A Question of Marriage Part 16

"How are you now, dear? How do you feel?" asked the young man anxiously; and Miggles struggled bravely to reply.

"Quite--well!" said the feeble voice; and after a moment's pause--"And very happy!"

After that she sank ever deeper and deeper into unconsciousness, while the watchers sat on either side, watching the still face.

It was just as the clock struck five, and the sun pa.s.sing beyond the barrier of the cliff left the little room grey and dull, that with a movement of surprise, as if wakened by the touch of an invisible hand, Miggles suddenly lifted her lids and gazed around. The heavy, bulging cheeks had wasted away, and the eyes, which in health had appeared small and insignificant, now stared out, large and wide from the hollow sockets. As she looked, the first surprise was superseded by a great and incredulous joy. She turned her head from side to side, the faint smile deepening to rapture, while her panting lips gasped out the same word--once, a second time, and again a third:

"_Angels! Angels! Angels_!"

The two who looked on bowed their heads, and were still. To them it was a small, dull room, prosaic in furnishing, grey, with the shadow of night and death, but Miggles's opening eyes beheld therein the company of saints.

Piers and the faithful maid turned Vanna out of the room. She had done enough, they said. It was not for her to be pained by the last sad rites. She allowed herself to be led on to the little landing; but when Piers tried to lead her downstairs she refused to move. Remembrance had come to her of Miggles's request with respect to the keys, and the search which was to be made "_at once_." She had no idea what she was to find as she knelt beside that bottom drawer, while Piers stood watchfully at her side; it was the impulse of obedience pure and simple which guided her movements. The first glance brought no illumination, for a strip of muslin hid the contents from view. With its removal came the scent of lavender, and there, neatly ranged in order, lay a pair of fine linen sheets with pillow cases to match, a nightgown, and a cap with a border of pleated lace, its muslin strings neatly folded and secured in place with a pin.

Miggles's burial clothes! prepared long since with her own hands, and put aside to "save trouble" to those left behind. Vanna bowed her head, and burst into a pa.s.sion of tears.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN.

VANNA'S KINGDOM.

Miggles was buried at Seacliff by her own written request. A letter addressed to Mr Goring was discovered after her death, in which her wishes were expressed with the simple candour and consideration for others which had ever characterised her utterances.

"I wish to be buried here at Seacliff. It will be less trouble than taking me to town, and I have always loved the little place. I don't wish money wasted on an elaborate coffin, but I should love all the flowers which people find it in their hearts to send. I don't wish any one to wear mourning, or to give up their pleasures or amus.e.m.e.nts because of my death. I always loved to see you dear ones happy and gay, and if I can still see you from the other world, it would grieve me to see you sad. I want you to go on with your lives in the usual way, and not think it necessary to mourn for me. But I should like to be remembered. I hope you will still let me share your lives. Talk of me sometimes when you are together--not sadly, but quite cheerfully and happily. Say sometimes, 'Miggles would like that!' 'Miggles would say that!' 'how Miggles would laugh!' just as if I were in another room. I may be even nearer, and it seems to me now that even heaven itself could not make me happy if I saw you sad..."

Mr and Mrs Goring, the two schoolboys, Piers Rendall, his mother, and Vanna were the chief mourners. Jean was expecting a baby, and had been somewhat alarmingly delicate during the last months, so that it was impossible for her to travel to Seacliff, and Robert refused to leave her even for a day. The little burial-ground lay inland, nearer the Manor House than the cottage on the cliff, and after the service was over the mourners returned to lunch with Mrs Rendall.

Piers and Vanna followed slowly after the others until a side gate was reached leading into the grounds, when Piers produced a key from his pocket, and, entering, led the way, not towards the house, but down hill in the direction of the glen, but Vanna stood still in the path, looking at him with surprised, reproachful eyes.

"_To-day_?"

"To-day! Why not? She is happy; it was her great wish for us that we should be happy, too. Come!"

He took her hand in his, and she made no attempt to withdraw it. Worn out as she was with the strain and grief of the last few days, the firm clasp seemed to bring with it strength and comfort. Hand-in-hand they descended the sloping path and stood beneath the shelter of the trees.

