Accidentally On Purpose Part 35

"Ew."

He gave me a disgusted look as he opened the vodka. "Not like that. I don't have any trouble getting a woman."

"No, the trouble comes when you have one too many," I said dryly.

"I deserve that."

"And more."

"And more," he nodded before taking a sip of vodka.

"Still drink like a girl," I muttered.

"Why don't you show me how it's done?" He offered me the bottle.

"I don't drink like that anymore. In fact Friday was the first time that I was drunk since before I knew I was preggers with Lucas."

"Slacker."

I shrugged. "Motherhood. Who woulda thought it would make me a responsible person?"

"Having a drink won't make you irresponsible. Driving drunk would make you irresponsible, but since you're in for the night..." He again offered me the bottle.

"No," I said firmly.

"Your loss." He put the bottle down. "So can I see pictures of your little boy or what?" He was asking to be polite, probably a little curiosity, but I knew it might hurt him. He had wanted to be a dad to Lucas, even if he wasn't the father.

I hesitated, chewing on my cheek for a moment before I pulled out my phone and tapped the icon for pictures. I handed him the phone. His expression was hard to read from where I was sitting, but when he glanced up with a big smile, I could see some pain behind it.

"He's a cute kid. You look really happy in these pictures," he said softly. "You look like a really loving mother."

"I am am a really loving mother. Lucas makes me feel...worth something." a really loving mother. Lucas makes me feel...worth something."

He looked at me with a seriously sad expression. "I always thought you were worth something."

I looked away, afraid of being completely taken in by his imploring eyes.

"Who are these people? Luke's family?" He asked, flashing me the phone.

I moved over to the couch so I could point out who was who in many of the pictures, or give him a story about some of the pictures, like the one of Tabitha and Leo at Lucas's party. When we reached the end of the pictures, he handed me my phone, but I didn't immediately get up. He smelled so good, I wanted to inhale him completely.

"How's work?" I asked, trying to appear relaxed by sitting back and crossing one leg over another.

"Busy. My department has grown. The office is ridiculously crowded now, but you taught Eliza well. She's almost as good at office management as you are."

"Give her some credit. She learned some basic stuff from me, but she probably really does just know what she's doing. Are you any nicer to your employees?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, I am. Probably too nice sometimes."

"I'm impressed."

We sat staring at each other for half a minute. I knew him well enough to know that he was about to do something he shouldn't. My hand caught him, just as he was moving forward.

"Don't kiss me," I whispered.

"I really want to," he whispered back. "We're both single, right? So who could we hurt?"

"Each other."

The answer caught him off guard. He looked like I had just slapped him. He backed off, moved over a foot, and looked down at the floor.

"I guess I should go," he said and then stood up.

I didn't make any move to stop him, even though I really wanted to not only stop him, but let him kiss me. I walked him to the door, and allowed a brief embrace before the door closed after him. I stood there a minute, looking at the door. If I were going to stop him, I only had about a half of a minute to do it, but then a question pressed into my brain. Why would I want to stop him? What would I accomplish by doing that, and would the end result really be one that I wanted?

Chapter Forty-Two

Lucas was up at the crack of dawn. I didn't know what to do with him, or my time in Jersey. After chasing him through the suite for an hour, I made a decision. A half hour later, Lucas and I were checking out of the hotel. I made another stop at my personal disaster area.

I had hoped that if I looked at it hard and long enough, an idea would form in my head, but I had no such luck. Before I could leave the lot, my phone rang.

"Hey," Luke said. He sounded like he was walking and I could hear morning Chicago traffic in the background.

"Hi," I said and smiled.

"How are you guys?"

"We're great. We're getting ready to go to the sh.o.r.e for a few days."

"Oh, Lucas's first beach trip. I'm jealous I'm not there."

"Sorry. Are you still going to come out here?"

"I don't know. Depends on your plans. You got there a week earlier than expected because of the bar, but are you still staying until after Labor Day?"

I sighed. "I don't know. Depends on what I'm going to do with the rubble that used to be my bar."

"Well, things are pretty busy here. I'm in court all week this week. You let me know what your plans are and I will let you know if I can come."

