A Sad Soul Can Kill You Part 26

"Don't talk to me right now," he said. "Not now."

She crossed her arms. "When you talked to me, I listened. Now I need to talk and have you listen. After that, we don't have to talk anymore." She shifted her weight. "It's not like it'll be the first time."

He turned briefly to look at her, then turned back around.

She shifted her weight again. "For most of our marriage," she said, "I always wondered if there was something wrong with me. After we got married, you changed . . . or I guess you were always that way. I just didn't know it at the time." She stared at his back. "You kept it hidden."

Lorenzo lowered his head slightly as she continued.

"When you would have your up-and-down moods, I always thought it was because of me." She placed a finger on the side of her cheek. "Now, I know it wasn't. Now, I know what you were dealing with. But back then, I didn't, so I blamed myself. And I never knew what to do to make it better."

Tia watched the rise and fall of Lorenzo's shoulders as she leaned back against the wall. "I tried to be a good wife even when you rejected me over and over again, even when you made me feel like I wasn't enough for you. But a person can only be rejected for so long. I started feeling like a failure because of your rejection and all the things I told myself it meant." She rubbed the sides of her forehead. "Then I just got tired of trying to please you and be what you needed." She threw her arms up into the air, "Especially when I didn't even know what that was."

She walked around to face him. "Can you believe I was actually afraid that you would leave me? That's how much in denial I was." She put her hand over her heart. "I couldn't even admit that, emotionally, you had left me a long time ago. And then I told myself I should have left you right after Serenity was born like I had planned to do. But you said things would be different, and I believed you. So I stayed." She sighed.

"Our marriage never really had a fair start to begin with. It's been lopsided for so long that I'm not sure if it's ever really been balanced. All I know, Lorenzo, is that I loved you, and I would have done anything for you. But you made it clear for years that the feeling was not reciprocal." She stood in front of him staring at his semilowered head.

"And now," she said wearily, "thirteen years later, I find out why. I'm sorry for what I've done. I hope you can forgive me just as I'm willing to forgive you." She did not wait for a response from him. She wasn't expecting one. She turned to leave the room. "Now," she said, "I'm done."

Lorenzo remained still. The only thing moving was the increasing rise and fall of his shoulders. Done? He looked down at his clenched fist. What did she mean, she was done? It couldn't be over now. Not when he had finally taken the first steps to get back on the right path. He looked out the window. "You're going to have to help me through this, Lord," he whispered.

He watched the melting ice continue to drip from the gutter just above the living-room window. How many times would he keep messing up? How many times would he have to say he was sorry? He was ready to let it go . . . every burden, every worry, every fear. He wanted it all dissolved-once and for all. He was so tired. "Lord, give me strength," he said as he slowly rose from the sofa.

He walked toward the stairs and stopped. What if she was up there packing? What would he say? He held onto the banister and ascended the stairs one by one. The bedroom door was open and he saw her sitting on the side of the bed staring out the window. He quickly scanned the room. There was no suitcase in sight.

He sat down next to her. "This is messed up," he said.

"Which part?" she asked as she continued looking out the window.

He smiled sadly. "All of it. So much time has been wasted. So many mistakes have been made."

"I know." She took a deep breath. "I understand if you can't forgive me. I might not forgive me either . . . at least not right away."

"Well, like I said," he began patting the top of his knee, "I've made my mistakes too." He slowly took her hand and covered it with his own. "But I meant what I said earlier about living and being free. You and me," he said, "we need to make a fresh start. We did things wrong for thirteen years. Now, we're going to do it right. This time, we're going to let G.o.d be in control all the way."

"Like we should have let Him all along," Tia said.

Lorenzo squeezed her hand. "You're right."

The icicles continued to melt away, disintegrating as the freezing temperatures outside began to subside. That night Lorenzo did something he hadn't done in a long time-he slept in the bedroom, in the bed, with his wife.

Chapter Fifty.