As on the day of their first visit together, the delicate beauty of early summer surrounded them on every side. The foliage still retained the fresh green of springtime, the gra.s.s was dotted over with patches of fragrant violets and anemones, the water of the stream babbled musically over the mossy stones. As Piers gazed around there was on his face an expression which Vanna had never seen before--an expression of exaltation, of almost incredulous content.

"Vanna," he cried breathlessly, "it is _true_! All my life I have feared and doubted. Even as a child, when my mother taught me at her knee, the doubts arose in my mind, and the questions. You have wondered why I never went to church. It would have been a mockery when I could not believe. I have read, and listened, and discussed; and out of it all came only more doubt, more confusion. It is my nature to mistrust--_was_ my nature, till I met you." His hand tightened on hers with almost painful pressure. "You have taught me the reality of goodness and truth, and now, through you, this has come--this revelation. It is true! There is another life. This world is not all.

I have doubted all other evidence, but I cannot doubt what I have _seen_. They were there, Vanna, close around us, the spirits--the 'angels' of Miggles's sweet old faith! We were too blind to see, but they were there, and she saw them. That light in her eyes! Can you ever forget? That was not death--it was life--the coming of life! Oh, my darling, my darling, what this means to me! A new heaven--a new earth. The falling of the scales!"

He lifted his quivering face to the sky as though asking forgiveness of the G.o.d whom he had denied; but the woman by his side had no thought at that moment for anything in heaven or earth but himself. Amazement of joy following so hard upon grief seemed to sap the last remnant of strength. She trembled violently, and gripped at Piers's arm. He turned in alarm, but the face looking up to his was quivering with joy, not pain.

"Vanna! What is it?"

"You called me--you called me--" She broke off, trembling, shaking, blushing to the roots of her hair. "_What_ did you call me?"

For a moment he stared bewildered; then remembrance came--the echo of his own words throbbed in his ear, bringing with them a second revelation, the revelation of his own heart. He seized her in a grasp violent in its intensity, and drew her towards him, gazing deep into her eyes.

"Vanna, my beloved! This too! My love, and yours! A new earth indeed.

The words said themselves, darling; they have lived so long in my heart that they slipped from my lips before I had realised my wealth. I who thought I could never love, to have walked into it, step after step, deliberately, blindly, until I found myself so deep down, so engulfed, that I could not be free if I would. Vanna, I have only lived since I knew you. It was you I needed all those empty years: you have given me life, joy, hope; you must give me the last thing, too--your love! After this vision I can't live without it. You are mine, Vanna; I can't give you up." He drew her head to his shoulder and pressed pa.s.sionate kisses on her lips, her hair, her white, closed lids, and she clung to him, forgetting everything in the bliss of certainty, the intoxicating nearness, the touch of his lips on her own.

"Vanna! Was it _this_ you felt--a foretaste of this joy--when you walked into your kingdom and read its message? It's in your Happy Land, my dearest, you have found your love. May it be an omen of the future!

Speak to me!... Tell me in words. I have never heard a woman's lips speak to me of love."

Vanna looked up at him, a wealth of devotion in the depths of her eloquent eyes, but her lips trembled over the words:

"What can I say? The words won't come. I was lonely, too, and you are everything--everything. From the very first day you filled my mind. I thought it was friendship. When I found out, I struggled, but it was no use, so I gave in, and let myself love you more and more. It was my best happiness--the only happiness I could look for. I never ventured to hope that you could love me."

He laughed, a low, tender laugh, and framing her face between his hands, lifted it towards his own.

"Was I blind and deaf? Could I see you, and talk to you, and listen to your praises from far and near, and keep my head? Do you know in the least what you are like? I'll carry a little mirror in my pocket and let you see yourself some time when you are animated and happy. I'll make you admire yourself."

"Have you fallen in love with me for my looks?"

