A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ii Part 21

MASTER BONGRACE.

Hence, at once seek and smell him out; I shall rap thee on the lying knave's snout: I woll not be deluded with such a glossing lie, Nor give credence, till I see it with my own eye.

CAREAWAY.

Truly, good sir, by your mastership's favour, I cannot well find a knave by the savour; Many here smell strong, but none so rank as he: A stronger-scented knave than he was cannot be.

But, sir, if he be haply found anon, What amends shall I have for that you have me done?

MASTER BONGRACE.

If he may be found, I shall walk his coat.

CAREAWAY.

Yea, for our lady's sake, sir, I beseech you spare him not, For it is some false knave withouten doubt.

I had rather than forty pence we could find him out; For, if a man may believe a gla.s.s, Even my very own self it was.

And here he was but even right now, And stepped away suddenly, I wot not how.

Of such another thing I have neither heard ne seen, By our blessed lady, heaven queen!

MASTER BONGRACE.

Plainly it was thy shadow, that thou didst see; For, in faith, the other thing is not possible to be.

CAREAWAY.

Yes, in good faith, sir, by your leave, I know it was I by my apples in my sleeve, And speaketh as like me as ever you heard:[203]

Such hair, such a cap, such hose and coat, And in everything as just as fourpence to a groat.

That if he were here, you should well see, That you could not discern nor know him from me; For think you, that I do not myself know?

I am not so foolish a knave, I trow.

Let who woll look him by and by, And he woll depose upon a book that he is I; And I dare well say you woll say the same; For he called himself by my own name.

And he told me all that I have done, Sith five of the clock this afternoon, He could tell when you were to supper set [When] you send me home my mistress to fet, And showed me all things that I did by the way--

BONGRACE.

What was that?

CAREAWAY. How I did at the bucklers play; And when I scattered a basket of apples from a stall, And gathered them into my sleeve all, And how I played after that also--

BONGRACE.

Thou shalt have, boy, therefore,[204] so mote I go; Is that the guise of a trusty page, To play, when he is sent on his master's message?

DAME COY.

Lay on and spare not, for the love of Christ, Joll his head to a post,[205] and favour your fist!

Now for my sake, sweetheart, spare and favour your hand, And lay him about the ribs with this wand.

CAREAWAY.

Now mercy that I ask of you both twain: Save my life, and let me not be slain.

I have had beating enough for one day: That a mischief take the other-me Careaway!

That if ever he come to my hands again, I-wis it shall be to his pain.

But I marvel greatly, by our Lord Jesus, How he-I escaped, I-me beat me thus.

And is not he-I an unkind knave, That woll no more pity on myself have?

Here may you see evidently, i-wis, That in him-me no drop of honesty is.

Now a vengeance light on such a churlish knave That no more love toward myself have!

DAME COY.

I knew very,[206] sweet-heart, and said right now, That no fault thereof should be in you.

BONGRACE.

No, truly, good bedfellow, I were then much unkind, If you at any time should be out of my mind.

DAME COY.

Surely, I have of you a great treasure, For you do all things which may be to my pleasure.

BONGRACE.

I am sorry that your chance hath now been so ill: I would gladly been unsupped, so you had your fill; But go we in, pigsnie, that you may sup; You have cause now to thank this same hang-up; For had not he been, you had fared very well.

DAME COY.

I bequeath him with a hot vengeance to the devil of h.e.l.l, And heartily I beseech him that hanged on the rood, That he never eat nor drink that may do him good, And that he die a shameful death, saving my charity!

CAREAWAY.

I pray G.o.d send him such prosperity, That hath caused me to have all this business.

But yet, sirs, you see the charity of my mistress: She liveth after a wonderful charitable fashion; For I a.s.sure you she is always in this pa.s.sion, And scarcely one day throughout the whole year She woll wish any man better cheer, And some time, if she well-angered be, I pray G.o.d (woll she say) the house may sink under me!

But, masters, if you happen to see that other I, As that you shall, it is not very likely, Nor I woll not desire you for him purposely to look, For it is an uncomparable unhappy hook; And if it be I, you might happen to seek, And not find me out in an whole week.

