A Secret To Keep Part 18

"It's not that I'm on his side or anything, but this is still new to him. He just found out he has a child and he's running a multi-million dollar company. Things can't just stop because Sloane wants it to. And ultimately, I want to see Sloane happy and I know he's what makes her happy."

"I wish Sloane would give it a shot. I know Gates cares about her and I know she still has feelings for him. I can't figure out how to get them on the same page." Liyah grimaced as she watched Sloane ushering Brayden through a throng of toddlers and headed for the back door.

Since most of the guests had arrived, Sloane reluctantly gathered them to get ready to go into the backyard for the party, but before she could get them out, the doorbell rang.

"Okay, in a second we'll get the party started. Liyah, could you get that?" As soon as Liyah crossed the room and opened the front door, her mouth dropped when Big Bird entered through the doorway. "Well, h.e.l.lo boys and girls." Sloane looked over to see Ernie and Bert join him. Every kid in the room squealed with delight as the characters greeted them.

"Where's the birthday boy?" Ernie approached Sloane, who stood holding Brayden. His little eyes sparkled and as Ernie talked to him, he giggled more and more. Liyah took Brayden, who was squirming to get down, from Sloane and she, Chase, and Hannah ushered the characters and the guests into the backyard. Sloane stood speechless, trying to make sense out of the whole scene until she looked at the front door and noticed Gates watching her. She smiled as he walked across the room.

"I wasn't sure you were going to make it." She stammered, realizing he'd proved her wrong. Maybe things could be different.

"I told you I wouldn't miss this for the world. I just had a few 'friends' I had to pick up on the way." Winking at Sloane, he followed her into the backyard. They stood watching their son teetering around and having the time of his life. And Sloane headed through the crowd to join Liyah and Brayden as he got his picture taken with Big Bird.

"Hey, Gates, I think you and I got off on the wrong foot," Chase said, coming to stand beside Gates and watch Brayden play. "I just wanted to apologize for my part in all of this. Sloane and Brayden are really special to me, so..."

Gates extended his hand to Chase, who returned the gesture, and the two shook. "Actually Chase, I'm glad Sloane and Brayden have had you. You've been a good influence on my son, so thank you."

"No need. He's a great kid. But you'll find that out soon enough. Plus, you'll be able to be here on a regular basis for Sloane and that will definitely relieve some of the pressure she feels as a single mom. I'm glad things worked out." Chase added, excusing himself to join Hannah in a picture with Ernie.

Gates stood taking all of it in and watched how each of Sloane's friends interacted with Brayden and how responsive he was to them. He felt a tug on his arm and he looked over to see Sloane staring up at him. "You're amazing, do you know that? You've made Brayden's day." Reaching up, she caught him off guard as she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a kiss before heading back through the throng of squealing toddlers.

"And you just made mine," he grinned.

The party was a huge success. If she didn't know any better, she would swear the adults enjoyed themselves more than the kids. Gates surprised Sloane by having the characters show up at the party, but the best surprise came when Brayden got an opportunity to meet Elmo. The character came in time to sing Happy Birthday and watch Brayden sink his hands into his cake. Of course, Brayden ended up with icing all over his face, hands and clothes, but it was the cutest thing and Sloane caught it as well as so many other great candid shots of the day.

"I'm not very well versed on birthday parties, but I think it went well, don't you?" Gates reached down to pick up an empty cup and place it in the garbage. After the other guests left, Liyah, Hannah and Chase helped with some of the clean up before they left Sloane and Gates to finish up. Brayden was so worn out that he fell asleep before Sloane could give him a bath.

"Uh, well is an understatement. That had to be the best birthday party ever. I've never seen him so happy."

"He lit up over Elmo. I didn't realize he liked him so much."

"Yes, he does. The excitement wore him out though. He slept the entire time I changed his clothes." She stood against the railing on the deck and the stars were shining so bright she felt she could reach up and grab them.

"You thought I wasn't coming, didn't you?" Coming to stand near her, Gates looked out into the darkness of the backyard.

"Well, I..."

"Come on, tell me the truth." He turned to face her and she ducked her head.

"I guess I should have more faith in you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I know it's probably going to take time for you to trust me."

"It's not that, Gates. I guess I'm a little gun shy. I'm trying to protect Brayden. He adores you so much and I get afraid he'll be disappointed and I won't know how to make it better for him." Turning Sloane towards him, Gates looked down at her.

"Sloane. I promise you I won't hurt him. He means more to me than I could've ever imagined." He looked into her eyes and she felt her heart flutter.

