of corns, and of the ruffling of the tempers of the foot-pa.s.sengers who unfortunately come within their reach; while, in all probability, the gaping nurses are staring another way, and every way indeed but the right, more especially if there be a redcoat in the path!

Besides, in very cold weather, or in a very young infant, the warmth of the nurse's body, while he is being carried, helps to keep him warm, he himself being naturally cold. In point of fact, the child, while being borne in the nurse's arms, reposes on the nurse, warm and supported, as though he were in a nest! While, on the other hand, if he be in a perambulator, he is cold and unsupported, looking the very picture of misery, seeking everywhere for test and comfort, and finding none!

A nurse's arm, then, is the only proper carriage for a _young_ child to take exercise on. She ought to change about, first carrying frim on the one arm, and then on the other. Nursing him on one arm only might give his body a twist on one side, and thus might cause deformity.

When he is old enough to walk, and is able properly to support the weight of his own neck and back, then there will be no objection, provided it be not in a crowded thoroughfare, to his riding occasionally in a perambulator; but when he is older still, and can sit either a donkey or a pony, such exercise will be far more beneficial, and will afford him much greater pleasure.

175. _Supposing it to be wet under foot, but dry above, do you then approve of sending a child out_?