A Voyage to Cacklogallinia Part 3

Her Grace was as generous as her Spouse; and when I urg'd the Difference of our Species, she said, she was satisfied that wou'd be no Impediment, by what she had seen, for I had indeed no other Covering than a Mantle, and both his Majesty and his _Squabbaws_ took a Pleasure to teaze me, by pulling it off, and leaving me naked in a full Circle. In short, I was forc'd to save my self by the Window being on a Ground Floor, after all my Excuses were to no Purpose: But fearing the Lady's Resentment, I begg'd the Minister, exaggerating her Husband's Merits, to give him a Pension, and I my self carried and delivered the Grant to her Grace, which made my Peace with both.

One Day, an old Colonel, who was very poor, accosted me in the Emperor's Garden. _My Lord_, said he, _I beg you will vouchsafe me an Audience of Quarter of an Hour; I shall look upon it as the greatest Condescension in you, and as the greatest Honour done me._ I told him he mistook my t.i.tle, and gave me one I never did aspire to; but that I was very ready to hear and serve him, for I had seen him often at Court offering Pet.i.tions, which were always rejected, and I had a Compa.s.sion for him.

"Your Goodness, _said he_, can alone be equalled by your Modesty; give me Leave then to tell you, I have served long and faithfully in the late Wars against the _Owls_ and _Magpyes_, but to my great Surprize, at my Return home; my Regiment, without any Fault alledg'd, was taken from me, and given to a _Valet de Chambre_ who had never seen an Enemy; his Master was a _Boutofallalian_, had a Mind to reward his Pimp, and all that I cou'd say, might as well have been let alone. I had no Estate but what I sold, and gave to a Courtier to get this Regiment, after I had served many Years as a Captain, without the least Blemish in my Character. I have since been in almost a starving Condition, and have wearied my self out with Pet.i.tions to no Purpose; for if any, as very few, were received, they were never answered, and perhaps never read. I have therefore no Hopes but what are founded on your Charity: I see it vain to hope for Employment, and shall change my Suit to that of being put into the Hospital of the _Meritorians_ (_which in _English_, signifies disabled and superannuated Soldiers_) I beg your Compa.s.sion for a most unfortunate and perishing Man, who has served his Prince and Country with Fidelity, and on several Occasions has distinguish'd himself, as Your Honour will be satisfied, if you will take the Pains to examine these Certificates."

He put several into my Hands; one mentioned his being the first who broke Ranks, and put the right Wing of the Enemy in Disorder, which was followed by a signal Victory over the _Magpyes_ and _Owls_: Then another mentioned his taking the Royal Banner, in the Battle of _Bellfugaro_: A third certify'd his surprizing a great Convoy of Provisions, carrying to the Enemy's Camp, the Loss of which, made them break up the Siege of _Barbaquero_. In short, he had about Twenty, signed by the General and chief Officers, which spoke him a Fool of singular Gallantry. When I had return'd them, I ask'd, in what he thought I could serve him?

"I beg, _said he_, you wou'd recommend me to the Minister to be provided for as a superannuated Officer; your Honour cannot do an Act of greater Charity."

"Sir, _said I_, is it possible you can be so great a Stranger to the Court, as to imagine Merit carries any Weight with it. Your Certificates prove you have done your Duty like a gallant Officer; but then you have done no more than what was expected from you, and what you were paid for."

"I acknowledge what your Honour says, _replied the Colonel_, but I can name many, who have run away, or been taken violently ill at the time of a Battle, and who are not only continued in Post, but even advanced."

I answer'd, it was very true; but that such Fowls were otherwise serviceable in the Government, had handsome Wives or Daughters, or could procure such of their Acquaintance, or perhaps were elected into the Grand Council of the Nation, and had a Vote to dispose of.

But, Sir, I will deal with you ingenuously, I can do you no Service at all in this Affair; for the Minister has so many _Bable-Cypherians (in _English_, Members of the Great Council)_ to oblige, and they have so many _Valet de Chambres_, Butlers, and Footmen to provide for in the Hospital, that it's more likely the Officers and Soldiers now there will be turn'd out to make Place for them, than any other will be admitted. If you have Interest to get a Number of these _Bable-Cypherians_ to back your Pet.i.tion, which you may get, if you can bribe and cajole the Attendants of their _Squabbaws_, or their own Valets, it's possible you may succeed in your Pretensions.