"Thank you. After today, I know there's nothing you wouldn't do for him." She could smell his cologne and her head felt lighter as he watched her. Please don't look at me like that. Please.

She wondered if he felt the same tension building between them she was feeling as they stood staring into one another's eyes. She quickly got her answer when Gates leaned in to place each of his hands on either side of her on the railing and placed his lips against hers. When their lips touched, she moved in closer to him and he deepened the kiss. Snaking her arms around his waist, Sloane leaned into his chest. She felt his heart beating against her and all of the old feelings she had for him boil over.

Gates pulled her tighter and his body reacted immediately to hers. Coming up for air, Sloane pulled back and looked in his eyes. She was sure she was reading desire in his eyes and was pretty sure he could see the same thing in hers. He hadn't let her waist go and she enjoyed the feel of his hands roving across her back. Both were overwhelmed and he pulled her to him, slowly winding his hand into her hair.

"Sloa-"

"Shhhh." Pushing out of his embrace, she placed a finger on his lips before quietly turning to take hold of his hand and lead him into the house. They headed through the darkened hallway to her bedroom. Once there, she closed the door and turned on the baby monitor. She moved back to stand in front of Gates and he watched her intently as she seductively unb.u.t.toned his shirt, never taking her eyes away from his.

She moved in and began to kiss his smooth chest and he hissed at the touch of her lips on his skin. Sloane continued to kiss a trail down his abdomen, feeling his smooth skin underneath her lips flex and tense from the sensation. Reaching out, Gates cradled her face in his hands and pulled her up to him to kiss her. Moving from her lips to her neck, he continued kissing her smooth skin, eliciting a moan from her while he unb.u.t.toned her shirt exposing her black lace bra.

Quietly they moved to the bed and once Sloane's legs came in contact with the bed, she lowered herself to lie back across the bed and he stretched out beside her. He smoothed his hand across her stomach kissing her neck and her lips. Continuing their make out session, Sloane could feel him getting more and more aroused as she writhed beside him.

Moaning his name over and over, she closed her eyes as he continued to a.s.sault her body with his firm lips and ever so capable hands. His fingertips followed the curve of her waist, exploring each inch of her, setting her skin on fire as he finally reached her lace-covered breast. Sloane sucked in sharply when he kneaded the mound in his heated palm. Dropping his head to the area his hand was in, he kissed her through the material. His tongue traced the edge of the lace where it met her skin while he continued to ma.s.sage her through the material. Reluctantly pulling his hands away from her chest, he moved them down her sides to the edge of her jeans and started to unb.u.t.ton them. She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth hearing her zipper coming undone and she felt she'd come undone with it.

Gates pushed the denim down and she lifted her hips to appease the descent of her jeans. For a moment, she lay there with her chest heaving under his intense gaze. "You are beautiful." He rasped before moving back to his task of planting kisses and sucking softly at her rapid pulse.

"I've...missed...you...so...much." Her labored breathing kept her from being able to string more than two words together without feeling light headed, and the searing hot sensation of his lips and tongue on her skin wasn't helping either.

"How much?" He breathed into her hair and nuzzled her neck, nipping at the overly sensitive spot below her earlobe.

"More than you know. Please, now." She pleaded with him to stop teasing her. She was delirious from his touch and she fought to catch her breath as he moved to his knees, straddling her to remove his shirt and unb.u.t.ton and unzip his jeans. Her lips curved into a wicked smile watching his impeccable physique hovering above her and she licked her lips in antic.i.p.ation of his lips rejoining hers.

He watched her through veiled eyes and she arched her back to allow him to reach under her to undo the clasp on her bra. Releasing her b.r.e.a.s.t.s from the lace, Gates grinned before lowering his mouth to one of the peaks and gently sucked her heated flesh.

She moaned his name and sank her fingers into his hair, pulling him closer to her body. "Please, don't stop." He continued his long and laborious a.s.sault on her b.r.e.a.s.t.s taking one in his mouth at a time, driving her mad with the unbelievable sensations. He reached down to her waist and he looped his fingers into the black lace of her underwear and pulled them down her legs. He sat back again and quickly discarded them along with his jeans and boxer briefs. He hesitated for a moment and her eyes popped open to look at him. Lowering himself back to her she relished in the feel of his naked flesh against hers.

She gasped when he slowly entered her and she arched to meet him as he sank himself deeper. She groaned as she heard his guttural moans match hers. He was the most incredible lover she'd ever had and she wanted more and more.

"You are everything I've ever wanted." Gates murmured in her ear as he continued to rock against her. Their rhythmic motions increased in speed and before she knew it, she could feel tiny explosions shooting through her body. She held on to him as he continued to push into her, finally reaching his own release.

