A Secret To Keep Part 16

Sloane sat quietly in the swing on her back patio. Once all of the commotion of their impromptu celebration ceased, she was glad to have a moment of peace. She was ecstatic that she was going to be able to keep her son, but the nagging guilt of keeping Brayden from Gates was weighing on her mind. She'd made a huge mistake in keeping him from his son and she knew it. She would still have the opportunity to watch Brayden grow, while Gates hadn't so much as held his own child. She wondered exactly why he'd dropped the case. He'd been so angry at her and she couldn't blame him, but why just give up?

"Penny for your thoughts," Avery's voice startled her from her contemplation and she looked up to see her aunt take a seat beside her. "You look like you are trying to figure out where Jimmy Hoffa is buried," Avery chuckled.

"It would probably be easier than what I'm really thinking about," Sloane offered.

"And what might that be, pray tell?"

"Gates."

"Hmmm, I see."

Sloane tilted her head to give Avery a side-eyed glance. "I know. Go ahead and tell me you told me so."

"Um, no. I'm not going to do that."

"Why? You were right. I should have told him when I found out I was pregnant. I shouldn't have kept this secret so long."

"Sounds to me like you are beating yourself up enough for the both of us," Avery smirked and patted Sloane's leg. "Sweetie, I have only wanted the best for you since you came to live with me." She paused deep in thought and sighed. "When your mom and dad died, I promised myself that I would try my best to raise you the way they would have. My sister was such a free spirit and she would have let you make your own decisions. She never judged and she was an encourager. That's who she was and I wanted to be the same for you. Even during those times when I knew the decisions you were making may not turn out the way you wanted them to."

"Yeah, well, I really messed this one up."

"Sloane, I will admit, I was disappointed when you made the decision not to tell Gates about Brayden. He deserved to know his son. Every man deserves the chance to raise his child, especially if he's really serious about being a father. So when you didn't even give Gates a chance, it was hard to sit back and watch you keep such a huge secret. But, it was your life and I had to let you live it. No matter what any of us do, we each have to deal with the choices we make." They both sat quietly for a few minutes listening to the crickets chirping before Avery spoke up again. "Now that the secret is out, I think the most important thing for you to focus on is how to make all of this right."

"But how do I do that? I can't just rewind time. I can't bring back all of Brayden's 'firsts' to give to Gates. I did something that is irreversible."

"It may be irreversible, but it's not impossible to overcome. Both you and Gates have a responsibility in this situation. Brayden. He's yours and Gates' responsibility. And honestly, Gates has made a step. I think it's time you took one too." Avery reached over and hugged Sloane before she stood and stretched. "Now, I'm going to go and check on the little monster and then I'm headed to bed."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

"h.e.l.lo?" Gates croaked. He had reached out to his nightstand and grabbed his cell phone, not bothering to look at the caller ID. He had a splitting headache and called his office earlier to let Linda know he wouldn't be in during the morning and may not make it in at all that day. Since then, his phone rang nonstop, which didn't help his headache. Evan called twice, Linda called back and Angelica called. Evan called wanting to make sure he was okay. Linda called to let him know his trip to Seattle had to be postponed since the person he was meeting with was sick and was not going to be in for the rest of the week. He wasn't quite sure why Angelica called. He was still upset with her and hadn't bothered to listen to the voicemail.

"Gates?" Hearing the familiar southern lilt through the receiver, he shrugged the pillow from his head and pulled himself up in the bed, glancing at the clock on the nightstand to see what time it was.

"Sloane?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry to bother you. I tried calling you at your office. Uh, your a.s.sistant said you weren't in so I figured I'd get your voicemail."

"Oh, no, it's no problem. I'm kinda working from home today." He rubbed his eyes, trying to focus. He wasn't quite sure why Sloane was calling. He'd wanted to reach out to her on numerous occasions since he dropped the custody suit, but every time he got ready to call, he stopped. He just wasn't sure what to say.

"Well, I don't mean to disturb you. I know you're busy. I wanted to call and thank you...for dropping the case. That couldn't have been easy for you." The thick emotion in her voice made him realize even more how much it would have hurt her to take their son away and his chest tightened.

"It was in Brayden's best interests." Snapping his mouth shut, Gates felt like kicking himself. Could you sound any colder, idiot?

"Oh, well...thank you.

