A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ix Part 82

[_They fight, and are parted by_ MENDACIO.

MEN. You shall not fight as long as I am here. Give over, I say.

HEU. Mendacio, you offer me great wrong to hold me: in good faith, I shall fall out with you.

MEN. Away, away, away; you are Invention, are you not?

HEU. Yes, sir; what then?

MEN. And you Remembrance?

ANA. Well, sir, well?

MEN. Then I will be Judicium, the moderator betwixt you, and make you both friends; come, come, shake hands, shake hands.

HEU. Well, well, if you will needs have it so.

ANA. I am in some sort content.

[MENDACIO _walks with them, holding them by the hands_.

MEN. Why, this is as it should be; when Mendacio hath Invention on the one hand, and Remembrance on the other, as he'll be sure never to be found with truth in his mouth, so he scorns to be taken in a lie. Eh, eh, eh, my fine wags? Whist!

[COMMUNIS SENSUS _and the rest are seen to approach_.]

ANA. Whist!

HEU. Whist!

SCAENA SECUNDA.

COMMUNIS SENSUS, MEMORY, PHANTASTES, HEURESIS, ANAMNESTES, _take their places on the bench as before_, AUDITUS _on the stage, a page before him, bearing his target, the field Sable, a heart Or; next him_ TRAGEDUS _apparelled in black velvet, fair buskins, a falchion, &c.; then_ COMEDUS, _in a light-coloured green taffeta robe, silk stockings, pumps, gloves, &c_.

COMMUNIS SENSUS, MEMORY, PHANTASTES, HEURESIS, ANAMNESTES, &c.

COM. SEN. They had some reason that held the soul a harmony, for it is greatly delighted with music; how fast we were tied by the ears to the consort of Voice's power! but all is but a little pleasure; what profitable objects hath he?

PHA. Your ears will teach you presently, for now he is coming. That fellow in the bays, methinks I should have known him; O, 'tis Comedus, 'tis so; but he has become nowadays something humorous, and too-too satirical up and down, like his great grandfather Aristophanes.

ANA. These two, my lord, Comedus and Tragedus, My fellows both, both twins, but so unlike, As birth to death, wedding to funeral.

For this, that rears himself in buskins quaint, Is pleasant at the first, proud in the midst, Stately in all, and bitter death at end.

That in the pumps doth frown at first acquaintance, Trouble in the midst, but in the end concludes, Closing up all with a sweet catastrophe.

This grave and sad, distain'd with brinish tears; That light and quick with wrinkled laughter[281] painted; This deals with n.o.bles, kings, and emperors, Full of great fears, great hopes, great enterprises.

This other trades with men of mean condition: His projects small, small hopes, and dangers little.

This gorgeous-broider'd with rich sentences: That fair and purfled round with merriments.

Both vice detect and virtue beautify, By being death's mirror, and life's looking-gla.s.s.

COM[282]. _Salutem primum jam a principio propitiam.

Mihi atque vobis, spectatores, nuntio_[283]--

PHA. Pish, pish, this is a speech with no action; let's hear Terence, _Quid igitur faciam, &c_.

COM. _Quid igitur faciam? non eam? ne nunc quidem, c.u.m arcessor ultro?[284]

PHA. Fie, fie, fie, no more action! lend me your bays, do it thus--_Quid igitur, &c_.

[_He acts it after the old kind of pantomimic action_.

COM. SEN. I should judge this action, Phantastes, most absurd, unless we should come to a comedy, as gentlewomen to the Commencement[285], only to see men speak.

PHA. In my imagination, 'tis excellent; for in this kind the hand, you know, is harbinger to the tongue, and provides the words a lodging in the ears of the auditors.

COM. SEN. Auditus, it is now time you make us acquainted with the quality of the house you keep in, for our better help in judgment.

AUD. Upon the sides of fair mount Cephalon Have I two houses pa.s.sing human skill: Of finest matter by Dame Nature wrought, Whose learned fingers have adorn'd the same With gorgeous porches of so strange a form, That they command the pa.s.sengers to stay.

The doors whereof in hospitality Nor day nor night are shut, but, open wide, Gently invite all comers; whereupon They are named the open ears of Cephalon.

But lest some bolder sound should boldly rush, And break the nice composure of the work, The skilful builder wisely hath enrang'd An entry from each port with curious twines And crook'd meanders, like the labyrinth That Daedalus fram'd t'enclose the Minotaur; At th'end whereof is plac'd a costly portal, Resembling much the figure of a drum, Granting slow entrance to a private closet.

Where daily, with a mallet in my hand, I set and frame all words and sounds that come Upon an anvil, and so make them fit For the periwinkling porch[286], that winding leads From my close chamber to your lordship's cell.

Thither do I, chief justice of all accents, Psyche's next porter, Microcosm's front, Learning's rich treasure, bring discipline, Reason's discourse, knowledge of foreign states, Loud fame of great heroes' virtuous deeds; The marrow of grave speeches, and the flowers Of quickest wits, neat jests, and pure conceits; And oftentimes, to ease the heavy burthen Of government your lordship's shoulders bear, I thither do conduce the pleasing nuptials Of sweetest instruments with heavenly noise.

If then Auditus have deserv'd the best, Let him be dignified before the rest.

COM. SEN. Auditus, I am almost a sceptic in this matter, scarce knowing which way the balance of the cause will decline. When I have heard the rest, I will despatch judgment; meanwhile, you may depart.

[AUDITUS _leads his show about the stage, and then goes out_.

SCAENA TERTIA.

COMMUNIS SENSUS, MEMORIA, PHANTASTES, ANAMNESTES, HEURESIS, _as before_; OLFACTUS _in a garment of several flowers, a page before him, bearing his target, his field Vert, a hound Argent, two boys with casting-bottles[287], and two censers with incense[288], another with a velvet cushion stuck with flowers, another with a basket of herbs, another with a box of ointment_. OLFACTUS _leads them about, and, making obeisance, presents them before the Bench_.

1ST BOY. Your only way to make a good pomander[289] is this:--Take an ounce of the purest garden mould, cleansed and steeped seven days in change of motherless rosewater; then take the best ladanum, benzoine, both storaxes, ambergris, civet, and musk: incorporate them together, and work them into what form you please. This, if your breath be not too valiant, will make you smell as sweet as my lady's dog.

PHA. This boy, it should seem, represents Odour, he is so perfect a perfumer.

ODOUR. I do, my lord, and have at my command The smell of flowers and odoriferous drugs, Of ointments sweet and excellent perfumes, And courtlike waters, which if once you smell, You in your heart would wish, as I suppose, That all your body were transform'd to nose.

PHA. Olfactus, of all the Senses, your objects have the worst luck; they are always jarring with their contraries; for none can wear civet, but they are suspected of a proper bad scent[290]; whence the proverb springs, He smelleth best, that doth of nothing smell.

SCAENA QUARTA.

_The Bench and_ OLFACTUS, _as before_. TOBACCO, _apparelled in a taffeta mantle, his arms brown and naked, buskins made of the peeling of osiers, his neck bare, hung with Indian leaves, his face brown, painted with blue stripes, in his nose swines' teeth, on his head a painted wicker crown with tobacco-pipes set in it, plumes of tobacco leaves, led by two Indian boys naked, with tapers in their hands, tobacco-boxes, and pipes lighted_.