His body collapsed onto hers and then he rolled to lie flat on his back, both staring at the ceiling, struggling to catch their breath. She slid over placing her hand on his chest and looked up to see him staring at her.

"What is it?"

She looked at him sheepishly and yawned as she rested her head in the crook of his arm and closed her eyes. "This feels perfect."

He hesitated for a moment, then leaned over and kissed the top of her head, sinking deeper into the mattress, holding onto her. She could feel the thump of his heart beating against his chest and before long she fell asleep.

Stretching, Sloane slid her hand across the stark white linens only to detect a cool empty s.p.a.ce. Her eyes popped open and she discovered Gates had vacated his side of the bed. She pushed herself up on her elbow, clutching the sheet to her bare chest. Her hair tumbled over her shoulders in disheveled waves and she blinked, trying to adjust to the bright morning sunshine pouring through the window. She turned to see Gates standing on the other side of the room already dressed and watching her.

"You're up early." She yawned, looking at the bright blue numbers on the clock displaying 7:30 am.

"Ah, yeah. Sloane, I have to go."

"Go? You just got here. I thought you weren't leaving until tomorrow." She sat up against the pillows, pulling her legs up and clutching the sheet.

"One of my meetings has been rescheduled for Monday and I really need to get back since I've been in Seattle all week. I'm really sorry." He barely looked at her and she noticed he seemed to be descending back into that distant sh.e.l.l of himself when she first saw him in Antony's office months ago.

"Gates? Is everything all right? I mean, last night-"

"Of course. Everything's fine. I just need to get back."

"Oh." Dropping her eyes, she looked at the kaleidoscope of bright yellow rays funneling through the windows across the bed. She looked back at him and his feeble attempt to rea.s.sure her with a slight smile. "I thought you'd be here longer this time. Can't Evan or Angelica handle the meeting for you?"

"I wish they could, but they can't. Look, I'll call you okay?" His eyes darted away from hers as she searched his face for some explanation. Picking up his bag, he turned and headed for the door.

"Wait, did I do something?"

"No. No. It's not..." His shoulders slouched and he hung his head briefly. Taking a deep breath, he turned and walked over to sit beside her, taking her hands in his. She looked in his eyes for even some glimmer of what the problem was. She'd fallen asleep wrapped in his arms and now it felt like an entire wall of ice had formed around him. "I told you. I need to get back."

"And that's the only reason?"

"Hey. Last night was amazing okay? Unfortunately, I have a lot going on right now. I'll call you." Taking her face in his hands, he leaned in and kissed her gently on her forehead. Pulling back, he looked in her eyes before dropping his hands from her face, standing up, and walking out of the room.

Leaning her head back against the mahogany headboard, Sloane listened as the front door closed. She'd open herself up to Gates once again and sadly realized nothing had changed.

Chapter 14.

Gates threw himself into his work over the next few weeks after Brayden's party. He continued to replay everything that happened between him and Sloane over in his head and he could kick himself for leaving. He honestly didn't know what else to do. After secretly carrying his burden around, he finally opened up to Evan about why he'd come back early that weekend and now Evan was reading him the riot act.

"I knew something was going on. What're you crazy?" Evan asked Gates, handing him the files he requested before taking a seat. "You blew her off like that? Why? You obviously have feelings for her and she has them for you. What's the problem?"

"Evan, it's not that simple." Gates stared at his friend and tried to look as pulled together as he could. He knew he was failing and there was no doubt Evan could see right through him.

"Not that simple? Both of you were there that night, clothes came off, things happened, so what's the problem?"

"We were caught up in the moment. It wasn't some reaffirmation of our love for each other. We'd just celebrated our son's first birthday, the stars were out, we were alone and one thing led to another." He could see the wheels turning in Evan's head and knew he was in for the interrogation of his life.

"One thing led to another? Do you know how lame that sounds? In this situation, what's wrong with that?" The exasperation on Evan's face grew and Gates knew the more he denied it, the more Evan could see right through him.

"You don't get it. Neither one of us was thinking about what would happen the next day or what it means now that we've slept together again. Sloane wants a family and I..." He drifted off, looking at the picture of a smiling Brayden at his birthday party with Elmo on his desk.

"You what? What do you want, Gates? Do you want Sloane or not?"

"It's not that easy, Evan."

"You keep saying that but, yes, it is." Evan stood and leaned on the back of his chair looking at Gates intently. "Gates, she's the mother of your son and the love of your life. What's the problem? There isn't anything else to it. You're either with her or you aren't. It's that simple. You're making this harder than it has to be."

