A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 89

If London list to look, the streets were ne'er so clean, Except it was, when best it might, in welcome of our Queen.

Three lovely lords of London shall three London ladies wed: Strew sweetest flowers upon the stones; perfume the bridal bed.

Strew the fair flowers, &c_.

_Enter first_ DILIGENCE _with a truncheon, then a boy with_ POLICY'S _lance and shield: then_ POLICY _and_ LOVE, _hand in hand: then_ FRAUD _in a blue gown, red cap, and red sleeves, with_ AMBITION'S _lance and shield: then a boy with_ POMP'S _lance and shield: then_ POMP _and_ LUCRE, _hand in hand: then_ DISSIMULATION _with_ PRIDE'S _lance and shield: then a boy with_ PLEASURE'S _lance and shield: then_ PLEASURE _and_ CONSCIENCE, _hand in hand: then_ SIMPLICITY, _with_ TYRANNY'S _lance and shield. They all going out_, NEMO _stays and speaks_.

NEMO.

These lords and ladies thus to church are gone, An honoured action to solemnise there; With greater joy will they return anon, Than Caesar did in Rome his laurel wear.

Lord Policy hath Love unto his pheer; Lord Pomp hath Lucre to maintain his port; Lord Pleasure Conscience, to direct his sport.

Usury is marked to be known; Dissimulation like a shadow fleets, And Simony is out of knowledge grown, And Fraud unfound in London, but by fits.

Simplicity with Painful Penury sits; For Hospitality, that was wont to feed him, Was slain long since, and now the poor do need him.

That Hospitality was an honest man, But had few friends, alas! if he had any; But Usury, which cut his throat as then, Was succoured and sued for by many.

Would Liberality had been by thy side, Then, Hospitality, thou hadst never died.

But what mean I, one of the marriage train, To mourn for him will ne'er be had again?

His ghost may walk to mock the people rude: Ghosts are but shadows, and do sense delude I talk too long; for, lo, this lovely crew Are coming back, and have performed their due.

[_Return as they went, saving that the blue gowns, that bare shields, must now bear torches_: SIMPLICITY _going about spies_ FRAUD, _and falleth on his knees before_ PLEASURE _and_ CONSCIENCE, _saying_--

SIMPLICITY.

O Lady Conscience, that art married to Lord Pleasure, Help thy servant, Simplicity, to recover his lost treasure.

A boon, my lords, all for Love and Lucre['s] sake; Even as you are true lords, help a false lout to take.

PLEASURE.

Thou shalt have help: speak, what is the matter?

SIMPLICITY.

See you yon fellow with the torch in his hand?

E'en the falsest villain that is in this land.

Let him be laid hold on, that he run not away, And then ye shall hear what I have to say.

PLEASURE.

Diligence, bring him hither. Good lords and ladies, stay.

SIMPLICITY.

O Master Fraud, welcome to the b.u.t.ts: Now I'll have my ten shillings in spite of your guts.

The French canker consume ye, you were an old Frenchman!

De gol' b.u.t.ton, gol' ringa, bugla lace! you cosen'd me then.

My lords, I beseech ye, that at Tyburn he may totter, For instead of gold the villain sold me copper.

PLEASURE.

Is this true, Master Skill?

FRAUD.

It is true in a sort, my lord. I thought to be pleasant with him, being my old acquain'ce, and disguis'd myself like an old French artificer; and having a few copper knacks, I sold them to him, to make sport, for ten shillings, which money I am content to pay him again: so shall he have no loss, though we have made a little sport.

PLEASURE.

First, give him an angel before my face. Simplicity, art thou pleased?

SIMPLICITY.

Truly I am pleas'd to take a good angel for ten shillings, speciously of such a debtor as Master Fraud; but now I am to be pleas'd otherwise, that is, to see him punished. I promise ye the people love him well, for they would leave work and make half-holiday to see him hanged.

PLEASURE.

That his punishment may please thee the better, thou shalt punish him thyself: he shall be bound fast to yon post, and thou shalt be blindfold, and with thy torch shalt run, as it were, at tilt, charging thy light against his lips, and so (if thou canst) burn out his tongue, that it never speak more guile.

SIMPLICITY.

O, _singulariter nominativo_, wise Lord Pleasure: _genitivo_, bind him to that post: _dativo_, give me my torch: _accusativo_, for I say he's a cosener: _vocativo_, O, give me room to run at him: _ablativo_, take and blind me. _Pluraliter per omnes casus_, Laugh all you to see me, in my choler adust, To burn and to broil that false Fraud to dust.

[_Bind_ FRAUD, _blind_ SIMPLICITY: _turn him thrice about; set his face towards the contrary post, at which he runs, and all-to burns it_. DISSIMULATION, _standing behind_ FRAUD, _unbinds him, and while all the rest behold_ SIMPLICITY, _they two slip away_; PLEASURE, _missing_ FRAUD, _saith_--

PLEASURE.

Wisely perform'd! but soft, sirs, where is Fraud?

O notable[287] villain! gone, whiles we beheld The other. Who loos'd him? Who let him slip?

Well, one day he will pay for all. Unblind Simplicity.

SIMPLICITY.

How now! Have I heated his lips? Have I warm'd his nose, and scorched his face? Let me see: how looks the villain? Have I burned him?

DILIGENCE.

Thou hast done more; for thou hast quite consumed him into nothing.

Look, here is no sign of him; no, not so much as his ashes.

SIMPLICITY.

Very few ashes, if there be any. Ye may see what a hot thing anger is: I think that the torch did not waste him so much as my wrath. Well, all London, nay, all England, is beholding to me for putting Fraud out of this world. I have consumed him and brought him to nothing, and I'll tread his ashes under my feet, that no more Frauds shall ever spring of them. But let me see: I shall have much anger; for the tanners will miss him in their leather, the tailors in their cutting out of garments, the shoemaker in closing, the tapsters in filling pots, and the very oystermen to mingle their oysters at Billingsgate: yet it is no matter; the world is well-rid of such a crafty knave.

PLEASURE.

Well, now thou art satisfied, I wish all here as well contented; And we, my lords, that praise this happy day, Fall we on knees, and humbly let us pray.

POMP.

First that from heaven upon our gracious queen All manner blessings may be multiplied, That as her reign most prosperous hath been, During world's length so may it still abide, And after that with saints be glorified, Lord! grant her health, heart's-ease, joy and mirth, And heaven at last, after long life on earth.

POLICY.

Her council wise and n.o.ble of this land Bless and preserve, O Lord! with Thy right hand.

PLEASURE.

On all the rest that in this land do dwell Chiefly in London, Lord! pour down Thy grace, Who living in Thy fear, and dying well, In heaven with angels they may have a place.

FINIS.

A KNACK TO KNOW A KNAVE.

_EDITION.