A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 45

_Enter_ HOSPITALITY, _while she is writing_.

HOSPITALITY.

Lady, methinks you are busy.

CONSCIENCE.

I have done, sir. I was setting my hand to a letter to Lucre for our friend Sincerity.

But I would Lady Love were here too.

HOSPITALITY.

She is at home with me; but, if it please, so much in her behalf I will do.

CONSCIENCE.

I pray you[176] heartily, and it shall suffice the turn well enou'.

Good Simplicity, once more thy body do bow.

SIMPLICITY.

I think I shall serve[177] to be a washing-block for you. [_Aside_.

I would do it for you, but I am afraid yonder boy will mock me.

HOSPITALITY.

No; I warrant thee.

CONSCIENCE.

Here, take thy letters, Sincerity; and I wish them prosperous to thee.[178]

SINCERITY.

I yield you most hearty thanks, my good lady.

HOSPITALITY.

Lady Conscience, pleaseth it you to walk home to dinner with me?[179]

CONSCIENCE.

I give you thanks,[180] my good friend Hospitality; But I pray, sir, have you invited to dinner any stranger?

HOSPITALITY.

No, sure; none but Lady Love, and three or four honest neighbours.

SIMPLICITY.

Ma.s.s, my lady is gotten to dinner already: I believe she rose at ten o'clock, she is so hungry.

What, and I should come to dinner, hast thou any good cheer.

HOSPITALITY.

I have bread and beer, one joint of meat, and welcome, thy best fare.

SIMPLICITY.

Why, art thou call'd Hospitality, and hast no better cheer than that?

I'll tell thee, if thou hast no more meat for so many, they'll ne'er be fat.

What, if my cousin--nay, I myself alone--to dinner should come, Where should my lady and the rest dine, for I could eat up every crumb?

Thou art an old miser: dost thou keep no better fare in thy house?

Hast thou no great bag-pudding, nor hog's-face that is called souse?

HOSPITALITY.

My friend, hospitality doth not consist in great fare and banqueting, But in doing good unto the poor, and to yield them some refreshing; Therefore, thou and Sincerity will come and take part: Such as I have I'll give you with a free and willing heart.

[_Exeunt_ HOSPITALITY _and_ CONSCIENCE.

SIMPLICITY.

He speaks well, cousin; let's go to dinner with him.

The old man shall not think but we will pleasure him.

Faith, he might have richer fellows than we to take his part, But he shall never have better eating fellows, if he would swelt his heart.

Here be them that will eat with the proudest of them; I am sure my mother said I could eat so much as five men.

Nay, I have a gift for eating, I tell ye, For our maids would never believe I put all the meat in my belly.

But I have spied a knave, my Lady Lucre's cogging man.

Give me your letters, cousin; I'll prefer ye, if I can.

_Enter_ DISSIMULATION.

SINCERITY.

Dissimulation! out upon him! he shall be no spokeman for me.

SIMPLICITY.

Why then you are a fool, Cousin Sincerity.

Give me 'em;[181] I tell ye, I know he'll do it for me.

SINCERITY.

Seeing thou wilt have it, here receive it; but yet it grieves my heart That this dissembling wretch should speak on my part.

SIMPLICITY.

Hear ye, sir, I would request [you] to 'liver this letter To your good wholesome mistress, Lady Lucre.

DISSIMULATION.

Where hadst thou it, tell me?

SIMPLICITY.

Marry, of my Cousin Sincerity.

DISSIMULATION.

Why, I have nothing to do in it; 'tis not to me thou shouldst come: I have not to do with Sincerity's matters: 'tis my fellow Simony's room.

SINCERITY.

Thou art akin to the lawyer; thou wilt do nothing without a fee: But thou, Fraud, Usury, nor yet Simony, shall do nothing for me.

And thou wilt do it, do it; and thou wilt not, choose, But thee and their dealing I hate and refuse.

DISSIMULATION.

Why, and I am not bound to thee so far as knave go, And therefore, in despite of thee and thy cousin, there thy letters be.

What, thinkest thou by captious words to make me do it?

Let them deliver your letters that hath a stomach to it.