"You don't have to thank me. I want what's best for him...like you do." He hoped she could tell he was sincere. He did want what was best for his son, even if it meant he didn't get to see him often. In his heart, Gates knew Brayden was better off with Sloane.

"That means a lot to me. More than you know." The silence was almost unbearable and Gates felt he should say something, but wasn't sure what. Luckily, she spoke up first. "I know you're busy, but Brayden's birthday is coming up and I wanted to ask you if you would be able to come to his party."

"Really? I'd like that." He wanted to kick himself for sounding so distant, but he was a little taken aback that she was inviting him to see Brayden so soon. He knew he had the right to see the little boy, especially now that the custody battle was settled. However, the awkwardness between them was excruciating. They'd never had a hard time talking to each other before. Now that they had a son together, they should have been able to talk with ease, but it wasn't the case.

"Great. I'll send you the details."

"I'll make sure Linda clears my calendar."

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll, well, I guess I'll talk to you later."

"Sloane? Uh, how is he?" It was almost like he didn't know if he had the right to ask about his own son, but he wanted to know more about the little boy. From the first day he saw him and Sloane told him Brayden was his, Gates felt an overwhelming pride in knowing he'd been a part of something so amazing. It was almost like he felt complete and the final puzzle piece of his fractured life had finally been put into place.

"He's amazing. He's pulling up on things and he's just about to walk. He can say a few words like ball, dog, and no. The others come out as some type of baby slang he expects you to understand." He listened intently to her candid description of how demanding the little boy could be if you didn't understand exactly what he was referring to when he wanted something.

Gates laughed into the phone. "I'm sure I have no clue where he gets that," he joked, thinking of how demanding he could be at times and knew that must be one of the not so wonderful traits he'd pa.s.sed on to his son.

"I'm sure."

He could feel the ice break between them as they laughed and she went on about Brayden and his newest habits. They ended up talking for almost an hour about Brayden and the things he was learning and doing and some of his favorite things.

"I'm looking forward to getting to know him. I know his birthday is coming up, but I'd like to see him before that if that's okay with you? Since I haven't gotten a chance to know him and-"

"Of course. That would be wonderful." He could hear her voice crack and it eased his fears knowing she was okay with him being in his child's life. He wanted to see his son, but there was still a part of him that wanted to see her too.

"Ah, actually I have some time this weekend if that works for you. One of my meetings was cancelled and I can be there on Friday."

"That'd be great. I guess I'll see you Friday then."

"I'll see you then." Hanging up the phone, Gates realized his headache had faded and he was feeling a lot better than he had earlier.

Friday couldn't have come quick enough for Gates as he strolled to the front door of Sloane's house. He still couldn't get over the fact he had a son and that any of this was happening. He was strangely excited and tremendously nervous. He'd gone over in his head how he thought things may go, but he worried he wouldn't know what to say or how to act around Sloane, or what he needed to do as a father with Brayden. I'm someone's dad. The thought was enough to blow his mind. It was crazy to think Gates McCall was a father and it was interesting when he woke up and looked at himself in the mirror. It was like he was looking at himself for the first time and realizing who he was. Evan tried to tell him to relax and be himself, but he wasn't sure it was that simple.

Ringing the doorbell, he stood back and waited for Sloane to come and answer the door. Glancing around the yard and at the house, he thought it fit her perfectly. He'd been in such a hurry the first time he visited, but now he had a chance to really take it all in. It wasn't too big or ostentatious. It was purely Sloane. Simple and elegant; just like she was. He'd always loved that about her.

He heard the door open and he turned to see a wet grin plastered on his little boy's face while he perched comfortably on Sloane's hip.

"Hey, you made it." He watched her shift Brayden to the other hip.

"Yeah, I'm early. I hope that's all right."

"It's fine. Come on in." She ushered him into the living room and Gates took a seat on the sofa and looked around at the pictures of Brayden littering every wall, something he'd missed the last time he was in her living room. He finally settled his eyes on Brayden as Sloane placed him in the middle of them on the sofa. Gates was amazed to see himself reflected in the little boy's face. The eyes that had seemed so familiar to him before were the same as the ones he saw every day in the mirror.

"He's getting big." The little boy crawled closer to Gates and sat on his knees before he started to pull himself up on the back of the sofa.

"Definitely. He's a handful."

