A Place to Rest Part 15

Her slightly sad tone tugged at Sawyer's heart, and she sensed that Jori's neutral expression took some effort. She could imagine that such luxuries had never been a priority or even a possibility for Jori. Though Sawyer sometimes resented her family's intrusion into her life, she couldn't imagine being completely alone in the world.

Swamped by a wave of empathetic loneliness, she tucked her hand in the crook of Jori's elbow and drew her nearer.

"Stick with me. I'll show you all kinds of new things," she murmured, leaning close as they walked.

Jori couldn't help but smile at Sawyer's mildly fl irtatious tone. She had to admit she liked the warm feeling of Sawyer's fi ngers wrapped around her arm. It amazed her that the same woman who could make her senses go haywire with a kiss could also so totally anchor her with a touch. And what a kiss. It had taken a good part of Jori's willpower to draw back from Sawyer's embrace. She could easily have lost herself in the softness of Sawyer's b.r.e.a.s.t.s pressed against hers and Sawyer's hips pushing her insistently against the locker-room door.

She hadn't reacted this way to anyone before. Her few relationships, though pleasant, had been tame. Never before had she been unable to resist the magnetic pull of another person.

And it had been years since she'd believed someone could fi ll the hollowness in her heart, but she closed out those sensations in favor of the alarms ringing in her head. The last thing she needed * 125 *

was to start thinking Sawyer Drake would be the one to occupy real estate in her heart. She was either too self-centered to care about those around her or too lazy to put forth the effort. Either way, Jori didn't need to waste her time. Besides, Sawyer had proven how little respect she had for her when she'd kissed her just now, even after she'd made it clear that night in Sawyer's kitchen that wasn't what she wanted.

When they reached the Sommet Center, Sawyer dropped her hand long enough to open the door for them. As Jori followed Brady and Paige inside, she felt the brush of Sawyer's hand on her back and wondered if, in time, she would become less aware of her. She read too much into every touch, every look, but she couldn't deny the tingle along her spine when Sawyer's fi ngers brushed the bare skin of her arm. Surely if she felt it, Sawyer did, too, though nothing could come of it. She refused to let it.

A slender blonde dressed in tight black jeans and a black tank top strode across the stage. Her unrestrained long hair feathered wildly around her face and over her shoulders. She strapped on a bright pink guitar, cradling its body against her hip, and a collection of silver bangles at her wrist failed to hide the tattoo that crept up the inside of her forearm.

The band behind her immediately launched into a rocking country tune, and she stepped up to the microphone. As the volume increased, she tapped a steady rhythm on the stage fl oor and her fi ngers fl ew over the strings, driving the music up until everything exploded in a burst of drums and guitar.

"Country music ain't what it used to be," Brady said between songs. The appreciation in his eyes earned him an elbow in the ribs from Paige. His grin in response didn't show a trace of remorse.

"How come you didn't elbow Sawyer? She was looking, too."

"She's not my responsibility," Paige countered, slanting Sawyer a look anyway.

* 126 *

"Who are you kidding, Paige? I saw you checking her out, too," Sawyer teased.

"I was not," she protested, but Sawyer thought she saw her color slightly.

"Even if you were, it doesn't mean you're gay," Sawyer deadpanned.

Paige laughed and gave her a shove. "Thanks."

Sawyer glanced at Jori, who was smiling wide enough to display the dimple in her right cheek. Sawyer had been checking out the blonde. A study in sensual energy and confi dence, the singer had captivated every person in the audience. But looking at Jori now, her eyes sparkling and sheer enjoyment lighting up her face, Sawyer thought, What blonde? In that moment, she couldn't think of anyone she'd rather be looking at, couldn't imagine anyone more breathtaking. When Jori gave her a questioning look, she forced herself to smile, then look away.

"Come on, Jori, back me up here," Brady said, leaning to look past Sawyer and Paige. "Shouldn't Sawyer get in trouble, too?"