It had been a cold and brutal winter. Everyone was thanking G.o.d that April had finally arrived. The Sparks family was especially thankful to G.o.d as they walked through the doors of the First Temple Church. Lorenzo led Tia and Serenity down the aisle to the second row where Tony and his family sat. After she sat down, Tia took a prayer card out of the holder on the back of the seat in front of her. She began writing on it as the choir started to sing: "No tears in heaven, no sorrows given.

All will be glory in that land; . . ."

As the song ended, the pastor walked up to the podium. "Yes," he said, "no tears in heaven. Can I get an amen?"

"Amen," Lorenzo said louder than everyone else. He looked down the row at Tony. Tony had risen above the pain and misery of addiction and had stayed that way for more than twenty years. To Lorenzo, that really did equate to being delivered as Tony said he was. And that was exactly the kind of freedom Lorenzo wanted.

He thought about the G.o.d-filled testimonies of the others at the Christian-based treatment center. Ironically, it was their strength that had helped him to admit his weakness. It was their willingness to move past their own personal trauma that had given him the courage to speak out about what had happened to him so many years ago. It had been the beginning of his healing, and Lorenzo knew G.o.d was all up in that.

As the service came to an end, the pastor offered the invitation to anyone wanting to accept Jesus Christ into their life.

"Are you ready?" he asked everyone sitting in the pews. "If you die today, do you have your ticket? Romans 10:17 says, 'Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.'

"And Hebrews 11:6 tells us, '. . . without faith it is impossible to please G.o.d, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.'"

Lorenzo stood up. He looked down at Tia and extended his hand. She smiled up at him, then stood and took his hand. Together, they walked to the front of the pulpit.

The pastor continued. "Acts 2:38 says, 'Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.'"

More people joined Tia and Lorenzo at the altar, ready to answer the call, eager to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. The pastor began confirming each person's public declaration. When he got to Lorenzo he took his hand. "Matthew 10:32 said, 'Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven,'" he said.

The pastor looked at Lorenzo. "Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the son of G.o.d and that He died on the cross for your sins?"

"I do."

"Do you believe that on the third day, He rose from that death and now lives in heaven with G.o.d the Father?"

"I do."

"Do you admit you're a sinner, and have you repented of your sins?"

"Oh yes," Lorenzo said nodding his head fully. He squeezed Tia's hand.

The pastor continued. "Mark 16:16 said, 'Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.' Have you been baptized, brother?"

"I have," Lorenzo said. "But I want to be baptized again and rededicate myself to the Lord."

"Praise the Lord," the pastor said shaking his hand. He motioned to Tony and another member of the congregation. "Please take Lorenzo and prepare him for water baptism." The congregation began clapping their hands and praising G.o.d.

The pastor approached Tia, and she gave him the card she'd filled out earlier. After he read it, he spoke. "Brothers and sisters," he said, "Tia Sparks stands before G.o.d in repentance." He looked at the card again. "And she's rededicating herself to the Lord. Let us praise G.o.d for her decision."

The congregation began clapping again as Tia shook the pastor's hand. She smiled at Serenity as she returned to her seat. After she sat down, Shari reached over and squeezed her hand.

The past few months had been an acc.u.mulation of all that had been going on in Tia's life. She knew she hadn't done so well spiritually or emotionally. She had strayed from the path and taken a detour which had only led her to a cold and dark place.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the opening of the curtains behind the pulpit. She saw Lorenzo standing in a long white robe. Then Tony led him into the pond of water as the sanctuary grew silent.

"Brothers and sisters," Tony began, "Lorenzo Sparks has confessed that Jesus Christ is the Son of G.o.d, and upon this confession I baptize him in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit."

He lowered Lorenzo into the water and brought him back up swiftly.

Applause broke out again as the congregation began to sing: "What can wash away my sins,

nothing but the blood of Jesus . . ."

After the church services ended, members of the congregation stopped to give Lorenzo a hug or handshake as they congratulated him on his baptism. They hugged Tia and all the other members who had rededicated themselves to Jesus, offering them many words of encouragement.

"Praise the Lord," Tony said giving Lorenzo a hug.