"Hey." Gates spoke to the little boy, who was now leaning against the sofa and trying his best to chew on the cushions. Gates couldn't help noticing how beautiful Sloane looked as well. She'd met him at the door with a plain white b.u.t.ton down shirt, a pair of jeans and black flats. Her hair was pulled back in a simple ponytail but she was as elegant as the night he'd seen her in New York.

"Who's that, huh? Do you know who that is?" Brayden grinned from ear to ear showing off his two teeth in the bottom of his mouth as he turned towards his father. "That's your daddy, sweetheart." Glancing at Sloane, Gates noticed the tears in her eyes threatening to pop out at any time, and he felt a lump in his throat at the sound of his 'new' t.i.tle. Daddy. He had to admit, he really liked the sound of it. And when the little boy, clad in jeans and an Elmo t-shirt, looked at him and gurgled "Da," he was overcome with more pride than he'd ever felt. The flood of emotions he felt watching his son and being near the woman who'd given him this precious gift was overwhelming.

Sloane watched Brayden crawl closer to Gates and lean against him. "Da." The little boy babbled as Gates cleared his throat and awkwardly reached out to place him in his lap. Brayden continued with his endless string of baby slang, as Sloane termed it, and Gates slowly relaxed and began entertaining the little boy by acting like they were having a conversation. Brayden reached up and placed his hand on Gates' face.

"Is that right? Well, I'm glad you told me. You and I will have to keep that secret to ourselves." Gates played along with Brayden with a semi-serious face and listened intently to the boy's babble.

"Oh no. There'll be no ganging up on mommy." Gates looked up to see Sloane wipe the escaping tears from her eyes.

"Hey, no crying. Tell mommy she can't cry because you might start crying and I won't know what to do." Gates turned the little boy around to see his mother. Holding his face close to Brayden's, he could see Sloane fighting back her emotions at the obvious resemblance of the two.

"Believe me, you'd figure it out. But mommy's okay. She's just really happy," Sloane managed to say. The little boy dissolved into a fit of giggles when Sloane reached over and tickled his belly and he turned to reach for the safe haven of his father's lap. "Oh, so you think I can't get to you now huh?" Gates laughed when the little boy hid his face in his chest.

"Mommy's coming after you." It was funny how kids seem to think if they couldn't see you then you couldn't see them. "He's an active little guy."

"Oh yes. He's constantly trying to stand on his own, so I'm pretty sure he'll be walking and running soon. Then, I'll really have a hard time keeping up with him and keeping him out of things." Sloane reached over and handed Brayden the blue plastic block he was playing with earlier. Gates watched the little boy sit and place the block in his mouth. "He's chewing on everything too. Those two teeth get a real work out."

"I see."

"Are you okay with him? I mean, I need to finish dinner if that's okay and you're comfortable with him alone. Have you eaten?"

"Oh, uh, no I haven't. Do you need any help?" He was starting to feel more comfortable holding the little boy who seemed pretty content in his arms.

"No, I got it. You spend time with your son." She stood and watched him and Brayden for a moment before retreating to the kitchen.

"Well I guess it's you and me buddy. What should we do?" Gates grinned when Brayden pointed to a basket full of toys on the opposite wall. Obviously, he was well aware of the fact he had his father's full attention.

As Sloane walked into the kitchen, her phone rang. "h.e.l.lo?"

"Hi sweetie. I just wanted to check on you."

"Hi Auntie. I think it's more like you wanted to see if Gates showed up."

"Judging by how quiet you're talking, I'm guessing he made it."

Sloane leaned around the corner to see Gates on the floor playing with Brayden; who was steadily pulling his toys from the basket. "Yes, he's here and he's on the floor playing with Brayden."

"Who's on the floor? Gates?"

"Yes. Gates."

"Well honey, this is almost like a fairy tale. This is what you wished for and now you have everything you wanted."

"Yeah, almost."

"Man that kid has some energy."

"He wears even the best of them down." They enjoyed a nice quiet dinner and Gates experienced firsthand the independence of his son and his attempts to feed himself during dinner. Of course, most of his food ended up on him or on the high chair, but it didn't stop him from continuously trying to eat on his own. Once dinner was done, Gates helped Sloane give Brayden a bath and he splashed and giggled throughout the entire thing. Usually she dreaded bath time because she knew he would splash and get her wet and then wouldn't want to get out of the tub, but there was something about sharing the time with Gates that made it special. He splashed Brayden back and pretty much kept the baby entertained during the entire bath. So much so, Sloane had a much easier time actually bathing him. After they finished the bath, they got him dressed for bed and no sooner than his pajamas were on, the little boy lay his head down and was asleep within minutes. "You did a pretty good job of wearing him out." She looked back at him as they entered the living room.