"I'll sooner, _said he_, starve, than be guilty of so great a Condescension, or more properly, so mean an Action." This he said with some Warmth, and I replied as coolly, it was in his own Option. "I find then, _said the Colonel_, you won't serve me."

I have, _said I_, given you Reasons which prove this Way I cannot: But if giving your Pet.i.tion and Certificates to the Emperor will be of use, I'll venture to do it for you.

"The Emperor, _replied he_, is a good Prince, but has little Interest with the Minister; and to hope any thing, but thro' his Ca.n.a.l, is altogether vain." Saying this, he took his Leave in a very courteous manner. The Minister was inform'd, that I had entertain'd a long Discourse with this Officer, and ask'd me the Subject of it. I told him what he desired, but that I declined troubling his Excellency with such Trifles.

"These Fowls, _said he_, who build on their own Merit, are extremely impertinent. The Colonel now in Question is one of your Fowls who might by his Principles have made a Fortune, had he lived Two or Three Hundred Years ago; but they are now obsolete, and he starves by tenaciously practising his musty Morals. Why, he'll have the Impudence to be always speaking Truth; and tho' he has been thrust out of the Palace for this Vice more than once, he is not to be corrected. He will tell a Fowl of Quality without Ceremony, that he's a Pimp, and was raised by the Hens of his Family: He'll make no Bones of telling another, if his Prudence made him decline Danger, that he's a Coward: A Third he'll impudently remind of his former Livery, tho' his good Fortune has raised him to the t.i.tle of a Grandee. Nay, he had the Face to tell me, upon my refusing to take his Pet.i.tion, That it was great Pity, when I was imprisoned for Peculation, that the Justice of the Nation did not first purge, and then hang me; that I was a publick Robber, and deserv'd the Gallows more richly than a common Thief. His Poverty and Folly made me pity and pardon him, if leaving him to be laugh'd at and starv'd, are to be esteemed no Punishment. As I really pity'd the Fowl, I found where he lodged, and supplied him with sufficient to keep him above Want, tho' I would never trust him with the Knowledge of his Benefactor, nor would ever after be seen to give him the least Countenance."

The Character of the _Cacklogallinians_ in general.

The _Cacklogallinians_ were, in former Ages, a Wise and a Warlike Nation, both fear'd and esteem'd by their Neighbours. Their Blood was pure, without being mix'd with that of the _Owls_, _Magpies_, _Eagles_, _Vulturs_, _Jays_, _Partridges_, _Herns_, _Hawks_, or any other Species; the Sc.u.m of which Nation, by the Fertility of the Country, and the want of Foresight in the _Cacklogallinians_, has been allured to, and permitted to settle in _Cacklogallinia_, and by their Intermarriages has caused the great Degeneracy those Families, which have kept their Blood untainted, complain of.

The History of their Neighbours are standing Witnesses of the Worth of their Ancestors, and shew the vast Difference between the ancient and modern _Cacklogallinians_. The former, tho' tenacious of their Liberty, were remarkable for their Loyalty; and each thought it his peculiar Interest zealously to promote that of the Publick. But not to be prolix in the Character of the old _Cacklogallinians_, I shall give it in few Words. They were what the _English_ now are, Wise, Modest, Brave, Human, Loyal, Publick-spirited, capable of governing their own, and conquering other Kingdoms; Hospitable to Strangers: They encourag'd Merit, and abominated Flattery. A Pimp in those Days wou'd have starv'd, and even the Concubine of a Prince not been admitted among Hens of Virtue, tho'

