A Knight Of Honour Part 12

Elona barely glanced around the chamber, but she realised immediately that it was furnished for comfort and contained many items that would make her stay here pleasant. There were stools and chests, and velvet hangings to hide the bareness of stone walls and bring warmth to the room. Also a great bed with silk curtains and covers.. .if only she could share it with Stefan that night!

The door opened behind her and she turned, expecting to see one of her women, but instead Stefan stood looming on the threshold, a brooding expression in his eyes as he stared at her. She trembled, wondering what to expect. He would be within his rights as a husband to beat her-and he looked angry enough to do it.

'Lady Alayne knows nothing of what has happened between us.' he said, echoing Elona's thoughts. 'She believes that we fell in love on the journey from France, that it is a true marriage-and that I go on ahead to make ready for your coming.'

'You seek to hide my shame,' Elona said. 'But what will he think when you do not send for me?'

'I have not yet decided what to do with you.' His eyes seemed to harden for a moment, sending shivers down her spine. 'It may be that I can find a use for you in my household, Elona. For the moment I am too angry. I might do you harm if you were near, but one day I may be able to find forgiveness in my heart. If that day comes I shall send-until then I expect you to behave modestly and not shame me further.'

He thought so ill of her! Her chest felt as if it were being crushed with the grief his words roused in her. It was so unfair that she should have lost his respect, for she had told her lies to save her honour-and yet she had lied to his father, that could not be denied. The knowledge of her guilt shamed her so that she could not meet his accusing gaze.

'Yes, Stefan.' Her cheeks were pale, her eyes filled with unshed tears, but her head was high. She knew that she deserved this of him, though at any other time she would have flown into a temper at such words. 'I shall do nothing to shame you. I give you my word.'

Why did she not fly into a temper with him? Stefan did not like to see her thus, though she deserved it. 'I cannot answer for my actions if I should hear otherwise.'

'You may believe that I shall behave with all modesty, my lord.' Her face was pale, her hands clasped in front of her as though she held them to keep from trembling.

'Very well.' Stefan felt the ache nagging at his insides, his anger warring with the deeper need to hold her in his arms, to feel her soft lips beneath his and the satin of her flesh pressed close to him. Another moment of this and he would lose control and ravish her, perhaps hurt her with the ferocity of his feelings. It must not be! He would not give way to the beast inside him! For then he would be shamed. 'I am leaving now and I but came to say goodbye.'

Elona's heart was surely breaking. 'Must you leave so soon?' she asked, fighting her tears. 'Could you not stay a few days? If we could but talk...'

'Elona....' Stefan hesitated, and for a moment she thought that he would weaken, then he shook his head, more for his own thoughts than her pleading, she suspected. 'It is for the best. You do not know the beast that lives inside a man, Elona. You have roused that beast in me and I dare not let it roam free. Give me time to think and then perhaps we may meet again.'

'Fare you well, husband,' Elona said, the remnants of her pride returning as she lifted her head and met his gaze. 'I shall think of you and I shall pray for your forgiveness, though I know I have wronged you and I do not blame you for your anger.'

She was so meek! It was unlike her. He felt the p.r.i.c.k of suspicion and knew that he dare not relent towards her. If she planned to slip away to her lover and he discovered it he didn't know what he'd do.

'It is not easy to forgive, lady.'

'No, but I do beg that you will find it in your heart in time, for I am sincere in my regret.'

Stefan inclined his head, but said nothing more as he went out. Elona stared after him, feeling as if her heart was being torn to shreds. She longed to run after him, to beg him to take her with him, to love her, make her his wife, treat her as he would. She did not care what he did to her, as long as he did not ignore her.

But she could say none of the things in her heart, because he did not wish to hear them. She could only wait and pray- pray that he would send for her one day, and that he would learn to forgive her.

'I love you so,' she whispered. 'May G.o.d forgive me for what I have done. I love you so much that if you never send for me I shall want only to die...'

Chapter Eight.

'You are so beautiful,' Marguerite said, smiling at Elona shyly. 'I am not surprised that Sir Stefan stole you from my brother.'

Elona had been told that the Lady Alayne's daughter had been named for a friend she had been fond of, though her son had, of course, been named for her. The girl was young yet but bidding to be a great beauty, and her nature was gentle and sweet.

