A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ii Part 20

CAREAWAY.

Never man suffered so much wrong as I had; But, mistress, I should say a thing to you: Tarry, it woll come to my remembrance even now I must needs use a substantial premeditation; For the matter lieth greatly me upon.

I beseech your mistress-ship of pardon and forgiveness, Desiring you to impute it to my simple and rude dulness: I have forgotten what I had[199] thought to have said And am thereof full ill-afraid; But when I lost myself, I knew very well, I lost also that I should you tell.

DAME COY.

Why, thou wretched villain, doest thou me scorn and mock, To make me to these folk a laughing-stock?

Ere thou go out of my hands, thou shalt have something; And I woll reckon better in the morning.

CAREAWAY.

And if you beat me, mistress, avise you; For I am none of your servants now.

That other I is now your page, And I am no longer in your bondage.

DAME COY.

Now walk, precious thief, get thee out of my sight!

And I charge thee come in my presence no more this night: Get thee hence, and wait on thy master at once.

CAREAWAY.

Marry, sir, this is handling for the nonce: I would I had been hanged, before that I was lost; I was never this[200] canva.s.sed and tossed: That if my master, on his part also, Handle me, as my mistress and the other I[201] do, I shall surely be killed between them three, And all the devils in h.e.l.l shall not save me.

But yet, if the other I might have with me part, All this would never grieve my heart.

[_Enter Jack Juggler_.

JACK JUGGLER.

How say you, masters, I pray you tell, Have not I requited my merchant well?

Have not I handled him after a good sort?

Had it not been pity to have lost this sport?

Anon his master, on his behalf, You shall see how he woll handle the calf!

If he throughly angered be, He woll make him smart, so mot I the.

I would not for a price of a new pair of shone, That any part of this had been undone; But now I have revenged my quarrel, I woll go do off this mine apparel, And now let Careaway be Careaway again; I have done with that name now, certain, Except peraventure I shall take the self-same weed Some other time again for a like cause and need.

[_Enter Bongrace and Careaway_.

BONGRACE.

Why, then, darest thou to presume to tell me, That I know is no wise possible for to be?

CAREAWAY.

Now, by my truth, master, I have told you no lie; And all these folks knoweth as well as I, I had no sooner knocked at the gate, But straightway he had me by the pate; Therefore, if you beat me, till I fart and s.h.i.t again, You shall not cause me for any pain; But I woll affirm, as I said before, That when I came near, another stood at the door.

BONGRACE.

Why, thou naughty villain, darest thou affirm to me That which was never seen nor hereafter shall be?

That one man may have two bodies and two faces, And that one man at one time may be in two places?

Tell me, drankest thou anywhere by the way?

CAREAWAY.

I shrew me, if I drank any more than twice to-day, Till I met even now with that other I, And with him I supped and drank truly; But as for you, if you gave me drink and meat, As oftentimes as you do me beat, I were the best-fed page in all this city.

But, as touching that, you have on me no pity, And not only I, but all that do you serve, For meat and drink may rather starve.

BONGRACE.

What, you saucy malapert knave, Begin you with your master to prate and rave?

Your tongue is liberal and all out of frame: I must needs conjure it, and make it tame.

Where is that other Careaway that thou said was here?

CAREAWAY.

Now, by my Christendom, sir, I wot ne'er?

BONGRACE.

Why, canst thou find no man to mock but me?

CAREAWAY.

I mock you not, master, so mot I the, Every word was true that I you told.

BONGRACE.

Nay I know toys and pranks of old, And now thou art not satisfied nor content, Without regard of my biddings and commandment, To have played by the way as a lewd knave and negligent, When I thee on my message home sent, But also wouldest willingly me delude and mock, And make me to all wise men a laughing-stock: Showing me such things as in no wise be may, To the intent thy lewdness may turn to jest and play; Therefore if thou speak any such thing to me again, I promise it shall be unto thy pain.

CAREAWAY.

Lo, is not he in miserable case, That serveth such a master in any place?

That with force woll compel him that thing to deny, That he knoweth true, and hath seen with his eye?

BONGRACE.

Was it not, trowest thou, thine own shadow?

CAREAWAY.

My shadow could never have beaten me so!

BONGRACE.

Why, by what reason possible may such a thing be?

CAREAWAY.

Nay, I marvel and wonder at it more than ye; And at the first it did me curstly meve[202]

Nor I would mine own eyes in no wise believe, Until that other I beat me so, That he made me believe it, whether I would or no.

And if he had yourself now within his reach, He would make you say so too, or else bes.h.i.t your breech.

MASTER BONGRACE.

I durst a good meed and a wager lay, That thou layest down and slepst by the way, And dreamed all this, that thou hast me told.

CAREAWAY.

Nay, there you lie, master, if I might be so bold; But we rise so early that, if I had, I had done well, and a wise lad.

Yet, master, I would you understood, That I have always been trusty and good, And fly as fast as a bear in a cage, Whensoever you send me in your message; In faith, as for this that I have told you, I saw and felt it as waking as I am now: For I had no sooner knocked at the gate, But the other I knave had me by the pate; And I durst to you on a book swear, That he had been watching for me there, Long ere I came, hidden in some privy place, Even for the nonce to have me by the face.

MASTER BONGRACE.

Why, then, thou spakest not with my wife?

CAREAWAY.

No, that I did not, master, by my life, Until that other I was gone, And then my mistress sent me after anon, To wait on you home in the devil's name: I ween the devil never so beat his dame!

MASTER BONGRACE.

And where became that other Careaway?

CAREAWAY.

By mine honesty, sir, I cannot say; But I warrant he is now not far hence; He is here among this company, for forty pence.