to make the Fortune of a Husband. There was no Upstarts among the n.o.bility, and if any were rais'd to t.i.tles, it was by Force of a conspicuous Merit, which gave a l.u.s.tre to the August a.s.sembly in which he was enroll'd. Justice was impartially administer'd, and the selling of the People to a Prince or Minister, was a Villainy unknown. None bribed the People to chuse 'em for their Representatives; Posts in the Government were given to Fowls capable to serve it, without being burthened with this or that Family, nor were their Revenues loaded with Pensions to worthless and vicious Persons, and given for Services which would be a Disgrace to publish. Trade flourish'd, Money was plenty, none of their Neighbours durst encroach on their Commerce; their Taxes were inconsiderable: In a Word, as I before said, they were what our happy Nation now is, admired for the Prudence of their Administration at home, and the Terror of their Arms abroad. They are now directly the Reverse of what they were, and even in my Time, they were sinking in the Opinion of their Neighbours, who began to consider them as a declining Nation, which Alteration, I must own (for I love to speak the Truth) was not a little owing to the Administration of my Friend, the first Minister, who in taking upon him to manage the Interests of Nations, went out of his Depth, for Affairs of that Nature seemed to be above his Capacity. His Education, his Study, his Practice, were rather mercantile, than otherwise, and all that Knowledge which his Partizans boast so much in him, was confined to the Business of the Taxes, a Road in which he was (as it were) grown old, and to Money-Projects, which was owing to a strict Correspondence he always kept with certain projecting and mercantile People, and being used to carry all Points at home by Gold, he knew no other way of doing Business abroad; so that when their Neighbours used to differ among themselves, about some Points of Interest, and one Side or other stood in Need of the a.s.sistance of the _Cacklogallinians_, they sometimes push'd themselves into the Quarrel, and perhaps paid great Sums of Money for the Favour of sending Armies to the Succour of one Side or other, so that they became the Tools which other Nations work'd with. They are naturally p.r.o.ne to Rebellion, have let the _Cormorants_ chouse them out of several valuable Branches of their Commerce; and yet the _Cormorants_ are People with whom they have kept the most lasting Friendship of all their Neighbours. They love War, and rather than not fight, they will give Money to be let into the Quarrel (as has been hinted before) they know beforehand, however victorious they may prove, nothing but Blows will fall to their Share.

If they are under a mild Government, and grow rich, they are always finding Fault with their Superiors, and ever ready to revolt: But if they are oppress'd and kept poor, like our Spaniels, they fawn on their Masters, and seem in Love with Tyranny; which should any dare to speak against, he is esteem'd an Enemy to the Happiness of his Country. They are very proud, yet very mean in some Particulars, and will, for their Interest, sacrifice the Honour of their Families. They look upon nothing infamous but Poverty, for which Reason, the most scandalous Methods of procuring Riches, such as Lying, Robbing the Publick, Cheating Orphans, Pimping, Perjury, _& c._ are not look'd upon with evil Eyes, provided they prove successful. This Maxim holds with 'em, both in publick and private Affairs. I knew One rais'd from a Fowl of Three Foot Six Inches, to be a _Makeseulsibi_, a Post which rais'd him to Eight Foot Six, and is one of the greatest in the Kingdom. He is to instruct the Grandees, when in Council, in Points of Law, and is Guardian to all Orphans.

Complaint was made to the Emperor, that he converted their Estates to his own Use, and left them all to starve; he was therefore, by the Emperor's Consent, and to satisfy the People, brought to a Tryal. He answer'd, That he did not deny the Charge; but that he wanted the Money to make a Figure equal to his Post: However, the Enquiry discover'd his vast Acqusitions, and prov'd him to be so rich, that he was look'd upon with Respect, and he lived and died in as much Grandeur, and Tranquillity, as if he had been a Patriot, and at his Funeral, his great Service to his Country was blazon'd out in Figures and Hieroglyphicks by the Heralds; which being a thing I seem'd amaz'd at, and enquiring of many, how it came to pa.s.s, that a Fowl should be treated with Honour, who had been esteem'd an Oppressor? the common Answer was, he died rich, and that was enough for all Honours.

The Religion of the _Cacklogallinians_.