For when I was wont to run away, I used not to come again in less than a month or tway: Howbeit, for all this I think it be not I; For, to show the matter indeed truly, I never use to run away in winter nor in vere,[207]

But always in such time and season of the year, When honey lieth in the hives of bees, And all manner fruit falleth from the trees: As apples, nuts, pears, and plums also, Whereby a boy may live abroad a month or two.

This cast do I use, I woll not with you feign; Therefore I wonder if he be I, certain.

But, and if he be, and you meet me abroad by chance, Send me home to my master with a vengeance!

And show him, if he come not here to-morrow night, I woll never receive him again, if I might; And in the meantime I woll give him a groat, That woll well and thriftily walk his coat; For a more ungracious knave is not even now Between this place and Calicow.[208]

Nor a more frantic-mad knave in Bedlam, Nor a more fool hence to Jerusalem.

That if to come again percase he shall refuse, I woll continue as I am, and let him choose; And but he come the sooner, by our lady bright, He shall lie without the doors all night.

For I woll s.h.i.t[209] up the gate, and get me to-bed, For I promise you I have a very giddy head.

I need no supper for this night, Nor would eat no meat, though I might; And for you also, master, I think it[210] best You go to-bed, and take your rest.

For who of you had been handled as I have been, Would not be long out of his bed, I ween; No more woll I, but steal out of sight: I pray G.o.d give you all good night!

And send you better hap and fortune, Than to lese yourself homeward as I have done.

[_Exit Careaway_.

Somewhat it was, saith the proverb old, That the cat winked when her eye was out, That is to say, no tale can be told, But that some English may be picked thereof out If so to search the Latin and ground of it men will go about, As this trifling enterlude that before you hath been rehea.r.s.ed, May signify some further meaning, if it be well searched.

Such is the fashion of the world now-a-days, That the simple innocents are deluded, And an hundred thousand divers ways By subtle and crafty means shamefully abused, And by strength, force, and violence ofttimes compelled To believe and say the moon is made of a green cheese Or else have great harm, and percase their life lese.

And an old saying it is, that most times might, Force, strength, power, and colourable subtlety Doth oppress, debar, overcome, and defeat right, Though the cause stand never so greatly against equity, And the truth thereof be knowen for never so perfit certainty: Yea, and the poor simple innocent that hath had wrong and injury, Must call the other his good master for showing him such mercy.

And as it is daily seen, for fear of further disprofit, He must that man his best friend and master call, Of whom he never received any manner benefit, And at whose hand he never han any good at all; And must grant, affirm, or deny, whatsoever he shall He must say the crow is white, if he be so commanded, Yea, and that he himself is into another body changed.

He must say he did amiss, though he never did offend; He must ask forgiveness, where he did no trespa.s.s, Or else be in trouble, care, and misery without end, And be cast in some arrearage without any grace; And that thing he saw done before his own face He must by compulsion stiffly deny, And for fear, whether he woll or not, say _tongue, you lie_!

And in every faculty this thing is put in ure, And is so universal that I need no one to name, And, as I fear, is like evermore to endure; For it is in all faculties a common sport and game, The weaker to say as the stronger biddeth, or to have blame, As a cunning sophist woll by argument bring to pa.s.s, That the rude shall confess, and grant himself an a.s.s.

And this is the daily exercise and practise of their schools, And not among them only, but also among all others: The stronger to compel, and make poor simple fools To say as they command them in all manner matters.

I woll name none particular, but set them all together Without any exception; for I pray you show me one Amongst all in the world that seeth not such fashion.

He that is stronger and more of power and might, If he be disposed to revenge his cause, Woll soon pick a quarrel, be it wrong or right, To the inferior and weaker for a couple of straws, And woll against him so extremely lay the laws, That he woll put him to the worse, either by false injury, Or by some craft and subtlety, or else by plain tyranny.

As you saw right now by example plain Another fellow, being a counterfeit page, Brought the gentleman's servant out of his brain, And made him grant that himself was fallen in dotage Bearing himself in hand that he did rage, And when he could not bring that to pa.s.s by reason, He made him grant it, and say by compulsion.