A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xi Part 39

_Enter_ WIFE _and_ SUBTLE.

SUB. I knew he would not stay. Now, n.o.ble mistress, I claim your promise.

WIFE. What was that, good servant?

SUB. That you would lie with me.

WIFE. If with any man-- But, prythee, first consider with thyself, If I should yield to thee, what a load thy conscience Would bear about it; for I wish quick thunder May strike me, if I yet have lost the truth, Or whiteness of the hand I gave in church: And 'twill not be thy happiness (as thou think'st) That thou alone shouldst make a woman fall, That did resist all else; but to thy soul A bitter corrosive, that thou didst stain Virtue that else had stood immaculate.

Nor speak I this as yielding unto thee, For 'tis not in thy power, wert thou the sweet'st Of nature's children and the happiest, To conquer me, nor in mine own to yield; And thus it is with every pious wife.

Thy daily railing at my absent husband Makes me endure thee worse; for let him do The most preposterous, ill-relishing things.

To me they seem good, since my husband does 'em.

Nor am I to revenge or govern him: And thus it should be with all virtuous wives.

SUB. Pox o' this virtue and this chast.i.ty!

Do you [not] know, fair mistress, a young gentleman About this town called Bold? Where did he lie Last night, sweet mistress? O, O! are you catch'd?

I saw him slip out of the house this morn, As naked as this truth; and for this cause I have told your husband that you yielded to me, And he, I warrant you, will blaze it thoroughly.

As good do now, then, as be thought to do.

WIFE. No, 'twill not be yet. Thou injurious man!

How wilt thou right me in my husband's thoughts, That on a false surmise and spite hast told A tale to breed incurable discontent?

Bold was that old wench that did serve the widow, And thinking by this way to gain her love, Miss'd of his purpose, and was thus cashier'd; Nor cares she to proclaim it to the world.

SUB. Zounds! I have wrong'd you, mistress, on my knees [_Kneels._ I ask you pardon, and will nevermore Attempt your purity, but neglect all things Till that foul wrong I have bred in your knight I have expell'd, and set your loves aright.

_Enter_ HUSBAND.

HUS. Which now is done already. Madam, wife, [_Kneels._ Upon my knees with weeping eyes, heav'd hands, I ask thy pardon. O sweet, virtuous creature!

I prythee, break my head.

WIFE. Rise, rise, sir, pray.

You have done no wrong to me--at least, I think so: Heaven hath prevented all my injury.

I do forgive, and marry you anew.

Come, we are all invited to the weddings: The Lady Honour and the old rich Count, Young Bold unto another gentlewoman: We and the widow are invited thither.

Embrace and love henceforth more really, Not so like worldlings.

HUS. Here then ends all strife.

Thus false friends are made true by a true wife. [_Exeunt._

SCENE II.[135]

_Enter old_ COUNT, _wrapped in furs; the_ LADY HONOUR, _dressed like a bride; the_ LORD PROUDLY, WELLTRIED, BOLD, _leading_ FEESIMPLE _like a lady masqued;_ HUSBAND, WIFE, SUBTLE, WIDOW; _to them_ BROTHER, _with a letter;_[136] SELDOM _with his wife_.

BRO. Health and all joy unto this fair a.s.sembly.

My brother, who last tide is gone for France, A branch of willow feathering his hat, Bad me salute you, lady, and present you With this same letter written in his blood.

He prays no man, for his sake, evermore To credit woman, nor no lady ever To believe man; so either s.e.x shall rest Uninjur'd by the other. This is all, And this I have deliver'd.

PROUDLY. Ay, and well.

You p.r.o.nounce rarely, did you never play?

BRO. Yes, that I have--the fool, as some lords do.

WELL. Set forward there.

COUNT. O, O, O! a pox o' this cold!

WELL. A cold o' this pox, you might say, I am afraid.

MAID. How full of ghastly wounds this letter shows.

O, O! [_Swoons._

PROUDLY. Look to my sister.

BOLD. 'Sheart! the lady swoons.

WIFE. Strong water there.

FEE. If strong breath would recover her, I am for her.

COUNT. Alas, good lady! hum, hum, hum. [_Coughs perpetually._

SUB. He has fetch'd her again with coughing.

MAID. Convey me to my bed; send for a priest And a physician; your bride, I fear, Instead of epithalamions shall need A dirge or epitaph. O, lead me in: My body dies for my soul's perjur'd sin.

[_Exeunt_ MAID, GRACE, WIFE, HUSBAND, SUBTLE.

BOLD. Hymen comes towards us in a mourning robe.

WELL. I hope, friend, we shall have the better day.

PROUDLY. I'll fetch the parson and physician.

[_Exit_ LORD PROUDLY.

BRO. They are both ready for you. [_Exit_ BROTHER.

WELL. Madam, this is the gentlewoman Who, something bashful, does desire your pardon, That she does not unmask.

WID. Good Master Welltried, I would not buy her face; and for her manners, If they were worse, they shall not displease me.

WELL. I thank your ladyship.

FEE. Look how the old a.s.s, my father, stands: he looks like the bear in the play; he has killed the lady with his very sight.[137] As G.o.d help me, I have the most to do to forbear unmasking me, that I might tell him his own, as can be.

BOLD. Fie! by no means. The widow comes towards you.

COUNT. O, O, O, O!

WID. Servant, G.o.d give you joy; and, gentlewoman Or lady, as full joy I wish to you: Nor doubt that I will hinder you your love, But here am come to do all courtesy To your fair self, and husband that shall be.