A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xiv Part 105

WAN. Yes, yes, you are fine things: I wonder women can endure you; for me, I expect you worse, and am armed for't.

WILD. Faith, let's send and release her; the jest is gone far enough; as I live, I pity her.

WAN. Pity her! hang her, and rid the country of her. She is a thing wears out her limbs as fast as her clothes; one that never goes to bed at all, nor sleeps in a whole skin, but is taken to pieces like a motion, as if she were too long; she should be hanged for offering to be a wh.o.r.e.

CAPT. As I live, she's in the right. I peeped once to see what she did before she went to bed; by this light, her maids were dissecting her; and when they had done, they brought some of her to bed, and the rest they either pinned or hung up, and so she lay dismembered till morning; in which time her chamber was strewed all over, like an anatomy-school.

WAN. And when she travels anywhere, she is transported with as great a care and fear of spoiling, as a juggler's motion, when he removes from fair to fair.

CARE. She is a right broken gamester who, though she lacks wherewithal to play, yet loves to be looking on.

_Enter_ WANTON'S MAID.

BAWD. He is awake, and calls for you impatiently: he would fain be in bed; the company is all gone.

WAN. Are you instructed?

BAWD. Let me alone, I'll warrant you for my part.

WAN. Farewell then; you are all ready. Who plays master constable?

CAPT. I, I; and Ned Jolly the sumner.[255]

WAN. Farewell, farewell then.

[_Exit_ WANTON _and_ BAWD.

WILD. It is a delicate wench.

CARE. She has excellent flesh and a fine face. By this light, we must depose the captain from his reign here.

[_They whisper this._

WILD. I like her shrewdly; I hate a wench that is all wh.o.r.e and no company; this is a comedy all day and a fair[256] at night.

CARE. I hope to exalt the parson's horn here.

CAPT. And what think you? is it not a sweet sin, this lying with another man's wife?

WAN. Is Jolly come?

[WANTON _above_.

CAPT. No, but he'll be here instantly.

WILD. Is he abed?

WAN. Yes, yes; and he sleeps as if he had been put to bed by his s.e.xton, with _dust to dust_, and _ashes to ashes_.

CAPT. And we'll wake him with that shall be as terrible to him as the latter day.

WAN. Let him sleep awhile, that he may be fresh, else the jest is spoiled; for it is his sense of his disgrace must work my ends.

WILD. I'll go home then, and get supper ready, and expect you.

CAPT. Do; our scene lies here.

[_Enter_ JOLLY.]

Who's there? Jolly?

JOLLY. Yes.

CAPT. Are you fitted?

JOLLY. Yes, I have got the Blackfriars music. I was fain to stay till the last act. And who do you think I saw there?

WILD. I know not.

JOLLY. Guess.

WILD. Prythee: I cannot guess.

JOLLY. Your aunt and Mistress Pleasant, and trusty Secret.

WILD. What, man?

JOLLY. The lovers only, so close in a box!

CAPT. It will be a match, and there's an end. Prythee, let them go to't: what is't to us? Let's mind our business now, and think on them hereafter.

WAN. A pox upon them, for a couple of stalk-hounds. Have they killed at last? Why, this is fool's fortune.[257] It would be long enough ere one that has wit got such a wife!

CAPT. No more of this now. Have you borrowed the watchmen's coats?

JOLLY. Yes, and bills, beards, and constable's staff and lantern; and let me alone to fit him for the sumner. But when this is done, I expect my fee, a t.i.the-night at least. Wanton, I will lie with thee for thy roguery. What! are you dumb? You will not refuse me, I hope?

WAN. Not if I thought you desiredst it; but I hate to have it desired indifferently, and but so-so done neither, when 'tis done.

JOLLY. I hope you will not disgrace my work, will you?

WAN. Faith, they say, thy pleasure lies in thy tongue, and therefore, though I do not give thee leave to lie with me, yet I will give thee as good a thing that will please thee as well.

JOLLY. Some [such] roguery I expected.

WAN. No, faith, I am serious: and because I will please you both, Master Wild shall lie here, and you shall have leave to say you do, which will please you as well.

JOLLY. Faith, and my part is some pleasure; else _I have loved, enjoyed, and told_, is mistook.