A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 7

[HYP. He is Kit Careless.]

None dare reprove me, of that I am sure, So long as authority on my side endure.

But to thy words a while I will list; Therefore in brief say on what you will.

AVARICE.

I would have you show rigour to such as resist, And such as be obstinate spare not to kill; But those that be willing your hests to fulfil,

[HYP. Hark the practice of spiteful Sumnors.]

If they offend, and not of obstinacy, For money excuse them, though they use villany, Thus shall you perform your office aright, For favour or money to spare the offendent.

TYRANNY.

So may I also, of malice or spite, Or rancour of mind,[37] punish the innocent.

But I will be ruled by thine arbitrament, And will favour such as will my hand grease.

The devil is a good fellow, if one can him please:[38]

[HYP. And you are one of his sons, methink, by your head.]

But to follow our business great pains we do take; On an hasty message we were fit to be sent.

HYPOCRISY [_Aside_].

When I lie a-dying, I will you messengers make: You ply you so fast, you are too-too diligent.

Whoop how, Master Zeal, whither are ye bent?

AVARICE.

Hark! methought one hallooed, and called you by name.

TYRANNY.

I would it were Hypocrisy.

AVARICE.

It is the very same.

What, Master Hypocrisy, for you I have sought This hour or two, but could you not find.

HYPOCRISY.

That is no marvel, it is not for nought, For I am but little, and you two are blind; Neither have you eyes to see with behind: Yet may the learned note herein a mystery, That neither Tyranny nor Avarice can find out Hypocrisy.

But what earnest business have you in charge, That with so great speed must presently be finished?

TYRANNY.

Marry, see here.

HYPOCRISY.

What is it?

TYRANNY.

A commission large From my Lord Legate himself authorised, The effect whereof must presently be practised.

HYPOCRISY.

What is the tenure,[39] pray you let me know?

TYRANNY.

Avarice hath read it, not I; let him show.

AVARICE.

He hath firstly in charge to make inquisition, Whether altars be re-edified, whether chalice and book, Vestments for ma.s.s, sacraments, and procession, Be prepared again: if not, he must look, And find out such fellows as these cannot brook, And to my Lord Legate such merchants present, That for their offence they may have condign punishment.

If any we take tardy, Tyranny them threat, That for their negligence he will them present; And I desirous some money to get, If ought they will give me, their evil will prevent; Yea, sometime of purpose such shifts we invent.

HYPOCRISY.

Peace, yonder comes one; methink it is a priest, By his gown, cap, and tippet made of a list.

ACT III., SCENE 4.

CACONOS, HYPOCRISY, TYRANNY, AVARICE.

[CACONOS.]

In[40] gude feth, sir, this newis de gar me lope, Ay is as light as ay me wend, gif that yo wol me troth, Far new agen within awer loud installed is the Pope, Whese legat with authority tharawawt awr country goth, And charge befare him far te com us priests end lemen hath, Far te spay awt, gif that he mea, these new-sprang arataics, Whilk de disturb aur hally Kirk, laik a sart of saysmatics.

Awr gilden G.o.ds ar brought ayen intea awr kirks ilkwhare, That unte tham awr parishioner ma offer thar gude-will.

For hally ma.s.s in ilk place new thea autars de prepare, Hally water, pax, cross, banner, censer and candill, Cream, crismatory, hally bread, the rest omit ay will, Whilt hally fathers did invent fre awd antiquity, Be new received inte awr kirks with great solemnity.

Bay these thaugh lemen been apprest, the clargy all het gean, Far te awr sents theis affer yifts all whilk we sall receive: Awr hally ma.s.s, thaw thea bay dere, thea de it but in vain, Far thaw ther frends frea Purgatory te help thea dea believe, Yet af ther hope, gif need rewhayre,[41] it wawd theam all deceive.

Sea wawd awr pilgrimage, reliques, trentals, and pardons, Whilk far awr geyn inte awr Kirk ar braught in far the nonce.

Far well a nere what war awr tenths and taythes that gro in fild, What gif we han of glebed loud ene plawwark bay the year, Awr affring deas de vara laytell ar nething te us yield: Awr beadroll geanes, awr chrisom clethes de laytle mend awr fare Gif awt af this we pea far vale, we laytle mare can spare.

Sawl-ma.s.ses, diriges, monethmayndes and buryings, Alsowlnday, kirkings, banasking and weddings.

The sacraments, gif we mowt sell, war better than thea all; Far gif the Jews gave thratty pence te hang Chraist on a tree, Gude Christian folk thrayse thratty pence wawd count a price but small; Sea that te eat him with their teeth delaivered he mawght be.

New of this thing delaiverance ne man can make but we, Se that the market in this punt we priests sawd han at will, And with the money we sowd yet awr pooches we sowd fill.

HYPOCRISY.

I will go and salute him: good morrow, Sir John.[42]

CACON.

Naw, bay may priest-hade, G.o.d give ye ten far ene.

HYPOCRISY.

Do you, Master Parson, in this parish sing?

CACON.

Yai, sir, that ay de, gif yowl give me trothing.

TYRANNY.

I have a commission your house and church to seek, To search if you any seditious books do keep.

CACON.

Whe ay? well a near, ay swear bay the Sacrament, Ay had rather han a cup af nale than a Testament.

HYPOCRISY.

How can you without it your office discharge?