'No, no, it was not like that,' Elona protested, her cheeks colouring. She liked Marguerite and they had spent many companionable hours together these past few weeks. Lady Alayne's shy daughter had shown her about the manor, telling her where to find certain berries and herbs that grew in the gardens or in the meadows about the village, and introducing her to the people who worked at Banewulf. It was like a small town in itself, with craftsmen of all kinds at work in the courtyards, which were sheltered by the stout walls against both the sometimes- harsh winds and attack from raiding parties. 'We.. .fell in love.'

'That is so exciting,' Marguerite said, her pretty face glowing. 'Just like the songs the troubadours sing when they come to entertain us on feast days. Besides, Alain did not want to be married. He told me so.'

'Alain told you that he had no wish to marry?' Elona's attention was caught. She had found Marguerite's brother charming, so different from Stefan with his merry smiles and ready jests. But he was seldom in her company, merely greeting her with a soft word in pa.s.sing, and she had a.s.sumed that the reason he had avoided her was because he thought himself cheated of his bride. 'When was that?'

'Oh, months ago.' Marguerite shrugged her shoulders carelessly. 'He wants to go abroad and fight wars. It is so foolish when he could stay here with us and be safe.'

'Alain wants to fight?'

'If there were a worthy cause, he would go tomorrow,' Marguerite said and pulled a face. 'His head is full of dreams. He wants to win honours for himself as Stefan did, but I think that he will find he does not like war.'

'Why do you say that? I have heard he has won several tourneys.'

'Mock battles,' Marguerite replied scornfully and tossed her head. 'My brother cannot bear to see a bird with a broken wing. He will risk being bitten to free an injured fox from a trap. How could he kill anyone?'

'Ah, I see.' Elona understood and smiled. Although she had seen little of Alain de Banewulf, she had thought him gentle and kind, a much softer man than Stefan. 'But a man cannot always stay safe in his father's house, Marguerite.'

'That is what Alain says. I dare say he will go, though I .m not sure what will become of him.'

'Perhaps he will fall in love and bring his bride home.'

'Perhaps...' Marguerite looked at her curiously. 'When are you going to join Stefan? Surely the house is ready by now?'

'When-when he sends word,' Elona said, her cheeks heating beneath the girl's clear gaze. How could she answer when the truth was so terrible, so shaming?

Three weeks had pa.s.sed since she'd arrived at Banewulf, three whole weeks during which she had shed too many tears. There was a bitter ache inside her, a sharp regret for what she had done, and the punishment she must bear because of it. She would never cease to wish that she had not told such wicked lies, for though life was good here at Banewulf and she had been made welcome, her heart was sore.

When would she see Stefan again? Would he ever forgive her?

Stefan looked moodily at the work the stone mason had just completed on the east wing, the wing he had planned for his wife's apartments. It was very fine, but it gave him little satisfaction. He had set the work in motion before he went to Banewulf and now it was finished. The furnishings he had ordered when in London had arrived that morning on a score of wagons, and all that needed doing was for the goods to be unpacked and carted upstairs for the rooms to be ready.

For what? There was now no hope of the simple, uncomplicated life he had envisaged when he had, half in jest, asked Lady Alayne to find him a bride. Love had not entered into his plans, especially the consuming, jealous burning that filled him now, keeping him wakeful and souring his thoughts.

d.a.m.n Elona! She tortured him day and night, for he could not be free of her.

There was not one night when he had not thought of her. Often he paced the floor of his chamber as the memory of her pale face lingered in his mind, making him feel guilty for speaking to her so harshly. He had seemed to see a terrible hurt in her lovely eyes, and her manner had been so subdued. Had he done that to her-or was it Danewold's men?

How had she managed to get beneath his skin, so that the thought of her never gave him peace? He could see her at every turn, smell the scent of her perfume, which was like no other, feel her pliant body close to his as his cried out with need.

What was he to do about her? Stefan could not answer. His first white-hot anger had cooled a little, but he was afraid it might return the moment he gazed on her lovely face. Especially as her waist began to thicken and her womb swell with another man's child. Therein lay the rub, for he knew his jealousy would p.r.i.c.k at him like poison thorns and he could not answer for his temper.

He would rather die than harm her, and he was shamed that his jealousy rode him like a devil. He ought to be able to find the strength to face her with equanimity, to forgive her, take her into his household as his chatelaine and in time.. .the mother of his own children.

What would people think of him for leaving his wife at his father's house? The world would believe that she carried his child and that he deliberately neglected her. Folk must either think him a rogue or her a wanton. In time they would begin to reflect that there must be a reason for Stefan to turn his back on her, and they would point the finger of blame at Elona. She would then be heaped with the shame he had married her to prevent. It was no good. He must find a way of forgiving her, of accepting that she had given herself to another man and blame him for the b.a.s.t.a.r.d she carried in her womb.