"He's amazing. He's so smart and so independent. It's kind of scary." She watched Gates take a seat on the sofa and pick up the picture of her and Brayden from the coffee table.

"I know. I'm always worried about the fact he never meets a stranger. I don't want to keep him from being friendly, but I don't want him feeling so comfortable that he would end up walking off with anyone either." She watched him examining the picture and noticed the softness in his eyes as he took in every detail of his son. She was secretly proud of how much Brayden resembled Gates and how much of his personality he had from his father. She was glad the secret was no longer a secret and that Gates was going to get an opportunity to be a father. Brayden's father.

"Sloane, before I forget, I really do appreciate you letting me come and spend time with Brayden. I could've easily stayed at a hotel." He placed the picture back on the table and focused his gaze on her.

"Gates, you don't have to thank me. It's no problem." Sitting with him on the sofa, she was surprised at how at ease she felt. She wasn't sure how things were going to go when he first showed up on the front porch and now she wondered why she ever worried. "I have the room and I know you don't like hotels anyway. Plus, I figured you'd like to be able to be here when he wakes up in the morning. That way you get to experience as much as you can with him."

"Thanks. I hope I can make up for lost time." He stood and walked to the mantel to look at a row of pictures of her and Brayden.

"Gates, I'm really sorry about-"

He turned to look at her cutting her off. "No apologies okay. We're past that. Let's just focus on the present and the future." He lowered his eyes to the floor and clasped his hands together and she watched him in deep thought before he looked up to meet her eyes. "You made the decisions you felt needed to be made in Brayden's best interests and I can't be mad at you for that. It's not like I really gave you any reasons to think I would be a good father to him."

"Gates, I wish I could go back and change things," she paused. The guilt that lay on her heart kept her from being able to look him in the eye. "I made a.s.sumptions and let my insecurities interfere. That's where I made a mistake. I should have told you and let you make the decision instead of making it for you." She continued looking down at her hands clasped in her lap, reeling from the incredible weight of the shame she felt.

"There is no reason for you to blame only yourself." It was like he read her mind and she could feel his eyes on her but she still couldn't bring herself to look at him. "I had a hand in this too. The thing that helps the most is knowing how great you are with Brayden. I'm glad he has you."

She timidly lifted her head. "Thank you. Look I was going to wait until later, but...there's something I want you to see." She stood and walked over to a side table in the corner of the room and picked up a flat white box. Walking back to the sofa, she waited for him to take a seat beside her before handing him the box.

"I wasn't expecting gifts."

"Just open it." She urged as he sat hesitant with the box in his lap. "Go ahead."

Slipping the top off, Gates reached in and pulled out a photo alb.u.m.

"What's this?"

"I kept a sc.r.a.p book of Brayden from the time I found out I was having him until now. I want you to have it. I know it doesn't begin to make up for all you've missed, but-"

"It's perfect." She watched his expression brighten as he opened the book to the first page of a picture of Sloane's ultrasound and the caption under it read, 'It's a Boy'. A pang of guilt rattled around her insides and she wondered if it would ever go away.

Gates flipped slowly through the book, taking in every photo and caption of Brayden and listened intently as Sloane explained and gave him details about their son. She wiped tears that slipped down her face as she noticed he seemed to linger in the beginning of the book at the pictures of her as Brayden grew in her stomach.

"Wow. Now I understand what they mean by a pregnant woman having a glow. You were absolutely beautiful." He whispered as his fingers trailed over the photo. "Are you sure you want to give this to me? This has everything-"

"Yes. You should have it."

"Thank you. This is amazing. You really have done a great job with him." He closed the alb.u.m and placed it on the coffee table before shifting to look at her.

"Thanks. I had some help though."

"He's really happy."

"Gates?"

"Yes?" She swallowed hard as his intense eyes washed over her. She felt so much emotion flowing through her and she was suddenly nervous. There were so many things she wanted to know, but was afraid to ask.