A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 90

A most pleasant and merie new Comedie, int.i.tuled A Knacke to Knowe a Knaue. Newlie set foorth, as it hath sundrie tymes bene played by Ed: Allen and his Companie. With Kemps applauded Merrimentes of the men of Goteham, in receiuing the King into Goteham. Imprinted at London by Richard Iones, dwelling at the signe of the Rose and Crowne, nere Holborne Bridge_, 1594. 4. Black letter.

A MERRY KNACK TO KNOW A KNAVE.

_Enter KING EDGAR, BISHOP DUNSTAN, and PERIN, a courtier_.

KING.

Dunstan, how highly are we bound to praise The Eternal G.o.d that still provides for us, And gives us leave to rule in this our land.

Likewise Vespasian, Rome's rich emperor, Suppressing sin, that daily reigns in us.

First, murther we reward with present death, And those that do commit felonious crimes Our laws of England do award them death: And he that doth despoil a virgin's chast.i.ty Must likewise suffer death by law's decree, And that decree is irrevocable.

Then, as I am G.o.d's vicegerent here on earth, By G.o.d's appointment here to reign and rule, So must I seek to cut abuses down, that, like To Hydra's heads, daily grows up, one in another's Place, and therein makes the land infectious.

Which if with good regard we look not to, We shall, like Sodom, feel that fiery doom That G.o.d in justice did inflict on them.

DUNSTAN.

Your grace's care herein I much commend, And England hath just cause to praise the Lord, That sent so good a king to govern them.

Your life may be a lantern to the state, By perfect sign of humility.

How blest had Sodom been in sight of G.o.d, If they had had so kind a governor; They had then undoubtedly escap'd that doom, That G.o.d in justice did inflict on them.

Then, England, kneel upon thy hearty knee, And praise that G.o.d that so provides for thee.

And, virtuous prince, thou Solomon of our age, Whose years, I hope, shall double Nestor's reign, And bring a thousand profits to the land, Myself (dread prince), in token of my love And dutiful obedience to your grace, Will study daily, as my duty wills, To root sins from the flourishing commonwealth, That Fame, in every angle of the world, May sound due praise of England's virtuous[288] king.

KING.

Dunstan, live thou, and counsel still the king To maintain justice, were it on himself, Rather than, soothing him in his abuse, To see subversion of his commonwealth.

I tell thee, Dunstan, thou hast pleased the king, And proved thyself a virtuous councillor: Thy counsel is to me as North-Star light, That guides the sailor to his wished port; For by that star he is so comforted, That he sails dangerless on dangerous seas, And in his deepest sadness comforts him.

So Dunstan's knowledge is that star of joy, That will with help conduct me to my happiness.

HONESTY.

And yet thou art not happy, Edgar, Because that sins, like swarms, remain in thee.

KING.

Why, 'tis impossible; for I have studied still, To root abuses from the commonwealth, That may infect the king or commonalty.

Therefore, base peasant, wilful as thou art, I tell thee troth, thou hast displeas'd the king.

HONESTY.

Nay, the king hath displeased himself, In trusting every one that speaks him fair: For through fair words kings many times are fain To countenance knaves by their authority.

I will not say your grace doth so--

PERIN.

No, sir; you were not best.

HONESTY.

Why, if I should, I might make good my word, And find a knave, I fear, before I part.

KING.

Why, what art thou?

HONESTY.

Marry, I go plain, and my name is Honesty: A friend to your grace, but a foe to flatterers, And one that hath _a knack to know a knave_.

PERIN.

As how, sir?

By art, or by some foolish gift G.o.d hath given you?

You are some physician, or skill'd in phys'ognomy, or in palmestry; For, I am sure, you can never do it by astronomy, Because there are no stars to know a knave.

HONESTY.

True, but many an honest man knows a knave to his cost, And is neither physician, or skill'd physiognomer, palmester, nor astronomer, But a plain man of the country, like me, That knows a knave, if he do but see his cap.

PERIN.

That were pretty, i'faith, to see. Honesty know a knave by his cap: 'Tis more than I can do with all the skill I have.

But tell me, I pray thee, how I should know a knave.

HONESTY.

I believe you well; for offenders never bewray their offences, Till the law find them, and punish them.

But you would fain tell how to know a knave?

Then thus: the first man you meet in the morning, If he salute you, draw near him, And smell to his hat, and after smell to your own; And, my cap to a n.o.ble, if his smell like yours, he is a knave.

I think I spoke with you now!

PERIN.

Base villain, were it not that the king's presence Doth privilege thy presumption, I would teach you to jest with your fellows.

KING.

Forbear, Honesty; thou art a good plain fellow, And I commend thy wit, that hast such ways to know a knave.

HONESTY.

Honesty is plain, my lord, but no good fellow, For good fellows be purse-takers now-a-days: And there be so many of such good fellows, That Honesty may walk the streets without company.

Not that there wants company, but honest company, I mean; Yet Honesty can clap a knave on the shoulder for all his bravery.

PERIN.

Why, base companion, mean you me?

HONESTY.

Not base, sir, because I was truly begotten, For Honesty may be suspected, but never detected.

But you think I had a bailiff to my father, as you had, And that my mother could return a writ of error, As yours did, when such a gallant as you were gotten.

KING.

Believe me, Perin, he hath touch'd you now; And I perceive, though Honesty be simple, Yet many times he speaks truth.

HONESTY.

True, if it please your grace, for honest men will not lie.

But, if your grace vouchsafe to give me leave, You shall see me find more knaves than one, If my cunning fail me not; or else say Honesty had no honesty.

KING.

But tell me, Dunstan, how thinkest thou of this motion?

Were it not good, thinkest thou, we gave him leave To stifle such caterpillars as corrupt the commonwealth?

For many times such simple men as he Bewray much matter in simplicity.

Then, tell me, Dunstan, what thinkest thou of his motion?