"Partly. Certainly. I love your looks, and I won't have them depreciated. And with your goodness, and sweetness, and strength, and your unreasonableness, and temper, and weaknesses--and which I love the most I really can't say. There's not a bit of you I don't love, or would have altered if I could."

Vanna shivered. Already the golden moment had pa.s.sed, and a shadow fell across her joy. This climax of bliss--what could it be but a presage of the end? She drew herself away from Piers's encircling arms.

"Ah, what have I done? Piers, what have I done? I have forgotten--we have both forgotten. I told you my secret that day on the cliff when you heard me cry. Do you know _why_ I cried? Because Jean had spoken of a girl in town, with whom she thought you were in love. It tortured me; I was nearly wild with jealousy and despair. And then you came, and I blurted it all out. No! it was not n.o.ble. I was thinking of myself.

I wanted to get the weight off my mind, that I might enjoy you with an easy mind. I felt that if you knew the worst, and cared to be with me after that, the responsibility was yours, not mine; and I tried--I _tried_ to make you care! I deluded myself, but I know now that I _did_ try. I thought I could not help it, but it was selfish--cowardly. I should have thought of your good. Piers, I can never be your wife; you can never marry me. I have only brought fresh trouble. Can you ever forgive me?"

He smiled at her, and, disregarding the outstretched hands, drew her back into his arms.

"Forgive you, my best of blessings! For the moment I can think of nothing but love. My mind isn't big enough to grasp anything beyond that tremendous fact. The present is ours, darling; be content in that.

We are here together in our Happy Land--you and I. Nothing can rob us of this hour. If it ended here, this minute, I should still bless G.o.d for His goodness. To know you love me, to hold you here in my arms-- it's worth living for, Vanna. But it's not going to end. Trust to me.

I will go up to town. I will interview the doctor. I will find a way.

You are mine, and all the world shall not keep you from me."

Vanna smiled in his face with happy, love-lit eyes. He was a G.o.d in her eyes, and the G.o.ds are omnipotent. If Piers willed a thing it did not seem possible that he could fail. Reason fled discomfited. She loved, and was blind.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN.

THE SECOND BEST.

Piers lost no time in going to town to interview Dr Greatman, but the result was not encouraging. He came back to Vanna with a worn face, and the restless discontent of older days eclipsing the happiness of his eyes.

"If it were only my own risk, I would take it a thousand times over," he declared; "but when he tells me that it would be worse for you, that I should be increasing your danger, there is nothing to be said. I would kill myself rather than do that. I have racked my brain, I paced the floor the whole of last night, but no inspiration will come. There seems no way out."

"There is no way," said Vanna quietly. They were sitting in the morning-room in the Cottage, that little room which seemed so empty without the familiar figure on the sofa by the window. In deference to Miggles's wishes, Vanna was wearing a simple white dress; but although the melancholy aspect of mourning robes was removed, her face also looked bleached and wan. The waiting hours had been terribly long to the woman whose fate hung on the verdict. "There is no way! You made me hope in spite of myself, for it seemed impossible that any one could refuse you what you wished; but nothing is changed since I saw him last.

There was no reason why he should alter his opinion. I can see now that he spoke to me so plainly just to try to avoid this crisis; but it has come, and it is my fault. I ran away from another man who was beginning to love me, but when it came to my own turn my courage gave way. I knew that the day would come when I should have to suffer for every hour of joy, but I was prepared to pay the price. I am prepared still. I have had my day. I know what happiness is--the greatest happiness which a human soul can know; and nothing can take that away.

I never dared to think that you would love me, but you do; and it's such perfect bliss to know that, and to feel your arms round me, and to be able to say all I feel, instead of bottling it up in my heart as I have had to do all these months, that for my own sake I can't regret. Only for yours, dearest; only for yours!"

"What do you think it means to me? Before I met you I was lonely and dissatisfied--you know what I was like! People talk of _joie de vivre_.

I never knew it--never until this last year, since I have known you.

When we have been together I've wanted nothing. I've been more than happy: I've been content. When we have been apart I have lived for the time when I should see you again. If you love me, how can you regret having given me the great joy of my life?"