"Okay. You want to talk to Lucas?"

"Of course."

I put the phone on speaker and supervised the cute father and son conversation, sometimes translating what Lucas said. When Lucas lost interest in the conversation, I put the phone back to my ear.

"So, what else is up?" Luke asked. It was a general question, not directed at anything in particular, but I instantly felt guilty.

I hesitated, and stumbled over my words until I got my words straight. I told him about running into Kyle at the bar, a little about my initial phone call and my time with Tabitha, and then I told him about Kyle's visit. I didn't leave anything out, including the attempted kiss.

There was a stretch of silence from the other line, and I would have believed the call had disconnected if not for the traffic noises.

"h.e.l.lo?" I said.

"I'm here. I don't know what to say. I guess I'm f.u.c.king blown away."

"Nothing happened. I told you every detail."

"I don't doubt your honesty, Emmy. I doubt your decision making."

What could I say to that? So did I.

"Look," he said after another stretch of silence. "You made it pretty clear where we stand, so you do whatever you want, but you keep that a.s.shole away from my son."

The line went dead, and I think part of me did, too.

I bit my lip to keep from crying, but the tears came anyway. Up until last week, I hadn't cried in forever, and now I was crying again.

"Go, mommy! Go, mommy!" Lucas was impatient now, tired of looking at my trashed bar.

"Okay, baby. We're going."

I drove away, trying to dry my eyes, with the awful feeling that I had ruined everything once again.

Chapter Forty-Three

I rented a small room a block from the beach. Lucas was instantly in love with the sand and water. Watching him laugh and splash in the shallow water made me temporarily forget that I p.i.s.sed off his dad.

We played in the sand, built lopsided castles, collected sea sh.e.l.ls and chased seagulls. We stuffed ourselves on boardwalk fries and pizza, cotton candy, funnel cake, and salt water taffy. We shopped in the little shops, buying c.r.a.p we didn't need, like a couple of hermit crabs.

At night, I watched bad cable television, ate junk food, drank the vodka Kyle bought me, and ignored his phone calls and texts. I texted Luke and even tried calling him, but he would only say he was busy and only accepted a phone call if he knew he was only going to speak to Lucas.

After two nights in Ocean City, Lucas and I headed up the coast to Belmar. Leo had a house there, and he and Tabitha invited us to stay with them for a while. Donya and Jerry and Mayson and her boyfriend Fred were also invited, but Jerry was still in the regular baseball season and would only be able to pop in here and there.

"So, are you guys like...together?" I asked Leo later that morning. We were making lunch. Tabitha was at a nearby playground with Lucas and the others were expected to arrive shortly.

"I guess," he shrugged. "I know she loves me and that she wants to be with me, but..." He sighed. "It's complicated."

"I hope it works out. I think you make a nice couple."

"Thanks. So, what's up with you and Luke?"

I made an exasperated sound.

"That good?"

"It could be better," I admitted.

When I didn't elaborate, he changed the topic, although it was parallel.

"What happened when you left my house that night?"

He was referring to the night I tried to ride him like a stallion, while drunk, and while Kyle waited for me back in our hotel room.

"What have you heard?" I asked carefully.

"I heard that you had an accident," he said, but I could hear in his tone that he didn't believe it. "But I couldn't comment on it either way. No one knows that I saw you again after dinner that night, for obvious reasons."

Obvious reasons being my cousin Tabitha who I just made up with.

"So what really happened?"

I bit my lip, contemplating whether or not that was information he needed to know. I trusted Leo, though. He's kept more than a few of my secrets in the past.

"Long story short," I started. "We argued and things got a little physical. He accidentally broke my wrist."

"Accidentally."

"Yes, it was an accident."

"Why didn't you come back? I woulda accidentally broke his face." He was holding a knife, and he looked p.i.s.sed. I believe he really would have broken Kyle's face.

"Don't tell anyone, Leo. Mayson is suspicious, but she doesn't know for sure."

"My lips are sealed, but if I see that guy on the street..."

The front door opened and I heard a baby screaming and knew Donya had arrived. We dropped the subject and went to greet the others.