This Nation pretends to believe a first Being, and to worship one G.o.d, tho' I confess, when I was first amongst them, I thought otherwise; for I Found the People of the best Rank amongst them always ridiculing Religion. They had formerly a Globe of pure Gold in their Temples, an Emblem of Eternity: It was inscribed with unintelligible Characters, by which they figured the Inscrurability of his Decrees. This some call'd superst.i.tious, and were for having razed, and the Ball, which was, in their Opinion, too big, new melted, and cast into a different Form. Some were for a Square, to give an Emblem, of Justice; others would have it, an Octogon, by which they would shadow his Ubiquity. Another Party insisted upon its being cast again, but in no regular Form; for all Forms and Regularity they look'd upon superst.i.tious. Their Disputes on this Subject ran so high, that they came to Blows, and each Party, as it was victorious, modelled the Globe to his own Humour or Caprice. But the Ball being so often melted, and Part of the Gold being lost in each Fusion, it was at last almost imperceivable. These Bickerings shed a great deal of Blood, and being at length tired with worrying each other upon this Account, a new Globe was cast, but not exactly round, to satisfy tender Consciences. In process of Time, it was thought that a brazen Globe might do as well as one of Gold, and new Disputes beginning to arise, it was decreed, that this Globe should stand in the Temple, but that every one in particular should have at home an Idol after his own Fashion provided they wou'd only bow to this, and the Revenues were continued to the Priests to furnish Sacrifices. The Heads of the Priests at last thinking these Sacrifices altogether needless, and a very great Expence, dropp'd 'em by Degrees: However, some say this was done by some of the Grandees, as a Means to make the Priests less respected, and put the Money in their own Coffers, which has made them both rich and insolent. They were formerly a cunning Set, but they are not look'd upon as such now, for they take but little Care, either to cultivate the Interest, or support the Credit and Dignity of their Order; and as some of them are given to Luxury, which they have not taken due Care to conceal, the common Sort do not entertain the same Respect for them they did in former Times.

However, the poor Clergy (for they are not all rich, Affairs of Religion being modell'd after those of the State, the Great devouring the Small) lead moral Lives, and there is a Sect amongst them which keeps up the golden Ball, continues the Sacrifices, and detests Perjury; but these are obliged to perform their Ceremonies by Stealth, and are prosecuted as an obstinate ill-designing People.

The Grandees have no Statues in their Houses; they own indeed a Deity, some of them at least, but don't think the worshipping that Deity of any Consequence. The meaner People began to be as polite as the Courtiers, and to have as little Religion, before I left _Cacklogallinia_. This Irreligion I can attribute to nothing so much as the Contempt of the Clergy, whom some of the n.o.bility, especially of the Court, have endeavour'd to render hateful and ridiculous to the People, by representing them as a lazy, useless, Order of Birds, no better than the Drones. They also chufe out now and then, some to place at their Head, who had distinguish'd themselves for their Infidelity, and had declared themselves Enemies to the Religion of the Country, by which means the whole Order lost their Sway with the People; besides which, the richer Sort amongst them were generally reputed to be much addicted to Gluttony.

Of the Policy and Government of the _Cacklogallinians_.

The _Cacklogallinians_ boast mightily of their being the only Nation in the World which enjoys Liberty, and therefore, upon all Occasions, they talk of, and treat the rest of the World as Slaves. They pretend to maintain, that their Monarchy being elective, their Emperors are no more than their Servants, and that they can exercise no longer a Power, than they are pleas'd to give it them, which is just as much as will serve to put the Laws in Execution, and keep the great Machine of Government in good Order; and that whenever he attempts to transgress those Bounds, they make no Ceremony of turning him out, and setting up another in his Room. But, by what I could judge by my own proper Observation, this appeared to me, to be no more than an empty Boast (for indeed the _Cacklogallinians_ are apt to run into an Extravagance of Vanity, whenever they speak of themselves) for in my Time my Friend and Patron the first Minister acted as absolutely, and dependently of all Creatures (except of the _Squabbaws_) as the most arbitrary Prince, who acknowledges no Law but his own Will and Pleasure.