"I wish it was, Ev, but she deserves something I can't give her."

"What're you talking about?"

"She deserves the family she's always wanted. She deserves someone devoted to helping her raise Brayden and to be there, but I can't do that." Throwing his hands up Gates stood and walked over to the bay of windows. "Take a look around. This is all I know, Evan. This is what I do. It's who I am. I can't be there all of the time. At some point, I'm going to disappoint her or Brayden and I don't think I could live with that. If we stay the way we are, then I can't disappoint anyone or let anyone down."

"Well, that's not possible now, is it? You've slept together and that changes things." Evan paused and looked over at his friend and sighed. "Gates, is that really what you're worried about? Letting them down?"

"Isn't that what I do? Evan, I can't be there all the time."

"Let me ask you something, Gates. Do you know anyone besides Superman that can? I don't care who it is, no one is going to be able to be there at every moment, but what you can do is try to be there as much as you can. I'm sure Sloane understands that by now. You're putting more pressure on yourself than anyone else."

Gates turned to look out the window at the clouds banking up in the distance. "I'm too much like him, Ev." Gates offered with funeral-like solemnity. He was just like Victor. Everything about him and his life was just like his father. "Lying there with her in my arms, felt right. But then, I realized nothing bad has influenced Brayden's life. Sloane's amazing with him. She has friends around him that provide so much stability. What can I do but come in and wreck all of that? I'm his father and I can't do anything for him but support him monetarily. Coming and going out of his life each weekend or video chats every other day, that's not being a father. I don't know how to do anything more than that. Now I understand why my father was never there. He didn't know how."

He stood with his hands in his pockets and his shoulders sagged as he stared at the busy streets below. Gates had agonized for weeks over his abrupt decision to leave Sloane's house the morning after the party. He'd watched her for hours sleeping in his arms and he realized he couldn't give her or Brayden what they deserved. No matter how much he wanted to be with her and watch their son grow together, he knew it wasn't going to work. It wasn't fair to Brayden and it wasn't fair to her. He wasn't going to hurt them again.

"So, what do you deserve, Gates?"

"What?" Gates replied, shooting Evan a puzzled look.

"What do you deserve? Don't you deserve a family and to be happy?"

"This isn't about what I deserve, Evan. It's about what's best for Brayden and Sloane, and I'm not it."

"How do you know that? Huh? It's pretty obvious she's okay with you being a part of their life. So that's it? You're giving up?"

Scrubbing his hands across his face, Gates leveled his eyes at his best friend. Why couldn't he understand? It wasn't that he didn't want to be with Sloane. He did. He loved her, but he didn't want to hurt her anymore. When she'd told him 'everything was perfect', he realized then he could never be the man she wanted him to be. "I have no choice, Evan."

"Gates, you do have a choice. There's one big difference in all of this from the relationship you had with your father, or the lack of a relationship you had with him. You're not Victor. I don't care how much you may believe you don't have anything to offer Brayden; you do. He deserves to have you as a father. And contrary to what you believe, you deserve to be happy too. You can't rob that little boy of the father he deserves to have. You can buy him anything he wants in this world, but Gates, that kid is going to love you no matter what you buy him or don't buy him. h.e.l.l, he loves you already for the small amount of time you've spent with him. That's all he needs. He just needs you in his life. Don't take that away from him." Evan started towards the door then turned around to look at Gates. "Oh, and another thing...the difference between you and your dad...you want to be a father to your child. He didn't."

"I still can't believe he left."

"Liyah, please, give it a rest. I don't want to talk about Gates anymore." Sloane was trying her best to push thoughts of their night together out of her mind and failing miserably.

"It doesn't seem like Gates. He's not one for playing games so I'm a little surprised by the whole situation."

"I know." All she'd been able to do since the morning he walked out was wonder what had gone wrong. It wasn't like Gates and she had no clue what she'd done. She couldn't figure out his standoffish att.i.tude or the fact his calls to check on Brayden had become spa.r.s.e over the past weeks. Even their video chats for him to see Brayden on a regular basis weren't the same. None of it made sense to her.

"Have you heard anything from him?"

"He called once right after he left. We've had a few video chats. I've sent him some pictures and updates. That's about it."

"Wow. That's crazy. What are you going to do?"

"Honestly, I don't know. One minute things are good and the next he's gone. You know how I told you he wants to support me so I can stay home with Brayden and I told him I would think about it?" She waited for Liyah to nod before continuing. "Well, he didn't even wait to get my answer."

"What are you talking about?"