"I'm not married," Sawyer declared.

When Brady looked at Jori expectantly, she merely shrugged.

"She has a point. There's no one to stop her."

Sawyer gave Brady a smug smile, then turned to blatantly leer at the woman on stage. Though Jori knew Sawyer was trying to annoy her brother, she was surprised by a stab of jealousy. She didn't have any claim on Sawyer just because an hour ago in the locker room Sawyer had acted like she wanted to rip her clothes off. Now there's a bad idea. In fact, she'd just fi nished reminding herself why she wasn't worth her time.

When the music began again, Brady and Paige concentrated on the stage again. "So, is she your type?" Jori asked close to Sawyer's ear in order to be heard.

"What?" Sawyer turned and suddenly their faces were inches apart. Sawyer arched a brow and the depths of her eyes, enhanced by the sable fl are in her warm mocha irises, distracted Jori.

* 127 *

"That singer. Blonde, tight body. Is that your type?" She shouldn't care.

"There's really no right answer to that question, now, is there?" Sawyer smiled, a lazy lifting of the corners of her beautiful mouth that Jori wished she didn't fi nd so d.a.m.n attractive.

"Chicken?" Jori challenged.

"Oh, you want to go there? You really want to know?"

Jori nodded.

"Right now, my type is an exotically beautiful brunette with dark eyes and a dimple," Sawyer said boldly as she touched the dimple in question, then brushed Jori's chin.

"Smooth." Jori didn't expect anything less from Sawyer.

Still, mesmerized by the sensation of Sawyer's fi ngertips on her skin, she swayed closer, not caring if anyone noticed. For once she didn't mind the crowd pressing in around them and felt oddly cloaked instead of smothered.

* 128 *

CHAPTER TWELVE.

Sawyer rushed through the hallways of Baptist Hospital, trying to follow the signs to the maternity ward. She cursed under her breath. Erica would kill her if she missed the birth. Every freaking hallway looks the same. Finally she turned a corner and rushed into the waiting room.

Grabbing her upper arms, Brady halted the forward progress that would have otherwise fl attened him. "It's about time."

"She just had to go into labor a week and a half early and at one in the morning," Sawyer grumbled. She'd been asleep for only an hour when the phone rang. Thirty minutes later, after slipping on a pair of jeans and a rumpled T-shirt, she'd been in the car on her way to the hospital. "How's she doing?"

"Paige is with her now. The doctor says she's progressing quickly."

Sawyer slouched in a nearby chair and tried to get comfortable. She knew quickly didn't mean anything when referring to childbirth. Her new niece probably wouldn't show herself for hours.

"Mom and Dad are driving up." Brady sat next to her. "I called Wendy, too. She'll take care of the morning delivery. I told her one of us would get there when we could."

"Good. Thank you." Sawyer had planned to run back downtown to meet the truck.

* 129 *

They sat together quietly in the sterile-looking room, hearing only the distant beep of some piece of machinery and the occasional squeak of rubber-soled shoes on the polished hallway fl oor.

"Do you think you guys will ever do this again?" Sawyer asked, elbowing Brady.

"Probably not. Paige wants a girl, but neither of us can handle her being pregnant again. What about you? Do you think you'll have kids?"

She shrugged and remained silent.

"You don't know?"

She considered and discarded several white lies. "What if Erica is right about me? What if I really can't commit to anyone?

I don't know if it's fair to bring a child into a relationship that may not last."

"There's no guarantee any relationship will last, no matter who's involved."

"Give me a break, Brady. You and Paige are perfect."

"We're really not. We have problems just like anyone else.

Relationships are work. There's no magic formula."

"I know. But if you believe Erica, I have even less chance."

"Do you believe her?"

"She knows me pretty well."

Brady laughed. "That's ridiculous."

"What?"

"Don't worry about what Erica thinks. Do you want to love someone completely and be committed?"

Sawyer hesitated. "I want to."