If he could not he ought to have refused the marriage, defied his father and left her to her shame. He knew that he must send for her eventually, but not yet. The hurt was too raw, too deep, and he knew not what might happen if he saw her.

He must bury his l.u.s.t in work! There were tasks enough, for the manor had been sadly neglected until he purchased it from the King, the last owner having died without issue-as he might if he could not bring himself to forgive Elona.

Yes, he would send for her, but not until he had conquered this need for her, this longing that was like to drive him mad.

Six weeks and there had been no word from Stefan! Elona's heart felt as if it were breaking. Her life was empty despite the kindness of her hostess and Marguerite. Perhaps it might be better to put an end to it? She had only to take the sharp knife she used for her embroidery threads and draw it over her wrists. She had considered it more than once, and yet something inside her clung to life and to hope.

Tears sheened her eyes as she sat on the little wooden bench in the gardens. Autumn was almost upon them, the summer days fleeing despite the aching need inside her that made each one seem an age. How could she bear to live, knowing that she might never see Stefan again-and that it was by her own fault that she had been brought to this?

Suddenly, her grief overcame her and she bent her head, a sob of despair escaping her. She was so alone without him, needed him so desperately.

'Ah, do not weep, lady,' a soft voice said beside her. 'It grieves me to see you so sad.'

'Sir...' Elona glanced up at the face of the young man who was gazing at her so kindly. 'I am a foolish woman, Alain. You must forgive me.'

'You need no forgiveness,' Alain said and sat down on the bench next to her. 'Do you weep for my brother-because he leaves you here so long alone?'

'How did you know?' Elona was surprised. Yet she ought not to have been, for he was truly one of the gentlest, most sensitive people she had ever met.

'I have seen it in your eyes,' Alain told her with a smile. 'You love him. Very much, I think?'

'Yes-but he does not love me...' Elona gasped for she had not meant to say so much. 'I mean. . .he is angry with me.'

'I have sensed some mystery,' Alain said. 'I know Stefan to be a man of strict honour and I do not think he would have wed you so suddenly without cause.' He paused as her cheeks flamed and he realised he had hit upon the truth. 'But perhaps you would rather I went away and did not ask such questions?'

'I. . .no,' Elona said chokily. 'I have been too ashamed to tell anyone the truth.'

'You speak of shame. What can you have done that is so very wicked?'

'I have lied,' Elona said, her head lifting as she faced her sin and pride was restored. She would speak out and take her punishment. 'I told Baron Danewold that I was with child because I thought it might stop him... forcing me to his bed... and it did. I took a potion that made me vomit all over him and convinced him that I was carrying a child.'

'I would have liked to see his face,' Alain told her with a merry smile. 'It was perhaps the only way you could have prevented him from seducing you. I have heard that he is a man of ill temper.' He looked thoughtful. 'I take it that you told him and my father that Stefan was the father of your child?'

'Yes, and it was a wicked lie,' Elona said, her cheeks pale, hands trembling as she clasped them in her lap. 'He would never have betrayed the trust your mother placed in him. That is why he is so angry with me, because I defamed him, cast a slur on his honour.'

Alain was silent for a moment. He was not certain that Stefan's anger came entirely from that cause. Perhaps he above all other men knew the softer side of the nature that Stefan believed entirely hidden. 'You are not with child, I think? Nor have you lain with a man?' he asked and Elona's cheeks flamed as she shook her head. 'So you lied to my father and I believe I can guess why.' A smile of rare sweetness touched his mouth, his eyes warm and understanding. 'You had fallen in love with Stefan and did not wish to be forced into marriage with me?'

'I love him so much,' Elona replied brokenly. 'Now that I have met you, I know that I should not have been forced to wed you, Alain, but... it was the reason I lied.'

To her surprise he threw back his head and laughed merrily.

'It seems that we have both been playing a deep game, Elona. I sent one of my men with my brother to delay his journey here. I believe you had certain little accidents on the journey?'

'We thought that was Baron Danewold's men!' She stared at him and then smiled as she appreciated the jest. 'Marguerite said that you did not wish to marry.'

'I am not ready to take a wife,' Alain admitted with a rueful look. 'You are lovely and it would be no hardship to wed you and stay here, but if I did that I should never be a true knight like my brother. I must win my honours and will not have them handed to me on a golden platter because of who I am.'