Before he could say anything, Shari was next in line. "Congratulations," she said as she gave him another hug.

"Thank you," he said. Lorenzo was elated. He couldn't remember ever feeling so free. For the first time in his life he actually felt right . . . like what he was doing was the right thing to do. And this was only the beginning. He wouldn't stop with just being baptized. This time, he intended to live a life that fully reflected his love, reverence, and praise for Jesus Christ. He would be the example of a man, a Christian man, that his family had needed for so long.

Chapter Fifty-one.

Tony and Lorenzo lingered behind as Shari and Tia headed to the church parking lot with the girls.

"So, I guess I won't be seeing you at the clinic anymore." Lorenzo said to Tony.

"Nope," Tony said adjusting the wool collar on his coat. "Tomorrow I start my new full-time job."

The counseling position at the Christian-based treatment center in Waukegan had reviewed Tony's online application and had called him in for an interview. During the interview, Tony had been up front about his five-year crack addiction. That, along with his testimony of having been delivered, and then staying clean for more than twenty-two years, resonated well with the director of the clinic. Days later, when Tony's cell phone rang, he heard the words he'd been praying to hear.

Not only had the director presented him with an offer for the job, but the position also came with an increase in pay. Now, he and Shari could get caught up on their bills a little faster . . . including the utility bill set for disconnection.

"G.o.d is good," Tony said smiling.

"Yes, He is," Lorenzo said. "Congratulations, man."

"I may not be at the clinic," Tony said pulling on his leather gloves, "but I'm still just two houses down from you, and you know you can call me anytime."

"I know, and I do appreciate that."

"I mean I was never your counselor anyway," Tony continued. "But now that I'm not working there, it'll be easier to talk to you and support you without me having to worry about any kind of conflict of interest."

"Yeah, I hear you, man."

They opened the church doors and exited the building. The snow that had once covered the branches on the trees had dissipated into a thin layer. Lorenzo looked up toward the sky. Soon, the promising warmth from the sun would remove all visible traces of the icy remnants.

"Talk to you later," he said to Tony as he hurried to the car and opened the pa.s.senger door for Tia. He listened to her giggle-a sound he hadn't heard in a long time-and he knew that not only was G.o.d giving him a second chance at life, He was giving him a second chance at his marriage.

Lorenzo knew it would take a lot of work and effort on his part, but G.o.d, in His awesome mercy and grace, had heard his cries and had forgiven him. And Lorenzo would not take that for granted.

Serenity ran to the car and climbed into the backseat. She looked at the back of her father's head, and the image of him lying unconscious on the living-room floor suddenly returned to her memory. That's what had started it all. She'd been scared, and in her panic, she'd ended up in front of that crazy man's house. If her father hadn't been on drugs she would have never . . . She stopped herself.

She could see that Lorenzo was changing. She'd been watching him since he'd started going to the treatment center. She noticed how he didn't slur his words anymore and how he wasn't always sleeping on the couch like he used to. Since the kidnapping, her father had actually begun standing at the front door every day waiting for the school bus she rode on to pull into the cul-de-sac.

"You don't have to do this every day," she'd told him. "It's okay."

"Yes, I do," he'd responded. "This is my way of making sure I stay on top of what's going on."

She remembered his sad smile, and she'd wanted to believe what the youth pastor had said-that parents weren't perfect but really did love their children.

"I should have been doing it anyway," he'd mumbled as she'd shrugged and walked past him into the house.

Lorenzo turned to look at Serenity. "Got your seat belt on?"

She pulled the latch down and across her waist until it caught in the holder. "Yep," she said.

"What's the matter?" he looked at her intensely. "Why are you looking like that?"

"Looking like what?"

"Like you're thinking about something real serious."

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"Well, remember what I told you," he said.

"What?"

"About my story."

"Oh, that," Serenity said. Lorenzo had revealed his story of abuse to Serenity shortly after he'd told Tia. "I wasn't thinking about that."

"Okay, I just want to make sure. Because that's what I was doing-thinking about that for twenty-seven years-and look where it got me."