A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 41

SIMPLICITY.

Yes, I will serve ye: but will ye go into dinner, for I am hungry?

LOVE.

Come, Lady Conscience: pleaseth you to walk home from this company?

CONSCIENCE.

With right goodwill, for their sights pleaseth not me.

[_Exeunt_ LADY LOVE _and_ CONSCIENCE.

SIMPLICITY.[160]

Fraud is the clubbish knave, and Usury the hard-hearted knave, And Simony the diamon' dainty knave, And Dissimulation the spiteful knave of spade.

Come there any mo knaves? come there any mo?

I see four knaves stand in a row.

[_Let_ FRAUD _run at him,[161] and let_ SIMPLICITY _run in, and come out again straight_.

FRAUD.

Away, drudge! begone quickly.

SIMPLICITY.

I wous:[162] do thrust out my eyes with a lady.

[_Exit_ SIMPLICITY.

USURY.

Did you ever see gentlemen so rated at before?

But it skills not: I hope one day to turn them both out of door.

SIMONY.

We were arrantly flouted, railed at, and scoff'd in our kind.

That same Conscience is a vild terror to man's mind.

Yet, faith, I care not, for I have borne many more than these, When I was conversant with the clergy beyond the seas; And he that will live in this world must not care what such say, For they are blossoms blown down, not to be found after May.

FRAUD.

Faith, care that care will, for I care not a point.

I have shifted[163] hitherto, and whilst I live I will jeopard a joint; And at my death I will leave my inheritor behind, That shall be of the right stamp to follow my mind.

Therefore let them prate, till their hearts ache, and spit out their evil: She cannot quail me, if she came in likeness of the great devil.

DISSIMULATION.

Ma.s.s, Fraud, thou hast a doughty heart to make a hangman of, For thou hast good skill to help men from the coff.

But we were arrantly flouted, yet I thought she had not known me; But I perceive, though Dissimulation do disguise him, Conscience can see.

What though Conscience perceive it, all the world cannot beside, Tush! there be a thousand places, where we ourselves may provide.

But look, sirs; here cometh a l.u.s.ty lady towards us in haste; But speak to her, if you will, that we may be all plac'd.

_Enter_ LADY LUCRE.

USURY.

I pray thee do, for thou art the likeliest to speed.

DISSIMULATION.

Why then I'll tout with a stomach in hope of good speed.

Fair lady, all the G.o.ds of good fellowship kiss ye--would say bless ye--

LUCRE.

Thou art very pleasant, and full of thy rope-ripe--I would say rethoric.

DISSIMULATION.

Lady, you took me at the worst: I beseech you therefore To pardon my boldness, offending no more.

LUCRE.

We do; the matter is not great, but what wouldest thou have?

How shall I call thee, and what is't thou dost crave?

DISSIMULATION.

I am called Dissimulation, and my earnest request Is to crave entertainment for me and the rest, Whose names are Fraud, Usury, and Simony, Great carers for your health, wealth, and prosperity.

LUCRE.

Fraud, Dissimulation, Usury, and Simony, Now truly I thank you for proffering your service to me; You are all heartily welcome, and I will appoint straightway, Where each one in his office in great honour shall stay.

But, Usury, didst thou never know my grandmother, the old Lady Lucre of Venice?

USURY.

Yes, madam; I was servant unto her, and lived there in bliss.

LUCRE.

But why camest thou into England, seeing Venice is a city, Where Usury by Lucre may live in great glory?

USURY.

I have often heard your good grandmother tell, That she had in England a daughter, which her far did excel; And that England was such a place for Lucre to bide, As was not in Europe and the whole world beside.

Then, l.u.s.ting greatly to see you and the country, she being dead, I made haste to come over to serve you in her stead.

LUCRE.

Gramercy, Usury; and I doubt not but that you shall live here as pleasantly; Ay, and pleasanter, too, if it may be. But, Simony, from whence came ye, tell me?[164]

SIMONY.

My birth, nursery and bringing-up hitherto hath been in Rome, that ancient religious city.

On a time the monks and friars made a banquet, whereunto they invited me, With certain other some English merchants, which belike were of their familiarity; So, talking of many matters, amongst others one began to debate Of the abundant substance still brought to that state.

Some said the increase of their substance and wealth Came from other princes, and was brought thither by stealth: But the friars and monks, with all the ancient company, Said that it first came, and is now upholden by me, Simony; Which the English merchants gave ear to: then they flattered a little too much, As Englishmen can do for advantage, when increase it doth touch; And being a-shipboard merry, and overcome with drink on a day, The wind served, they hoist sail, and so brought me away: And landing here, I heard in what great estimation you were, [And] made bold to your honour to make my repair.

LUCRE.

Well, Simony, I thank thee; but as for Fraud and Dissimulation, I know their long continuance, and after what fashion.

Therefore, Dissimulation, you shall be my Steward, An office that every man's case by you must be preferred.

And you, Fraud, shall be my rent-gatherer, my letter of leases, and my purchaser of land, So that many old bribes will come to thy hand.

And, Usury, because I know you be trusty, you shall be my secretary, To deal amongst merchants, to bargain and exchange money.

And Simony, because you are a sly fellow, and have your tongue liberal, I will place you over such matters as are ecclesiastical.

And though we appoint sundry offices, where now ye are in, Yet jointly we mean to use you together ofttimes in one thing.

ALL.

Lady, we rest at your command in ought we can or may.