"Okay. Then why worry about what anyone else thinks?" He yawned and stretched his arm along the chair behind her. "What's stopping you?"

"The only times I've really tried, I failed." Sawyer recalled her early naivete in love. She'd been a freshman in college the fi rst time someone broke her heart-crushed was probably a more accurate description. In hindsight, she blamed herself for falling * 130 *

for her roommate, though certainly the woman should have told her she was straight from the beginning. She was completely in love by the time her roommate told her it was just a fl ing. Sawyer even remembered her exact words. "You didn't really think this was serious, did you? It was just a bit of fun, before I settle down and get married." Sawyer had moved to another dorm and a few months later heard that her former lover was engaged to a football player.

She could probably have gotten over that incident if it had been the only one. But each of her subsequent attempts ended similarly until she fi nally decided she was just the type that other women stayed with until something better came along.

"You're not still hung up on that, are you?" Brady's voice tugged her back to the present before she could dissect her other failed relationships. After Sawyer had ended things with Erica's friend and Erica wasn't speaking to her, she had confi ded in Brady about her insecurities.

"Maybe I'm just not meant for love. The truth is, most of the time I bail before I start to care because I expect them to eventually move on. So I do it fi rst."

"You just need to fi nd the right person." Brady dismissed her concerns with the same phrase her mother often used. In fact, they were the exact words her mother had used when Sawyer came out to her, only then she hadn't met the right man. Since that day, Tia had accepted that Sawyer was a lesbian and had amended the phrase. "Just think, someday you'll have someone to nag you about picking your towel up off the bathroom fl oor, and a couple of kids leaving Matchbox cars on the fl oor for you to step on." He rubbed a hand over the stubble on his jaw. "Man, those things really hurt."

Sawyer laughed. "You make it sound so appealing."

"It is. I mean, sure, there are days-but most of the time it's good. Knowing she'll be there when you wake up. Having someone to talk to over the dinner table."

"I've had that." Albeit briefl y. She and Deborah had * 131 *

practically lived together for one intense week. Of course, it hadn't lasted past the following weekend.

"I'm not talking about Matt."

"Very funny." She tried to shove him away, but he squeezed her shoulder.

"Seriously-"

"You're never serious."

"As I was saying, seriously, it's different when you're married."

"Yeah, well, until the laws change, I'll have to take your word on that one."

"You know what I mean. It's different when you know that person will be there no matter what stupid thing you might do or say. Why do you have such a hard time envisioning this? Our parents are still together, Paige and I are going strong. Can't we be your role models?"

"I'll work on it," Sawyer said, more to stop this conversation than to admit her desire to pattern her life after his. She didn't really believe she'd have anyone who would stick around no matter what she said or did. Others might have that kind of life, but she had fi nally accepted that she might never achieve her version of the fairytale. Still, she secretly envied her friends who had been coupled for more than a decade.

Sawyer eased the door open and peeked inside the darkened room. The amber glow of the streetlight outside the window slashed through the s.p.a.ce between the vertical blinds and fell across the sleeping form in the bed.

But when she started to close the door she heard Erica whisper, "I'm awake."

She tiptoed halfway in before she realized the other bed was * 132 *

vacant. "How are you feeling?" she asked as she sat in the chair next to Erica.

"I'm still pretty tired." Using the nearby control, she raised the back of her bed a bit. "I bet you're getting sick of visiting me in the hospital."

"Well, hopefully this will be the last time for a while."

"Did you see her?"

"She's beautiful." Through the nursery window, Sawyer, Paige, and Brady had watched the pink-skinned baby cry and wave her fi sts. The tiny knit cap covered her head, but Paige said she had a thick head of white-blond hair. Taylor Ashley Drake.

Sawyer remembered how fragile her nephews had looked when they were born, but somehow her fi rst niece seemed even more delicate.

Erica grinned. "I might be biased, but I think she's gorgeous."

"Yeah, well, luckily she looks like her mother."

Erica's smile faded a bit. "She has his chin."