It is, true there is a Council consisting of a great Number of Persons, in whose Name all great Affairs relating to the Civil Government are transacted, the Members of which Council are call'd _Bable-Cypherians_; but it is no Secret, that the first Minister causes whom he pleases to sit in this Council, as well as turns out any Person he dislikes; and while I was amongst them, there happen'd some Instances of what I maintain; and he contrived to have several whom he suspected of being Enemies to his Family, or to his Administration, to be disgraced from the said Council, and others appointed in their Places: Nay, I have often seen several worthless Birds paying their Court to the first Minister, and solliciting him to be admitted into the Great Council, in the same manner that they begg'd for an Employment; yet at the same time, if you were to talk to a _Cacklogallinian_, he wou'd pretend to persuade you, that no Fowl of any Rank or Quality whatsoever can ever sit in the said Council, but by the Majority of free Voices of Persons who are his Equals. But as I oserv'd before, they are so possess'd with a Spirit of boasting, that when they talk of themselves, there is no Regard to be had to any thing they say.

What is most remarkable is, that Hens as well as c.o.c.ks frequently stand Candidates to be Members of the said Council, and especially those who are distinguish'd by the Name of _Squabbaws_; and tho' the important Affairs of managing their Amours takes up so much of their Time, that they have but little Leisure to attend such publick Affairs, yet they very much influence what pa.s.ses there, especially the Court _Squabbaws_, whom I have frequently seen to receive Presents from Persons who had Matters to lay before the said Council. When this happened, it was their Custom to send for my Friend the first Minister, and instruct him how they would have the thing done; upon which Occasions they designedly absented themselves from the said Council, that by their not appearing to favour or oppose such things, the Bribery might not be suspected; and it generally pa.s.s'd as well without them, for my good Patron who carried it so loftily to the rest of the World, was nevertheless extreamly their Slave.

As to their Laws, which they pretend to be the best and wisest of any in the World, they are, in Effect, a Source of continual Plague and Vexation to the Subject, which is owing to many Causes, but princ.i.p.ally to this, that when a new Law is agreed to pa.s.s, the great Council generally appoint such amongst them as are Lawyers by Profession, to word it, or (as we say) to draw it up, who always, in Order to promote the Business of their own Profession, contrive it in ambiguous Terms; so that there is a double Meaning runs thro' every Sentence. This furnishes eternal Matter of Dispute betwixt Party and Party, and at the same time gives the _Caja_ (for so they call a Judge) a Power of putting what Construction he pleases upon the Law. I have my self been frequently present, when the _Caja_ has been sitting to hear and determine Causes, and have observ'd, that when the _Cacklogallinian_ Advocates have been setting forth the Merit of their Cause, and one of them has produced a Precedent, to shew, that such a _Caja_ in former Times, put such a Construction upon such a Law, yet the _Caja_ then presiding has determined the thing quite otherwise, giving for a Reason, _That might be his Opinion, but this is ours._

Upon the whole, the Property of private Birds, which they would make you believe was much safer amongst them, than under any other Government in the World, appeared to me to stand upon a very precarious Foot, since it was always at the Mercy of the Law, and the most cunning and sagacious amongst them could never pretend to be sure what Law was: Nay, it was often found by Experience, that what was Law one Day amongst them, was not so another; so that I could not help thinking, that whenever Party and Party differr'd concerning Matters of Property, the least expensive, and most prudent Method would have been, to have referr'd the Decision of the Cause to some Game of Hazard.

This Ambiguity of the Law makes a corrupt _Caja_ a terrible Plague to the Subject; and it is a Plague which they have often felt, as I found, by consulting their Annals; for frequently, under bad Ministers, Birds have been chosen out for _Caja_'s, not for their Integrity or Knowledge, but for their Obsequiousness to the Commands of those who chose them; and my Patron, the first Minister, was censured for endeavouring to corrupt, and making them as bad as he could. By which Means, and by retaining Spies in the Houses of all Fowl of great Interest and Figure in their Country, it was reported he awed them from attempting any Measures against his Interest, or that of his Family, and that he had threaten'd several with Confiscation and Banishment, when he found them attempting to introduce better Schemes than his own, because such Proceedings might tend to overthrow him.

But this I speak from common Report; for I cannot give any Instances of Corruption in any of the _Caja_'s from my own personal Knowledge; for I conceived so dreadful a Notion of their Laws, that I endeavoured to avoid all Converse with any who belong'd to it.