'Your sister said that you look for a cause?'

'It is in my mind to go to Duke Richard's court,' Alain said. 'I would have gone sooner, but my mother held me here with soft words. I feared to grieve her-and then I could not leave before you arrived, for it would have been discourteous.'

Elona smiled and touched his hand. 'You are a most gentle knight. I vow a truer knight could not be found, sir, though you have not been knighted. And I thank you for your kindness.'

'And what will you do about Stefan?'

Her eyes widened in surprise. 'What can I do? He is my husband and he bids me stay here until he sends. I must obey him.'

'Must you?' Alain's brows rose. 'My brother is a fool to think ill of you, lady. Anyone can see that you are as innocent as you are lovely. Shall I tell him that? I could tell him what a fool he is if you will allow me.'

'He would be angry...' She looked at him steadily, a faint flicker of hope in her mind. 'What should I do? How can I win him?'

'You are his wife. Your rightful place is with him. In your stead I would go to him with all your goods and chattels. He can hardly bar you from the gates. Once he has admitted you, you will find a way to make him see the truth. And if you do not, then I shall challenge him... that's if I'm still in England.'

'Go to him?' Elona gasped at the boldness of his plan. 'Without waiting for him to send for me?'

'Why not?' Alain's merry smile lifted her spirits. 'I vow the man is behaving like a fool and I dare swear it is jealousy that rides him-because if he believes you are with child and knows it is not his, he must think you have lain with another.'

'Lain with another?' Elona felt the dizzy relief sweep over her. 'You think it is because he believes I have known another man that he keeps from me? But if he is so jealous, might that not mean...?' Her words trailed off, for she did not dare to hope so much.

'I know my brother,' Alain said. 'Had he despised you as you imagine he would not have tamely allowed our father to push him into wedding you. He would have refused and ridden away. The very fact that he married you must mean that he cares for you-enough to protect your reputation, and I believe far more.'

'If that were true...' Elona's heart soared on the hope he had given her and she jumped up, her face alight with new eagerness. 'I cannot thank you enough for all you have done for me, sir.'

'And I shall do more,' Alain said, a hint of mischief in his blue eyes. 'A letter shall come for you tomorrow and you shall tell my mother that Stefan sends for you. I shall offer to escort you. Mi brother shall not deny you entry if I am with you, lady.'

'How good you are,' she cried and laughed, clapping her hands at the plan. 'I was so foolish to fear coming here.'

'I cannot vouch for Stefan's actions when he has been forced to admit you,' Alain told her with a wry look. 'I believe he hath a temper and you may bear the brunt of his anger-but you must be patient. Show him in every way that you can that you are prepared to be a good wife. Let him see that there is no child, and, when he is ready to listen, tell him the truth.'

'I have tried, but he would not listen.'

'Because he was in the white heat of anger,' Alain replied. 'It will have cooled by this time. I dare say he has begun to regret leaving you here. When he sees you, all his feelings for you will come flooding back and he cannot fail to want and love you.'

'I have been such a fool,' Elona admitted. 'I should have sent him a letter before this, confessing my fault, but I was too shamed to think of it.'

'Do not fear,' Alain said and gave her the sweet smile that was so like his mother's. 'Stefan is not such a fool that he could turn his back on you when you are there in his house every day. If he loves you, it will irk him to keep a distance from you. You must find a way to show him how much you love him. It may take time, but in the end you will win him back to you.'

Elona looked at him shyly. 'I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I could not have confessed my shame to your mother or to Sir Ralph.'

'My father is very like Stefan,' Alain said and chuckled. 'They both seem to be growling bears, but underneath you will find there is a heart as true as any man's.'

'Yes, I know it,' Elona said. 'And now I shall go to my chamber and tell my women to prepare my things.'

'No, not until after you get the letter,' Alain said, that wicked gleam in his eyes. 'My mother will question it else and we must not let her suspect anything.'

'Yes, you are right. I am too hasty.'

But now that she had something to do, something to fight for, she was full of energy and resolve. Alain was right. She had been foolish rather than wicked and had been overcome by her shame. It was wrong of her to lie, but if Stefan loved her. . . if he loved her he would forgive her one day.

'I am sorry that you must go and leave us.'

Elona smiled and embraced the younger girl. 'I dare say you will visit us one day,' she said. 'Besides, it will not be long before you are wed yourself and mayhap I shall be invited to your wedding.' A delicate blush touched the young girl's cheek. 'I believe there is someone you like very much?'