A Guide to Men Part 11

A man expects a woman to laugh at all his jokes, admire all his bon mots, agree with all his opinions, and be blind to all his faults--and then he scornfully wonders why women are so "hypocritical."

A diamond and a lump of coal are merely two varieties of carbon; but they are as different as the two things which the right wife and the wrong wife can make of the same man.

Sometimes man proposes--and then keeps the girl waiting until the Lord kindly interposes.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

A WOMAN FLEES FROM TEMPTATION, BUT A MAN JUST _CRAWLS_ AWAY FROM IT IN THE CHEERFUL HOPE THAT IT MAY OVERTAKE HIM

[Ill.u.s.tration: A man just crawls away . . .]

WOMAN--AND HER INFINITE VARIETY

(A LEAF FROM ADAM'S DICTIONARY.)

WOMAN--A divine creation for the comfort and amus.e.m.e.nt of mankind.

RIB--That part of man's self of which he thinks the least and brags the most.

WIFE (The Inferior Fraction)--The excuse for all a man's sins, the cause of all his failings, the keeper of his conscience, the guardian of his digestion, and the repository of his grouches.

BETTER-HALF--The half that is always left at home.

COQUETTE--Any woman who is so unreasonable as not to return a man's affections.

FLIRT--Any woman, over whom a man has insisted on making a fool of himself.

OLD MAID--An unmarried woman with more wrinkles than money.

BACHELOR GIRL--An unmarried woman with more money than wrinkles.

KITTEN--Any woman under sixty for whom a man feels a temporary tenderness.

QUEEN--A pretty woman whom a man has not yet kissed.

"IDEAL"--The particular woman, to whom a man happens to be making love.

CLINGING VINE--A woman who allows her husband to think that he is having his own way.

HELPMATE--A combination of playmate, soul-mate, and light-running domestic.

G.o.dDESS--An impossible woman, who exists only in novels and in a man's imagination.

PARAGON--The kind of woman a man ought to marry, wants to marry, intends to marry--and never does.

PESSIMISM IS A MAN'S NATURAL REACTION AFTER TOO MUCH OF ANYTHING--WINE, LOVE, FOOD, FLIRTATION OR OPTIMISM

MAXIMS OF CLEOPATRA

1

THESE three things Man feareth: Oysters out of season, A Babe that plays with fire, and a Woman who can _reason_!

2

Last year's sandals and yesterday's fish, Last night's kisses and last week's wish Are, to a Man, things gone and past; Likewise _the woman before the last_!

3

The soul of a man is white--or black, or yellow, or dun; But a woman's soul is a rainbow and a Roman sash in one.

4

Empty the words of the prayer, when the Pharisee prayeth aloud; Empty the words of love, when he praiseth thee in a crowd.

Yet, he that is cold in the crowd, but seeketh thine ear when alone, In the land of the Great G.o.d Isis by the name of "Cad" shall be known.

5

As the pearl that I dropped in the gla.s.s can never again be mine, So many a pearl of woman's love hath a man dissolved--in wine.

6

Geese walk not alone; sheep will follow sheep; So this little maxim I would have ye keep: Would ye conquer _all_ men, make a fool of _one_-- The rest will turn toward thee, as lilies to the sun.

7

The young man calleth for wine, the old for crystal water.

Seek not to enslave a _boy_ till thou art thirty, Daughter.

8

When the game is over, vain the loser's sigh.

To thy parting lover, wave a gay good-by!