How often have I reflected on the Happiness of my dear Country, in that Liberty there enjoy'd, where none are oppress'd by Force, or allured by Bribes, to give up their native Freedom; where a self-interested and designing Minister is sure to answer for his Administration to a Parliament freely chosen, consisting of Gentlemen of publick Spirits, Honour, known Probity and Wisdom; whose Fortunes put them above a servile Dependence; who have an Eye to nothing but the publick Good, and exact from the Ministers a just Account of the _Publick Treasure_! When I have seen the Fowl of Honour thrust out to make Place for a Sycophant, Court paid to Pandars and lewd Hens, and no Posts disposed of, but thro'

the Interest of l.u.s.t; how often, _Britain_, have I congratulated thy Happiness, where Virtue is rewarded, Vice discountenanc'd and punish'd; where the Man of Merit is provided for, and not oblig'd to pay a Levee to the kept Mistress of a Statesman; and where the Ignorant, Pusillanimous, and Vicious, however distinguish'd by Birth and Fortune, are held in Contempt, and never admitted to publick Employment!

When among the _Cacklogallinians_ Taxes are laid, the Money is brought into the publick Treasury, of which the Minister keeps the Keys: He lets this Money out upon p.a.w.ns, at an exorbitant Interest. If an inferior Agent is to pa.s.s his Accounts, he must share the Pillage with the Minister, and some few Heads of the Grand Council. I knew one paid him Three Hundred Thousand _Rackfanta.s.sines_, equal to a Hundred Thousand Pounds Sterling, which he computed was about one Third of his Acquisition; and Birds of most abandon'd Reputations are sometimes put into Places of Profit, which, like Spunges, suck all they can, and are easily squeezed again.

As to their Trade, they have, of late Years, lost some of the most advantageous Parts of it to the _Cormorants_, which perhaps might be brought about by several that were _Cormorants_ by Birth, who found Means of working themselves into the Management of their publick Affairs. They seem to endeavour all they can, (for what Policy I know not) to encourage the young _Cacklogallinian_ n.o.bility and Gentry, in a Contempt of Religion, and in all Debauchery, perhaps to render them supine and thoughtless; and bringing them up without Principle, they may be fit Tools to work the enslaving their Country.

They are extremely severe in their military Discipline: A Soldier, for a trifling Fault, shall have all the Feathers stripp'd off his Back, and a corroding Plaister clapp'd on, which will eat to the Bones in a small s.p.a.ce of Time. For a capital Crime, every one in the Regiment is ordered to peck him as he's ty'd to a Post, till he dies. I have seen one who was condemn'd to this Death have Part of his Entrails torn out of his Side in a few Pecks.

Whoever speaks against the Ministry, is purged or vomited so severely, that he sometimes dies. Even Want of Complaisance to any menial Servant of a Minister, is esteem'd an Affront to his Master, and punish'd by a Year's Imprisonment; but a Slight put on any of the _Squabbaws_, is so heinous, that the Offender is punish'd, as for the highest Scandal.

Sometimes it has happened, that Persons Question'd and Convicted for Fraud, Bribery, or other Crimes, by some Turn of Fortune having better'd their Circ.u.mstances, have afterwards been raised to Posts of Honour and Trust, and afterwards growing more wealthy, have been look'd upon with the same Esteem as the most worthy. I've known a Sharper, who could neither write nor read, made a _Battano_, in _English_, a Judge Advocate; and what rais'd him was his Dexterity at _Gestaro_, which is like the Play our School-boys divert themselves with, call'd _Hussle-cap_.

Tho' they have a Standing Army, yet the _Cacklogallinians_ are all inlisted, and obliged to serve (in case of an Invasion) without Pay.

They have no fortify'd Places, they being look'd upon as a Refuge for Malecontents, except only the imperial Palace. The Reader may wonder how any Place can be fortified against those who can fly over the highest Walls; I must therefore inform him, that their strong Holds have all the open Places cover'd with Canva.s.s stretch'd from Side to Side; upon which is strew'd an Herb so venemous, that, in six Hours after it has been expos'd to the Sun, it emits so pestiferous a Stench, that no Fowl can approach it by many Yards, but what will fall dead; and this Stench, by the Effluvia mounting, is no way offensive to those below. This is the Reason their Sieges are rather Blockades, and no fortify'd Town was ever taken but by starving. For tho' I have said, the _Cacklogallinians_ have no such, yet their Neighbours have this Canva.s.s, and Plenty of the Herb in and about most of their Towns, and can, in Twenty four Hours, put them in a Posture of Defence.

