A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xi Part 100

SCENE XI.

ARMELLINA, TRINCALO.

ARM. Signior Antonio!

My long-expected master!

TRIN. O Armellina!

Come, let me kiss thy brow[338] like my own daughter.

ARM. Sir, 'tis too great a favour. I kiss your foot.

What, fall'n? alas! how feeble you are grown With your long travel!

TRIN. True, and being drown'd, Nothing so griev'd me as to lose thy company: But, since I am safe return'd, for thy good service I'll help thee to a husband.

ARM. A husband, sir?

Some young and l.u.s.ty youth, or else I'll none.

TRIN. To one that loves thee dearly, dearly, wench: A goodly man, like me in limbs and fashion.

ARM. Fie, an old man! how! cast myself away, And be no nurse but his?

TRIN. He's not like me In years and gravity, but fair proportion; A handsome, well-set man as I.

ARM. His name?

TRIN. 'Tis Tom Trincalo of Totnam.

ARM. Signior Pandolfo's l.u.s.ty farmer?

TRIN. That's he.

ARM. Most unexpected happiness! 'tis the man I more esteem than my own life: sweet master, Procure that match, and think me satisfied For all my former service without wages.

But, ah! I fear you jest. My poor unworthiness Hopes not so great a fortune as sweet Trincalo.

No, wretched Armellina, in and despair: Back to thy mournful dresser; there lament Thy flesh to kitchen-stuff, and bones to ashes, For love of thy sweet farmer.

TRIN. Alas! poor soul, How prettily she weeps for me! Wilt see him?

ARM. My soul waits in my eyes, and leaves my body Senseless.

TRIN. Then swear to keep my counsel.

ARM. I swear By th' beauteous eyes of Trincalo.

TRIN. Why, I am Trincalo.

ARM. Your worship, sir! why do you flout your servant, Right worshipful Antonio, my reverend master?

TRIN. Pox of Antonio! I am Tom Trincalo.

Why laugh'st thou?

ARM. 'Tis desire and joy To see my sweetest.

TRIN. Look upon me, and see him.

ARM. I say I see Antonio, and none other.

TRIN. I am within, thy love; without, thy master.

Th' astrologer transform'd me for a day.

ARM. Mock not your poor maid, pray you, sir.

TRIN. I do not.

Now would I break this head against the stones, To be unchang'd; fie on this gentry! it sticks Like birdlime or the pox. I cannot part with't: Within I am still thy farmer Trincalo.

ARM. Then must I wait, till old Antonio Be brought to bed of a young[339] Trincalo; Or flay you, and strip you to yourself again.

TRIN. Carry me to your chamber. Try me there.

ARM. O, sir, by no means; but with my lovely farmer I'd stay all night, and thank him.

TRIN. Cross misfortune!

Accurs'd Alb.u.mazar and mad Pandolfo!

To change me thus, that, when I most desire To be myself, I cannot. Armellina, Fetch me a looking-gla.s.s.

ARM. To what end?

TRIN. Fetch one.

Let my old master's business sink or swim, This sweet occasion must not be neglected.

Now shall I know th' astrologer's skill.[340] O wonderful!

Admir'd Alb.u.mazar in two trans.m.u.tations!

Here's my old farmer's face. How in an instant I am unchang'd, that was so long a-changing!

Here's my flat nose again, &c.

Now, Armellina, take thy lov'd Trincalo To thy desired embracements; use thy pleasure, Kiss him thy bellyful.

ARM. Not here in public.

T' enjoy too soon what pleaseth, is unpleasant: The world would envy that my happiness.

Go in, I'll follow you, and in my bedchamber We'll consummate the match in privacy.

TRIN. Was not the face I wore far worse than this?

But for thy comfort, wench, Alb.u.mazar Hath dyed my thoughts so deep i' th' grain of gentry, 'Tis not a gla.s.s can rob me of my good fashions And gentleman-like garb. Follow, my dear.

ARM. I'll follow you. So, now y' are fast enough.

TRIN. Help, Armellina, help! I am fall'n i' th' cellar: Bring a fresh plantain leaf,[341] I have broke my shin.

ARM. Thus have I caught m' a husband in a trap, And in good earnest mean to marry him.

'Tis a tough clown, and l.u.s.ty: he works day and night; And rich enough for me, that have no portion But my poor service. Well, he's something foolish; The better can I domineer, and rule him At pleasure. That's the mark and utmost height We women aim at. I am resolv'd I'll have him.