A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 40

Then, we are luckily well-met; and, seeing we wish all for one thing, I would we our wills and wishing might win.

SIMPLICITY.

Yes, they will be sure to win the devil and all, Or else they'll make a man to spew out his gall.

O that vild[157] Usury! he lent my father a little money, and for breaking one day He took the fee-simple of his house and mill quite away: And yet he borrowed not half a quarter as much as it cost; But I think, if it had been a shilling, it had been lost.

So he kill'd my father with sorrow, and undoed me quite.

And you deal with him, sirs, you shall find him a knave full of spite.

And Simony--A-per-se-A-Simony--too, he is a knave for the nonce: He loves to have twenty livings at once; And if he let an honest man, as I am, to have one, He'll let it so dear that he shall be undone.

And he seeks to get parsons' livings into his hand, And puts in some odd dunce that to his payment will stand: So, if the parsonage be worth forty or fifty pound a year, He will give one twenty n.o.bles to mumble service once a month there.

SIMONY _and_ USURY _both_.

What rascal is he, that speaketh by us such villainy?

DISSIMULATION.

Sirs, he was at us erewhile too; it is no matter: it is a simple soul, called Simplicity.

But here come two of the ladies; therefore make ready.

_Enter_ LOVE _and_ CONSCIENCE. FRAUD.

But which of us all shall first break the matter?

DISSIMULATION Marry, let Simony do it, for he finely can flatter.

USURY.

Nay, sirs, because none of us shall have preheminence above other, We will sing in fellowship together, like brother and brother.

SIMONY.

Of truth, agreed, my masters: let it be so.

SIMPLICITY.

Nay, and they sing, I'll sing too. [_Aside_.

_The Song_.

Good ladies, take pity and grant our desire.

CONSCIENCE' REPLY.

Speak boldly, and tell me what is't you require.

THEIR REPLY.

Your service, good ladies, is what we do crave.

HER REPLY.

We like not, nor list not such servants to have.

THEIR REPLY.

If you entertain us, we trusty will be; But if you refrain us, then most unhappy.

We will come, we will run, we will bend at your beck, We will ply, we will hie, for fear of your check.

HER REPLY.

You do feign, you do flatter: you do lie, you do prate: You will steal, you will rob: you will kill in your hate.

I deny you, I defy you; then cease of your talking: I refrain you, I disdain you; therefore, get you walking.

CONSCIENCE.

What, Fraud, Dissimulation, Usury, and Simony, How dare you for shame presume so boldly, As once to show yourselves before Love and Conscience, Not yielding your lewd lives first to repentance?

Think you not, that G.o.d will plague you for your wicked practices, If you intend not to amend your vild lives so amiss?[158]

Think you not, G.o.d knows your thoughts, words, and works, And what secret mischiefs in the hearts of you lurks?

Then how dare you offend his heavenly majesty With your dissembling deceit, your flattery, and your usury?

FRAUD.

Tut, sirs, seeing Lady Conscience is so scripolous,[159]

Let us not speak to her, for I see it is frivolous.

But what say you, Lady Love? Will you grant us favour.

LOVE.

I'll no such servants, so ill of behaviour, Servants more fitter for Lucre than Love, And happy are they which refrain for to prove, Shameless, pitiless, graceless, and quite past honesty; Then who of good conscience but will hate your company?

USURY.

Here is scripolous Conscience and nice Love indeed.

Tush! if they will not, others will: I know we shall speed.

SIMPLICITY.

But, lady, I stand still behind, for I am none of their company.

CONSCIENCE.

Why, what art thou? O, I know: thou art Simplicity.

SIMPLICITY.

I'faith, I am Simplicity, and would fain serve ye.

CONSCIENCE.

No: I may have no fools to dwell with me.

SIMPLICITY.

Why then, Lady Love, will you have me then?

LOVE.

Ay, Simplicity, thou shalt be my man.

SIMPLICITY.

But shall I be your good-man?

LOVE.

Ay, my good-man, indeed.

SIMPLICITY.

Ay, but I would be your good-man, and swap up a wedding with good speed.

LOVE.

No: Love may not marry in any case with Simplicity; But if thou wilt serve me, I'll receive it willingly: And if thou wilt not, what remedy?