Upon the Decease of any Party, his Estate goes to the eldest of his Children, whether Male or Female; for the others, the c.o.c.ks are put into the Army, or to Trades; the Hens are married to the next Relations, who are obliged to take them, or allow them a Pension for Life, according to their Quality. Polygamy is forbid, tho' universally practised among the better Sort. There were publick Colleges erected for the Education and Provision of poor Chickens; but as there is a strong Party, which takes them to be of ill Consequence; they are discountenanc'd so much, that it is thought they must fall some time or other.

The Customs, Manners, Dress, and Diversions of the _Cacklogallinians_.

The _Cacklogallinians_ value themselves on being a polite Nation; and indeed those amongst them who have travell'd, are very complaisant, full of their Professions of Friendship, and Offers of Service, tho' it's the first time they ever set Eyes on the Party to whom they make them; but if he takes this for any more than the Effects of good Breeding, and reminds a Courtier of his Promise, he is look'd upon as one who wants Education, and treated as a Peasant.

They are not at all sociable, tho' they frequently visit each other, which is with much Ceremony amongst the better Sort; for he who makes the Visit, sends before him a Servant to give Notice, that he intends to do himself the Honour to kiss the Spur of the Master of the House. If he is, or will be at home, Answer is made, that he returns Thanks for the Honour intended him, which he will expect with Impatience. When the Visiter arrives, Notice is given to the Family by one of his Servants, who strikes a bra.s.s Pan (hung at the Doors of all Persons of Distinction) so long, and with such Violence, that were it in _England_, he'd be indicted for a common Disturber. After this Peal, the Door is opened, and the Visiter received according to his Quality, either at the Street Door, Parlour Door, or in the Hall. He's led in, and seated on a Carpet, enquires after the Welfare of the Family, after which he takes Notice of the Weather, and then with great Ceremony takes his Leave, conducted as he was received.

None visit the Minister of State, neither is there any thing like the _English_ Hospitality seen in the Visits of private Persons; for they never present you any Refreshment, not even that of cold Water, except at a formal Invitation, or a Wedding. At the latter they are very profuse. When a young Couple is married, for a Week they are never seen asunder; but after that, it is look'd upon indecent to be seen with a Wife in any publick Company; and one would think they married to be reveng'd on each other for some former Injuries; for the Wife takes Care to shew her Contempt of her Husband, and he his Aversion to his Wife.

They are great Admirers of Puppet-shews and other Spectacles, and will let their Families at Home want Necessaries, rather than not be seen at the Booth. What they most delight in is b.l.o.o.d.y Spectacles. There are poor _Cacklogallinians_, who fight on Stages for Money; if they cut one another to Pieces, the Spectators go away highly satisfied; but if their Art prevents their shedding much Blood, the Combatants are poorly rewarded, and look'd upon as a Couple of Cheats or Cowards.

A Goat had (as Tradition says) done formerly great Damage to the Corn of _Danafalio_, a Saint in great Veneration amongst them, who lived about Twelve Hundred Years ago; for which Reason, every Family, on a certain Day, diverts it self by breaking the Legs and Ribs of a Goat, and flaying it alive.

Their Burial of the Dead is so expensive, that it often ruines the Heir.

When the Corpse is carried out of the House, a Herald goes before, who proclaims the t.i.tles of the Deceas'd: If he has none, he has Three Days Notice to make a Genealogy for him. I saw the Burial of a _quondam_ Taylor, who was nearly ally'd to a first Minister, and heard the Herald's Oration, which was as near as I remember, in these Words.

See, Fellow-Citizens, the Vanity of all sublunary Things! and lament your own hard Fate in the Loss of the Ill.u.s.trious _Evanosmador_. If Virtue, if Art, if n.o.bility of Blood, could any way have influenc'd the Tyrant Death, who could boast a greater Soul! Who exceed him in the Mysteries of his Art! Or lastly, Whose Veins were fill'd with a more n.o.ble Blood!