A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 46

SIMPLICITY.

Faith, cousin, he's such a testern[182] and proud, 'sembling knave, That he'll do nothing, 'less some bribery he have.

There's a great many such promoting knaves, that gets their living With nothing else but facing, lying, swearing, and flattering.

Why, he has a face like a black dog,[183] and blusheth like the back-side of a chimney.

'Twas not for nothing thy G.o.dfathers a cogging name gave thee.

[_Enter_ LADY LUCRE.

But here comes his mistress Lady Lucre: Now, cousin, I'll 'liver your letter.

Mistress Lady Lucre, here's a letter for ye.

LUCRE.

Hast thou a letter for me?

SIMPLICITY.

Yes, by Saint Mary.

How say you, cousin? she reads your letter: And you can flatter, perhaps you shall speed better.

SINCERITY.

Thou speakest the truth, Simplicity; for flatterers now-a-days Live gentlemen-like, and with prating get praise.

LUCRE.

Sir, I have read the tenure of your letter, wherein I find That at the request of Love and Conscience I should show myself kind In bestowing some spiritual living on ye, parsonage, or benefice: It seems it stands greatly in need, as appears by this.

And, trust me, I would do for you; but it lies not in me, For I have referred all such matters to my servant Simony.

You must speak to him, and if you can get his goodwill, Then be sure of mine their minds to fulfil.

SINCERITY.

Lady, I shall never get his goodwill, because I want ability, For he will do nothing, except I bring money.

And if you grant it not, then, 'tis past all doubt, I shall be never the better, but go quite without.

DISSIMULATION.

Madam, I can tell you what you may give, Not hurting yourself, whereby he may live, And without my fellow Simony's consent, If to follow my mind you are any whit bent.

LUCRE.

Pray thee, what is it? thou knowest, while for their house I am in bargaining, And it be never so little, I must seem to do something.

DISSIMULATION.

Why, have you not the parsonage of St Nihil to bestow?

If you give him that, Simony shall never know.

LUCRE.

Indeed, thou sayest true. Draw near, Sincerity: Lo, for their sakes I will bestow frankly on thee.

I'll give thee the parsonage of Saint Nihil to pleasure them withal, And such another to it, if thou watch, till it fall.

SIMPLICITY.

My lady axes you, when you will take possession of your house, and lend the rest of the money.

LUCRE.

What, are they so hasty? belike they spent it merrily.

SIMPLICITY.

Faith, no; for they would eat it, if they could get it, when they are a-hungry.

But you may be happy, for you have sped well to-day: [_Speaking to_ SINCERITY.

You may thank G.o.d and good company that you came this way.

The parsonage of St Michael's; by'r Lady, if you have nothing else, You shall be sure of a living, beside a good ring of bells.

Cousin, I'll tell thee what thou shalt do: sell the bells, and make money.

SINCERITY.

Thou mayest well be Simplicity, for thou showest thy folly.

I have a parsonage, but what? of St Nihil; and Nihil is nothing: Then, where is the church, or any bells for to ring?

Thou understandest her not: she was set for to flout.

I thought, coining in their names, I should go without.

'Tis easy to see that Lucre loves not Love and Conscience; But G.o.d, I trust, will one day yield her just recompense.

SIMPLICITY.

Cousin, you said that something to me you would give, When you had gotten preferment of Lucre to live, And I trust you will remember your poor cousin Simplicity: You know to Lady Conscience and e'rybody I did speak for you.

SINCERITY.

Good Simplicity, hold thy peace: my state is yet nought.

I will help thee, sure, if ever I get ought.

But here comes Sir Nicholas Nemo: to him I will go, And see if for their sakes he will anything bestow.

_Enter_ SIR NICHOLAS NEMO.

NEMO.

You come from Love and Conscience, as seemeth me here, My special good friends, whom I account of most dear: And you are called Sincerity; your state shows the same.

You are welcome to me for their sakes, and for your own name; And for their sakes you shall see what I will do for you Without Dissimulation, Fraud, Usury, or Simony; For they will do nothing without some kind of gain, Such cankered corruption in their hearts doth remain.

But come in to dinner with me, and when you have din'd, You shall have-- [_Presently go out_.

SINCERITY.

You shall have--but what? a living that is blown down with the wind.

SIMPLICITY.

Now, cousin, dismember your friends, seeing two livings you have, One that this man promis'd, and another that Lady Lucre gave.

Ma.s.s, you'll be a jolly man, and you had three or four more: Let's beg apace, cousin, and we shall get great store.

Do thou get some more letters, and I'll get them scribed of Mistress Love and Conscience, And we'll go beg livings together; we'll beg no small pence.

How sayest thou, Cousin Sincerity? wut do so mich?

If we can speak fair and 'semble, we shall be plaguy rich.

SINCERITY.

Good Simplicity, content thee: I am never the better for this, But must of force leave off, for I see how vain it is.

It boots not Sincerity to sue for relief: So few regard [me,] that to me is a grief.

This was Nicholas Nemo, and No-Man hath no place: Then how can I speed well in this heavy case?

And no man bid me to dinner, when shall I dine?

Or how shall I find him--where, when, and at what time?

Wherefore the relief I have had, and shall have, is small; But to speak truth, the relief is nothing at all.

But come, Simplicity, let us go see what may be had.

Sincerity in these days was, sure, born to be sad.

SIMPLICITY.